Chapter 14
Christine watched from her bedroom window the next afternoon as her servants loaded Brigitte's furniture and the trunk which housed her toys and clothes into Erik's carriage. She turned from the window, picking Brigitte up from where she had been sitting on the bed, and begin to make her way to outside.
Soon, she found herself boarding it, and one of her maids handing Brigitte up to her. The carriage soon started to move, and Christine watched out the window as the deChangy estate slowly slipped out of view. Christine found herself wishing it was for good, but she knew it was not. The sad reality of the matter was that she would be saying goodbye to her daughter that day, and to the only man she had ever truly loved. In only a few months, Raoul would be returning again. She would be his wife again.
Erik stood in front of a mirror, making sure he looked acceptable before going downstairs to wait for their arrival.
In a matter of moments, the carriage pulled up, and Christine excited it, the babe in her arms. Erik resisted the urge to throw the door open and run to greet them; instead, he smoothed his hair nervously and placed his hand on the door knob. When the knock came, he waited a moment before opened it.
"Erik," she whispered, hardly able to believe that the day had finally come where she would see him again.
"Christine," he said warmly, drawing her into an embrace. He could hardly believe she was here, in his arms once again. She wrapped an arm around his neck, the other holding Brigitte, tears stinging her eyes. He kissed her cheek gently. "Come, I shall show you the house." Christine reluctantly broke the embrace, stepping into the house.
The first room to be withheld was the grand foyer, the floor done in an expensive cherry hardwood, the walls a most uniquely lovely shade of green. Hanging from the center of the ceiling, above the staircase, was a beautiful gold chandelier. He took her free hand and began to lead her into the hallway to the right, taking her through a portal leading into the kitchen.
After giving her a moment to inspect the room, he lead her to the adjacent dining room. He nodded for her to take a seat in one of the wooden chair, with a plush padded seat. "Would you like anything to drink?" he asked.
"Some wine would be nice," she replied, sitting down, settling Brigitte in her lap.
He nodded, and walked back into the kitchen, returning with a glass of blush wine. He handed it to her and sat down in the chair opposite her, gazing upon her silently. She took a long drink of the wine; she could really use something much stronger, but because of Brigitte, she decided against it. "It's lovely... Your home," she said quietly, meeting his gaze.
"Thank you, darling... I've worked hard on it... Have you been well these past months?"
"I've been getting by," she said, sighing, "Brigitte's made it easier..."
"I am glad... I knew that she would. And the vicomte? When was the last time you heard from him?" Christine smiled sadly; it pained her to think of him.
"Oh... About three weeks ago..."
He nodded. "All is well with him?" he asked dutifully.
"Yes." She looked down at Brigitte who was beginning to nod off. He too looked down at the babe and smiled softly.
"She has grown since I last saw her."
"She has," Christine agreed, "The carriage ride must have taken a lot out of her..."
"Would you like to see her bedroom?" Christine nodded.
He rose from the chair and led her up the stairs, opening the oak wood door on the immediate left to where the stairs emptied out. The room was done completely in a pastel yellow, the carpet so light it was nearly white. There was a soft, plushly padded crib on the far wall; he nodded toward it. She crossed the room setting Brigitte, who had fallen into a fitful sleep, into the crib gently.
"I should like to show you the master bedroom," he said once she'd finished.
"Alright," she said, walking back over to him and taking his hand in hers. He brought it to his lips and kissed it softly as he walked with her down the hall. He opened the door, revealing the bedroom he'd spent so long on. After standing in the doorway a moment, he walked to the bed, sat on the edge of it, and looked up at her, willing her to follow him. She did, crossing the room and sitting next to him
Holding her hand in his lap, he said, "Christine, I know that this cannot be easy for you; it is not easy for me either. The last thing that I wish to do is be apart from you... I want you to know how much I appreciate you doing this..." He kissed her cheek.
She swallowed, feeling a lump begin to form in her throat. "I don't know if I'll be able to..."
"You have come very far already, my love. You cannot turn back now." He cupped her cheek in his hand, and squeezed the one her held gently.
Christine closed her eyes, holding back her tears. She leaned in and met her lips with his. She did not know how she would go on with out him in her life... Without their daughter in her life. She did not know how she would be able to spend a single day without them.
He had missed her kiss, though he had not realized just how much until now. The kiss broke, him keeping his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. His hand traveled from her cheek to her neck to her shoulder, until it finally joined its mate in his lap. Both his hands enclosed hers.
She squeezed his hands gently. "I love you."
"I love you, Christine."
A tear escaped from her eye; she kissed him again with more passion. Tentatively, he slid his tongue into her mouth, amazed that he'd survived this long without her. She met his tongue with her own, leaning into him. She didn't know how she would make it without him. His hands moved to her back, drawing her close to him. He wanted to absorb everything about her, while he still could.
More tears slid down her cheeks, as she took off his jacket. He was mildly surprised at her actions; somehow, he had not imagined today with this included. Nonetheless, he wanted it. His hand ran along the side of her breast, until it rested on her hip.
Christine started to unbutton his shirt as tears continued to flow down her cheeks... She needed him, badly. "I love you, Erik," she whispered.
"I'm so sorry, Christine," he whispered as she pushed the shirt off. He gently turned her and began to unfasten her dress, pressing soft kisses to the back of her neck as he did so.
As he finished, she pushed the dress off of her body, letting it fall to the floor, then turned to him, kissing his lips again. He moved his lips down to her bare neck, pressing many kisses to it as his hands moved to her back and began to undo her corset.
"Oh, Erik," she whispered as he unlaced her corset. She had not planned on this happening, but she needed it, and wanted it... And it felt right. Maybe it would make it easier to let go... But Christine doubted anything would.
He freed her from the garment and tossed it to the ground along with the other discarded clothing, gently cupping her breast, which he could feel quite easily through the chemise, in his hand as he kissed her.
While they kissed, she reached up and gently removed his mask. This time, she didn't feel empty, or used, or regretful, as she had the last time. She felt loved, and in love; like it was meant to be. And that broke Christine's heart more.
He flinched slightly at the loss of the concealment, but he didn't move to stop her. Slowly, he moved his hands to the bottom of the chemise and pulled it over her head, revealing her porcelain skin. He kissed her softly, anywhere that he could.
Christine wrapped her arms around his back, and laid down, pulling him on top of her, her lips meeting his. As his bare chest pressed against hers, he was saddened, knowing that this would be the last time. He slipped off his trousers slowly, not wanting it to end too soon.
Christine kissed his cheek softly; she wanted to take it slow and not let anything pass them too quickly, for she knew this would be the last time she would ever be with him. Tears that had only recently stopped began to fall again. "I love you," she whispered, stroking his back lovingly.
"I love you," he said sincerely. He would never tire of saying it... Today would be the last day that he did. A tear slipped from his eyes as he laid his head gently against her shoulder. "You do know that, don't you?"
"Yes..." she whispered, her voice breaking.
"I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world... Nothing means more to me than you... I'd give my life for you, I would give you anything, if you asked. You were the light in my life when their was only darkness. You're my angel... I love you," he said, as tears began to roll down his cheeks onto her skin. It felt odd to be so open, but he didn't care. She needed to know these things... He needed to tell her.
Her tears picked up pace. Never in her life had someone said such beautiful things to her... Never in her life had someone's words meant so much. She held him close to her as they both wept. "Oh, God... Erik. I love you so much," she wanted to say more, but she couldn't find words to describe how much she loved him... How much she needed him. She didn't know how she would go on without him; he told her that she would, but she just couldn't see it being possible. She needed this man. He had saved her from her solitude, just as she had saved him... He had made her happy again when she never believed she would be. Her heart felt as though it had broken into millions of pieces at the thought that after that night, she would never see him again.
He could say nothing as he cried; instead he pressed a kiss to her shoulder as his answer. He laid his head back down and continued to cry; there was no holding back now. His tears fell freely; his sorrow was too great to contain. It was not fair, to show them everything that could be, only to have it taken away. He'd been correct when he predicted that this would be painful. It was more painful than he could have imagined.
Although this pain was the most difficult thing to bare, she did not regret a minute of the past months. Some of them had been the worst in her life, but she did not regret them, for they had also been the best. And she did not regret falling in love with him, even if their love was only to be ripped away. She did not regret their daughter, for even though she had to leave her, she knew she would grow and love and be loved, even in her absence. She knew that Brigitte would be a better person than she ever had been herself, and knowing these things were enough. She knew Erik would go on without her; she knew he was strong.
She worried for herself though, she worried if she would be strong enough to endure the pain... She did not know if she would be able to make it without them...she needed Erik and Brigitte with every fiber in her being, and although she knew they would be able to go on without her, she did not know if she would be able to without them.
"There will never be a day when I won't think of you," said Erik quietly. Although he had not originally been thinking of it, Christine's first performance came to his mind. He thought of how much they'd been through together... What different things they'd meant to each other over the years. He her teacher, protector, and mentor; she his student and protégé. She was an irreplaceable part of him... He needed her... But he needed to let her go. Eventually his tears ceased. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her, bringing her hand to his lips. "Do not cry, cherie..." he said quietly. He could lie like this forever, though. It gave him an excellent sense of oneness that he knew he would miss terribly...
"I can't leave tomorrow and never look back... I can't go on without you, Erik... I can't go on without her. I need you both so much..."
"I'm sorry..." he repeated, closing his eyes, not able to take seeing the sorrow in hers.
"Why does it have to be this way?"
"It can be no other way... We have made out choices, we cannot go back on them now."
"Yes we can," she whispered, tears flowing freely from her bloodshot eyes. She had not meant to cry this much... She had meant to be strong, but she couldn't seem to stop.
"No, darling," he said gently. He knew that neither of them could turn back now. It was too late. "Dry your tears, my angel. Let us enjoy each other's company while we still can," he continued, rolling off her onto his back, pulling her so her head now rested on his chest. He rubbed her back soothingly as she continued to cry against his skin. Christine raised her head up, cupping his cheek in her hand, and kissed him. She never wanted to leave his embrace... She never wanted that moment to end. She did not know how he could be so strong when she was falling apart; she wished she possessed such strength.
He kissed her nose, her cheeks, her chin, and finally her lips, smiling softly. She smiled back at him slightly, though there was sadness in her eyes. "I love you," she said again; she couldn't seem to tell him enough.
"I love you." He brought her hand to his mouth again and kissed each finger, then the palm; once he'd finished he repeated the same thing on her other hand. He wanted to remember every part of her.
"I've never loved anyone else this way, Erik...I never will love anyone else," she whispered.
"Neither will I, Christine," he breathed. He had thought the exact same thing about her many times before... Hearing her say that about him made him feel more fulfilled and happy than ever before. "Thank you," he added.
"Thank you." She raised he head up from his chest and kissed his lips with passion.
His hands moved to her long hair, stroking it lovingly as he kissed her erotically. He felt his desire begin to grow as he did so. Christine wrapped her arms around his neck. She needed him. She needed him to make love to her; to take away her pain.
He looked into her eyes. "Are you ready, ange?" he asked breathlessly. She nodded and took a deep breath.
"Yes." Christine rolled off of him, laying on her back. He took his position over her and entered her slowly, reveling in the sensation of total completeness one final time. Gazing deeply into her eyes, he began to move slowly, tenderly. Christine felt her pain slowly melt away, if only for the moment, as she moved with him. She leaned up and kissed him, never wanting their time together to end. She knew what they had was rare; she didn't want to let it go.
His pace quickened, his eyes never leaving hers. For a moment, his sorrow was suspended with this act of pure love... He was amazed at how different this was from the first time he had taken her. The purpose of that act had been to satisfy carnal hungers, the purpose of this was to objectify their perfect love for each other.
He felt the most intense pleasure fill him as his release came. He moaned loudly as the let himself lie against her while he tried to regulate his shallow breaths. She too tried to catch her breath as tears spilled from her eyes once again at how whole he had just made her feel. She stroked his back lovingly as he lay against her, his breath warming her skin.
He too began to weep, partially because of how beautiful it had been, and partially because it was the only time they'd ever experience it together. That night when he'd taken her, they had had sex. Tonight they had made love.
Christine wished it had been that beautiful and full of love when they had created Brigitte, but it had not. It had left both of them empty... She had longed for something more afterward; now she knew it was to be love. She had found that love with him, but just as soon as it had come, it was being ripped away. She wished she had realized her love for him sooner, so they could have had more time to enjoy it while they still could, but at least they had had the time that was given to them.
"That was beautiful, cherie... Thank you," he whispered as he pulled out of her slowly and rolled off of her onto his back.
"Erik," she whispered, scooting over to him and resting her head on his chest, "I love you." He wrapped his arms around her, cradling him to her, never wanting to let go.
"I love you, Christine."
"Brigitte will be waking soon," she said, kissing his chest softly.
He nodded. "Let's just stay here, until she does," he replied quietly.
"Okay," she said, closing her eyes and draping an arm across his chest, snuggling closer to him.
As he kissed the top of her head, and closed his eyes, he thought of how wonderful simply being near her felt, and how much he would miss it. He looked forward to the rest of the evening, however. Although it had not been part of the original plan, he knew that she would wish to spend the rest of the evening there. He rather liked the idea. He could hold her like this for the rest of the night.
Christine raised her head up and kissed him gently, savoring how his lips felt against hers. Her kiss was so filled with love and tenderness... She would never know how much it, or she, meant to him. He stroked her back as she snuggled her head against his chest once more. But far too soon, Brigitte's cries could be heard from her bedroom.
"She's up... This is how long she usually sleeps," she told him as she rose from the bed and began to dress. "Two to three hours; she takes her nap at around three," she added, as she exited the room to go get Brigitte from her bedroom.
He too rose. pulled on a robe, and walked downstairs to the kitchen. After throwing together a makeshift dinner of cheese, wine, bread, and some cold cuts (as he had not yet gone to the market to purchase groceries), he returned to the master bedroom and set one of the glasses on the night stand, beginning to drink from the other. Christine soon entered the room, Brigitte in her arms; she sat down on the bed beside him.
"I would guess that you would be hungry," he said gesturing to the plated which he'd set on the bed.
"I am quite hungry," she said, helping herself to some of the food, as Brigitte squirmed in her lap. He smiled, and leaned back against the pillows, suddenly quite fatigued.
"I hope you do not mind, darling." He had no desire to be rude.
"Not at all."
He smiled softly as his thoughts ran through the day so far. He wished that each day could be like the one they'd shared today... Simply being in each other's company... It was most upsetting that they could not.
Hours later, after Christine put Brigitte to bed, she crawled into Erik's bed. It pained her greatly to know that she would never be able to sleep beside him again, after tonight. He wrapped his arms around her, rocking her gently as he kissed her forehead.
"Goodnight, my darling," he whispered into her hair.
Erik woke first, Christine following shortly after. They ate breakfast in a somber silence, and Christine kissed Brigitte goodbye, wondering if it would be the last time, before Erik began to escort her out to the waiting carriage. They exchanged goodbyes in front of the carriage. "Erik. . . must it be this way?" she asked quietly.
"Yes, darling. . . please be strong. . ." he said, gathering her into his embrace. He leaned down, his lips meeting hers in a bittersweet kiss.
"I will try. . ." she whispered against his lips, tears filling her eyes.
"Goodbye, darling," he replied, after holding her a few moments more, not wanting to let go, before helping her into the carriage.
"Goodbye. . .Erik," she said through her tears. He did not let go of her hand until the carriage began to move away from the curb.
He watched in desbelief and immense sorrow as the carriage took her out of his life one last time. He had had her for but a day, and now she was gone. . . It was truly over.