Katlin
By: Red Turtle
I hate everything.
No, I love everything. What I hate is the actions that make me this way.
I hate this way.
I have so much potential for love. I want to be happy. I can be so nice and loving, I can be dedicated and smart, and I can be everything I'm supposed to be if people would let me.
But no. Instead I am treated as a monster, yelled at, teased. I have no sister to turn too, there aren't any female turtles my age at all in this world, and all my cousins my age are boys. I have one female cousin, who is way older than me, and she's a fox, and she doesn't like me. I have two little girl turtle cousins, but they are just over a year old and can give me no companionship. They can't even do anything cute yet, like dress up or anything.
I want to be closure to someone. I have an older brother, but he is so much older than me and he doesn't know anything about being a girl. I wish I had a twin like all of uncle Dons kids, but then I think it would be even worse if I did and she didn't play with me. I try to be friends to my cousins, but it's not the same because they're boys. They don't play with me like they do each other, or tell me things like they tell each other. Actually, its just Chicken, Pie and Rowdie that hang out with each other. Mickey stays alone, and I always thought that would mean he and I could be friends, but he's just not interested in hanging out with me unless it involves baseball. Everything else he does is solitary, and I'll mess it up if I try to play with it, like his rubix cube or his upside down puzzles or his number games.
I have so much family. I have all the family in the world, but it does me no good. My Mother and Father are always away, especially since the evil that killed my uncle. If my mother were here I could talk to her, she could tell me what its like to be a girl turtle, but she is off doing great things, and I can't ask her back home to serve me, it would be selfish.
I am not selfish, yet I am accused of that often. I don't want much, but I get nothing, and when I say one little word about it, like that I miss Mommy or that I am scared of the evil or that the girls at school are mean, I am told not to whine.
The girls at school are so horrid. They have all their human dolls and bear dolls, and there are mutant fox dolls now and cat dolls, but not turtles. This is because turtles aren't cute. We have no hair, we have no fur, we don't have ears for earrings, we don't have fluffy tails, our eyes are simple and black, and our shells prevent us from wearing cute things like tank tops, which would be pointless anyway since we don't have boobs. Not even Mom has boobs.
I want boobs, goddamn it. I want to be cute. I want to be the little girl that everyone loves, because I love everyone.
Two years ago everyone loved me. When my uncle died, the whole school sent me flowers and cards, and I got more flowers and money and toys from people around the world who I didn't even know. We all got stuff like that, because we were related to him and everyone in the world felt bad for what happened. But to me it was special, I thought everyone finally realized what a good girl I was and I held onto all those cards and flowers.
Last month I threw all out. Everyone at school has forgotten me now; everyone has forgotten how beautiful I am. All the flowers withered, the cards faded, and so did the sympathy. Now it is worse than when he was alive, because at least he sometimes paid attention to me, and at least Mom and Dad were around a few months out of the year. Now they have been away almost entirely since the evil happened. When they come back they want to talk to Chris, because he's bigger and stronger than I am and he's going to go fight the evil too.
Then I will have no one here.
I hate everything.
I hate everything.
No, I love everything. What I hate is the actions that make me this way.
I hate this way.
I have so much potential for love. I want to be happy. I can be so nice and loving, I can be dedicated and smart, and I can be everything I'm supposed to be if people would let me.
But no. Instead I am treated as a monster, yelled at, teased. I have no sister to turn too, there aren't any female turtles my age at all in this world, and all my cousins my age are boys. I have one female cousin, who is way older than me, and she's a fox, and she doesn't like me. I have two little girl turtle cousins, but they are just over a year old and can give me no companionship. They can't even do anything cute yet, like dress up or anything.
I want to be closure to someone. I have an older brother, but he is so much older than me and he doesn't know anything about being a girl. I wish I had a twin like all of uncle Dons kids, but then I think it would be even worse if I did and she didn't play with me. I try to be friends to my cousins, but it's not the same because they're boys. They don't play with me like they do each other, or tell me things like they tell each other. Actually, its just Chicken, Pie and Rowdie that hang out with each other. Mickey stays alone, and I always thought that would mean he and I could be friends, but he's just not interested in hanging out with me unless it involves baseball. Everything else he does is solitary, and I'll mess it up if I try to play with it, like his rubix cube or his upside down puzzles or his number games.
I have so much family. I have all the family in the world, but it does me no good. My Mother and Father are always away, especially since the evil that killed my uncle. If my mother were here I could talk to her, she could tell me what its like to be a girl turtle, but she is off doing great things, and I can't ask her back home to serve me, it would be selfish.
I am not selfish, yet I am accused of that often. I don't want much, but I get nothing, and when I say one little word about it, like that I miss Mommy or that I am scared of the evil or that the girls at school are mean, I am told not to whine.
The girls at school are so horrid. They have all their human dolls and bear dolls, and there are mutant fox dolls now and cat dolls, but not turtles. This is because turtles aren't cute. We have no hair, we have no fur, we don't have ears for earrings, we don't have fluffy tails, our eyes are simple and black, and our shells prevent us from wearing cute things like tank tops, which would be pointless anyway since we don't have boobs. Not even Mom has boobs.
I want boobs, goddamn it. I want to be cute. I want to be the little girl that everyone loves, because I love everyone.
Two years ago everyone loved me. When my uncle died, the whole school sent me flowers and cards, and I got more flowers and money and toys from people around the world who I didn't even know. We all got stuff like that, because we were related to him and everyone in the world felt bad for what happened. But to me it was special, I thought everyone finally realized what a good girl I was and I held onto all those cards and flowers.
Last month I threw all out. Everyone at school has forgotten me now; everyone has forgotten how beautiful I am. All the flowers withered, the cards faded, and so did the sympathy. Now it is worse than when he was alive, because at least he sometimes paid attention to me, and at least Mom and Dad were around a few months out of the year. Now they have been away almost entirely since the evil happened. When they come back they want to talk to Chris, because he's bigger and stronger than I am and he's going to go fight the evil too.
Then I will have no one here.
I hate everything.