Disclaimer: I don't own anything…
A/N 2: Alright, here we go…This fic is AU and set in the future. It contains an OC, which I've never used before, but is necessary for the story. Everything that has happened with Journey has occurred in this fic right up to the anniversary of the miscarriage.
Summary: Things aren't always what they appear to be. Sometimes, the "perfect" marriage isn't perfect. Who do you turn to when the world collapses around you?
She Will Be Loved Ch. 8:
I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind. On the border line of the edge and where I walk alone
Carly hadn't realized that she actually managed to utter his name until he nodded and came closer towards her. She reached out to feel his face to make sure that this was in fact real and not some caffeine induced dream. His skin was soft to her touch and she felt her lips tremble slightly. Tears clogged her throat, but she refused to let them fall. Before she could comprehend anything, Steven took her into his arms. She remained rigid in his embrace. This is wrong. You're married. Her heart refused to listen to reason as it swelled slightly at the tenderness of his touch.
"You have no idea how good it feels to be back here," she heard him mumble into her hair. "I've missed you so much."
"When did you get back?" She forced herself away and tried to ignore the crestfallen look that came across his face.
"A few hours ago. I saw a sign advertising the reopening of the Cellar and knew you'd be here." He explained.
"Nice detective work. My dad teach you that?" Her tone was peppered with bitterness, but he easily shook it off.
"Ha ha. I haven't talk to your father in ages," he affirmed.
"Yeah neither have I. He hightailed it out of town the second he realized that he couldn't use me anymore."
"I'm sorry."
"No your not."
"Yes I am. I would never wish any pain upon you, Car." He whispered cupping her face in his strong hands." "I love you." And with three simple words something inside her snapped. She felt an overwhelming rage begin to boil in her stomach.
"Where the hell do you get off saying something like that?"
"It's the truth."
"Oh yeah? You loved me so much that you went three years without even so much as a fucking postcard?" The petite brunette began to pace the area in an effort to remain somewhat calm. "You could have been killed and I would have had no idea."
"I'm sorry." His tone was low. "I just didn't know what to say. It was awful over there. You have no idea what war is like." Steven had been called on to work as a surgeon with the US army over in the Middle East. Carly had begged him not to go, but he felt obligated and left with promises to write and return home safely. Only one of which was fulfilled. "I saw things that no one should ever have to witness, let alone treat. I was in a very dark place. It felt wrong to drag you down with me."
Carly could feel her resolve crumbling as tears began to take over his normally clear and bright eyes. She wanted to be angry again. Tell him that she no longer needed him, but deep down she knew that wasn't true. If nothing else, Steven was a friend when no one else was and he had pulled her back from the brink when her and Sonny broke up. He held her together through all the cold nights and made her brave enough to face each new day with a smile on her face.
"The only thing that kept me going was you. I knew that one day I would make it back here. Back to you and everything would be right again." He stopped when he caught sight of the ring that weighed down her left finger. Carly immediately tried to hide it, but it was too late and the damage was done. "You're married?" She nodded in return, but did not offer a verbal answer. "Who?" Silence "Who, Carly?"
"Sonny…"
The darkness encased her room and for a moment the young girl felt trapped. Suffocating under the weight of her own consciences. She let her eyes wander across the room to where her younger sister slept peacefully seemingly without a care in the world. She was envious of Hannah and her obliviousness. She wanted that naivety again. She wanted to transfer back to a time when she believed that no harm would come to her or her family, but that hope had been sorely lacking for years.
Letting out a sigh, she quietly slid out of bed. Her bare feet padding along the hard wood floors of the hallways was the only noise in the otherwise silent apartment. She had been doing this for as long as she could remember. When the nights became a little too cold and stressful, she would walk aimlessly around in order to calm herself. It usually worked wonders, but tonight was different. No matter how many steps she took, she couldn't erase her father's snide face from her memory.
It had thrown her through a loop when he showed up at her school this morning. What if Jason and her mother had not been successful in their attempt to save her? Could she really stand living with him again? Could she really protect Hannah from his vicious screaming? Everything had been going so well. She loved her new family and they treated her better than anyone ever had, excluding her mom.
Her precious mother that saw the good behind the silence because she was the only one that ever took the time to look for it. Her father was quick to cast her aside while in her tender young years, even going so far as to have her checked out for mental retardation, because he could understand why she never had much to say.
The truth was that she had a lot to say, but it was never anything he wanted to hear. Jason and her Uncle Sonny always wanted to listen. She would ramble to them for hours about things that happened at school or the show she had just watched at on TV. The shell (that she had promised herself long ago would never break) started to crack until it was just a million pieces surrounding her on the ground. Was it finally time to start gluing it back together?
Sonny looked at the door willing it to open and reveal his wife. It was getting late and she had yet to return home from the Cellar. He understood why she needed to do this, but at the same time did not care for all the late hours that came along with rebuilding the club. As selfish as it sounded, he didn't like sharing her. He missed having her around when ever he needed. Hell, he even missed her endless chatter about nothing. There was something about her that made his life fuller and brighter. The years they spent apart had taught him that he was nothing without her love.
He stilled remembered the late phone call that beckoned him to Jakes. He was engaged to Sam at the time, but still ran out the door the second he found out that Carly needed him. He entered the smoke filled bar to find her sitting in the last stool with tears streaming down her face. She was mumbling incoherently about Steven being shipped away and how she was going to be all alone. At first, he had no idea how to comfort her. He reached out and pushed a dark lock out her eyes and his heart stopped. Even as a drunken mess, she was breathtaking. Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms. It was strange to comfort his ex wife, who was crying over another man. The sharp pain that ran through his heart that night is still vivid in his mind.
He helped her home and watched as she stumbled up the stairs and fumbled with the lock to her small cottage. Just before entering the house, she spun around and offered him the brightest smile she could muster. That was another thing that had stuck with him from that night. No matter what, she tried desperately to protect him from everything even herself.
The next few weeks had passed by without a hitch. His wedding day approached and his interaction with Carly became less and less. She sent her mother drop off the boys and didn't return his calls. It hurt, but he knew why she needed todistance herself. He could never watch her marry someone else and wouldn't expect her to be able to do it for him.
The day of his nuptials finally occurred. It was a rainy day and thunder clapped through the sky that blanketed Port Charles. Just as the words "I Do" were about to escape his lips, the church doors sprang open. In true Carly fashion, she pushed her way through the guards causing the largest scene she could manage. A look of horror contorted Sam's facial features and he wondered if his ex wife could have planned it any more perfect. She professed her love for him in front of all the guests that were expecting the union of Samantha McCall and Sonny Corinthos not the reunion of Caroline Benson and Sonny Corinthos.
How could he say no to her when she stood in front of him, droplets of water dripping off her hair and cascading down her face. Sam must have understood, because without a word she stepped away from the altar and marched back down the aisle she had emerged from only moments earlier. His mind screamed at him to chase after her. But his heart kept him in place looking into his ex wife's soulful gaze. Right then and there, he realized that he would forever be a goner when it came to Carly. There was nothing he would ever be able to do that couldpush her off the pedestal that she held in his heart. And he was okay with that, finally.
They had been together ever since that day and he couldn't be happier. Finally, there was no more drama surrounding their relationship. It was only them and that's all he ever needed.
Jason felt Courtney snuggle her head deeper into the crook of his neck. A warmth overtook his body as he realized how she still managed to elicit the same butterflies in his stomach as she had so many years ago. He carefully moved a strand of her long blonde hair to give him a better view of her face as she slept peacefully. It felt strange to be so close to her again. He had always fantasized about the day that they would reunite, but they were just fantasies. Never in his life did he think he would have to chance to right all the wrongs that he done to her in the past, but here was his chance and he would be damned if he lost her again.
"Why are you staring at me?" He heard her mumble.
"I was just thinking about how beautiful you are."
"Yeah, I'm sure I look very sexy with drool all over my face." She laughed sleepily.
"You always look sexy to me," he assured as he tightened his hold around her waist.
"I bet I do," she retorted. The beeping of his cell phone immediately called attention to the object on his dresser. He let out growl while getting out of bed and moving across the room. "Do you ever turn that thing off?" She whispered in annoyance. "I was enjoying you showering me with compliments."
"Hello," he answered the phone while throwing his ex wife an amused look.
"Jase, I'm very sorry to bother you this late." Justus's deep voice came through the earpiece.
"Don't worry about it. Is there something wrong?"
"Yeah I'm afraid there is," the lawyer let out a sigh before continuing on. "Doug has filed papers through the New York court systems. He's dragging Courtney into a custody battle…" Jason felt his heart plummet. He knew Doug wasn't going to give up, but somehow didn't think that it would happen this quickly. "I'm going to do everything I can Jason, but it's not going to be easy. Brady is a well-respected businessman. It's going to be hard to paint a picture of him being a wife beater, especially since no incident was ever reported."
"I know. I appreciate you calling and letting me know."
"Sure. Do you want to tell Courtney or should I?"
"I will," Jason answered before hanging up the phone. His mind raced about how he was going to break this to he ex wife/new girlfriend. He searched out the large window in an effort to find some sort of answer or maybe he was just trying to avoid the woman who remained lounged in his bed. He didn't want to turn around, but Courtney beckoned him to.
"Everything all right?" Her voice was light and carefree and Jason felt sick to his stomach. He looked into her bright eyes and felt his throat begin to constrict.
"That was Justus. We have a problem…"
Carly rushed through the streets on her way home. She looked at her silver Rolex that Sonny had given her for her birthday. She prayed for the high-class watch to be wrong and that it wasn't really close to 3:30 in the morning. She had spent the better part of the night trying to explain to Steven why exactly she returned to Sonny, but he didn't understand. She could still her his voice ringing in her ears when she told him who her husband was.
"How could you?" He raked his hand through the sandy locks that suited him so well.
"You don't understand. Hell, I don't even understand."
"Sounds like a good base for a marriage."
"However fucked up it is, I love Sonny. He has been my constant." She replied through pursed lips.
"Yeah a constant asshole to you." He grumbled in return and she shot him an annoyed look.
"You think you know everything, don't you?" She didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "Sonny and I have done some crazy shit to each other, but he has never once abandoned me. He has always been there when I needed him the most, even if it ruined his whole life."
"It's always going to come back to me leaving isn't it?"
"Well Steven, it was a pretty big deal."
"I did what I had to do and I'm not sorry, Carly."
"I never expected you to be, but understand that I don't regret what I did in you absence," she could feel her strength returning to her voice.
"Do you love him like you love me?"
"Excuse me?" Carly felt her voice crack. So much for that strength.
"You heard me. Do you have the same connection with him that you had with me?" His intense eyes prodded at her and for once in her life, Caroline Benson was speechless. Tension mounted between the two and there was nothing she could do to ease it.
"I don't know," she willed away the tears that burned in the back of her eyes.
"I think you do. I think that you are afraid of the answer."
"Thinking was never your strong suit," she forced a laugh, but the same serious gaze rested on her. "Please don't make me do this."
"I'm going to go, because I don't want to force anymore stress on you. I'll be at the Port Charles Hotel if you ever work up the courage to say the truth that lives in you heart." He dragged his index finger across her chest before placing a soft kiss on the corner of her lips.
A cold wind swept her into Harborview Towers as she tried to ease her scattered mind. She didn't love Steven like she loved Sonny or did she? Why was that one simple question impossible for her answer? She rested her head against the cool metal of the elevators as tears came to the forefront of her eyes. The elevator came to a stop and just as the doors opened she was met face to face with her husband
"I was just coming to look for you. How come your cell phone was turned off?" She didn't say anything she stared aimlessly at him. "Why are you crying?" She didn't have an answer, but instead collapsed into his arms praying to feel what she had felt hours before when Steven held her in his embrace.
A/N: So much Carson angst. I love it! Song credit goes out to Greenday and Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Oh and a shout out to Sunny. You're right I was spelling Justus's name wrong, thanks for letting me know.