So here I am again, it's been too long. I have been a little busy over the past like month or however long it's been. If anyone cares I'm in university now so it's been a big adjustment for me but it's been so amazing. I've just been really busy leaving very little time for anything creative, which I really need. That's that, so I use my random spare time to write and it's usually been late at night. But I finally got another chapter of this story that I love writing. I've never liked writing a story and thinking of a story like I do this one. I hope it shows.
Also, I read through these chapters a lot but I guess I know what's going to happen next so more of the stuff makes sense to me when it might not to you guys who are reading. So to get to the point, I definitely need a beta because even though you guys may think it's a little crazy now it's going to get more confusing. It would really help if anyone that is reading this wants to be my beta well that would be fantastic. )
Thanks for sticking with my guys, I promise it won't be another like 2 months before you get a new chapter!
If you didn't read this pointless note this is when you should turn in to avoid more confusion, everything in italics is actually the stuff that is happening now because well I need lots of flashback to explain this craziness.
Erica
"The beginning is always the place, Ms. Bristow and you better start talking soon."
"Four years ago, I was taken, abducted by the Covenant…"
The smoke still burned her nostrils and filled her lungs. She could still feel the gun in her hand. When she closed her eyes she could see Will's lifeless body.
She pulled herself farther into the corner hoping it would swallow her whole. She blinked away her tears and she swore she saw him. She caught his eyes from across the cell, she could hear him laughing, and she could hear him whisper a soft "I love you" over the deafening silence.
She would give anything to have him back again, just to see him one last time, she would sell her soul just to see him smile, to be the reason he smiled again.
She shook her head and knew that it was pointless to fight, no one was coming. She stared at the lines drawn in the dirt, they were accumulating fast. She had been here one month. They would have been here, they should have been here. Why hadn't they saved her? Why was she still living in this hell?
She heard the footsteps and a small hope ignited in her, like it always did. It's them, they're finally here. She stood up quickly and rushed to the steel door peering out from the small barred window.
"Vaughn! I'm down here, VAUGHN!" She yelled banging hard on the door.
She kept pounding on the door until the footsteps finally stopped in front of her. She backed away slowly letting her fists fall to her sides. Blood dripped from her knuckles on the dirt ground beneath her.
Oleg pushed the door open softly.
"Julia?" he asked. "Are you ready for another day, Julia?"
Sydney lunged at him with all her strength; her fist collided with his face causing him to stumble backwards. The few guards rushed in quickly pinning Sydney to the wall. She struggled as Oleg recovered quickly, he rushed forward and Sydney cringed expecting him to beat her like he usually did but instead he stopped his face inches in front of her.
"Sydney, it's not worth it. Fighting this, you can't fight it forever. They aren't coming. They're never coming. Make it easier on both of us." He pleaded.
Sydney grinned smugly at him. "Am I a difficult case?" She whispered.
He pulled the vial and syringe out of his stiff white lab coat. "You leave me no choice."
She shook her head violently, banging it against the hard cement walls. "Please… I didn't… I'm done…" She pleaded as she watched him fill the needle.
She looked from his face to the guards' faces. She couldn't do this anymore. No one was coming, she was done, and she had nothing left.
She had nothing to live for.
"I'm done fighting…" She whispered. "I'm done fighting."
He smiled maliciously tapping on her arm then flicking the needle. She tried to pull away, back further into the wall, she tried to get out of their firm grasp. He slid the needle in swiftly. They let her fall to the floor, the strong drugs coursed through her veins leaving her barely conscious as she collapsed onto the dirt ground.
"We're making great progress." Oleg stated and let the steel door slam closed behind him.
-
I don't want you to know what they did to me. I can't tell you what they did to me. I don't want you to think I was vulnerable and hopeless. I don't want anyone to know…
"You are Julia Thorne…" he whispered quietly into her ear countless times. He knew it was working, his techniques were seeping through her veins, and haunted her every thought.
She nodded slowly allowing herself to take in everything, every image, every word he said. She wanted to become Julia Thorne. She needed to become Julia. She needed to become Julia because there was nothing left of Sydney. There was no hope to cling on to, Sydney Bristow was dead.
The sooner she realized that, the easier it would be.
The sooner she realized that, the easier it would be.
The sooner she realized that, the easier it would be.
-
"I let it work. I tried to let it work but there was something that wouldn't let me give up. I decided to treat it like any other alias, I thought that if they believed I was Julia I could escape. I could come home and it would all be alright. I knew I was naïve to think that but each day in that hell, I lost myself. I honestly thought it was the perfect plan but then I got in too deep; I became her. I tried to convince myself everyday that Sydney didn't exist. My plan failed, it back fired because after the first kill you never go back…"
Julia Thorne strode into the room with a confidence that Sydney Bristow couldn't have even imagined. She stood in front of the panel as if she were being judged.
They pulled the man in roughly and the first thing she noticed was his eyes. They pleaded with her as if he knew his fate. He knew he wasn't going to leave this room. She stared at him her face expressionless. She had no empathy; Julia Thorne didn't care about her victim. She knew her job and that's all she knew.
She didn't hear the command but walked forward on cue and took the knife from the table with a grace that wasn't expected. She stared at the man with his pleading eyes and pushed the blade through his chest. She watched him as his eyes closed and his body slumped. She slid the blade out swiftly and placed it on the table.
Julia Thorne strode out of the room with a new confidence that Sydney Bristow couldn't have imagined. She knew now more than she ever did that there was no turning back.
-
"You killed a man, a defenseless man, a man whom you didn't know? You don't know, he could have been innocent, he could have been CIA."
"Julia Thorne killed that man."
"You were Julia Thorne."
"That's right, I was. That was the past. Sydney Bristow didn't kill him, Sydney wouldn't kill anyone unless she had a reason."
"It's the same person."
"Not to me."
"Are you implying you have a split personality? Some kind of alter ego?"
"It was an alias. Have you ever had a conversation with a person that's been in deep cover, a long term alias, it's as if they take on all the characteristics of the person they're masquerading as. It was no different with Julia. I just let the personality take over me early. I let it consume me because that was the only thing that could save me."
"So you became Julia…"
"I did."
-
She paced around the cell, fidgeting with the sleeves of her shirt and playing with her hair.
Her body was giving into the mild sedatives running through her veins. She stopped talking to the interrogator; she didn't want to talk about Julia anymore. She could only reveal so much at once. It was overwhelming to recount all the lies; she hadn't realized her own betrayal. She slid to the floor wrapping her arms around herself rocking gently.
He had asked the guard to let him slip in quietly. He stood in the corner watching her through the glass barrier. He hated himself for thinking she was still beautiful, wanting to kiss her just one last time.
"You didn't even name her. What did our daughter mean to you? Tell me Sydney, what did she mean to you?" He whispered.
"She just reminded me of you."
"We're not the important ones any more Sydney, she is, she is the most important thing in the world. She should be."
"I didn't want her without you."
He shook his head in disbelief. "You didn't even love your own daughter. You were too wrapped up in your own guilt to even care."
She stood from her spot on the ground rushing to the glass. "Don't you dare say that. She's my daughter of course I love her. I loved her more than I wanted to. I didn't know what to do without you."
"Do you know what they did to me when they took me? They didn't do anything, it wasn't some type of terrible torture that made me break and tell them what they wanted to hear."
He stopped for a minute but she didn't respond. She didn't respond because she knew what he was going to say.
"Sark told me everything. He told me everything you did, everything you said, he told me how good you were in bed, and he told me who you killed." He spat.
"They let me go, they thought I was broken. I think they thought you were betraying them. I didn't help and they let me go. For six months I tried to find anything that would prove what they said was wrong. The deeper I dug the more I discovered, the more I discovered about this person you created. This new woman you created because no matter what you think you will never be Sydney Bristow again."
"I was a good actor though." She sneered. "You didn't see the difference. You didn't think I was different. I changed Vaughn you're right. I loved you more when I came back than when I left but you didn't love me back."
"I never stopped loving you and I hate myself for it."
He started to walk away and turned around quickly.
"I don't want to ask this question but with everything I've learned I feel like I should. Is she mine? Is Emma mine?"
Emma? She thought to herself. It's perfect. She's perfect. He's perfect. She yearned for the glass to shatter and she could leave with him and have the happy home she deserved.
She shook her head. "You really don't understand do you? I came back for you Vaughn. All those things I did, everything I faked and lied about it was all to get back to you. This was real, you and me, it was always real."
He turned walking slowly away from her when he heard the sobs.
"Please… Vaughn, please don't leave." She sobbed sliding down behind the glass panes. "Don't leave me here alone. If you stay you'll understand, you'll understand everything."
"I don't want to understand everything or deal with everything. I can't deal with this, this is that something that I can't deal with. This is something I can't understand. So many things I've learned about you have pushed me further away."
Her body shook with sobs as he continued. He didn't turn around, he didn't look at her again as he finished.
"I never want to see you again and this time I mean it. You need to understand that we'll never be together, we'll never love each other again because I could never love a woman that killed her own mother."