Story: On My Honor
Chapter 7
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: Abbey convinced Jed to talk to Leo about his drinking; Jed waited for Leo before Ellie's Scout meeting, but Leo never showed up
Summary: Jed allows his troop to vote on the requirements for their Space Exploration badge; Leo finally arrives at the farm after a long day at work and finds that Jed is still waiting to discuss his drinking
"So, are we ready for a vote?"
Jed had uttered those words numerous times over the past several years. Usually, the faces staring back at him were strong and serious, defined by the self-proclaimed righteousness that came from fighting a political fight that, at times, was neither easy nor popular.
But this vote was different. The hardened expressions of his colleagues were gone, so as he stood beside an easel in front of the long, black tables that were positioned in an enclosed rectangle in the center of the room, he glanced at the eight Girl Scouts who sat in front of him. They turned to each other, each with her own unique expression of youthful determination as they wordlessly contemplated their options, then looked at their leader and gave a unanimous nod.
"I just want to tell you one more time that if we do this, it's going to require an awful lot of work on your part."
"That's okay, Mr. Bartlet! It'll be fun!" Susie replied, her enthusiasm quickly spreading to her fellow Scouts.
"All right then. Whoever wants to put on the star show, raise your hands."
Every hand shot right up before he even finished his sentence. Of the six task choices for the Space Exploration badge, the troop was required to pick four. The first three hadn't surprised him, but this one would challenge them in a way many of them hadn't been challenged before.
It would demand a great deal of creativity for each girl to construct a miniature model of the solar system or to create a pattern of stars to depict her own constellation. He wasn't concerned about that, for he had already witnessed the incredible blend of vivid imaginations and immeasurable aptitude among this group. He was worried about what came next - the presentation each girl was required to give to an interactive audience of parents and peers.
His apprehension obvious in the small steps he took towards her, Jed waited until after the meeting to approach Ellie. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah! It'll be fun, just like Susie said!" The ordinarily quiet little girl was pumped with adrenaline.
"You're absolutely sure? Because if you're not, we can look at the other options. If we go with this one, you're going to have to get up and introduce your project to the audience and they'll ask you questions about it."
Ellie curled her lips, thinking carefully over what he was saying. She smiled then and aimed her twinkling eyes at her father. "That's okay! I like to talk about the stars. Maybe I'll even tell them the story of Na-Gah and the North Star!"
"I think they'd love to hear it."
Though shocked by her eagerness, Jed didn't question her further. Years ago, he learned that while Ellie wasn't as outgoing as her big sister, she was every bit as intelligent. He embraced her shy and reserved personality with as much love as he had always shown his daughters, but now she was throwing him a curve ball. In a gesture that clearly delighted him, she was willing to cast aside her inhibitions and prove to everyone else just how talented she was.
"I already know what I wanna build too! I wanna make it like a planetarium and I wanna put the stars on the wall."
"I think we can work on that."
"Uh uh! I wanna do it by myself!"
"Okay." He was amused by the excitement that amplified her usually soft voice.
"And I wanna show the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper and I want them to move just like they do in real life and I want the North Star to stand still!"
"Looks like you have your work cut out for you, Galileo."
"Huh?"
Chuckling, he proudly took her hand and led her out the door. "I'll explain it in the car."
A spirited Ellie verbally mapped out her plans on the ride home, her energy so infectious that every word piqued Jed's interest. There were limitless possibilities for what she wanted to accomplish, but since she wanted this to be her own personal effort, he summoned the strength to bite his tongue and merely offer a few suggestions.
The only pause in the conversation came as they neared the long, winding driveway of the farm and took note of the basketball game that was still in progress. Abbey, dressed in her black work slacks as if she had been bombarded before even reaching the house, seemed to be in control. Lizzie darted behind her, gasping in frustration when Abbey landed a basket.
"What do you think now?" Abbey teased Liz, her gaze following Jed's car as he pulled in.
"I think you can't do it twice," Lizzie's hands shot out to retrieve the dribbling ball from her mother.
"Is that a dare?" Abbey surrendered the ball to pick up a toddling Zoey. She held the baby above her head, pointing her towards the basket so she could throw her nerf ball through the net. "Very good, Zoey!"
Feeling the pride in her mother's voice, Zoey twisted to face Abbey as she clapped for herself. "I do it!"
"Yes, you did do it and you did a great job!"
"I bet you could even beat Mom, Zo." Liz giggled at the disgruntled look from her mother.
Abbey lowered Zoey to the ground and squinted her eyes at her oldest daughter. She took a deep breath, then accepted the challenge. "If I get it in, you have to wear what I pick out for you on picture day."
"As long as you pick out an outfit I like."
"The point is, Baby Doll, to pick out an outfit I like. It's my choice."
Confident in Abbey's astonishing ability to miss the basket most of the time, Liz agreed. "And if you don't get it in, you have to let me take a date to the eight grade autumn dance."
"A date?" The ball bounced right out of Abbey's hands. "What date?"
Lizzie shrugged. "There's this boy Jeff. Lauren said he might ask me to go with him."
"You're too young to date."
"But it's not like a date date. You and Daddy can drive us and then you can pick us up."
"Absolutely not!" Jed's voice came bellowing from several feet away. He slammed the car door and walked around to the other side to help Ellie with the box of cupcakes she was carrying.
"Dad!" Liz whirled around to face her father.
"You're 13 years old. That's too young to start dating."
"Says who?"
"The law."
"It does not."
"Well, it should." A smile curved the ends of his lips.
"Mommy!" Ellie interjected. "I'm gonna make a star show for my Space Explorer badge!"
"A star show? How exciting! I can't wait to hear all about it!"
Lizzie folded her arms in front of her chest. "I just don't understand why I can't hang out with Jeff at the dance. It isn't like we're going to drive there ourselves."
Jed playfully yanked her hand, dropping it to her side. "You're so much fun to tease."
"Dad!"
"Your mother and I will talk about it," he assured her. "But right now, do me a favor and help Ellie."
"In the middle of our game?"
"She's got cupcakes," he whispered.
"Oh." That changed everything. "Okay, then. Let's go inside, El."
"I GO TOO!" Zoey insisted, holding out her arms and wobbling behind her older sisters just as fast as her little feet could take her.
"She hates to be left out," Abbey laughed.
"Yeah." Jed eyed the ball Abbey was now cradling in her arm. In one swift motion, he pounded on it and forced it to slam against the ground, claiming it on the first rebound.
"Feel better?"
"Much." He tossed it to her after making a basket.
"Leo called. He should be back any minute now. I guess that means you didn't get to talk to him before Ellie's meeting."
"He never showed." Jed looked up when Abbey didn't respond. He knew that stare. He recognized the concern that provoked it. "Are you gonna play or are you gonna psychoanalyze me?"
"Both sound like fun." Abbey turned slightly and threw the ball towards the basket. It hit the rim before bouncing back into Jed's clutches. "I knew I should have psychoanalyzed you."
"You wouldn't have had any better luck." Jed's laugh was cut short. His smile faded and his posture tensed as he heard the sound of moving gravel behind him.
"Leo's home."
"Yeah."
"I'm going to go check Lizzie's homework and get Ellie ready for her bath." This was a conversation Jed needed to have in private. Abbey figured it was the only way Leo would open up, so with a tender kiss to her husband's cheek, she left.
Jed dribbled towards the basket, but made no attempt to shoot it into the hoop. He enjoyed the smooth, steady rhythm of the ball repeatedly hitting the pavement, the predictable feel of the synthetic leather against his hand each time it rose up to meet another smack. In this form, the ball commanded his attention and gave him an excuse to avoid locking eyes with Leo.
"Hi." Leo called out to him after parking the car.
"Hey."
"Sorry about earlier. My thing with my client ran over and I lost track of time."
Jed nodded. "It's okay."
Noticing Jed's refusal to share a glance, Leo tilted his head to the side. "You playing solo or can anyone get in on this game?"
He passed the ball. "Your shot."
"Everything okay?" Leo asked as he fired the ball and caught it below the net.
"Of course. There's just this thing...it's kind of stupid."
"I just put in a 10-hour workday. I could stand to hear something that's kind of stupid."
Jed intercepted his throw and jumped to dunk it into the basket. "I'm worried about a friend of mine who doesn't think I have reason to worry."
"Maybe you don't."
"Abbey thinks I do."
Leo dribbled in place, his feet glued to the ground as he made another shot. "Abbey's not always right."
"Most of the time, though, she is, especially about stuff like this." Jed allowed Leo to retrieve the ball and for the first time, he looked right into his eyes. "Have you had anything to drink today?"
The echo of the ball bouncing against the ground came to an abrupt stop. Leo stood still, cutting himself off mid-stride and staring at his friend with such intensity that Jed mentally cowered to the intimidating glare.
"No," he answered. "I haven't. Like I said, I've been at work all day."
"Okay."
"Or do you think I'd be dumb enough to drink while I'm working?" Obviously irritated, Leo's voice was strong and unyielding. He had long ago perfected the tone that would thwart suspicion.
"It was just a question."
"And I gave you an answer. If you don't believe me, break out the breathalyzer."
His head hanging low, Jed gazed up through his long, dark lashes. Leo sounded genuinely hurt by the implication. It never occurred to him that a man he thought he knew so well had become so good at psychological combat. "I believe you."
With a big sigh of relief, Leo let the ball fall from his hold. "I'm sorry, Jed. I'm sorry about that. Really. It's just been a long day."
"That bad?" Jed relaxed as the tension slowly seeped from his body.
"Some of it. But, hey, did Abbey tell you about me and Jenny?"
"She mentioned it."
The easiest way to ward off uncomfortable questions was to answer them before they were asked. "Nothing to worry about on that front. Jenny and I had a long talk over the phone today and we're back on-track. She can't wait to see me tomorrow night."
"I thought you were staying until Friday."
"Nah, I changed the ticket. I miss Jenn and Mal."
That was the Leo he knew and loved. Suddenly convinced that everything would be okay, Jed tossed him the ball. "Well, that's about the best thing you could have said."
Leo's hands sprang into action. "Hey, what's with your outfit?"
"It's my Scout uniform," Jed replied tersely as he admired his brown pants.
"Mind if I get a picture?"
"Throw the ball." The ball bounced off the rim and back into Jed's hands. "You're jealous, Pal. You're jealous that I'm an outdoorsman and you're not."
"Yeah, that's why I'm jealous all right. You know me so well."
"One-on-one. Right now."
Leo tugged on the sleeves of his jacket, slipping it off his shoulders and letting it fall to the ground. "You're on."
With a grin so wide that it narrowed his eyes into two tiny slits, Jed took his first shot and for an hour that night, the gap between him and Leo had closed. It was as if they had regressed to an earlier time, a time when their relationship hadn't been tainted by dishonesty. It wouldn't last, of course, but for Leo, those sixty minutes filled him with the kind of warmth and security he'd been missing for the last ten years.
He let down his guard long enough to consider baring his soul. "You know, I keep thinking about what you said before."
"Which part?"
He wanted to tell Jed so badly that he was drowning in the unrelenting waves that were suffocating him every second of every day. "I..." But he couldn't. Instead, he shook his head and dribbled the ball. "Nothing. I was just going to make fun of your uniform again."
"Watch it."
"I thought better of it. Now come on, lets finish our game so I can tell Abbey the good news about me and Jenny."
Perhaps the most dangerous part of Leo's addiction was that it forced him to become a master manipulator. Predicting one's behavior was necessary since he planned to influence it. No one was immune to his deception. Not Abbey, who believed him when he said the problems between him and Jenny weren't serious. Not Jed, who trusted that he had talked to his wife on the phone that evening. Not even Leo, when he convinced himself that he changed his plane ticket because he missed his family, instead of admitting he was scared of getting caught in his web of lies.
In those rare moments that he was able to peak above the denial, he'd admit that alcohol didn't just alter his behavior when he was drunk. It changed his personality when he was sober as well. He wasn't a conniving man, insensitive to the needs and wants of the woman he loved, undisturbed by the concerns of his oldest and dearest friend. Somewhere inside, he was still the same Leo, but on the surface, he had relinquished the independent, selfless part of himself. He was just a puppet now, controlled exclusively by his disease.
As the Bartlets went to bed that night and Leo made himself comfortable in the guest bedroom, he felt a twinge of regret for what he was doing - to Abbey, to Jed, to Mallory, and to Jenny. He lowered his face into his hands and cried soft, quiet tears as he struggled with the hurt that raged within him.
Then, just like every night before, he reached inside his suitcase and pulled out his favorite bottle of scotch cloaked in the veil of a brown paper bag. He may drink in front of others, but he would get drunk in private. He relished the click of the locks as they unsnapped, opening his briefcase to reveal the silver flask he always kept hidden below a mountain of legal contracts and paperwork.
This would help him feel better, he told himself. But he wasn't stupid. He knew it would offer him a temporary reprieve and tomorrow, when the sun began to set and the high wore off, he'd need another crutch. It wouldn't be the counseling Jenny urged him to get. It wouldn't be the help he knew he needed.
Undoubtedly, the next crutch would come in the form of a new bottle and a fresh glass.
TBC