Story: On My Honor
Chapter 14
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: After John convinced Ellie to give Jed a private presentation, Ellie thought she'd get her badge; Jed and John argued
Summary: One daughter comforts Jed as another rejects him
Liz hid in her room for the next half an hour. The shock had only started to fade when it was replaced by an anger so deep and so strong, the emotion was barely recognizable to her. The poisoned words weren't directed at her, but she still felt the agonizing prick of betrayal.
Anyone who had ever met the Bartlets knew that she and Jed had an unbreakable bond. They had their squabbles from time to time, but Lizzie's love for her father knew no bounds. Her loyalty was immeasurable, her adoration sincere. He was her hero. Her king. The man who was indestructible. Invincible, really.
How dare anyone talk to him the way John had? How dare he have ever raised a hand to a man as wonderful as Jed, a man who had never, ever gotten so lost in anger that he became physically aggressive?
She had seen Jed's temper exceed the boiling point many times. Usually, it was when she or Ellie had defiantly broken a rule or when she had lashed out after getting in trouble for something else. Occasionally, she had witnessed one of the many fights between him and Abbey and once, he had even been annoyed with baby Zoey when she repeatedly probed the electric socket with her tiny fingers, despite his sharp warnings.
But never had he talked to anyone the way John had spoken to him. It wasn't just harsh or mean, it was downright vindictive, this verbal assault that rendered Jed helpless from Liz's point of view. His voice cracked during the last few exchanges with John, pain lacing every syllable that escaped his quivering lips. And once John was out of sight and Jed fell onto the porch swing, his broad exterior collapsed right along with him.
He was broken. And now, so was she.
It certainly would have been easier if Liz hadn't peered over the wall of hurt that surrounded her father's torment. Few of the brutal details of the beatings Jed had suffered as a young boy spilled from the confrontation, but they were enough to nurture the images that were now etched in her mind.
"You enjoyed humiliating me," Jed had blurted out and when he did, it jolted Liz right out of her chair.
"...what was it I was supposed to like?" she remembered Jed asking. "The way you beat the crap out of me whenever I spilled something on the floor? The way you slapped me if I ever dared to disagree with you? The way you punched me if you felt I disrespected you?"
His words echoed over and over as a stinging splash of memories washed over her. This was why John Bartlet was rarely involved in family gatherings. This was why years would pass without so much as a phone call between father and son. This was why she was never allowed to spend time alone with John and why she was punished for sneaking over to his house when she was five years old.
What she then thought was unfair, now made complete sense.
With the back of her hand, she boldly wiped a single tear before it passed through her dark lashes, then stood up to glance out the window one last time. Jed was still there. Sitting below her in that same creaky old swing, he tapped his feet as he moved back and forth. Lizzie quietly closed the window, threw down her blinds, and headed out of her room.
Abbey was reclined against her headboard, her reading glasses resting on the bridge of her nose as she flipped the pages of one of the many medical journals that were stacked on her nightstand when Liz barged in without a knock.
"Mom!"
Abbey looked up at her flustered daughter. "What's going on?"
"Daddy needs you."
"What happened?"
"He's upset."
"About Ellie?"
"No," Lizzie replied as she moved closer. "He had a fight with Grandfather. And it was pretty bad."
Standing, Abbey ripped her glasses off her face and tossed them on the mattress. "Were you there?"
"No."
"Then how do you..."
"They were fighting out front. My window was open. I heard..."
"You shouldn't have been listening, Lizzie." Liz lowered her head, acknowledging her mother's words. "It doesn't matter. Where's your father?"
"Still outside."
Abbey slipped into a pair of flats and bolted down the stairs towards the front door. Her feet never stopped moving as she mentally prepared herself for what she would find. She hoped it would simply be an angry or agitated Jed, rather than a battered and bruised Jed, but she didn't know until she swung open the door and stepped out into the cold.
His hand was frozen in mid-air and a cigarette dangled between his fingers as he turned his head to greet her, his stare a clear indication of the overwhelming distress that had taken his appearance hostage. The subtle lines that streaked his face were more visible tonight. His expression was drawn and somber and his eyes held such anguish that she wanted to forget her words and tightly wrap him up in her arms.
"What did he do?" she immediately asked, her hesitation visible in the baby steps she took in front of him and the way she eased back on the empty seat beside him.
"He convinced Ellie that she would get her badge if she did a private presentation for me."
"And Ellie did it. And you still can't give it to her." It wasn't a question. Abbey curled her fingers under the edge of the swing. "Why would he do that? Why would he play with the emotions of a little girl?"
"Why wouldn't he? He's John Bartlet. That's what he does," Jed countered before taking a puff of his cigarette. "Wait a minute. How did you know about this? Did you hear us?"
"Liz did."
Alarmed, he sat up. "What? What did she hear?"
"Her bedroom window was open. She heard the two of you fighting."
The conversation stopped then, abruptly halted by the intruding panic. Had she heard everything? Had she heard about the physical violence he endured at the hands of his father? He hadn't planned to ever tell his daughters about his abusive childhood, for he feared telling them that he was once a victim of such a thing would mask the strong, virile man he wanted them to see.
He leapt from the swing and spun around himself nervously. "What did she hear? I mean, exactly. What did she hear?"
"I don't know. I came straight down to find you." Abbey bore down on the swing and lifted herself up. "Did he...Jed, did he hurt you?"
"He didn't touch me." Abbey nodded in relief as Jed crushed his cigarette. "How many times have we told Liz that private conversations are PRIVATE?"
"She couldn't help but overhear. You guys are pretty loud when you fight."
Jed slammed his hand on the doorknob and flung open the door. His shouting drowned out the sound of it bouncing off the wall. "LIZ! Get down here now!"
"Don't be mad at her, Jed. Her bedroom is directly above the porch."
"She could have closed her window," he snapped. "Eliza..." He trailed off as he noticed her cautiously walking downstairs. "What did you hear tonight?"
Liz was glued to her spot two steps from the bottom landing. It was more than idle curiosity that defined his question. She detected that right away. She knew what he was asking. She knew why he was concerned and though this revelation would never change the way she thought of him, she understood his fears. More importantly, she understood him. She took a deep breath and twiddled her fingers around one another before she answered.
"Hardly anything." She lied to protect his pride. "Just the end."
"What part?"
"The very end. You said you didn't respect him and he said..." Her eyes fell to the floor and she found herself unable to finish. It hurt him so much when John said it. She couldn't bear to repeat it.
"Okay." Her sensitivity didn't go unnoticed. He gave her a reprieve the second she stopped. "He didn't mean it, Lizzie. He was just upset."
She ignored the excused. "I'm sorry I was eavesdropping. I won't do it again." She folded her arms in front of her and began to walk upstairs. Jed followed.
"Hey." He opened his arms wide as she stood on her perch a few steps above and practically jumped into his embrace. Stroking her long chestnut hair, he whispered softly, "I'm sorry you had to hear that."
Liz rested her chin on his shoulder. Her gaze met Abbey's and in that instant, Abbey realized her oldest daughter had been burdened with something more than just petty bickering. It was obvious in the way Liz clutched her father's neck, the way she buried her nails into the fabric of his sweater as her nose twitched from the sniffle she tried to hide.
Abbey waited until Liz broke the hug a few minutes later, then watched her continue the trek upstairs before she addressed her husband. "You said you didn't respect him and he said...what?"
"Nothing. It was nothing."
"Jed."
"Abbey, you really don't want to go there."
"I really do." She looked him squarely in the eye and he quickly surrendered.
"That there must be a reason she doesn't like me," he said quietly. "Ellie. She doesn't like me. That's what he said."
"That's ridiculous. You know that. She loves you."
"Because she has to?"
"Jed..."
"If I don't give her that badge, she'll never forgive me." He turned from her. Perhaps to signal the end of the discussion, she thought at first. Or maybe he didn't want her to question his powerful resolve. He didn't want her to see that he was willing to do whatever he had to to win his daughter's affection.
Ordinarily, Abbey would have moved closer to him. She would have placed a loving hand on his shoulder and turned him back around so she could tenderly stroke his face, gently finger the tendrils of hair that stubbornly invaded his forehead. She would have soothed him. Comforted him.
But she did none of those things. Her thoughts and actions were provoked by a raging fury that flipped her stomach into knots. "I don't want him in this house ever again."
Jed spun towards her, surprised. He had always taken the lead when it came to John. Abbey always supported him. "What?"
"I mean it. I don't want him here ever again." Jed opened his mouth, but closed it without a word. "All right?" He stuffed his hands in his pocket and crossed in front of her, confusing her. "Jed?"
"He's my father. What do you want me to say?"
"He's a cruel, vicious man. He knocks you down whenever the mood strikes him and if it isn't with his fists, it's with his acid tongue. I don't want him near this family." He arched his left brow and lifted his head slightly, but didn't respond. "Jed?"
"I don't know what you want me to say." It was the little boy inside him screaming for his father's approval that kept him shackled to the loyalty he felt for this man.
"You're an adult. I would never try to tell you what to do. Of course I wish you wouldn't let him do this to you. It absolutely KILLS me when he tears you down the way he does."
"I know."
"But I can't stop you from continuing to have a relationship with him. What I'm saying is I don't want him around our girls. I don't want them to grow up in the kind of dysfunctional environment John Bartlet creates. I need you to support me on that."
He didn't want it anymore than she did. Above all else, Jed loved his daughters and though he wasn't ready to sever all ties with his father once and for all, he was more than prepared to dissolve John's relationship with Lizzie, Ellie, and Zoey.
This was his second chance, after all. He blew it with Lizzie when he helped her lie to Jed and Abbey so he could see her. Now, he was undermining Jed's authority with Ellie. Allowing him to get close to Zoey wasn't even a possibility.
"Yeah, okay. You're right," Jed replied as he took a step up the stairs. "I have to go talk to Ellie."
"Jed?"
"Yeah?"
Abbey stepped up next to him and leaned in for a small kiss, her hands initially framing his face then falling around his shoulders as she held him. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"She's going to get over it. Don't give her this badge because your father manipulated you into it. There were rules. She knew that. If you do this now, the only lesson she's going to learn is that you're going to come to her rescue and bend those rules just to give her what she wants."
"That's easy for you to say, Abbey. You're not the one she hates." His shoulders rounded, he walked out of her hold and continued up the stairs and into Ellie's room.
She was sitting at the white homework desk facing her wall. She heard the turn of the knob and abandoned her drawing, looking up at him happy and excited as he walked in. Jed let out a heavy sigh and sat on the edge of the bed behind her. Ellie twisted in her chair so she could see him.
"Can I have my badge?"
Two very different answers tumbled around in his brain. He wanted to tell her yes, of course she could have her badge, but then he was reminded of his talk with Ellie's former leader, Miss Shelly. She had told him he would be confronted with decisions like this. She warned him that the only way he could be his daughter's leader was if he learned to separate Ellie the Girl Scout from Ellie his child.
He thought about what Abbey had said only moments earlier. Yes, he could blur the requirements in a way that would qualify Ellie, but in an organization that valued structure and rules above everything else, he would be sending Ellie a message he really didn't want to send.
The right decision was clear. He just had to summon his courage to make it.
"Ellie..." he started.
"Please, Daddy? Please?"
Jed stood and paced the room, unable to look at her sweet face as he broke the news. "Every time we start the meetings, what's the oath we recite?"
Ellie jumped to her feet, holding up her right hand as she replied. "On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times, and to live by the Girl Scout law."
"That's right. That's what we say every single week. That's the promise we make. If I put your name down for a badge that you didn't earn, neither of us would living by the Girl Scout law, would we? It wouldn't be honest because you didn't complete the requirements."
"But I was scared."
"I know you were, Ellie. And we'll do something about that. We'll tackle the other requirements together and we'll get you that badge in May, but I just can't give it to you next month. There isn't time to redo the tasks."
"But I had the best project! I did my presentation for you!"
"I loved your presentation. I really did, but you didn't do it when you needed to - at the astronomy show." Ellie plopped down onto her chair as Jed moved behind her. "I can't give you the badge. I'm so sorry your grandfather got your hopes up. I'm so sorry about that."
Ellie was the quiet one in the family. The one who rarely argued. The one who retreated inside herself when she was feeling hurt or embarrassed. And so, she swallowed her sadness and edged her drawing in a desperate effort to detour a stream of tears that burned her twinkling eyes.
"It's okay," she said.
Jed stared down at the beautiful red and pink colors that exploded from the star-shaped object she was tracing. "What are you drawing?"
"It's a supernova. Just like Susie's project."
"I know a little something about those. You want some help?"
Ellie shook her head and answered coolly. "No thanks."
He withdrew the hand he offered and stepped back. "Okay."
The rejection tugging at his heart, Jed leaned down to kiss the top of her head before he left her room only to relax against the wall directly outside her door. His thoughts wavered repeatedly and he was overwhelmed with remorse and doubt during his failed attempts to forget his father's haunting words.
Still at her desk, Ellie furiously lifted her paper and crumpled it up on her way to the small plastic trash can in the corner. It fell from her fingers at the very moment she noticed the cylinder tin that housed her constellation. She had spent four weeks designing those stars, perfecting the pattern so that it was an exact match for her version of the astronomy legend that captivated her attention.
Defeated by disappointment, she hurled it into the waste basket, then crashed onto her bed as her small frame trembled with a sob.
TBC