Anything Would Be fine

ALL SONG LYRICS HAVE BEEN REMOVED!


Chapter 11

Her eyes remained closed after they had parted, she felt him trace her bottom lip with his thumb, his index and middle fingers beneath her chin. The moment she opened her eyes they were met by his violet ones, this was it. This kiss was like nothing she had ever experienced the sweetness the passion of all of it made her want to cry. She wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. For once things had gone right.

No… I can't feel this way…we can't be this way…. Inuyasha lowered his head his eyes hooded by his dark bangs. "I think I'd better go," his whispered easing out of her embrace. "I'm sorry, Kagome."

Without a word she watched in sorrow and disbelief as he walked away from her, she winced at the anger in his voice when he saw the students that had been watching them from the stairs.

"Go on, the show is over!" he said leaving her alone in the lobby.

He had seen confusion and sorrow in those brown eyes; he would have to explain why. He shuddered at the thought, explaining something like this to a non-believer would be very difficult. No. She would never understand his conviction. She would never understand why his feelings for her tore him up inside and why the kiss they had shared meant nothing. At least that is what he told himself. The kiss couldn't mean anything! She was not a Christian, judging by her words that night in his apartment he knew she most likely didn't believe in God. Inuyasha sighed heavily in frustration, now he was sure that she would leave. He felt his eyes moisten, closing them Inuyasha breathed the prayer quickly, "Lord, give me strength in this. I really don't know what to do now, I care for her more then a friend I cannot deny that. Please help me put these feelings aside and do your will." It was simple but he hoped that it would be enough.

A knock on the door broke him from his thoughts, "It's me," it was Kaede. "You decent?"

He ran a hand threw his hair in aggravation, "Yes, you can come in, old hag…" he'd muttered the last part under his breath. He wasn't in the mood for company.

Kaede entered the small apartment her arms folded giving him a look, "What did you do this time?"

He knew at once what she was talking about. "Oh come off it, Kaede, I don't need to hear this from you. Instead of making things better with Kagome I only made them worse."

"Please go on, the poor child didn't say a word the whole drive home and she's in her room right now crying over Kloie. I want to know what happened and I want to know now."

Inuyasha stood no longer able to contain the frustration building, "I kissed her!" He felt the heat of shame redden his cheeks, "I didn't want her to leave, she said she was going to leave because of the message I gave to the teenagers. She thought it was some cruel joke to make her feel bad, I explained it to her then I just…kissed her…" he trailed off, remembering that one moment when he cast off all thoughts of rationality, he had panicked. He was scared that she would leave so he had kissed her. No. He had wanted it.

Kaede listened to her grandson he poured out his heart as to what was tormenting him. "Inuyasha…" she chose her words carefully, "I know you have all of this sorted out in your head but Kagome is downstairs feeling very confused and hurt. I want you to go down there and talk to her."

He sighed, "I know, she deserves the right to have me explain." He stood and as he walked he felt as if he were a dead man walking.

Kagome wiped furiously at the tears that continued to pour down her cheeks. A knock on the door startled her, "I said I don't want to talk, Kaede!" She turned and gasped to see Inuyasha standing before her, "Get out!" She shrieked a little too loudly waking a sleeping Kloie whom began to scream at the top of her voice. Kagome gave him a death glare, "See what you've done? Now get out!" She took Kloie in her arms trying to shush her.

He swallowed hard and took a step closer, "here…let me" he reached for the wailing child, the young mother hesitated but offered the baby to him. Inuyasha rocked Kloie gently in his arms, telling the little one that he had something very important to say to her mother. Shortly after she was asleep again in her cradle. Inuyasha sighed and looked at Kagome, she only stared at him, he winced inwardly at the hurt in her body language. "Kagome," he began, "I know I have some explaining to do and that you have every right to ignore it b-"

"Then I will, leave." She said sternly.

He sat next to her on the bed not once taking into consideration that he was in fact on her bed, "I said you have the right to not listen but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop talking." He saw her raise an eyebrow, "I'm just going to say it…I like you, Kagome, I like you a lot. I know I've been showing you mixed signals and I…I've really messed things up." He looked away from her, he looked miserable.

Kagome could see he was suffering pathetically, she touched his shoulder offering him any kind of comfort that may help him. "Inuyasha, just tell me what's bothering you. Why did you kiss me and then run off like it was horrible? Did you not like it?"

"No! Heck no! That's not it," he said meeting her eyes, "I liked kissing you, I really did….it's just…" he covered his face with his hand rubbing his eyes. "It's a matter of integrity, if we were ever….to get involved it could lead to something serious or some fling, right?"

"I guess, but what about how I feel?"

"It doesn't matter how you feel, I mean, ugh…it does but not for what's right or wrong for me." He was visibly dying from annoyance at the struggle it was to get this out.

"I don't understand," Kagome said.

He sighed, "Let's say we were to get involved and it led to some serious relationship…well I will not be able to come through with my side of the relationship." Inuyasha winced at how mean that must have sounded.

Kagome's eyes spoke her burning question.

"Because I have a prior commitment," he said softly.

Oh, Her shoulders slumped, "To God?"

"Yes."

Kagome rolled her eyes, "you've taken some kind of oath?"

"No, it's the desire to the right thing for you. Kagome, my first commitment in life is to God and his path for me." Inuyasha swallowed hard, praying that she would understand, his eyes followed hers never leaving those vast pools that even now seemed to captivate him. "If I am with someone who doesn't have the same commitment there will be so many problems. The woman I am with will start to resent my values and my way of life, we wouldn't have the most important thing in my life in common." He let out a shaky sigh, "I know it may seem unimportant to you but I cannot live my life like that, much less put someone through such heartache."

Kagome sat stunned. I knew he was into religion but this is something else! She envied his devotion to his beliefs even if she found it a little intense and strange, Kagome envied his conviction, that he had something or someone he was living for, and there was purpose in his life. Yes she found purpose with Kloie and when she'd met him but…..she wanted more.

"So we can't see each other anymore?" she asked sadly.

"I'm not saying I don't want to see you, it's just….I think you need some time to think about this."

"I never said I wanted to have religion." Kagome snapped. This was something really really different. Inuyasha was really different, she found this confession to be more endearing then foolish, and no one much less a man had ever been this open with her. It was fascinating and almost terrifying; she didn't know what to think, what to feel about this.

"No, I never said you had to but I am saying you should think about what you're going to do." He took her hand, "You know that I care about you, Kagome."

She nodded, "so maybe you would consider us dating?'

"No. That is more like making you wait. I don't want you to have my values just so we can date. Kagome, that's not it at all." He squeezed her hand gently.

She was silent for a long moment not wanting to press but she had to know, "So basically you can't say it but you do feel something?"

Inuyasha let go of her hand, "You're trying to make me say something I shouldn't say."

Kagome cleared her throat in attempt to hide her own disappointment. "I guess I should say 'thanks' since you gave me this little warning or whatever you want to call it but to be perfectly honest, Inuyasha, I don't feel very thankful." She looked at the floor and stayed quiet.

Both said nothing for several moments.

He managed a smile, "I want to have a strong friendship with you, Kags'" he patted her knee.

When was the last time someone had used that nickname? Her mother…no one ever called her that except her mother. She nodded, "I don't know how easy that's going to be since we both are starting to feel like more then just friends…unless" her expression saddened, she said nothing else. Unless…I'm the only one feeling this way….

Inuyasha gave her a quick hug, "don't worry", he whispered his lips against her ear then he pulled away and stood, "Let me think and pray about all of this, Kagome and if something else comes up I will let you know." He slowly pulled his eyes from hers and headed for the door.

Kagome bit her lip, "Wait, Inuyasha can I ask you one more thing?"

He turned putting his arm on the door frame leaning his head against it, "Yes?"

"If you have such a commitment and you know very well that I don't see the world the same way you do then why did you kiss me tonight and in a church no less?"

Inuyasha opened his mouth to speak then sighed, "I was out of line when I did that. I…I didn't want you to leave." He offered her a friendly smile, "I better go now I have work tomorrow and it's getting late. You should get some rest too. Good night, Kagome."

"Night," she said and with that he was gone. Kagome lay down holding Kloie against her chest, she nuzzled her baby's tiny chest watching it rise and fall with ever breath. She knew this would happen, that night at the Mill Mountain Star she had known something like this would happen! Kagome found it troubling that he refused her. She was naturally beautiful when she had lived with her parents she never had a problem getting a boyfriend. But all of those relationships had ended in disappointment as if she accepted one of them to give her the answers to find true happiness. Kagome thought about all that he told her and wished that she had that kind of devotion but nothing ever seemed to have that great of an effect on her. Inuyasha's conviction intrigued her, she wanted to know more.

Inuyasha lay in bed staring at the ceiling. So he had told. Now what? I give her time to think about everything and continue praying for her. It was all he could do, he would continue to have his friends from Bible study pray for her to come to Christ. He knew that she was hurting and he wanted her to be happy, to have the same peace that he had found six years before. Lord, please take care of Kagome, he breathed a silent prayer and went to sleep.