Story: On My Honor
Chapter 11
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: Jed and Abbey celebrated Ellie's birthday with a new bike; Lizzie accepted her parents' offer to attend the school dance with Jeff, as long as Jed and Abbey chaperoned the event; Ellie invited Jed's father, John, to the Girl Scout star show; Jed's colleague prepared a file to send to the Nobel Prize committee on Jed's behalf, hoping he'd win next year's award; in Chapter 9, Abbey questioned the moral implications of keeping a secret on behalf of her gay colleague whose 10-year-old patient seemed to be dying from GRID (early name for AIDS)
Summary: The situation at the hospital intensifies when Megan's mother discovers Dr. Allen is gay and suspects he made her daughter ill; Abbey vows to stand by Mark; it's finally time for the Girl Scout star show and Ellie has cold feet
AN: It's World AIDS Day today. Doctors are getting closer to discovering a vaccine, but in the meantime, here's to hoping for a cure for the millions of patients diagnosed with HIV. Patients and relatives who have been affected by this disease are in our thoughts and our prayers.
Abbey had already changed out of her hospital scrubs and was now wearing a black tulip skirt, plum sweater with ribbed cuffs and hem, and matching suede jacket, an ensemble she picked out especially for the Girl Scout Astronomy Show. With one final brush through her dark auburn tresses, she left the staff locker room and headed towards the main elevator leading to the hospital lobby.
"You CAN'T do this!"
Abbey's head snapped to the side and she spun around when she heard Mark Allen's angry voice. "What's going on?"
"What's going on is I'm taking my daughter out of here!" Mrs. Carmichael wheeled Megan in an erratic pattern to escape Mark.
"Your daughter is very sick. Where are you taking her?"
"Anywhere but here."
"Dr. Greer discharged Megan," Mark told Abbey.
"Can he do that?"
"Oh, I can do it," Dr. Greer announced as he rounded the corner and joined them. "As of right now, I'm taking over all of Dr. Allen's patients."
Clearly confused, Abbey stepped between her colleagues. "Wait a minute. What happened?"
"What's happened is I trusted this hospital!" Mrs. Carmichael turned from Abbey to face Mark, her voice shrill enough to pierce into him and make him flinch. "And I trusted you! You lied to us and now Megan is sick and it's a very real possibility that you're the one who made her sick."
"That isn't true," Abbey reasoned. "Mrs. Carmichael, Dr. Allen doesn't have this disease."
"But my daughter does. He's GAY, Dr. Bartlet! Don't you understand?"
Mrs. Carmichael's tone was so hateful, her emphasis so damning. Abbey nearly excused it as a frightened mother concerned about her daughter's health. She flashed back to the days immediately following Zoey's birth. The tubes and machines that scared her, the helplessness she felt each and every time Zoey's premature lungs stifled her cries as her veins were pricked with needles. She knew what it was like for a mother to lose herself in a child's illness. She knew it all too well.
But one look in Mark's direction instantly derailed Abbey's memories. She gathered her composure and addressed the distraught mother. "I know you're scared and at the moment, it's easy to want to blame someone for this, especially since we don't know how this disease is transmitted..."
"You're damn right, you don't! What you do know is that it's a gay man's disease, so explain to me why my little girl has it."
Megan sat quietly in her wheelchair, her coughs noticeably strained. Abbey extended her hand to affectionately stroke her head, stung by the shock when Mrs. Carmichael jerked her daughter away from her touch. She wasn't just angry at Dr. Allen. She was angry at them all.
The same maternal instincts that prompted Abbey to reach out to the young girl, forced her to recover quickly from the sting and compassionately plead with Mrs. Carmichael. "We're working on those answers. But right now, you have to let us treat Megan. You have to let us help her. She needs medical care."
"And she'll get it - far away from this hospital and far away from all of you!" Her resolve stronger than ever, she pushed past them into the elevator as a nurse followed behind.
Mark watched the steel doors slide together, blocking his view of the blonde little girl whose labored breaths had shallowed considerably in the last few moments. He ran his hand furiously through his hair and his eyes scanned the small crowd that had formed around him. He looked at Abbey, then turned to Dr. Greer.
Larry Greer's hands remained stuffed in his white lab coat. His expression was unrepentant, his stare unforgiving. "Letting them go was the best course of action, considering the circumstances."
"The best course of action?" Mark questioned. "For whom?"
"For this hospital and for your career."
"And what about Megan?"
"I've already called Mass General. They have a bed waiting for her."
"You have no RIGHT to discharge my patient."
"I outrank you, Doctor. I had EVERY right, and if you want to fight it out, then I suggest we ask Dr. Hathaway what he thinks. As hospital Chief of Staff, he should definitely be in the loop, don't you think? Chances are he's going to want to see you before your shift ends tonight anyway."
"Mark did nothing wrong," Abbey intervened. "I don't know who told you he was gay or who told Mrs. Carmichael for that matter, but his personal life is none of this hospital's business."
"It is when the CDC is crawling around here searching for answers."
"Damn it, Larry, he's not a scapegoat! Hysteria is running rampant out there and the last thing we need is for it to invade us in here. We can't let it get in the way of treating the patients."
"Forget it, Abbey. The only thing Dr. Greer understands is bad publicity and now that the cat is out of the bag, that's exactly what we're going to get." Mark turned sharply and stormed down the beige-lined corridor. He slammed the slanted bar that shielded the exit, opening the door with such force that it bounced off the wall and sent soundwaves echoing through the stairwell.
All the warnings he had shouted to Abbey only two days earlier were true. He said that people would judge him, that they would hate him and blame him. It wasn't Abbey's naiveté that led her to dismiss his prediction. It was her faith in her fellow man, in her colleagues, that convinced her they would be above the bigotry that was beginning to engulf communities around the country.
But she should have known that bigotry born out of ignorance has no bounds. The fear of dealing with something deadly and unfamiliar didn't just end with the general public; it manipulated the good sense of scientists as well.
She took hesitant steps through that same exit door Mark had shoved seconds earlier. Just as she suspected, he hadn't descended the stairs. Instead, he sat on the top step, his shoulders slouched and his back curved as if he had already been defeated.
"Would you mind some company?"
He shook his head, but never even looked as Abbey slid her skirt under her rear and sat beside him. "They're going to suspend me."
"We don't know that yet."
"Dr. Greer makes a good case. He's got the ear of Dr. Hathaway. There's no way he would have taken charge like that if Hathaway hadn't given him his support."
She couldn't deny his logic. She glanced at her watch to keep track of the minutes before Ellie's show, then with her high heels planted firmly on the step below, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms under her knees. "I didn't say anything, Mark. I swear. I mean, I thought about it and I won't lie to you. I probably would have told the doctor from the CDC, but I hadn't talked to him yet."
"Abbey." He tried to stop her, but she ignored him.
"I never would have done it to betray you. I just couldn't defend not being honest with people who are trying to save the life of a little girl. I have three daughters and if they were ever struck with this kind of illness..."
"Abbey, I know it wasn't you." Grateful for her loyalty, he smiled to put her mind ease. "I told the CDC doctor."
"And he told Mrs. Carmichael?"
"No, that was Marian in her last official act before she quit."
"I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry. That just doesn't sound like enough right now."
"I'm facing an uphill battle, aren't I?" He waited for Abbey's nod. "I don't have it, Abbey. I'm not sick. I'll undergo a full medical exam to prove it. I don't care what we know or don't know about this disease. I didn't give it to Megan. There's no way I could have."
"I know," Abbey assured him with a squeeze of his arm.
"I'm at a loss," he muttered sadly. "If there's one thing I've always hated, it's losing control. I have no control over this...I'm supposed to know how to save children from disease. I'm the one Megan's mother turned to to save her daughter and I don't know how."
"No one does. We haven't even identified this disease yet, Mark."
"It's one thing to read about all the people who've already died from it...there are 80 of them now...but this is different. For me, for the first time, this thing has a face - a sweet, angelic, ten-year-old face. I was supposed to be able to help her."
"You didn't let her down. We just have to work harder...all of us...we have to make sure those researchers have everything they need, every tidbit of information so they can put this all together and help patients like Megan."
His own future was so uncertain that he let out an exasperated sigh and a desperate chuckle at Abbey's suggestion. "All of us? There's nothing I can do, Abbey. I don't know if I'm even going to have a job when all is said and done. Hathaway's not likely to be receptive to this news."
"We'll deal with Hathaway. There's never been a more important time for all of us to band together."
"Yeah."
"Megan may be receiving care in Boston, but that doesn't mean she doesn't need every doctor in the country working on her behalf. And it's not just her. There are more than a 150 people in the U.S. alone who are sick with whatever this is and that number's growing practically every day. Half of them have died. The mortality rate..."
"Could be 100 by the end of the month," Mark finished. "I read the projections."
"So then you understand."
"What?"
"Why it's so important that we fight...for you. We'll fight Dr. Greer and if it comes down to it, we'll fight Dr. Hathaway. You're a damn good doctor and right now, we need all the damn good doctors we can get."
"We'll fight?"
"We will. We're up against some kind of deadly virus that has no official name. We shouldn't even be calling it GRID anymore since, clearly, it's reached beyond the gay community. There's no logic or reason as to who it affects. We don't even know if it's a new virus or if it's a more dangerous form of an old one. The patients...they need us. All of us. And so does Megan."
Abbey covered the back of his hand with hers as Mark tilted his head towards his shoulder and threw her a glance screaming with appreciation. He knew she was feisty, but he hadn't yet seen the fiery side of Abbey Bartlet, the side Jed constantly bragged about to anyone who would listen.
It was that part of her, Jed had once told Mark, that made him fall in love with her a thousand times over. He described it as a passionate spark that could ignite with flames soaring beyond the heavens if her friends and loved ones were ever threatened. It was a significant part of who she was, both privately and professionally.
Mark knew she wouldn't surrender her principles for the sake of harmony because if she did, she'd be surrendering to the politics of medicine, blurring a line that would make her question her commitment to science. That's what Mark found himself clinging to now. Abbey's determination was what he needed to light his own flame. He wasn't looking forward to this fight, but with Abbey in his corner, he was armed and ready for it.
As Abbey was saying her goodbyes to Mark in Hanover, Ellie was looking around the crowded hall in the old Manchester Opera House. Her nerves blossomed rather quickly as more than a hundred people flooded in the double doors. She hadn't expected that many people. It was as if every Scout troop in New Hampshire was there just to see the spectacular star show they had worked so long to organize.
Anxious and apprehensive, she sat back against her chair and swung her legs over the edge. She was so hypnotized by the bustling noise surrounding her that she didn't even notice Jed approaching until she bit down on her bottom lip and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.
"Daddy..." She greeted him in a soft whisper and Jed immediately sensed she was troubled.
"She'll be here, Sweetie. Don't worry." Unfortunately, he assumed her concern was for Abbey's absence, not for the growing mob that was swarming the raised platform in front of the room.
"Why are they all here?"
"You wanted them here. You guys all said you wanted us to invite the other troops, remember?"
"But I didn't think they'd come," Ellie replied. "And they're here with their parents. They'll all ask questions."
"Yeah, they probably will, but it's okay. You're prepared to answer their questions. We rehearsed this, remember?"
"Yeah, but..." She stopped as she caught sight of her Grandpa Bartlet chatting with Lizzie. Soon Abbey would sitting next to them and Jed would be on the stage right beside her when she presented her project. Maybe this wasn't going to so bad after all, she said to herself. If she felt scared, she could just make eye contact with her family and they would help her through, just as they always had.
"Ellie? Are you going to be all right? Are you going to be able to do this?" He was reminded of their conversation four weeks earlier. Initially, Jed had his doubts that his shy and reserved daughter would feel comfortable completing this task, but confidently, Ellie assured him she'd be okay.
Now, a month later, she was determined to keep that promise. She looked around the room once more. This time, she calmed herself as her eyes roamed the faces of all her peers and their parents, mingling while they waited for the show to begin. She had to do this in order to get her badge. That much she knew.
So, with the deepest breath she had ever taken, she stared at her father and nodded. "I can do it."
She saw it then. His smile. A smile so wide and so proud that it convinced her she made the right decision. Jed leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "That's my girl!"
The side door opened, letting in a glimmer of the red and purple hues that streaked the New Hampshire sky at dusk. Ellie and Jed instinctively followed the sound that drew them to Abbey's high heels pounding on the hardwood floors as she hustled towards them.
"Mommy!"
"I'm sorry I'm late!"
"We didn't start yet."
"Is everything okay?" Jed asked. "You were supposed to be here a half hour ago."
"I'll tell you about it later," Abbey replied, taking his hand and giving him a quick kiss on his lips.
"I need to go start this thing. Ellie?" Jed waited until Ellie turned her head towards him and looked him squarely in the eyes. "You're okay?"
She emphatically nodded. "Uh huh!"
"Okay."
Jed walked to the podium positioned in the corner of the platform as Abbey took her seat next to Lizzie, leaving Ellie to look to her fellow troop members for one last bit of reassurance. But she didn't get it. Instead of retreating into themselves, the way she wanted to, her friends seemed poised and ready to begin.
She browsed the line of brown-uniformed girls, her gaze ending with Samantha, the only other member who had issues with public speaking. To Ellie's dismay, even Samantha excitedly sat up and embraced Jed's introduction.
The lights flickered on and off as Susie took the stage. Though her project wasn't as complicated as the others, the audience relished her depiction of a supernova she had monitored with her father's aging telescope. Dozens of hands shot up the second she was finished to begin a round of Q&As that left Ellie feeling panicked and nauseous.
"Do stars really die?" one girl asked.
Ellie tightened her fingers around the edge of her seat.
"Does the star glow before the explosion?" another wanted to know.
Ellie pushed herself against the back of her chair.
"What happens to stars after they die?"
"How long does a star live before a supernova?"
Ellie squirmed uncomfortably.
"Does it hurt the other stars?"
"How long is the sky red or pink?"
"Is it really violent? Like, can we hear it down here?"
Sympathetically, Ellie wanted to step in and rescue her friend from the curious inquisitors who bombarded her with questions in such a rapid pace that she was given virtually no time to answer. But, instead, Ellie's posture drooped slightly, her hands trembled, and her stomach teased her with butterflies that threatened to make her physically sick right then and there.
She sat back and twiddled her report between her fingers. The thick plastic cover was almost slippery as she ran her thumb across it and traced it to its rough, pointy edge.
Once Susie was finished, the lights went off once again as Angela took her place. The miniature glowing model of the Milky Way provoked whispers so loud that Ellie could actually hear the encouragement of admirers and the potential questions of, what she cons detractors.
licsThe nausea was unbearable. A wave of heat splashed over her, flushing her cheeks with rosy colors. After Angela, it would be her turn to take the stage, something she wasn't quite ready to do.
What if she couldn't answer their questions? What if they made her feel stupid? What if they laughed at her because she didn't actually know at what point in its astronomical life a star would explode and die?
The little voice inside her head relentlessly attacked her confidence, grinding it down to a tiny sliver until she felt she could barely contain her emotions.
With her fists clenched tightly at her side, she realized the darkened room gave her a way out. She slid off her chair and tunneled through the row of Girl Scouts, sprinting out the back of the hall and into a bathroom before her family could spot her.
Her brows arched, scrunching her forehead, and a few tear drops formed in her blue-green eyes. She crouched beside the door and gripped the knob with all her might.
These were familiar fears. Two years earlier when she was cast in her school's Christmas pageant, she had become a hostage of similar panic. She was able to swallow her worries back then, but this wouldn't be the same. This time, not only would she have to face her phobia of performing in front of an audience, but she'd then have to stand up to her project and answer their questions.
And for Ellie Bartlet, the thought of that was absolutely horrifying.
TBC