Okay, the background on this fic: I was watching the Jerry Springer episode "Steve Confronts a Pimp", and then I had this crazy, completely random idea about Sasuke and pimps. So, low and behold, I went to my computer and typed out this.
Warning: I'm not a big Sakura fan, so I take a shot at her towards the end, so, this warning is pretty much for Sakura fans.
Part one of a trilogy.
Rated 'T' because of the concept. Nothing really bad besides that.
Let's see, am I forgetting anything?
Kakashi: Disclaimer, young one.
LGF: Ah, right. And thank you for volunteering to do it, Kakashi.
Kakashi: Yep, walked right into that one...
Disclaimer: (By Kakashi) La-Garce-Fille does not own the title "Pimp My..." or any part of Naruto. If she did, I'd be in trouble...
LGF: X3 Yep, sure would. Enjoy, mes amis!
/Sasuke's House, or whatever/
Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi were sitting around in Sasuke's living room. Lately, Kakashi had been complaining about not having enough money for alcohol, so Naruto and Sasuke were helping him come up with ways to get some.
"Maybe we could have a car wash!" Naruto suggested.
"One problem, Naruto. There are no cars in our time period," Sasuke pointed out.
"Oh, yeah. No wonder I've never heard of a car."
The brooding Uchiha sighed. "Idiot."
"Come now, boys. We have to think of something," Kakashi said, finally.
Well, all three of them thought. And thought. And thought. And thought. But nothing was coming to mind. Then, out of nowhere, Sasuke screamed out, "I've got an idea!"
This startled the other young ninja and his sensei. But, they figured that since it was Sasuke, the idea had to be a good one. "Well, Sasuke, let's hear it," Kakashi said.
Sasuke sat up straight, cleared his throat, and said, "Let's become pimps."
The room was extremely, and uncomfortably, quiet. Did Sasuke just suggest to become pimps? What the hell, was this an alternate universe, or something! Actually, it wasn't. It was the same universe, and our sweet, occasionally angsty (I say that because he doesn't like to be described as 'angsty') Sasuke, had just come up with some crazy idea that he, Naruto, and Kakashi should all become pimps. Now, of course, we all know what a pimp is. And for those of you who don't, 1) Get a dictionary and watch Jerry Springer! And 2) They're the guys that whore out prostitutes. Now, can you imagine two innocent little ninjas being pimps? Of course you can't, but Sasuke can apparently. So, continuing on with the story, the room was quiet. And Kakashi and Naruto were completely stunned. The first to speak was the wannabe pimp, himself. "Well, what do you guys think?"
"Well, Sasuke. Um, that's a very, um…" Kakashi trailed off.
"That's so awesome, Sasuke! Let's do it!" Naruto, of course.
"Yeah! Can we, Kakashi-sensei!"
"Um, boys, we can't be pimps," Kakashi answered, shaking his head.
"But, Sensei! Why not?" Naruto asked, sadly. He wanted to be a pimp.
"Because. For one, you're twelve, and for two, who are we suppose to pimp?"
"You know, that's a good question. Who are we suppose to pimp?" Sasuke repeated.
The three thought, again. Who could they pimp? "Well, we could try to pimp Sakura," Naruto suggested.
"Naruto, how could you think such a thing?" Sasuke asked/screamed.
"You're absolutely right, Sasuke. How could I think such a thing as to pimp my own teammate to old men?"
"No, I was talking about who the hell you thought would sleep with Sakura. It had nothing to do with teammates."
"Sasuke!" Kakashi and Naruto exclaimed in unison.
"What? It's true!"
Kakashi smacked Sasuke in the back of his head…What? He's his sensei; he can do whatever he wants! "Sasuke, however true it may be, it isn't proper to speak of your teammate in such a way."
"Kakashi-sensei, who would sleep with Sakura?"
Kakashi thought a minute, then said, "Naruto would."
"He's baka, besides him."
"Hey!" Naruto butted in.
"Shut-up," Sasuke said, then waited for his answer from Kakashi.
"…No one."
"Then I rest my case."
"So, now we're back where we started. Who can we pimp?" Naruto asked. The three thought, -sighs- yet again.
"I don't think we're getting anywhere," Kakashi stated.
"You know, I think you're right, sensei," Sasuke answered.
"So, I guess that means back to the drawing boards, huh, boys?" Kakashi asked.
But before Sasuke could answer, Naruto butted in with his trademark, "Believe it!"
Kay, to clear some things up: I have this feling that the die-hard Kakashi fans are complaining about the fact that Kakashi doesn't drink, however, my friends and I have this thing where we say that he is not only a perv, but a drinker as well.
I thank you kindly for even reading...this. So, for those of you that liked it, Read and Review. MERCI! ;)
P.S. Be sure to check out "Pimp My Sasuke Again!", the sequeal to this lovely fic. And now, there's a third part, "Pimp My Sasuke, One More Time!" Thanks!