Chapter 15

You Know I'll Understand

Legolas carefully lifted the still ranger up and placed him in Elrond's arms, then turned away and stood, unable to watch any reaction. Clenching his shoulder and chest again tightly, he started to walk away. All he could think was that he wanted to run away, run forever. His own taunting thoughts ran wild, that it was his fault, his fault Aragorn had died! He knew he could have prevented it, if only he had been quicker. He made it several feet before he could no longer had the strength to stand. He fell to his knees and covered his face in his hands. The vision of Aragorn floated in front of his eyes.

His fault . . . his fault . . . Oh Aragorn! Why? Why did you do this for me? Why did you give me something I can never repay? Oh Matho foech . . . I am sorry. I am so sorry. Heartbroken, he mourned in complete and consuming grief, so strong he could almost feel his spirit wither with the intensity of it.

A deep, familiar voice entered his thoughts. Would you have done any different for me, my friend? Would you have let me die if you knew I had a chance? The soft, comforting voice wrapped around the elf like a strong embrace. Legolas continued to sob, recognizing the sound that so often brought him peace. It was as if Aragorn was right in front of him, trying to calm him like so many times before. And then, as if by magic or his secret call, there he was. Legolas tried to reassure the man as much as himself.

No. No, I would have gone, I would have tried to save you. Aragorn please. Please forgive me. I never wanted to bring you death. Forgive me. I am so sorry. Legolas pleaded with the man, begging for the release from his pain. In his mind Aragorn knelt in front of him and embraced him, letting the prince bury his face against his shoulder and cry, quietly soothing the prince's whispered apology.

You do not need my forgiveness, my friend. You will always be worth my life , and I gave it freely for you. Could we have tried this again I would have done nothing different. Nothing. You know why I did this for you. You have always known. I would risk everything, even my own life, for the one who has opened my heart, and opened his in return. You know this well. Do not forget.

With that, Aragorn faded from his view, but the strong embrace he was in did not go. Then Legolas realized he was being held tightly by someone else who was softly crying with him. Legolas looked up through blurry eyes and recognized Lord Elrond above him, the warrior that had become a father again, his own heart breaking. His eyes again shut and he relaxed against the elf lord's shoulder, trying to find the power to let go.

Elrond had watched the prince walk away from him and collapse to the rain-soaked earth, and while his heart felt broken and torn in two, he knew Legolas needed as much comfort as did himself. So, gently giving his twin sons their younger brother, he walked over to the prince and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Right away Legolas had begun to sob harder, and hugged the elf lord back in such a manner that was most unlike him. The elder elf did not let go, kneeling in the mud with the prince. Elrond wanted him to know that he did not blame the prince for Aragorn's death, and did not want him to suffer alone in darkness.

"Iston . . ." Legolas whispered in elvish. Elrond had hardly any time to react before he said it again. "I know. I know my friend. I believe you Estel, and I always will. Thank you mellon-nin. Thank you."

Legolas looked over Elrond's shoulder and over at the two identical figures hunched over a third. Elladan was holding Aragorn tightly, while Elrohir sat next to him, one arm around his brother and the other around Estel, as if he where trying to hold the two together. Even when he wasn't looking at it, Legolas again began to shake with pent up sobs when the silent form of his friend came into his view.

Elladan couldn't take it anymore. So much pain he too thought he could have prevented, and all too soon he had leaned to the side toward Elrohir, shuddering slightly. Elrohir let go of Aragorn and wrapped his arms around his twin, letting his brother lose all his pain, while he too shed tears of his own. Aragorn slipped to the ground next to them, his head falling to the side facing Legolas.

And once again, Legolas heard a voice that no one else could hear, one so familiar.

Legolas, do you trust me?

My friend, why do you ask questions that have never needed answers?

A deep laugh. I shall never know.

Will I see you again? Will I find you?

What does your heart tell you?

Yes . . . yes I shall. I will trust you like I always have.

Than we will find each other again. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you.

Aragorn?

Yes?

Thank you. Your sacrifice was of the purest kind my friend.

And worth everything I gave. I repeat, you were worth giving my life for. You always will.

Legolas looked at the man again, but this time he did not fear the sight, and suddenly a strange thought came to him. Carefully he left Elrond and moved forward, placing his hand over Aragorn's heart. He wasn't even sure what he was doing, but he knew that it would do something it was as if he could feel something, some strength leaving him and entering the man. It became so intense that Legolas could feel himself slowly weaken. After a few seconds he shut his eyes and waited.

Thump . . . thump . . . thump . . .

The familiar beating suddenly played its tune against his hand. Legolas froze as he listened to it again take it's normal rhythm under his fingers, taking its normal course.

And as if to answer Legolas if he had any uncertainty still, Aragorn's chest rose slowly as air again rushed into his lungs.

"Aragorn?" Legolas moved forward until he was inches from the man's face and whispered his name. Aragorn opened his eyes slowly, and lifting one arm, placed a hand over the one that covered his heart, grinning slightly.

"Legolas." The word was so soft . . . and so missed.

"You live. You still live." Legolas' voice was filled with barely controlled joy. Though he was still horrifyingly injured, he still lifted one arm and wrapped it around the elf despite the pain it caused. Legolas clutched him back, both laughing and crying at the same time.

"Estel . . . Estel . . ." Legolas didn't have the power to release the man. He could not make his heart believe Aragorn was alive!

Even in his pain Aragorn began to soothe him. "Shh . . ."

"Estel, no, do not speak . . ." Legolas pulled the man back and again kissed him on his forehead. "My friend, do you know how much I love you?"

Aragorn shook his head and closed his eyes, leaning against the prince for support. Shaking his head again, he whispered back softly, "As much as I do you." Legolas again held him as close as he could, making no sound save those of joy.

Moments later they were surrounded by others Elladan, Elrohir, and Elrond reached them first and soon no one could even see Aragorn anymore. Legolas let go of the man to let his family have their own reunion, and backed away next to Mithrandir to watch them rejoice.

"What happened, Legolas?" Mithrandir turned to the prince and looked at him closely, his eyes searching for an answer. "How did he come back?"

Legolas smiled slightly as he watched Aragorn stand wobbly on one leg and firmly embrace the elder twin. Elladan completely broken down at his sudden lose, and then regain. "I don't think I shall ever know."

"Hmm . . ." the Maiar mumbled to himself, a familiar glint in his eyes. Legolas saw it and gave him a small, slightly forced grin.

"All right then, keep your secrets." Mithrandir only smiled, contemplating what he had just thought of. The two turned back to the quieted noise Elrond had again taken over, as one elf brought him his bag of medicines. Directing Aragorn into the right position, began to take care of his wounds until further examination could take place. As soon as it was done, the man was lifted up and gently placed on a horse for transportation home. Just before he left, Aragorn called out softly to Legolas. "Come my friend," he said, weakly reaching out to the elf, becoming him forward. "We must go home."

"Yes," Legolas walked to the side of the horse and gripped his friend's hand, following the leaving group of elves, and Aragorn's adopted family. "We can go home."

00000000

Once they had returned both Aragorn and Elladan were whisked into the healing wing for treatment. Legolas and Elrohir followed and helped out as Elrond and Mithrandir took care of the starving, untreated wounds and infections that racked their bodies. Soon after the inspections began Aragorn had to be given one of "Ada's special teas" to keep him quiet and unmoving the pain of his injuries was too great for him to bear awake. Elladan managed to remain awake and silent the whole time with Elrohir and Legolas next to him, but the bite of the cleansing and care for his own inflictions kept him still and silent.

Legolas remained completely silent about his own injury, though it throbbed to the point of breath-taking. Soon his breath came out in deep, yet short gasps, and Elrohir noticed much faster than Legolas would have liked.

Ignoring the familiar plea of "it's just a scratch" Elrohir took matters into his own hands and took care of the wound himself. After an opinion from his father, he cleaned the large slash with a special salve and sewed it back together carefully, binding it with soft fabric until the wound was well on its way to heal.

Elrond and Mithrandir were light and so gentle with the care they distributed that neither of the weary survivors complained at any action that needed to take place. Aragorn didn't even wince in his sleep as Elrond took care of his back, not even when the elf lord washed it with cold water, and had to stitch it back together. Nor did he cry out when his leg had to be cleansed, sewn back together and splinted tightly. Elladan was as quiet as an owl when Mithrandir took care of his bruised arm and the burns on his chest and hands, though he shut his eyes and ground his jaw in the attempt to remain silent.

It was a few hours before Elrond and Mithrandir declared their work done for the night. Both Aragorn and Elladan were taken to their own rooms and left with the warning that they were not to move from their beds for several days. Neither objected to the new rule, glad only that they were alive and healing, safe at home.

As soon as each of them were settled in their rooms Elrond sent Legolas and Elrohir to their own rooms and told them to get their own rest. Before they did so, they visited both the injured.

"Thank you." said Elladan as they bade him goodnight. "Thank you for what you've done for me."

"It is well that we can see you alive and on the mend, El." Elrohir smiled brightly at his brother.

"And again yourself." Legolas gave Elladan a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and stood with Elrohir. "Mear fuin."

"Mear fuin Elladan."

"Mear fuin." Elladan relaxed against his pillows and fell into an unrestless, but light sleep.

In Aragorn's room, the young ranger had to be propped up on several pillows to keep him comfortable. He lay on his stomach with his upper body on a mountain of soft pillows, his arms hanging on either side. He had fallen into a very light sleep, but awoke with Elrohir and Legolas' entrance and waited patiently until they had come up next to his bed and knelt to speak to him.

"How you feeling, Estel?" Elrohir asked him while gently laying his hand on the man's bruised cheek. Aragorn smiled slightly at him. On the other side of his face there was a large ragged burn that covered one eye and most of his cheek. Elrond had told him that he would heal in time, and possibly bare no scar to remember it.

"I'll live, even if I can't move right now." It was true, for the only thing Aragorn could move without pain was his eyes.

Legolas knelt next to Elrohir and placed one of Aragorn's hands in his own. It was so warm and scarred. Gently, he traced the marks with his fingertips, while Elrohir talked to the young man.

"It looks as though you won't be able to hunt all winter, Estel. Nor will Elladan. What am I going to do without the two of you to keep me sane with Glorfindel and the rest of the elves?"

"Oh, you know you'll find a way, my brother." Aragorn smiled happily at the attempt Elrohir was giving to lighten his spirits. "Besides, I'll probably scare most of the game away with my loud breathing, right?"

The elf froze. "Why is it that you never forget anything I tell you!" Elrohir shook his head.

"Must be a human thing."

"You have a lot of 'human things'. That is possibly what makes you so strong." Estel." Elrohir rose to his feet, brushing a stray lock of hair out of the ranger's face. "I must say farewell before Ada comes. Maer fuin."

"Mear fuin, El."

Elrohir looked over at Legolas carefully. Legolas nodded gratefully at the other elf, thanking him for recognizing the need he had to talk to the man. Elrohir accepted the unbidden thanks and quietly left the room.

Once he was gone, Aragorn turned his full attention to the prince. Legolas continued to trace the scars on his hand unceasingly, burning them into memory. Aragorn let him for a few moments, then overlapped the elf's hand with his own and clenched it as tightly as his body allowed. "Legolas, what troubles you?'

Legolas sighed. "You know."

Aragorn didn't say anything for a moment, then nodded. "Yes. Yes I do."

"Estel, I must know." Legolas turned his head away. "I must know, but I cannot ask you yet."

"Ask me what?" Aragorn watched him closely, though he was sure he knew the question. He would be asking the same had they traded places. "Please, let me ease your mind."

"I am more worried about yours."

Aragorn sighed. He knew it.

"I fear what he did to you," Legolas continued, not needing to verify who 'he' was. "what he did to try to break you and Elladan."

Aragorn was withering inside. The memories were too sharp, too recent. The vision of the demon was dancing in front of his eyes, laughing harshly at him. The sight was horrifying to his very heart. The unending chill of his presence, the unquenchable blood-red fire in his eyes, the merciless rage in his voice, the heavy pounding of his whip, along with so many other cruel, unbelievably cold, and horrifying methods of torture they both went through by his hands. The very thought of that dark shadow made Aragorn's spirit flinch in agony, recalling the beatings, whipping, the questioning and threatening. It was the last thing Aragorn wanted to talk about. All he wanted to do right now was forget.

But he couldn't forget. He couldn't run away. He would forever remember the experience, no doubt years from now it would wake him in the middle of the night. But it would also haunt more than just him.

"Legolas, I don't know what to tell you other than this," Aragorn tightened his weak grip around the prince's hand and looked into the blue eyes that had lost their fire. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. But he knew it was the only way. "I'm going to tell you what happened."

And so he did. For a long time, Legolas knelt in silence and listened to Aragorn tell his story from the very beginning to the very end. Nothing was left out. As the young man told his story, Legolas shut his eyes tightly and leaned his head against the pile of pillows, but never once did he tell Aragorn to stop, trying not to speak. But before long, Legolas was in tears. Aragorn's voice shook from pain and memory, but did not stop until the story was complete. Horror squeezed his insides as he recounted those fearfully short and unimaginably long days of so many events of the worry and confusion, the cave and the dreams, the torture and emotional damage it all could scarcely be put into words, but somehow Aragorn did it, mingling his own thoughts with his tears.

When he was done Aragorn sunk into his pillows with such horror and grief. To retell such a story was like reliving it. To feel it all again, it was like going through it again. Even then he could feel his back begin to burn. He couldn't believe he had told his story, and it wasn't even to his father. But Elrond would never have asked him for it so quickly. Never. The elf lord understood the risks of it. Understood that both Aragorn and Elladan would need time to sort it all out before they could speak freely of it.

And yet, right there, he had given the entire account to his friend. To the one who felt the whole thing was his fault. To the one who needed as much time to heal as himself. To the one who would understand more than many ever would, having been through several similar situations. Aragorn opened his eyes and was again met with despair. Legolas was holding his hand tightly in both his own, and his head bowed over it. Heavy, yet silent sobs were shaking the prince's entire frame, his grief and pain completely beyond words.

Only Aragorn could have understood the utter turmoil that racked the elf's mind and heart. Only he could not hate the prince for the choices they both had made.

For right then Legolas hated himself. Hated that he had to be poisoned, hated that he had to be weak, hated that he had come too late to save Aragorn, hated himself that his friend had gone through so much to protect him.

But then he felt Aragorn's hand leave his grasp, and a gentle touch on his cheek. Right away he knew what it was. He knew what it cost to give. He opened blurry eyes and saw the deep pain flicker in Aragorn's own. Even now he was giving more of himself to protect the elf, to comfort him. He had raised his hand though it caused the torn muscles in his back to contract. All for him, again. All this pain, it was his fault. His fault . . .

"Estel, don't . . . please don't . . ." Quiet shattered sobs tore throughout the prince's voice as he tried to back away, to stop Aragorn. It didn't work, it never had. Tender fingers touched the back of his head and pulled it back to where it was. Aragorn no longer had the strength to hold the prince there, but Legolas didn't move. He buried his face in the pillows right below Aragorn's head and cried.

"I'm sorry Estel. I am so sorry. I didn't know. I'm so sorry, so sorry . . ." whispered apologies remained unanswered as Legolas gave them, though the hand on his head never moved, nor did the quiet soothing that came from the man ever stop.

Several minutes later Aragorn spoke, so quietly only Legolas could have heard. "Legolas, it was horrible, and it will haunt me and those it affected for a long time. But Legolas, please listen. Listen my friend." Aragorn's hand slipped from the back of Legolas' head to around his shoulders. "Let it go. Please, just let it go. It will take a while for me to heal as well as you, but not until it stops controlling you. Let it go. Just let it go."

Finally exhausted, Aragorn said no more. But Legolas, with Aragorn's arm encircling his shoulders, thought of his words deep into the night, even when Aragorn had fallen into a troubled sleep.

Let it go . . .

Much later, when Elrond and Mithrandir came in to check on him, they found the two friends together Legolas knelt next to the bed with his face pressed against the pillows, trapped it seemed under Aragorn's arm. Aragorn was silent above him, comforted by the closeness of the elf. Both slept peacefully now, and possibly for the first time, unafraid of what the night might bring.

However, when several hours passed and Aragorn awoke, Legolas was gone.