Chapter 14

Kagome wanted to talk, the clock read half an hour till 2 AM. She picked up the phone and started to dial then set it back down. No, I want this to be in person. She went to her bedroom and slipped on a pair of pants, pulling her hair back into a messy ponytail she didn't bother to put on any eye make-up. Kagome nabbed Kloie from her crib putting a pink sweater over her night clothes then headed out the door.

She stood in front of his door, a sleeping Kloie against her shoulder, maybe this wasn't the best time, she thought. With a worried sigh she knocked on the door. She heard stomping and what sounded like a growl then the door opened.

"This had better be good Kae-" Inuyasha said opening the door when he saw her, his eyes went very wide his mouth fell open, "Kagome!"

She bit her lip to hold back a laugh, "I'm sorry I should have c-called." Kagome looked at the floor to hide her blush a huge grin curling her lips. His hair was mess, she could tell he had put on that white shirt while walking to the door it was wrinkled and his stomach was exposed giving her a good view his six pack. To top it all off he was in his boxers, crimson red boxers.

Kagome managed to look up at his face, her eyes straining to stop before meeting his gaze; her cheeks were so hot she was sure they were as red as the boxers he wore, "Is it okay if we come in?"

Inuyasha swallowed hard barely managing a nod, "Excuse me," he let her in then ran to his room slamming the door. He hands were shaking. This was too embarrassing! What in the world is she doing here? He breathed in a long shaky breath and slipped on a pair of jeans. He wished this visit didn't have to be so formal he wished they could be comfortable around each other…Shaking his head he racked a hand through his tangled hair.

Kagome walked inside laying Kloie in the armchair, she sat on the couch and when he returned she smiled up at him. "Aww I liked the red, why'd you change?" She pouted.

"Shut up," he said with shy smile and sat next to her. "What's on your mind, Kags?"

She took a breath gathering her thoughts, "I think I had a religious experience." That sounded stupid!

He raised an eyebrow, "Oh?"

Kagome looked away, "No I ugh I shouldn't have wasted your time with this! I'm going to go," she said starting to get up.

Inuyasha grabbed her arm, "No no no no no," he pulled her back down, "You woke me up at an ungodly hour of the night for a reason now please get on with it, woman!" He chuckled.

She sighed, "Well I tried to pray."

"You tried?" He smiled, "What do you mean you tried? Did you succeed?"

Kagome opened her mouth to speak then closed it. "Well you see I…." she stopped.

"Yes?" Inuyasha pressed leaning forward a little.

"I still don't know if God exists," she said at last.

He nodded, "It's not expected at first, but you'll see, God sees the desire in your heart to know him."

That wasn't the answer she wanted. She felt selfish but come on! What the hell kind of answer was that? Kagome looked at the floor, frustrated.

Inuyasha sensing her frustration put his hand on her shoulder, "What were you expecting?" He tilted his head to get her to look at him. When she did he saw tears in her eyes. "Kagome?" he tightened his grip on her shoulder, "What's wrong?"

Kagome felt more tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, "I'm tired of feeling lost!" she sobbed. "I'm tired of feeling like nothing in my life will ever mean anything! I want to stop hating myself!" She covered her face with her hands, "I feel like I'm in a huge hole and there's no way to get out!" Kagome felt his arms wrap around her but she felt nothing not the bliss she was longing for even when he was holding her she only felt sorrow. "I….I don't want to be alone any more…I know there has to be something or someone out there to make you the great person that you are. I want to have the peace that you have, Inuyasha."

He hugged her tight, "Kagome, you don't have to be alone, He doesn't want you to." Inuyasha spoke softly in her ear trying to calm her, "If it's what you want."

"I do," she whimpered.

"Do you know what it means to accept Christ?" she looked slightly confused so he filled in the blanks, "Accepting Christ is to acknowledge that you have sinned and that he died for you so you don't have to suffer, accepting Christ is giving your life completely to Him," Inuyasha pressed his lips against her head as he spoke she was shaking so bad Lord, please help me! Help me say the right things, "God wants to be part of your life, Kagome. He doesn't want you to hurt anymore he will give you a new life if you accept him and live your life for him."

She nodded her beautiful dark eyes full of longing she squeezed his hand, "I want to."

Inuyasha felt his heart bump faster against his chest; he couldn't imagine how she was feeling right now well he guessed probably the same way he had felt nearly six years ago. "Do you want me to let you go so you can pray alone or-"

"I want to stay here," she said quickly. Kagome noticed the look of concern in his eyes, "I'm not doing this because I want to be with you," she winced, "I mean I'm not doing this because I think I will be able to date you. I remember what you said that night at Kaede's and I know what you're probably thinking but I am doing this because it is what I want."

"Okay." His voice was quiet, serious. "I'm going to pray first then if you still want to I can help you receive Christ." Inuyasha wasn't worried about her motives for accepting Christ into her life but he was worried about his own motives. He was overjoyed that she was about to find meaning in her life but was that the only reason he was happy? Or was it because of his own gain out of this? If she had been a Christian they would probably be together already they both knew that. But now…he couldn't deny the excitement in that fact but how wrong it was! To want to lead her to God so he could be with her, Inuyasha sighed inwardly. What a horrible example he was. He was digging a very deep hole for himself and fast!

Kagome felt strange. Never had she wanted something so much in her life. This was something so personal so life-altering. She didn't doubt, it was almost as if God was physically tugging at her heart, wanting her to come to him. She was more then prepared to give her life to this. Her heart was beating so fast she thought she might faint, she squeezed his hand tightly. I'm so nervous.

"Lord," he began at last closing his eyes with the bow of his head, "you have heard our conversation and you know Kagome, you know what she wants to say but before all of this I need to ask your forgiveness…."

Kagome opened her eyes to look at him, huh?

"My motives in bringing this girl…this woman…. to you have not been completely sincere. As much as I want her to know you, Lord I have had another desire to be with her, I feel like I've been pushing her to do this because of my own selfishness." He lowered his head, losing his grip on Kagome's hand, "I…I don't deserve to walk with her in this. God, I haven't done your will please forgive me and please God help this young woman tonight help her make the right decision even when all she has is my poor example to follow." He cleared his throat, "Guide her to someone who is worthy of her, Lord, please."

Kagome felt him tremble next to her and she realized at once that he was crying. So that's why he was so upset…god, he's been struggling with this for so long. Ugh I only made things worse! Oh Inuyasha! She bit her lip and closed her eyes; she didn't say anything for a long time. "Uh….God," she stopped almost afraid to go on.

Inuyasha put a shaky hand on her knee reassuringly.

She put her hand over his and squeezed it, "I'm so lost please help me!" Kagome started to tremble as well tears spilling over her rosy cheeks, "I've done many bad things in my life I…I just feel so dirty…I want to be done with feeling dirty I want to be close to you like this man." She was silent after that not sure of what to say next.

"Tell him how you want him to pay for your sin," he whispered.

Kagome nodded, "Yes, please I want Jesus to pay for my sin," she cried, "please come into my heart and….let me know you're there when I'm alone. Please Jesus let me have the closeness with you that Inuyasha has." Kagome had meant every word and as she spoke them a wave of calmness filled her heart all of the ache leaving her any worries she had seemed to disappear. She knew of course that it wouldn't be this perfect all the time but as of right now she wanted to rejoice in the elation, this ecstasy, she felt within her soul. "Oh thank you, God!" She said aloud letting the tears fall, only these were not tears of sorrow, they were tears of great joy, tears for this beginning, this new chapter of her life. Her new tears drowning the old tears of pain and suffering. When she was had regained composure she opened her eyes smiling at him through her tears, he smiled back.

"Lord," Inuyasha said, "thank you for bringing Kagome here tonight; I just pray that our friendship will be stronger then ever now that we both have you." He ended the prayer with a quick "amen," and hugged her for the longest time.

She clutched onto him for dear life it seemed, her heart was hammering so hard she knew it would burst with happiness. Nothing in the world could have prepared her for this! Kagome wept against his shoulder tears of joy. A joy like nothing she had ever experienced.

Once they had separated, Kagome stood the grin never leaving her face, "I really should be getting home it's very late and I have work." She wanted more then anything to feel normal after breaking down completely then having every piece put back together by something far more divine then anyone could imagine all in front of someone was a little awkward. Her cheeks itched from the sticky wetness crying brought on, she wiped at them absently.

He stood as well his cheeks were just as tear stained as hers. As happy as he was for her Inuyasha sensed her feeling of awkwardness and asked "Would you want to come to youth group Sunday night?"

She nodded eagerly, hugging her baby tightly to her, showering the little girl with kisses as if she were attempting to share this joy with her. "Yes, I would love that."

"Don't worry I won't be teaching again," he said moving to open the door for her while she carried Kloie. "Not after…"

"Because of that night?" He nodded; she gave him an angry look, "Inuyasha! You're going to stand there after crying with me and showing me a new meaning to life and say that you won't be teaching anymore? Are you insane?" She was near hysteria in this feeling she now had, she wanted him to teach to teach his heart out and to help others find what he had helped her find.

He moved closer to her brushing a hair out of her eyes "I couldn't bear hurting you like that again," he was dangerously close to kissing her now. A whimper from Kloie brought him back to himself. Inuyasha pulled back and managed to give her a smile.

She smiled up at him her heart pounding hard within her chest, "Inuyasha, I want you to keep teaching, you're a very good teacher and from what you did tonight I think you can really make a difference. I…" her voice strained with a sudden surge of emotions, "I have never felt peace like this….and you helped me find it." Kagome went on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, she looked back at him from the stairway, "Thank you so much."

Kagome looked up from her book seeing a blonde haired girl standing before her. She smiled cheerfully, "Hi, you must be, Kagome," the girl said.

Kagome nodded, "Yes I am, have we met?"

The girl shook her head, "My name's Sari, I'm a friend of Inuyasha's." She smiled, "Mind if I sit down?"

Kagome looked at the clock there was still half an hour before the service started and Inuyasha was still talking to some of the other students, she nodded to the girl, "Sure go ahead."

Sari smiled and sat down next to her on the couch, "Thanks! So I heard you got saved the other night."

Kagome raised an eyebrow, "You did?"

"Inuyasha told Tyler," she motioned towards the spiky haired boy from that band Kagome had seen her first time coming to youth group. "That's my boyfriend, and he told me. I'm so happy to hear that! I've been praying for you for a while."

She tilted her head, this was weird. "You have?"

"Mmmhmm."

"But I just met you how I mean why would you-"

Sari giggled, "Does that freak you out? Inuyasha asked us to pray for you and well I kinda saw you two kissing and I've wanted you two to get together ever since." The girl blushed, "I'm a sucker for romance."

Kagome bit her lip, "I don't think that will happen anytime soon."

"Why's that?"

"I mean his an attractive guy and I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested in him," she trailed off.

Sari frowned, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked."

"No no, it's okay," Kagome glanced around the room as if making sure no one was listening, her eyes darting to Inuyasha then moved back to Sari. "I just hope I wasn't reacting because of how I feel about him when I…"

Sari shook her head, "I don't think you should question your motives about this too much. I mean lots of girls have had crushes on Inuyasha but I don't think you would give your life to something just because a hot guy told you to."

She's very wise but looks so young. Innocent. Kagome lowered her head, "You might be surprised to hear what I have done because a hot guy told me to."

The girl's eyes widened at the insinuation and blushed deeply. "Is there anything else? I mean anything else that's bothering you?"

Kagome went on to explain his confession to her several months ago, "I just feel like he's questioning my sincerity and when I realized that I started to worry about it too I guess."

Sari cleared her throat and began to speak, "I don't think it's your sincerity I understand where he's coming from though, I do think he was a bit out of line because he likes you and he was showing you his feelings when you were trying to decide where you were going with your life." Kagome's eyes widened as Sari spoke words that seemed so beyond her years, "You should have been able to decide without confusion from him I mean."

Kagome nodded amazed at the insight this young girl seemed to have, "How old did you say you were?"

"17," Sari said proudly.

"God!" Kagome exclaimed then winced, "Sorry. It's just…wow."

She laughed, "What?"

"Nothing it's just you're really smart." Kagome was relieved to hear her laugh. Now she felt like the elder here, she smiled as the girl went off on some tangent about her boyfriend and how good friends he and Inuyasha were. Kagome watched the others talk the service was about to start Inuyasha came and sat next to her.

Tyler took Sari's hand, "I'll talk to you later, Kagome, okay?" Sari waved as the two of them went on stage to lead the worship part of the service.

Inuyasha motioned towards Sari, "You like her?"

Kagome nodded, "She's really nice and she seems to know a whole lot about Christianity." She paused and watched them prepare for the service, "She said you and her boyfriend were good friends, he doesn't look very old and she's only 17 she makes me feel so naïve is that bad?"

"Of course not, you just became a Christian, Kagome, you're not expected to learn everything over night." Inuyasha patted her knee, "Don't stress over it."

"Sari, what would you do if Inuyasha had told you about his commitment if you were me?" Kagome asked her over the phone two nights later.

"If I were you do you mean like if I had just become a Christian and he told me about it?"

"No, I mean the way you are now and if you weren't with Tyler. If Inuyasha came to you and he was interested in you but he told you this huge commitment thing what would you do?"

There was a pause. "Honestly? I wouldn't be with anyone who didn't have that kind of dedication to God."

What! "So you have this commitment too?" Kagome's head was spinning she had no idea what to think. "Why? I don't understand."

"It's just I could never trust a man who wasn't completely devoted to God, it just wouldn't be right for me."

Kagome smiled wow I wish I was like that at 17, "I really admire you when you say that, not many people or teenagers for that matter have that kind of devotion. I just recently turned twenty, I have a one year old but I envy the wisdom you have, Sari."

She giggled, "I don't know about that I'm just telling you how I feel. That's all."

During the weeks that passed Kagome began to feel a great desire to grow as a Christian the way Sari had. She switched nights with one of the waitresses at work, Kaede kept Kloie on Wednesday nights and she found that she felt a sense of belonging in the youth group very quickly. She enjoyed the serious discussions with people closer to her age rather then the bible studies Kaede went to, being in the youth group, she hoped would also inspire Inuyasha to start teaching again.

Inuyasha walked into the coffee shop, his violet eyes searching the tables for a certain dark haired girl, wishing to just get one glimpse of her. Most of the tables were filled; there she was by the window. She licked her bottom lip stirring the liquid in her cup most likely a hot chocolate. He smiled trying to look as natural as possible nearly running to join her at her table for two. Her flawless face and flowing waves of raven hair nearly stopped him in his tracks. He couldn't help but admire her elegant form, he felt himself hesitate as he turned to walk away. You just walked half way across town to see her! What are you doing? He turned and started back for her table. Inuyasha longed to touch the smoothness of her beautiful face. He sensed his pulse rising and his face flush. This girl has me tied in knots, he marveled. Inuyasha tried to look confident as he walked to her table, "You look lonely," he said.

Kagome looked up and smiled brightly, "Hey Inuyasha, wanna sit down?" Her voice was a sweet music to his ears.

"You don't mind do you?" He asked pulling the chair out slowly.

"Of course not," she licked the marshmallow goop off her lip, "Want some?" she asked offering him the cup.

"No thanks." He looked down at the table fiddling with a sugar packet.

Kagome smiled absently not sure of what to say. I've missed you! I've wanted to talk to you for so long, Inuyasha! She wanted to scream she wanted to tell him of her love for him. "I owe you an apology," she said at last.

He looked up, "What?"

"I said I owe you an apology."

"No I heard you I mean why?"

She nibbled on her bottom lip, "About that night at Kaede's, I was so angry at you for not wanting to be with me."

His eyes met hers, "I knew you were upset but, Kagome I wasn't-"

"Let me finish, I want to apologize for not understanding. I was so angry at you and that's why I went out with Kouga." She lowered her head but held the lock of his gaze.

"Kagome," he said frustrated.

"I'm not blaming you for my mistake, Inuyasha, I want to apologize for being such a bitch to you and making you feel pressured to go against your beliefs." She took his hand in both of hers, "I don't completely understand the extent of your devotion yet but I do realize how hard I made it for you…and I am very sorry."

He gave her a smile that made her want to melt, "its fine, Kags."

There was an awkward moment of silence; they struggled with what to say next. They both not only knew what the other was feeling but also the knowledge of these feelings was shared. Inuyasha stared at the people that walked by the window not really looking at them just trying to avoid looking back at her; he wondered how long they would be able to play this game. This friend game. There was no denying his feelings for her ran much deeper then a friend or brother in Christ.

Her eyes met his, they stared into each other's eyes shaking secretly in the grip of what they both sensed was coming for them all along. There a major threshold awaited them. Nothing else seemed to exist they were in a world of their own.

Inuyasha's mind raced, his eyes gazed intensely into the deep brown pools that were her eyes. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to shout he wanted to declare to her his love for her, yet as he stared into the depths of those pools nothing in the world seemed important enough to him to break the spell that captivated the two of them in its power. Inuyasha swallowed hard longing to touch those strands of hair caressing her cheek. He leaned over the table between them, and as Kagome did the same with him his breath caught in his throat, he knew she wanted him to kiss her, but he didn't. Her face was so close to his he could smell her sweet scent. Her dazzling eyes seemed to plead with him. He brought a trembling hand up and slowly touched her smooth cheek. Caressing her perfection he pushed his hand back to move a lock of hair until he was holding the side of her face. Her hand covered his and pressed it harder against her flesh her pink lips mouthing his name. His other hand took hers gently, swimming in dizziness of discovery. Worry mingled with excitement.

Her heart was racing her insides tying themselves in knots. She wanted more then anything to kiss him, to kiss him until they both lost their breath. She gasped. Kagome felt truly frightened now, they had come close to this point once before only to have his morals and his commitment destroy any hope of being with him but now….now things were different. He had showed her the way to true happiness with God but she couldn't let go of her feelings for him that only grew more intense as she grew in Christ. She wanted to share this with him, this new life he loved little Kloie and she was very fond of him. In a second she could see their life together, dating, marriage future children. Wait what am I thinking? She kicked herself, we can't do this… Kagome found herself wanting more, their friendship had grown so much since she became a believer and still she wanted more. she really trust him with her heart again? Kagome smiled inwardly because it didn't matter now the only thing she could do was trust him.

"Do you want to-"

"Take a walk?" she said suddenly.

He nodded.

"Yes."