Now that he had her back his mind often drifted to another. He found his feelings had changed from how they had been. His mind often in a daze as he would lay on the grass looking to the sky. It had been almost two months since that day he last saw her. And since he finally understood what happened he had found his dilemma. Although it was the same it was also different. Once again he found himself in love with a dead women. But he had only realized his love for her after she had died. It upset him and at the same time he had become angry with himself. He felt so stupid for not acting and realizing it sooner. He knew now that if he had she would be here next to him. She would be laughing or smiling at him. How he had always enjoyed her laughter and smiles. Her pleasant smell and the way she would yell at him when she was angry. He admitted he had even missed her 'sits'.
He had left the day after he arrived at Kaede's house. He left Kikyo to rest knowing she would be in good hands. He set off to find her body to give her a proper burial. He had searched for two days non stop and he had found no trace of it. He couldn't smell her or anything else in that forest. The stench from the miasma was still strong.
When he had gotten back he found Kikyo had awaken the day before. He stopped at Kaede's to tell her of the news but never made it back. He had run into Kikyo and she had stopped him. They ended up building a home in his forest so they could live together with not interruptions.
He was suprised to find she hadn't remained cold and hateful like she had been when she was dead. She had returned to her normal ways and seemed happier than she had been. She still had her priestess powers and would sometimes be asked to help a village. She would teach younger girls how to heal and what herbs to use. She was just like she was before Naraku. She did have the memories of when she was walking the lands and made of earth and clay, but she no longer hated him. In fact she still lover him. She had told him the only reason she was angry was because it was the hateful part of her soul in her body. And with only a piece of her soul was unable to forgive him. But she had forgiven him now that her soul was complete again.
With his what seem to be unlimited time he found himself comparing the two woman. That's when he had come to the conclusion that he no longer was in love with Kikyo. He did love her but he was in love with Kagome. What suprised him was that it was a pretty ironic situation. They were both so full of life and gentle, loving and caring. They both wanted to help anybody they could. They protected anyone who needed it. However, Kagome couldn't protect herself. She was not strong physically but emotionally and mentally she was. Kikyo didn't get scared like she did. She wouldn't give her life to protect a demon. She only protected humans. She had never excepted his demon half. Kagome was responsible where Kikyo wasn't. She had tried to lay her burden on his shoulders. She had asked him to wish to become human so she would no longer have the responsibility. Kagome accepted it from the moment Kaede told her it was her to protect. She had never once tried to put it on some one else's shoulders. She had also excepted him for both his demon and human side. She liked him the way he was. She never wanted him to change and was not blinded by his mixed blood. She had even adopted Shippou a full blooded demon and cared for him like she would a son. To him she was the perfect person. Kikyo had been left in the dust.
He stayed with her because he had nowhere else to go. Sango, Shippou, Miroku and Kilala thought it was his fault. Which some of it was but he had never made her make the wish. He couldn't face their hatred. But he didn't want them to hate him either. He would periodically check in with Kaede when they were away to see how everyone faired. And every time the old woman would tell him to come back when they did. Of course he never did though. He did want to talk to them and be friends with them again. He missed their company.
He felt alone again now that Kagome was gone. She was what brought them all together. If it weren't for her he would never have known what is felt like to have friends or have a family. Even though they had their fights and sometimes they had their battles he would never change it. He enjoyed every last fight because afterwards there was always laughter and smiles. All the pain and sadness was worth the time he spent with them. But he missed his family and friends. Once again he had lost everything in a day.
If he could wish for one thing it would be for Kagome to be alive so he could tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to hold her in his arms and never let her go. He wanted to see her smile and hear her infectious laughter again. He wanted to smell her pleasant scent and feel her warmth against him as he embraced her. He wanted her as a whole. He wanted her heart, mind, body and most of all soul. He wanted to touch her soft skin and kiss her small plump pink lips. He sadly sighed a sigh of sorrow as he knew that he never would.
He walked into his bedroom inwardly cursing himself because he had laid with her the whole night holding her closely. He was upset at the fact that he let his defenses down and gave into his need to be with her. And for some odd reason he was mad at her for healing him while they slept and not even knowing she did it. He thought it was preposterous that she didn't do it on purpose. 'Or did she?' he asked himself. He was suddenly interrupted by a knock that came to his door.
"Yes?" he bit out
"Sesshoumaru?" said the voice he recognized to be Kougaji's
"Enter." He stated simply regaining control of his anger
"Lord Haki has asked your presence to inform him of Kagome's decision." He told him
"Very well then." He said calmly surprising the Southern Lord
Kougaji and Sesshoumaru walked in silence towards his study where Kougaji said he waited. It didn't take them long to get there. He walked in and noted the presence of his son Toro as well. Goru also was present at this meeting. He assumed that he had been informed of the proposal too.
Sesshoumaru sat behind his desk to look at the four other current occupants as he leaned back in his chair. Crossing his arms over his chest he sighed so nobody could hear and closed his eyes. When he opened them he spoke in his emotionless voice.
"I have informed her of your proposal." He stated
"What of her decision?" Toro asked as he somewhat spat
"You should learn patience and respect hatchling." Sesshoumaru spat angrily
"Forgive my son Lord Sesshoumaru. I see I still have things to teach him." He said madly as he looked to his son
Sesshoumaru nodded his head in agreement and to accept the apology.
"Please continue Sesshoumaru." Kougaji said
"Yes please tell us so we may eat." Goru spoke up in a deep voice a she smiled at him
"She informed me of her decision and has made it clear that she does not wish for it." He explained
"Can you not convince her to change her mind? Can you order her to agree? If she did we would have a permanent peace treaty. This would be a great step for all the lands." Haki said speaking up in a rushed voice
Sesshoumaru looked to him and then his son who appeared extremely angry by her decision. He inwardly smirked at how she was able to anger him by telling him 'no'.
"I understand the situation Lord Haki but I can not force her to change her mind. She has made her decision. She is guest here just as you are. She is not my servant. And I as much as the rest of you would like to have the treaty but I am sure there is another way then to marry Lady Kagome." He simply said
"But she is human. You can force her. You are stronger than her." Toro said angrily
"A human she is but force her against her will I will never do. I would never stoop so low." He told the younger demon in front of him
"With out the marriage the treaty will never be signed by the Eastern Lands!" Toro shouted as his father sighed and just rubbed his temples out of frustration
His father knew better than to act with such anger. Especially towards Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru could easily kill them before their next breath. So he just calmly watched as Sesshoumaru was grasping his son by his throat and hoisted him in the air. He figured he might learn something from his actions. The boy was so thick headed it was almost impossible to get anything to sink in.
"You would do well to watch your mouth child! I would have no problem killing you where you stand! It could easily be done!" he spoke with a voice laced with anger as acid dripped from every word
Sesshoumaru looked into the boys eyes and was pleased when he found fear in them. Knowing his point had gotten across he dropped the boy unceremoniously to the floor and walked back to his desk.
"As the decision for her hand has been declined and the matter has been thoroughly discussed you all may leave and eat. I am sure the Ladies of the lands have already done so." He said and waited for everybody to leave.
This time nobody remained in the room to talk with him. They had all left to fill their stomachs as he stayed in his study to think over the events of the day. Already there have been fights and it was still early morning.
Kagome had finished cleaning up and was leaving her room for breakfast when she bumped into someone. She found her self face to face with pale blue eyes. She smiled at the man before her as she curtly bowed and tried to go around him.
"Good Morning Lady Kagome." He said
"Good morning to you Lord Hiso." She kindly replied
"I am glad to see you are well enough to join us for breakfast." He told her
"Yes I am and thank you for your concern. I was actually on my way there." She said smiling
"And I was on my way to see how you faired. Please allow me to escort you there Lady Kagome." He said with a charming smile that made her blush
He held out his arm and she kindly took it as they headed for the dining hall.
"I have heard of your decision." He said deciding to fill the silence
"Have you? I see." She said quietly as her finger tapped on her lower lip
"I must agree with you. I believe you made a good choice." He informed her
"Please explain." She more of commanded
"Well although I care for my brother I could not picture him with you. Besides, I believe people should mate with those they feel a strong connection with. I myself will only mate with one I come to love." He explained
"I do agree with you Lord Hiso. That is why I declined. I do not feel I will ever love your brother. He is nice but not right for me I guess you could say." She smiled warmly at him which she noticed his blush from her innocent action
"Please call me Hiso. I do not care for formalities." He told her as he returned her smile
"Then I insist you call me Kagome." She replied
"Very well then Kagome." He said smiling as she did the same.
That was how they entered the dining hall. That was what everyone, including Sesshoumaru saw as the doors opened to reveal Kagome and Hiso arriving with bright smiles upon their face. It ticked him off but he would never admit it to anyone.
After breakfast Kagome searched for Sesshoumaru but couldn't find him. While she waited she figured she would play with Rin or maybe tell her a story. It really didn't matter though. She hadn't spent much time with her since everyone had arrived. Especially when she was resting in bed. So she continued her search but changed the objective only to once again come up empty.
She continued walking around the halls until she found a young servant girl. She had talked to the girl a few times during the planning time for the celebration.
"Excuse me Toki was it?" she asked nervously
"Yes Lady Kagome?" she answered
"Kagome, just Kagome. I am not better than you and you remember that." She said with a huge smile
The woman smiled at her kindness as she replied. "Yes Kagome. What may I do for you?" the woman asked again
"Would you happen to know where Sesshoumaru is? And Rin, I have not seen either since breakfast." She told the young woman
"I believe Miss Rin went to the village with Sumi and Lord Sesshoumaru I last saw in his study." She informed Kagome with a smile
"Thank you Toki. Why don't you take the day off as well and go to the village or something. You could relieve Sumi if you want." She Toki
"Yes milady. As you wish. And thank you." Toki replied as she bowed
"What did I say about the names? And please do not bow to me either. I feel no better than you. I am your equal. Remember that." She said as she walked off towards the study
He had finally gotten a break. Lord Haki and his sons had left after breakfast after a messenger from their lands arrived. Lord Goru and Kougaji though remained with their families. They had informed him they wanted to see his lands and shortly after left for a short excursion. He had been relieved by their actions. He had been feeling oddly overwhelmed from everything. So he took the chance for peace while he had it.
She knocked when she came to the door and waited for an answer. Hearing none she knocked again. Again no answer was heard. So she decided it would be safe to go in if nobody was in the room. So she opened the door and closed it behind her. When she looked at the desk in front of her she saw Sesshoumaru looking straight at her.
"I gave you no permission to enter." He stated
"I didn't think you were in here. Maybe next time you should answer." She huffed
"What is it girl? Tell me why you have disturbed me." He demanded
"Well you see I have been thinking about what you said. You know about me being able to stay here. And you see...well umm...I have one thing to say before I make my decision." She told him nervously
"And that is?" he said trying to figure out why he was so desperately wanting to know her decision
"I will stay but only for you. If I stay it will be because you ask me too. Not for Rin or Sumi or anybody else. Only for you." She told him quickly
He was definitely suprised by this. Did he want her to stay? Did he want her here in his house. Did he want to see her everyday? Protect her from harm? Comfort her when she was sad? He wasn't sure what he wanted from her. He had so many other things going on he really didn't have time to think about this stuff. What she he tell her. He didn't want to say yes and then find he wanted her gone. But he didn't want to say no and then find he wanted her here. It was all too much. He looked up to see the hopeful look in her eyes as she waited for an answer.
"I see. If that's the case will you take me to my home?" she sadly spoke as her head hung low
He was going to respond but she had run out the door before he could. He felt sad he thought that was the feeling. He felt saddened by her wanting to leave. She was upset now. She was crying too. He could smell her tears already.
It had been a week since the night she had found him frantically washing his hands in the nearby pond. He was still somewhat quiet and often she found him deep in thought. But he was returning to his normal self. She felt sad for him and the things he had done and been through. The agony he must feel from the memories that still lay in his mind. She didn't really know how he felt. She herself had never done such a thing and could not imagine that pain and misery he was often in. She couldn't really comfort him and tell him she understood because in all honesty she had no clue. All she could do was reassure him that it wasn't his fault.
And it wasn't his fault. Naraku controlled him. Whether or not he would scream in his mind for it to stop and no matter how hard he tried, she knew he was unable to do so. Naraku was extremely powerful even for a half-breed. But eve so he had enough power to control him. He was to young to overcome his power.
She was happy to see that he started talking again. Although it was only to her, Kilala, Miroku, Shippou and Kaede. She knew that eventually he would talk to the village children. And she hoped one day he would even be playing around the village with the other kids. The only she could do was tell him things to calm his restless soul.
Shippou was a different story. He was taking things a lot harder than she would have thought. The only people he would talk to are the survivors of the battle and of course Kaede. However, most of the time he would remain inside and just sit the whole day out. Kaede had been successful in removing the young fox child from the hut. Making him help her pick herbs and such things.
Shippou often waked herself and Miroku both in the middle of the night. They would wake from his whimpering as he seemed to have vivid nightmares. He would cry heavily in his sleep worrying them of his well being. They hated the fact though that he would never speak of it. He would say 'he didn't remember' or 'it was nothing'. But everyone knew that he just rather not talk about it. They really didn't know what else to do to help him. It was just heartbreaking to see him like this. The loss of his fire in his personality and his spirit. The only thing they could do was sit by watching and hope that he would change.
Castle of the East...
"You will not disobey me child. I am the lord of these lands and your father. Do not try what little patience I have left. You will have to find another." Lord Haki yelled at his son
"But why father? It is her I want. No one else would be able to satisfy my appetite." Toro bit out angrily as his fist clenched at his side
"I do not need to give you reason. You will obey my commands as long as I rule. If you find another suitable then the lands are yours. I do not wish to oppose him. To do so would bring war to our home. Now that that disgusting and vile half-breed is gone we need this rest. War would destroy the East." He informed his dense son
"I understand this father. But I still feel I have no knowledge of anyone to meet the standards for the Lady of the East. I must have her." He replied
"You have my answer and reasons. To disobey would be to forfeit the throne." Haki told him "Now leave me!" was his last demand
Toro left the room and shortly later entered his room. He sat on his bed as he thought of a way to obtain the perfect woman. He found himself obsessed with her from the first moment. The air that hung around her and her smile. They way she spoke and carried herself. And most of all the power that emanated from her. He would have such a woman and nothing would stop him. Not Sesshoumaru and not his father. With that decided he started to figure a way to get her. And he knew how as a candle appeared over his head and a deadly smile slipped to his face.
Today is the day. She was going home. She would see her family and her friends. Maybe stop by in the village and see Shippou, Miroku, Sango, Kilala and Kaede. Maybe she would see Inuyasha too. The thought of him though still pained her fragile heart. Just knowing he was with Kikyo right now an had been tore her up. She didn't want to think about it really. But she did notice how the pain of these thoughts had declined since she has been here with Sesshoumaru.
She sighed thinking it really didn't matter anymore. She was going back to her time and she would never come back. And part of her hated to say that. She would miss her friends here especially Shippou. He was like a son to her. Her thoughts going out to the small fox child as she tried to imagine what he was doing at the moment. Everyone had probably thought her to be dead. This brought a frown to her face as she knew he was probably still saddened by the news. She would have to go see him though. At least to let him know she wasn't dead and to say goodbye.
Her mind drifted back to her family until she thought of Souta. Her brother made her think of Kohaku, Sango's little brother. Once again becoming sad by the thought of her friend losing her brother. She couldn't imagine how she felt. Sure she missed Souta but he was also still alive. She wished there was something she was able to do for her. Sango had become like a sister to her.
Miroku was there with her helping her cope she was sure of this. She could tell the feelings each had for another. She would often catch the glances each stole from one another. And somehow Miroku ended up next to Sango every morning even when he went to sleep on the other side of the fire. She often giggled at it too. Sango would wake up to find him next to her. And after a deep blush appeared on her face she would beat the monk for his actions. Whether he had groped her or not. It kept everyone lighthearted during the journey and kind of at ease too. So she figured with the emotions they each felt for each other they had probably gotten married and stayed in Kaede's village to raise a family. She became excited to see her friends and hope to find they were already waiting for their first born. That was until she felt the pang of jealousy from the thought.
She too wanted a family and children. She wanted to watch them smile and grow. Wanting to teach them all the things she knew from her time. Wanted to take them there and show them what it would be like. Tell them stories and kiss them goodnight. Rub there backs and make them soup when they were sick. But most off all she wanted a husband she loved so she could share that joy with him. She sighed again but this time in defeat. She found herself once again hoping if she would ever have that.
So she raised from her bed to go take a bath as she tried in vain to push those always present thoughts from her head.