Harry Potter and the Average Asian

Harry closed his eyes tightly, not believing what he was feeling. His body was tensed, his stomach felt tight. Breathing heavily, he gasped out loud, about to scream, when…

"Harry?" Said a knock on the door.

"UGH!" Harry said, pulling his pants up, jumping out of bed, and reaching for the door. It was godda…it was Ginny.

"What do you want?"

"Harry…I'm sorry, I have to use the bathroom, and I can't get it unlocked. I think I need something to lubricate the lock…"

Harry winced at her choice of words, and continued frowning at her, having been interrupted from his…sleep.

"Can't you use a spell?"

"I tried that!" Ginny said, exasperatedly. "Could I borrow some of that lotion I saw in your room the other day?"

Harry blushed. "I don't know what you're talking about. Here, let me try and help…" With that, he fully buttoned his pants, and grabbed for his robe. They then began to make their way to the common room lavatories.

Harry followed Ginny, and began to think…

Where, exactly, had Ginny come from? He realized he hadn't seen her since Christmas. He then slowly came to a realization that he hadn't seen several people for quite awhile. It was like him not realizing skeletal horses pulled the school carriages until his 5th year, or realizing that Ron was slightly bisexual. Harry then came to the realization that he was very slow at realizing things.

"Harry!"

"What, what!" Harry asked, spinning around.

"Right here, Harry." Ginny said, waving her pallid hand in front of his face.

"Oh, right, right…"

"Harry, what's been going on with you, lately? You've barely talked to me…"

"I didn't know you were still here!"

"Harry, where else would I go?"

"Good point, Ginn…Ginny?"

Harry stopped dead in his tracks, his whole body turning cold.

"Hello, Harry."

"Voldemort."

The next thing he knew, Harry was in a strange, new place.

"Where am I…?" He asked no one in particular.

"A strange, new place, Harry…"

Harry stood up, realizing he was on the floor with his trousers around his legs.

"Who's there!" He called out, frightened.

"Harry…it's me…" The voice whispered.

"…April?"

A small, thin Asian girl popped out. "April, it IS you!" Harry said, joy flooding his features. He hugged April tightly.

"Harry," April said, giggling, "shouldn't you pull up your pants?"

"Oh…" Harry blushed. "Right…er…sorry." Buttoning his pants back up, Harry looked around, taking April's hand. "Do you know where we are, exactly?"

April sighed. "Sort of…"

"Sort of?"

"Well…I don't know…" She sighed again.

"April! Where are we?"

"What? Oh! We're in Voldemort's castle."

"Castle?" Harry said in disbelief. "He has a…castle?"

"Well, shouldn't he?"

"You know what should be going on, April?" Harry questioned.

"No, what?" April giggled in reply.

"I really think the filler in this chapter needs to stop"

Draco snorted, and wiped drool from his pallid face, as his eyes droopily opened. He had been asleep? When had he fallen asleep…?

"Oh yeah!" Draco shouted, realizing he had been hiding under Harry's bed, waiting to kill him, obviously.

Of course, it was still the middle of the night, and there were currently four other boys in the dormitory.

"MALFOY?" Ron shouted, arous…rousing the other boys.

Draco cursed himself for not talking quietly to himself…or at least thinking what he wanted to say. Rolling out from under the bed, he raised his wand and a clothes-hanger he had fashioned into a blade of sorts.

"Bring your worst, Weasel. I'll take all of you and then kill Potter!"

Ron blanched, his face screwed up. He shot a nervous glance around for his Metamucil. Dean Thomas, however, managed to rescue Ron from uncertain doom.

"Malfoy," Dean said, his voice smooth and much like Barry White's, "what's that white stuff around your mouth?"

"What?" Draco said, blushing with embarrassment. The drool he had leaked while sleeping had dried along his chin and lips.

At this, the other three boys present gasped. "Weren't you in Harry's bed!"

"No, no, I was at the bottom…" Malfoy said, trying to explain how he was waiting to kill Harry.

"WHAT WERE YOU AND HARRY DOING?" Ron gasped.

"Ugh." Draco said. He began waving both his wand and clothes-hanger-katana around, frantically trying to explain. "No, you see…"

Neville, by this point, had fallen to the floor crying, while Seamus ogled Malfoy's behind. Ron and Dean looked at Malfoy with utter disbelief, disgust, and without actually having any udders.

"Ugh." Malfoy said, and took his own life.

Harry, gripping April's hand, made his way into a large, circular room deep inside the castle. As soon as he reached the middle of the room, all exits were sealed.

"Harry, your grip is really strong…"

"Oh, must be from Quidditch…"

"Really?"

"Are you certain that's where you developed your 'grip'?"

Only, it wasn't Harry or April issuing the last statement. It was a voice that sent cold, vicious chills through the body.

"I can possess you, after all…" The voice continued.

"VOLDEMORT!" Harry gasped, as a dark figure rose from the floor.

"Ah, yes, Potter. So we meet again." Voldemort hissed, his red eyes flashing from beneath the ebony hood he wore.

"So you were behind all of the disappearances at school!" Harry said, filling in gaps in his mind.

"Ah, am I really behind anything, Potter?" Voldemort said maliciously.

"What?" Harry said, confusion somewhat ebbing his cold fear.

"Actually, you're in front of us!" April giggled.

Voldemort raised what would have been eyebrows, had he had them. "Ah yes, the one other person we wanted…"

"Me?" April said, her eyes wide.

"Her?" Harry said, feeling guilty for having dragged April into danger.

"Yes, my master will be pleased…" Voldemort laughed evilly.

"MASTER?" Both Harry and April gasped. Voldemort wasn't in charge!

Out of the darkness behind Voldemort, came a pair of beady, sinister eyes.

Harry felt himself go numb with fear. These were the eyes in his dreams, his nightmares, and the eyes that had been following him all his life…or at least the last year…

"Sniff, sniff." Came a snort from the eyes as they grew closer, beadier, and more sinister.

"Hello." Said the voice.

April screamed and drew back, fear written all over her face.

"Meet my master…" Voldemort hissed with glee.

"…Z-MAN!"

...to be continued?

Note: Wtf? Someone just stop me right now.