Never meant to be..?
By strawberry_miow
~*~
I remained crouched on the ground, eyes scanning listlessly over the words in front of me, letters painted in black and red ink all blurring together in a wash of semi-coherences strung together to form something beyond my knowledge. My breathing was short and measured, raspy as if in expectancy of something I couldn't change --- the inevitable, so they say, is the one and only certainty of existence, I frowned.
Nothing.nothing at all..I frantically flicked through the aged pages of the book, tinged yellow slightly and rough under my touch, brief mentions of salutations between life and death weaved from line to line, along with something about mediators being the ones to guide the spirits to where they are meant to be, sometimes that not necessarily the great beyond. I shrugged; it was all a little confusing for my brainpower in the early hours of the morning.
Faint traces of footsteps outside the door set my ears to high alert, ceasing reading immediately I panicked and slipped the book under my sweater --- god knows how I managed to fit it up there, it being hardback and all but it made it incredibly uncomfortable all the same --- I saw lights flicker outside the office door and my heart leapt into my throat, damn, I cursed silently, hoping no-one would discover me here, that would all but confirm my dumb step-brothers idea of me being in a gang, along with getting me grounded for oh, say, at least a month.
Anticipation threaded itself through my veins as muffled voices echoed blearily into the room, I felt like someone out of one of those action movies, stealing some great secret and trying not to get caught with people on my trail rapidly catching on.
It was like being in James Bond, agent 007 reporting.I snickered despite myself.
I heard what sounded an awful lot like somebody going to open the door and reveal my.indecent activities, it's not like I was guilty for much though..breaking into the school and raiding the principal's office, along with breaking his desk and stealing some book, surely they could go easy on me once.right?
I bit on my lower lip in preparation, letting out a huge sigh of relief when the noise stopped and I once again heard footsteps, this time fading into the air. Good. That meant they were leaving.
Slowly I stood up, trying to be as quiet as I could, hoping to all things high and mighty that they wouldn't come back until I was safely out of there, hell, even unsafely out of there would be fine..I tip-toed my way to the door and eased it open, scrunching my face up at the loud screech it made [Note to self - buy Father Dom oil for Christmas], stepping out and letting it gently close behind me.
The old, musty book still stuffed under my sweater, I walked swiftly along the dimly lit hallways, onsets of dawn filtering through the windows like twines of old gold in fog, I walked with some sense of authority, just in case someone who didn't know me walked past and I could pretend to have at least one tenth of the amount of power that I did over my own actions.
Once I was safely out of the way of being caught, my speed walking suddenly turned into sprinting, running down the hallways in such a fashion even Father Dom would have reprimanded me for it, I sniggered silently to myself at the thought, half wondering what one had to do to get expelled by him. I mean, even causing the building to fall down didn't warrant so much, been there done that after all.
I wiped all these ridiculous, sleep-lacking thoughts away as I came to the window to climb out of, pushing it open with my hands I lifted one leg over the ledge, following it up with the other as I, this time, landed with my feet intact on the ground, grinning to myself I ran off home, hoping to get at least an hours sleep in before I had to get ready for school but by looking at the colour of the blue Carmel sky, I seriously doubted it would happen.
~*~
The whole house was just beginning to stir when I finally arrived back, for some reason the walk home seemed a lot longer than the walk there had..shrugging the strange thoughts off, I climbed through my window, lionising myself for leaving it open. The curtains fluttered slightly in the breeze as I landed quietly on the other side, pulling the plane glass shut to keep the cool morning air from freezing me more than I already was.
Sighing from lack of sleep, I walked over to my bed, pulling the book out from underneath my sweater I placed it on the mattress, collapsing onto the bed myself in a desperate act to catch as many winks as I could before I was dragged out of my slumber, unlucky for me, as soon as my eyes dropped closed a loud blaring echoed through my room. My alarm clock.
Typical, the one item in my room that would have survived irrational ghost behaviour, just for me.
I mumbled a few curses under my breath before my mom knocked on my door and came in, "Suzie, time for school" she looked at my state of still-dress and smiled, not realising the clothes were the exact ones I had on yesterday, "Oh, good, you're dressed already, I`ll go tell your brother you're all set then" she chirped as she bounced off. I, on the other hand, groaned. Ten minutes to get ready, sometimes I think parents lose brains with childbirth.
Twenty minutes later I was stood, leaning against one of the walls inside Juniperro Serra Mission Academy, trying to look like I was at least half- awake and, might I add, failing miserably. Yet another yawn stretched my lips as Adam and Cee-Cee chattered about something or other, every now and then I summoned the energy for a simply nod or a mumbled "yes" or "no". I wasn't the best person to deal with that day.
Morning classes came and passed, as per usual, with me trying to look interested in something I didn't really care about, not that I cared about anything that day, except the undeniable need to sleep, then I might have been able to form coherent sentences like a normal person, or at least pretend to know what people were talking about. Instead, I got to sit there and try not to get yelled at, it was fun---really, it was.
The lunch bell rang and I found my eyes drifting towards their own little world, I think at some point Cee-Cee asked me what I had done the night before to make me so tired, implying, of course, unmentionable activities with a certain cowboy ghost she had found out about a while back, she knew I`d `broken up` with Paul, or at least that's what I`d told her.that I realised I wanted Jesse or something to that effect. Either way, it had worked.
I was sleepily walking to homeroom for afternoon registration when Father Dom called me to his office, I was too dazed to be worried or even consider it was about the book that had somehow.`gone missing` from his desk, or about the fact that his desk was now broken, if I was in the right mind I probably would have.
"Susannah, take a seat" he instructed me calmly as I stepped through the door, closing the painted oak wood behind me, he took his place behind his desk, his usually chirpy blue eyes dulled to somewhat smoky half-grey fog. I was a little worried.
"Now I know how you feel abut Jesse." he began but I cut him off, not really feeling in the mood for another lecture on the flaws of mixed-status dating, dead.alive.and all of that.
Impatiently, I snapped, "Father Dom, you've told me all of this before, how it's.`inappropriate` and I`ll only get hurt but-"
Now it was his turn to interrupt me, "Susannah, I didn't call you here to lecture you on the feelings you may or may not have" he sighed, rubbing his temples frustrated, something was wrong, I knew it..
He fumbled about in his pockets for a moment before drawing out an envelope, sealed and addressed with fancy old-century lettering. He met my eyes, "Here"
With a look of curiosity I took the paper from him and looked at it closely, my name was spelled out on the front, but not `suze` as most people called me, no.`Susannah` which meant it could be from one of two people. I gulped, Father Dom confirming my suspicions.
"Jesse asked me to..erm.to give it to you" not many people would have noticed the stutter in the middle, but I did. Now Father Dom wasn't usually one to stutter, stammer or anything that falls in that category unless something was very wrong.
I closed my eyes briefly, taking a few calm breaths just in case. Shakily I tore open the envelope and pulled out the slip of paper inside, "No.." I whispered, the envelope falling to the floor like a solitary tear, "No." I repeated as my eyes scanned over the words time and time again, "No..."
------ Querida,
Thank you for everything, I truly didn't deserve all you gave to me yet I took it despite my qualms, for that you deserve all the happiness in the world. I only hope you find it someday. I`ll miss you but some things were never meant to be.
Always,
Jesse -------
By strawberry_miow
~*~
I remained crouched on the ground, eyes scanning listlessly over the words in front of me, letters painted in black and red ink all blurring together in a wash of semi-coherences strung together to form something beyond my knowledge. My breathing was short and measured, raspy as if in expectancy of something I couldn't change --- the inevitable, so they say, is the one and only certainty of existence, I frowned.
Nothing.nothing at all..I frantically flicked through the aged pages of the book, tinged yellow slightly and rough under my touch, brief mentions of salutations between life and death weaved from line to line, along with something about mediators being the ones to guide the spirits to where they are meant to be, sometimes that not necessarily the great beyond. I shrugged; it was all a little confusing for my brainpower in the early hours of the morning.
Faint traces of footsteps outside the door set my ears to high alert, ceasing reading immediately I panicked and slipped the book under my sweater --- god knows how I managed to fit it up there, it being hardback and all but it made it incredibly uncomfortable all the same --- I saw lights flicker outside the office door and my heart leapt into my throat, damn, I cursed silently, hoping no-one would discover me here, that would all but confirm my dumb step-brothers idea of me being in a gang, along with getting me grounded for oh, say, at least a month.
Anticipation threaded itself through my veins as muffled voices echoed blearily into the room, I felt like someone out of one of those action movies, stealing some great secret and trying not to get caught with people on my trail rapidly catching on.
It was like being in James Bond, agent 007 reporting.I snickered despite myself.
I heard what sounded an awful lot like somebody going to open the door and reveal my.indecent activities, it's not like I was guilty for much though..breaking into the school and raiding the principal's office, along with breaking his desk and stealing some book, surely they could go easy on me once.right?
I bit on my lower lip in preparation, letting out a huge sigh of relief when the noise stopped and I once again heard footsteps, this time fading into the air. Good. That meant they were leaving.
Slowly I stood up, trying to be as quiet as I could, hoping to all things high and mighty that they wouldn't come back until I was safely out of there, hell, even unsafely out of there would be fine..I tip-toed my way to the door and eased it open, scrunching my face up at the loud screech it made [Note to self - buy Father Dom oil for Christmas], stepping out and letting it gently close behind me.
The old, musty book still stuffed under my sweater, I walked swiftly along the dimly lit hallways, onsets of dawn filtering through the windows like twines of old gold in fog, I walked with some sense of authority, just in case someone who didn't know me walked past and I could pretend to have at least one tenth of the amount of power that I did over my own actions.
Once I was safely out of the way of being caught, my speed walking suddenly turned into sprinting, running down the hallways in such a fashion even Father Dom would have reprimanded me for it, I sniggered silently to myself at the thought, half wondering what one had to do to get expelled by him. I mean, even causing the building to fall down didn't warrant so much, been there done that after all.
I wiped all these ridiculous, sleep-lacking thoughts away as I came to the window to climb out of, pushing it open with my hands I lifted one leg over the ledge, following it up with the other as I, this time, landed with my feet intact on the ground, grinning to myself I ran off home, hoping to get at least an hours sleep in before I had to get ready for school but by looking at the colour of the blue Carmel sky, I seriously doubted it would happen.
~*~
The whole house was just beginning to stir when I finally arrived back, for some reason the walk home seemed a lot longer than the walk there had..shrugging the strange thoughts off, I climbed through my window, lionising myself for leaving it open. The curtains fluttered slightly in the breeze as I landed quietly on the other side, pulling the plane glass shut to keep the cool morning air from freezing me more than I already was.
Sighing from lack of sleep, I walked over to my bed, pulling the book out from underneath my sweater I placed it on the mattress, collapsing onto the bed myself in a desperate act to catch as many winks as I could before I was dragged out of my slumber, unlucky for me, as soon as my eyes dropped closed a loud blaring echoed through my room. My alarm clock.
Typical, the one item in my room that would have survived irrational ghost behaviour, just for me.
I mumbled a few curses under my breath before my mom knocked on my door and came in, "Suzie, time for school" she looked at my state of still-dress and smiled, not realising the clothes were the exact ones I had on yesterday, "Oh, good, you're dressed already, I`ll go tell your brother you're all set then" she chirped as she bounced off. I, on the other hand, groaned. Ten minutes to get ready, sometimes I think parents lose brains with childbirth.
Twenty minutes later I was stood, leaning against one of the walls inside Juniperro Serra Mission Academy, trying to look like I was at least half- awake and, might I add, failing miserably. Yet another yawn stretched my lips as Adam and Cee-Cee chattered about something or other, every now and then I summoned the energy for a simply nod or a mumbled "yes" or "no". I wasn't the best person to deal with that day.
Morning classes came and passed, as per usual, with me trying to look interested in something I didn't really care about, not that I cared about anything that day, except the undeniable need to sleep, then I might have been able to form coherent sentences like a normal person, or at least pretend to know what people were talking about. Instead, I got to sit there and try not to get yelled at, it was fun---really, it was.
The lunch bell rang and I found my eyes drifting towards their own little world, I think at some point Cee-Cee asked me what I had done the night before to make me so tired, implying, of course, unmentionable activities with a certain cowboy ghost she had found out about a while back, she knew I`d `broken up` with Paul, or at least that's what I`d told her.that I realised I wanted Jesse or something to that effect. Either way, it had worked.
I was sleepily walking to homeroom for afternoon registration when Father Dom called me to his office, I was too dazed to be worried or even consider it was about the book that had somehow.`gone missing` from his desk, or about the fact that his desk was now broken, if I was in the right mind I probably would have.
"Susannah, take a seat" he instructed me calmly as I stepped through the door, closing the painted oak wood behind me, he took his place behind his desk, his usually chirpy blue eyes dulled to somewhat smoky half-grey fog. I was a little worried.
"Now I know how you feel abut Jesse." he began but I cut him off, not really feeling in the mood for another lecture on the flaws of mixed-status dating, dead.alive.and all of that.
Impatiently, I snapped, "Father Dom, you've told me all of this before, how it's.`inappropriate` and I`ll only get hurt but-"
Now it was his turn to interrupt me, "Susannah, I didn't call you here to lecture you on the feelings you may or may not have" he sighed, rubbing his temples frustrated, something was wrong, I knew it..
He fumbled about in his pockets for a moment before drawing out an envelope, sealed and addressed with fancy old-century lettering. He met my eyes, "Here"
With a look of curiosity I took the paper from him and looked at it closely, my name was spelled out on the front, but not `suze` as most people called me, no.`Susannah` which meant it could be from one of two people. I gulped, Father Dom confirming my suspicions.
"Jesse asked me to..erm.to give it to you" not many people would have noticed the stutter in the middle, but I did. Now Father Dom wasn't usually one to stutter, stammer or anything that falls in that category unless something was very wrong.
I closed my eyes briefly, taking a few calm breaths just in case. Shakily I tore open the envelope and pulled out the slip of paper inside, "No.." I whispered, the envelope falling to the floor like a solitary tear, "No." I repeated as my eyes scanned over the words time and time again, "No..."
------ Querida,
Thank you for everything, I truly didn't deserve all you gave to me yet I took it despite my qualms, for that you deserve all the happiness in the world. I only hope you find it someday. I`ll miss you but some things were never meant to be.
Always,
Jesse -------