Standing here now feels strange. This isn't where I'm supposed to be. Not out here with Haru and Kisa and your friends, Uo and Hana. They are all sitting relaxed, waiting. But not me. I can't sit. I can't think. I can't even breathe. It's taking everything I have not to burst through that door to be by your side. That's where I belong, in there with you. But only one person can be in the room, and you had to choose him. I know he's in there right now holding your hand, smiling. I know he's cheering you on. He's probably more excited than you are. Sweat on his brow, a stupid grin on his face. God, I hate him.

I've always hated him a little. Sure, at the time, I thought it was a lot. At the time, I thought I could not hate any other human being more than I hated him. But I was wrong. When I saw him standing there, where I should have been standing, wearing the tux I should have been wearing, a whole new level of hatred opened up for me. I didn't want to see him on the ground, his face beaten to a pulp. I didn't want to watch his heart break and tears pour down his face. I wanted him dead. I wanted him blinked out of exsistence. The intensity of the feeling overwhelmed me, and my hands shook as I held them in fists at my sides. I hadn't wanted to come. You made me come. Your eyes welled up with tears, and I couldn't say no. I never want to be the reason you cry.

When you came down the aisle, you took my breath away, and I had to close my eyes tight for a moment to keep from crying myself. That was my bride-to-be walking up to him, smiling brightly, beaming with happiness. That was my life he was taking. You looked so beautiful in that white dress. You wrote your own vows. I imagined standing there, looking into your eyes, listening to your promise of faithful devotion. And then the preacher asked if anyone had any reason why you should not be married. I wanted to say something. Anything.

"Speak now, or forever hold your peace."

I wanted to throw myself at your feet. I wanted to profess my undying love, promise to give you anything you desired, be everything he couldn't. But I sat still, mouth closed. And when you took your first kiss as man and wife, and everyone was on their feet cheering and clapping and crying, I sat sat there. And when the two of you ran out together smiling, and the whole crowd followed you outside, I sat there. Until it was just me in an empty church staring at the altar. I remember thinking,

"Forever is a long time."

I didn't go to your reception. I couldn't celebrate. I could barely drive home, I was so blinded by sadness and anger. I ran into my house and screamed. I screamed and screamed until my voice cracked and my throat burned. Then I stumbled into the hall and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My face was red and puffy. My hair was disheveled. My tie was crooked and my jacket wrinkled.

"This is all your fault!" I accused myself. "You waited too long! You never told her, and now it's too late! She's gone! She married him! Him! She's gone!" I punched the mirror. I was that disgusted with myself. I still have the scar. Then I drank until I passed out.

It was six months before I saw you again. Liquor had become my only friend. Don't get me wrong. I didn't want to forget you. Only that you were with him. In my drunked stupor, it was easy to pretend that you were still in your bedroom wearing silky yellow pajamas, waiting for me to come home to you. I was lying on the couch, watching some old gameshow, bottle in my hand. The phone rang as circle got the win. Imagine my surprise when it was you on the other end of the line. You crying. You upset. Someone had tried to break into your home, and he was out of town. You were so scared.

"Please," you whispered.

I was there in fifteen minutes. I comforted you, made you some tea. I learned that he had taken a high paying job that kept him on the road.

"For weeks at a time," you said. You stayed home. He insisted that you didn't have to work, that you deserved a pampered life. I asked if you got bored. You assured me you didn't.

"I get lonely though." There was a hitch in your voice. Your arms held your knees close to your chest. "So lonely."

Then I told you I loved you. I told you I never stopped thinking of you. I told you everything. I bared my soul to you. I sat there staring into your bright blue eyes. There was silence for a moment and then...

"I love you, too." And you kissed me.

I woke up that morning in your bed, your naked body so close to mine. I stroked your long brown hair, kissed your cheeks. I felt alive again. I made you breakfast, then we made love. I made you lunch, then we made love. We had dinner by candlelight in the nude. It went on like that for five glorious days. I almost lost my job, but I didn't care. I had you. I was so sure that you would leave him and be with me. I was so sure.

"I love you both," you said. "I can't hurt him like that." So I became the other man. It hurt, but I would be anything you would let me be, as long as I could still see you, touch you, love you. He would leave, and you would drive straight to my house from the airport. Then things got complicated. He got a promotion. No more out of town business trips. He was staying home now. You cried in my arms, and I promised we would make it work. I quit my job, and got one working overnight, so I could spend my days with you. It was so hard to leave you everyday, knowing he was coming home. I was tempted many times to turn off the alarm and let him walk in on me in his bed with his wife sleeping next to me still glistening with sweat from making love. I wanted him to catch us. More though, I wanted you to tell him. It went on like that for three years. He never knew I was there, never even mentioned my name. He still hated me too.

I was positive you'd tell him in January when you gave me the news. You held my hands to your belly and jumped up and down happily.

"Did you tell him?"

"Yes!"

"No, Tohru," I held your hands to still your bouncing, "Did you tell him?"

"No..." Your voice was so soft. And months went by. He doted over you. I doted over you. Seperately, we watched your stomach grow. Today was the first time I'd seen him since you were married, save the pictures on your walls. He looked so smug, so happy. That bastard. Now he's in there with you. The door swings open. The doctor comes over to us, smiling.

"It's a boy!" I cheer with the rest of them, throw my fist in the air. My Tohru is a mommy. And your happiness is my happiness. It doesn't even matter that he'll be the one called daddy, and I'll be uncle. Suddenly everyone falls silent as the door is slammed open again. He storms out, giving me the coldest glare I've ever seen. There are tears streaming down his cheeks, too. He heads toward the entrance to the hospital. Everyone is confused. Haru chases after him. I run to the room, to you. You are so beautiful sitting there, clutching your child. Tears of sorrow and happiness wet your face.

"He has your eyes." He looks up at me with sparkling crimson eyes; such a unique color, he can't be anyone's but mine.

"Yes," I whisper, sitting next to you on the bed, softly touching our son's small hand, "He does."