AN: Ok, here it is... long await and short, but hopefully it will make you smile. I had a great time writing this story, with the exception off all RL interruptions, and I'm quite disappointed that TPTB never revisited the subject. It would have been so much fun...Let me know what you think!

Epilogue

We hit the ramp running, forgetting in our haste to escape the angry Jaffa that people would be waiting for us at the end of the ramp. So we flew into the gate room as a dead run, trying futilely to shorten our strides before we actually impacted our boss and various coworkers there to meet us.

I managed it. Teal'c managed it. Even Daniel managed it, although he did collide into Teal'c. But not Johnson, the God-awful, infernally irritating eighty-third consecutive replacement for Carter that Hammond had hand selected for SG-1, although none of the four of us were sure who was meant to be punished more by the assignment. He careered at full tilt into the defense team, tripping over the crouched man at the end of the ramp and coming to a stop against the boots of the second line of men with his leg twisted in a painfully impossible angle. Now, it should be kept in mind that Johnson was not just the eighty-third replacement, but the eighty-third replacement in twenty-one months. Just two days earlier, Sam - yeah, I could call her Sam - had done the math and informed me that it worked out to each fourth lasting just over seven days. I was actually surprised they made it that long until I realized many of those days were spent either in the infirmary, on stand-down while someone else was found, or on suspension for getting excessively angry at whoever happened to not be an original member of SG-1 that day.

Unaware, for the moment at least, that Johnson was bawling like a baby, Hammond met my eyes. "What happened?"

I glared at the man who was sniffling and whimpering like a baby and actually felt bad for him for a moment. "Johnson happened, sir."

Hammond suddenly seemed to notice the crying man behind him and joined me in glaring at him, even while he was being loaded onto a stretcher. "There are bound to be some issues while you're all adjusting."

My eyes darted up to the control room, drinking in the sight of Sam grinning at me. I winked up at her. "Sir, I know you had high hopes and all, but-"

Teal'c cut me off. "It is my opinion that Brian Johnson is not well suited for off-world travel."

Hammond looked alarmed as he gazed between me and Teal'c. He turned to Teal'c. "Did Colonel O'Neill tell you to say that?"

Teal'c offered Hammond his best offended, albeit stoic, expression. He pointed at the man who had apparently managed to break his leg right in front of us. "I did not require any assistance to journey to that conclusion."

I tapped him on the shoulder. "Arrive at. Not journey to."

Teal'c looked confused, but nodded, as though he were filing the information away for future use. "Brian Johnson is unacceptable."

Hammond glanced between us once again, conspicuously nodding at Daniel. "I believe at one point neither of you were particularly confident that Daniel -" He smirked at me. "Or any scientist could be an asset to your team."

Daniel stepped forward, still trying to bend his glasses back into their correct shape after Johnson had stepped on them that morning. "If I may, General, I'd be happy to have another scientist on the team, but honestly, sir, they're right. Dr. Johnson just has to go."

Hammond took a step back. "Am I hearing you correctly? You're rejecting an archeologist?"

Daniel squared his shoulders. "When the Jaffa fired on us, he started crying for his mommy."

I nodded. "His mommy, sir. No joke."

Teal'c looked thoughtful. "I do not believe the addition of Brian Johnson's mommy would aid the team either."

Hammond folded his arms over his chest. "Do you have any acceptable suggestions, Colonel?"

I barely opened my mouth before he held up his hand to stop me.

"And I shouldn't have to remind you that your wife is not an acceptable suggestion."

I clamped my mouth shut and shrugged. "Not really, then."

Hammond turned to lead the way to the debriefing, but I wasn't deterred in the slightest. "What if she goes back to using Carter? Then we could pretend she wasn't my wife while we were on missions!"

My beautiful wife fell in step beside me as we headed into the conference room. "And just what would we tell Danny if we were both off-world?"

Daniel stuck his head between us. "For the record, Danny wouldn't need to be told anything." Sam and I both stopped to glare at him.

He grinned. "Oh, right. Never mind."

Teal'c chuckled. "Had you named your offspring after me, I would never make such a mistake."

Sam and I shared a smile. Our daughter Daniela had just celebrated her first birthday, having been born roughly nine months, give or take a few hours, after that fateful day when then Major Carter had been reassigned to head up the R&D department of the SGC which had been formed in the same breath as Sam's assignment to it. What Teal'c didn't know was that Sam and I had only discovered the day before that Daniela was going to have a little brother, although we were pretty much already deadlocked in a debate over which name would be less detrimental to our son's mental health. Neither George nor Teal'c was likely to escape teasing.

I took the high road and prayed that the doctor had been wrong, so that we could have another precious daughter who I had every intention of calling Carter, no matter what Sam had to say on the matter.