a/n: pretty much i'm just having a shitty time, and i'm sorry for the language, but lets leave it at: too. much. strees.

I understand that this would be better all in 3rd person POV, but see above comment as to why i won't and possibly will just go back and fix it later.

thank you to EVERYONE that has reviewed

VALJEAN POV

He seems tired, and he has every reason to be, so I stand, "I should go check on Cosette and Marius, I'll be back shortly."

He nods, curtly, but says nothing, his eyes starting to droop with sleep.

I frown at him, but withdraw the cloth and place it on the table before making my way out of the room.

Walking down the hall, I can hear the pained cries of Marius as Cosette cleans his wounds. I can almost visualize the streets from those few days back, the men lined up behind the baricades, sitting ducks, and the cannons ripping the defenses to shreds. If I close my eyes, I know I will see the streets from that night, that day, and I know I will see the dead, and hear the wounded.

I make it a job not to close my eyes, not even to blink, as I walk into Cosette's room.

Marius is laying on the bed, sweat collecting in a thick layer on his skin. Cosette is near a basin a few feet away, rinsing a bloody cloth. There is no question, it is a lot of blood. Marius is lucky to be alive. I guess I am too, though Javert is almost a different case completely. He's lucky to be alive, but he doesn't think so.

Cosette looks over, "Oh, Papa, are you alright? You disappear into your room for hours!"

I smile, "I'm fine, Cosette, just very tired."

"Papa," she moves to my side and places a carressing hand on my cheek, "you should rest then. Let me help you, like you did for me so many times."

I pause for a moment, "Cosette, please, I'm alright, really. I just need to have a little time to rest. I'll be back to normal soon, I promise." I hope.

Her hand stays on my cheek, comfortingly, and then falls to her side as she moves back to Marius. I move to his side as well.

Marius looks at me with a half closed eye, the other one swollen shut completely.

This is the first time he's been aware enough to recognize me, "Are they going to take me away? When I get better, are they going to shoot me?"

He is a down to business man, I can give him that, "No, they aren't going to hurt you."

"Why not?" he looks at me in disbelief.

"Because," I look away from his childlike face, not creased yet with the cares of the world, "someone has made a sacrifice so you will not be harmed, and neither will I."

I look back to his face as he asks the inevitable question, "Who?"

I sigh, "Inspector Javert."

He gawks at me, mouth hung open, "What happened?"

"Not now," I answer commandingly, "that is not a story for these times."

He nods, "I understand, the tragedy of the defeat is still quite close."

"And you have not even been aware until just now, how are you feeling?" I look down to the lump on top of the covers that consists of clothing and bandages and somewhere beneath that a wound.

"Better. Better than when I was first hit, I'll give it that," he grins.

That's a relief, though I do not know how loving I can be to a man who jokes about serious issues. The injury he sustained is not a laughing matter. It was deep and still has a chance of getting infected. Best not to lay that on his shoulders.

I'm shaken from my thoughts by Cosette, her hand laying on my forearm, "Are you sure you are okay, Papa. You never told me what happened, I want to know."

"Again, Cosette, I have promised that for another time," I answer.

She accepts the answer, for now.

I start to feel weary from a lack of sleep, but quickly brush that off. I can sleep later, when I'm sure that I will not be bothered in my room, and same for the Inspector. The last thing I need is for a battle to begin in my own house when I am not around to control it.

The weariness takes me again, and I feel Cosette's arm quickly hold me in place as I sway.

"Papa, please, let me take you to your room, you need your rest," she insists.

"Cosette, wait, please!" I protest as she drags me out of the room. Toussaint comes walking past me and I fear she may have entered my room, but on seeing the door, I can tell she was only up here for Marius.

Cosette continues to tug on my sleeve, ignoring my protests and anything in her way.

I sigh as we reach the door and she opens it. She doesn't go in either, she just stares there, with that blank look born on reeling senses. She makes to run and scream but I grab her and drag her into an empty room next to mine.

Upon letting her go and standing between her and her escape, she screams, "Is that who I think it is?"

I swallow and nod. She screams in terror, a terrible sound that shreds my heart into nothingness.

"Please Cosette, calm down," I insist, my own voice strangely calm.

"Settle down?" her voice is quite, but then she yells once more, "You want me to settle down? You are scared of that man, Papa, I watched him scare the wits out of you and now you hide him in our home, you even hide him from the others living with you! Tell me what this is about, Papa, I want to know the truth. I think I have earned that much!"

I nod and heave a sigh, "You're right, Cosette, I do owe you that much. I owe you more than that, but for now, I think that it's safest that you only know what you need to."

She frowns, but gives in, "Whatever you need to tell me, whatever I need to do, I'm here, Papa."

I smile as she comes over and lightly rests a hand on my shoulder. She leads me to a chair, and I gladly take a seat as I think of the right way to tell her the truth without putting her or Marius in danger.

"You see, Cosette, Javert caught me," I begin, "he captured me when I was checking on Marius after escaping through the sewers. He knew where I would be, and he stopped me. I took Marius to a carriage and begged Javert to let me get him to a doctor. Javert told me Marius was to be shot, but I bargained with him, and he agreed to take me instead. He had caught me, and I accepted that. I brought Marius back here and prepared you all the best I could for when I had gone, for when I died. I left you with the thought of likely never returning. When I returned to the shore of the Seine, where Inspector Javert was waiting, he talked to me like I had never heard him talk before. It was almost painful to listen to him. He asked me why I didn't kill him when I had the chance, because I did have the chance, more than once. I told him he didn't deserve it, I told him the truth. He asked me if I really wanted to go back to the quarries, and I answered no. He said we finally agreed on something, and I knew then that something major would happen to one of us, I never expected it to be both of us. He uncuffed me, declared me a free man, chained himself, and fell back into the Seine. I could have let him go, I could have let him die, and for a moment, just a moment, I was walking away, with my freedom. Then something hit me, that he still didn't deserve death. It hit me that we were both free, even if we were both alive. So I ran back, I jumped in, and I saved him."

Now that I have this weight off of my chest, now that she knows the truth, I finally notice that she is wearing her mother's necklace, and that she looks more beautiful then ever.

She looks this way because I now accept something, I accept that I am free, I accept that Javert is free. We're equals now, and all I have to do is show him this. Not an easy job, but I know he'll see it eventually.

Cosette leans over, her hands on either side of my face, caressing my cheeks, "Oh Papa…"

"Cosette, please, I know this is the right thing to do," I asnwer, my voice hoarse.

"I understand, Papa," she nods, "I just wished you had told me sooner."

I look at her in confusion and watch as she leaves. Quickly following her into my room, I see Javert is asleep, or faking it quite well. She quickly dampens a fresh cloth and presses it against his face.

"Papa, you never were one to take care of the ill well, and you've been running yourself until you're tired and sick. Take a break, I'll watch over him. Toussaint can watch over Marius for a little while, I'm sure," she smiles at me.

I smile back, and coo, "Cosette…"

"Rest, Papa," and with that I know there is no questioning her.

Lightly resting in my chair, it is only moments before sleep takes hold of me once more.

a/n: please review! only two more chapters left!