I never, ever thought I'd be this terrified right now. It was easy, I went in and I hit Snape a few times, he wasn't expecting it and it was sort of fun. But now, I have to be a father. I have to be part of a real family. I have to meet two people who are part of me. Literally.

I've never been more excited in my life, and I've never been more scared either. I'm only nineteen- I have no clue what I'm doing here. I don't know how to be a parent- I never had a parent! Ginny knows what she doing because, well, she's Molly's daughter. And I know she was scared at the beginning, but she got it right, or at least she did the best anyone could, with everything that was going on.

I'm not going to get this right. I know I love my sons, but I don't know why. I love them but I don't know them. I know why I love Ginny- because she's gorgeous, funny, smart, strong and brave. I know why I love Hermione- because she always knows the answer, because she was one of the first people to give a damn about me and because she's always been there. I love my sons because they are who they are- James and Sirius Potter. Family.

We rounded the corner to my old room, it seemed like the trip from the front hall to here had never taken so long, and I'm a little surprised that Snape didn't lock them in the broom cupboard. Hermione opened the door for me, placing a hand on my arm.

"Leave him with me," she said, "go, do this." And then she smiled and closed the door behind me. And I saw them.

Ginny always dressed Jamie in blue and Sirius in red, it was just her way of telling them apart, I think. She always said she would stop the second they turned three, but I was so thankful for it now. Because right then, at that moment, that was so terrifying and so amazing, I could say their names. Jamie was lying at the foot of the bed, and I went to him first.

Ginny hadn't been quite right in saying they had my eyes; his were deeper, with flecks of her brown in them. Jamie was awake, just looking at me and it felt a little like he was sizing me up.

"Hey, Jamie, I know you don't know me, but I'm your dad," I said, crouching down beside him, "and I'm probably going to be here for a long time now, so we'd best get to know each other. And I'm really sorry I haven't been around more." Then I picked him up, and walked over to Sirius at the end of the bed.

And I knew right then that these weren't identical twins. Jamie had appraised me and settled on that I was relatively snuggly and had at least apologized, judging by the fact that he was cozying up to my shoulder and preparing to fall asleep. Jamie had, I'd like to think, known who I was, and known that I was at least going to try. Sirius took one look at me and started to screech like nothing else I'd ever heard. Jamie ignored him and nuzzled into my neck as if to say 'well, I like you, in any case.'

Then, I learned the only skill that, according to Molly, any parent of twins will ever need to know. I juggled Jamie over to one shoulder with one arm around him, and scooped Sirius up into my other arm.

"So, you're Sirius, are you?" I asked, looking down at him, he looked somehow longer than Jamie, though he felt just as warm and just as perfect in my arms. "You're good looking, no doubt," I said, pulling him up so I could kiss the auburn mess of hair on his head. "Take after your mum, I think. She's got a temper, too."

I knew Snape had been feeding them, for whatever reason of his. Probably so I wouldn't kill him especially brutally. And I'm not going to kill him, because I can do things worse to a man than death. I can put him through the trials, for at least sixteen murders and being a Death Eater, which is now a crime in and of itself, as well as kidnap and intent to kill. All of that together would get a lucky man The Kiss, and Severus Snape will not be a lucky man.

It cut that my own son didn't want to be held by me, but I deserved it, didn't I? It was my fault they were there in the first place, my fault for not protecting them, for not just being there with them, for not doing what I knew was right. And I told him that.

I don't know how long I was in that little room with them, it might have been ten minutes, it might have been a particularly long eternity, but when I came out of that room, I was a different person. We were all forced to grow up fast, and I know that, but I went farther in that room than I have since or ever will again.