**OK guys, next chapter is here! I`d like to apologise to all of you about
the #$* figures and so on in the last one or two chapters but it wasn't my
fault, FF.net did it with everything uploaded the past few days.I've tried
uploading it again and again with the same errors, even after typing it
again so I do apologise and I understand it is difficult to read so if you
all wanna read a copy without those in email me at
strawberry_miow@hotmail.com and I`ll send you one ok? I'm trying my
best.Anyway, here is the next part.enjoy**
~*~
~*I see your soul, it's kind of grey
I see your heart, you look away
You see my wrist, I know your pain
I know your purpose on your plane*~
~*~
The streets were dark as I jogged along them, moonlight filtering through ebony haze in a swirl of what I`d hoped to have been forgotten. Shadows flickered across the hard, concrete ground, eerie figures of shaded trees and lingering animals out on the hunt, all blanketed in the quilt of darkness that engulfed the world under a sheet of silence and forbidden promises.
I sighed, I couldn't believe what I had just done! After accepting Paul's offer to keep Jesse safe I had completely shoved it back in his face and kicked him out of my room.God, how did I get off being so stupid?
I mean, yeah, sure it seemed understandable at the time.I changed my mind and rejected it because he was trying to get a little hot-and-heavy with me, which of course I was so not going to allow, it was a kind of spur-of- the-moment decisions but then there was Jesse.
I saw how hurt he was and just big flashing lights flickered through my mind, I know how much he hated Paul and to see him in my room.it was like a repeat of the alleged hair-clip incident all over again. Deep down I kinda hoped that Jesse had been so upset because, you know, he was completely head-over-heels in love with me.somehow I doubted that theory though, considering how he always disappeared on me after, dare I say, a `moment of passion`.
What was I going to do now though? I couldn't exactly go back to Paul and say `oh I am so sorry for kicking you in the shins and wishing death on you, please take me back oh God that you are` that would just be pathetic, not I don't think he would - I know he would - take me back I mean, but I don't want to have to do that, if I just told Jesse the whole story maybe we could come up with something, you know, enlist the help of the ghost brigade and the friendly priest.
.God, even to me my life is seeming more and more like something out of a soap opera.
Now I'm pretty sure I could get a guest spot on Opera, maybe even Jerry Springer.
Heck, I could probably even get my own prime-time TV show..the girl who talks to ghosts and other supernatural thrillers, what ratings.
I shook my head, swearing that the whole deal was getting to me, making me delusional and all, at least I hoped it was the situation. I saw the glittering onsets of the Junipero Serra Mission Academy ahead, tan bricks shimmering with moonlight and shadowed with the night. For some reason I remembered the time I was here at night, saving Jesse from the shadowlands, the great beyond and all.
Funny I would think of that now, hmm? I seriously hoped Paul hadn't got to Jesse yet. it was sacred ground, surely that kind of thing was banned here.
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
I walked around the side of the building, the way in was around here somewhere, you'd think they'd have learnt to get better security by now wouldn't you? Apparently there's a `flaw in the budgeting` well, their loss - god, could I get any more cliché?
The creaking window finally came into view, I silently [well, as quietly as I could] undid the loose latch and pushed it open, climbing through the open window and landing softly on the other side, my feet firmly on the ground alerting no attention to me whatsoever.
Yeah, right!
I fidgeted with the latch for a few seconds, trying to get it to loosen to open the window, last time it was easier.seemed they had fixed the actual window yet not the latch to open it from the outside, after a few more minutes of profuse swearing and a few clicks and scratches the window flew open inwards, smashing off the side off the building in a loud bang. I bit my lip, hoping no one would notice.
They didn't strangely enough, they must have all been off doing religious things or sleeping off the stress, and believe me - with two mediators and Father Dom in the building, they must have a lot.
I lifted my leg to climb through the window when I heard a booming screech in the distance, I turned my head to look where it was coming from and, forgetting about my balance of course, fell straight through the other side of the window, landing in a crumpled pile of kick-ass wannabe on the floor.just great hmm?
Anyway, when I finally recovered my dignity I closed the window, just in case, you know, anyone came along inspecting the building [God knows why they would choose to do it at night, but oh well nobody is completely normal are they?]. I slowly walked to the door and pulled it open, stepping out into the empty, and did I mention dark, hallways, jogging as quietly as I could along them until I came to the entrance to the graveyard..
Well, now or never right?
Funny how my mind was screaming never.
I swallowed my anticipation in a huge gulp of air and stepped outside, the sounds of the night haunting my ears, senses exploding with the tingling at the back of my neck, whenever I came out here I always seemed to expect a million lost souls jumping out on me, you know, with knives or axes or pretty much whatever they could find and try to kill me.I had definitely had too many bad experiences with ghosts.and watched too much TV.
I took a few steps along the small dirt track, moonlight shimmering over all the death in the grounds when I saw the gentle glow of a lone figure standing near one grave in Particular.one I knew well.
"Jesse." I whispered as I came up next to him, he turned to look at me, even in the darkness I could see his usually dark eyes were full of sadness.
He turned away quickly, eyes flickering back to the gravestone in front of us both, "Why Susannah?" his voice sounded pained and hurt, I hadn't seen him like this since.
.Since the last time he thought I was in love with Paul.
I sighed, not quite sure what to say, "Jesse." I began, "I...I'm sorry.I didn't mean to.it just.well.happened.I." I couldn't tell him the truth, I don't know what came over me but I just couldn't seem to get those words out.
His eyes seemed to flicker in the dark, shimmering with the moonlight like light to dark, "If you love him you should be with him Susannah." he sighed resigned, I tried to interrupt, "But I don't."
Love him, I was gonna say but Jesse stopped me, "He was right what he said you know.you are better off with him, he can give you all the things you want, you can grow old together, get married, have a family." he seemed kind of saddened by those words, that's when I realised he couldn't have those things, never got those things..he would only have been twenty at most when he died, or should I say was murdered, I understood that par of what he was saying, the part I didn't quite get though was what he meant `he can give you all the things you want.` as in opposition to what? He couldn't? Yeah, I wished.
"Jesse." I pleaded, begging him to turn and look at me, "I don't want any of those things.I don't want any of it and I certainly don't want Paul." my voice was on the verge of breaking, "Please Jesse.just listen to me!"
He turned to face me, his eyes looking into mine, "Please Jesse.I don't love Paul, I don't even like him." I gulped, "I only.I only did what I did to make sure I.I knew what he was planning" Damn it, I just couldn't say it. "Even so." I heard Jesse whisper, "It has made a lot of things clear, thank you Susannah." a slight smile flickered across his lips but it was hung over with sadness and resignation, he stretched out a hand and brushed my cheek, leaning closer he touched my lips with his own and electricity fizzled right through me.
As soon as I felt his strong hands slide around my waist I then knew that this kiss was not going to be like all of the others, where they had been soft and gentle, almost reassuring this one was quite the opposite. It was laced with fire and ice as his lips touched mine, molten passion trickling between us and when his tongue probed against my lips I thought I was going to faint.luckily he kept me from doing such by pulling me closer, I willingly granted him entry to my mouth and as his tongue searched the confines of my mouth I did the same to his, it was like a dream.heaven almost, the feeling of being so close and connected to him.
It died soon though as he pulled back, sadness etched in his eyes as he smiled gently, hugging me tightly before he dematerialised with a sigh.
When he was gone I looked down at his gravestone, tracing the words with my fingers. Was it possible for one person to feel deliriously happy and heart- wrenchingly sad at the same time?
You see, when he had thanked me then, I thought it was just for helping him realise a few things from the moment.
I hadn't realised the full extent of the words.
"Thank you Susannah.for everything"
It was as if he knew what was going to happen to him, at the time, I had no idea how much..
~*~
~*Don`t say a last prayer
Because you could never find
What's this life for.*~
~*~
~*I see your soul, it's kind of grey
I see your heart, you look away
You see my wrist, I know your pain
I know your purpose on your plane*~
~*~
The streets were dark as I jogged along them, moonlight filtering through ebony haze in a swirl of what I`d hoped to have been forgotten. Shadows flickered across the hard, concrete ground, eerie figures of shaded trees and lingering animals out on the hunt, all blanketed in the quilt of darkness that engulfed the world under a sheet of silence and forbidden promises.
I sighed, I couldn't believe what I had just done! After accepting Paul's offer to keep Jesse safe I had completely shoved it back in his face and kicked him out of my room.God, how did I get off being so stupid?
I mean, yeah, sure it seemed understandable at the time.I changed my mind and rejected it because he was trying to get a little hot-and-heavy with me, which of course I was so not going to allow, it was a kind of spur-of- the-moment decisions but then there was Jesse.
I saw how hurt he was and just big flashing lights flickered through my mind, I know how much he hated Paul and to see him in my room.it was like a repeat of the alleged hair-clip incident all over again. Deep down I kinda hoped that Jesse had been so upset because, you know, he was completely head-over-heels in love with me.somehow I doubted that theory though, considering how he always disappeared on me after, dare I say, a `moment of passion`.
What was I going to do now though? I couldn't exactly go back to Paul and say `oh I am so sorry for kicking you in the shins and wishing death on you, please take me back oh God that you are` that would just be pathetic, not I don't think he would - I know he would - take me back I mean, but I don't want to have to do that, if I just told Jesse the whole story maybe we could come up with something, you know, enlist the help of the ghost brigade and the friendly priest.
.God, even to me my life is seeming more and more like something out of a soap opera.
Now I'm pretty sure I could get a guest spot on Opera, maybe even Jerry Springer.
Heck, I could probably even get my own prime-time TV show..the girl who talks to ghosts and other supernatural thrillers, what ratings.
I shook my head, swearing that the whole deal was getting to me, making me delusional and all, at least I hoped it was the situation. I saw the glittering onsets of the Junipero Serra Mission Academy ahead, tan bricks shimmering with moonlight and shadowed with the night. For some reason I remembered the time I was here at night, saving Jesse from the shadowlands, the great beyond and all.
Funny I would think of that now, hmm? I seriously hoped Paul hadn't got to Jesse yet. it was sacred ground, surely that kind of thing was banned here.
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
I walked around the side of the building, the way in was around here somewhere, you'd think they'd have learnt to get better security by now wouldn't you? Apparently there's a `flaw in the budgeting` well, their loss - god, could I get any more cliché?
The creaking window finally came into view, I silently [well, as quietly as I could] undid the loose latch and pushed it open, climbing through the open window and landing softly on the other side, my feet firmly on the ground alerting no attention to me whatsoever.
Yeah, right!
I fidgeted with the latch for a few seconds, trying to get it to loosen to open the window, last time it was easier.seemed they had fixed the actual window yet not the latch to open it from the outside, after a few more minutes of profuse swearing and a few clicks and scratches the window flew open inwards, smashing off the side off the building in a loud bang. I bit my lip, hoping no one would notice.
They didn't strangely enough, they must have all been off doing religious things or sleeping off the stress, and believe me - with two mediators and Father Dom in the building, they must have a lot.
I lifted my leg to climb through the window when I heard a booming screech in the distance, I turned my head to look where it was coming from and, forgetting about my balance of course, fell straight through the other side of the window, landing in a crumpled pile of kick-ass wannabe on the floor.just great hmm?
Anyway, when I finally recovered my dignity I closed the window, just in case, you know, anyone came along inspecting the building [God knows why they would choose to do it at night, but oh well nobody is completely normal are they?]. I slowly walked to the door and pulled it open, stepping out into the empty, and did I mention dark, hallways, jogging as quietly as I could along them until I came to the entrance to the graveyard..
Well, now or never right?
Funny how my mind was screaming never.
I swallowed my anticipation in a huge gulp of air and stepped outside, the sounds of the night haunting my ears, senses exploding with the tingling at the back of my neck, whenever I came out here I always seemed to expect a million lost souls jumping out on me, you know, with knives or axes or pretty much whatever they could find and try to kill me.I had definitely had too many bad experiences with ghosts.and watched too much TV.
I took a few steps along the small dirt track, moonlight shimmering over all the death in the grounds when I saw the gentle glow of a lone figure standing near one grave in Particular.one I knew well.
"Jesse." I whispered as I came up next to him, he turned to look at me, even in the darkness I could see his usually dark eyes were full of sadness.
He turned away quickly, eyes flickering back to the gravestone in front of us both, "Why Susannah?" his voice sounded pained and hurt, I hadn't seen him like this since.
.Since the last time he thought I was in love with Paul.
I sighed, not quite sure what to say, "Jesse." I began, "I...I'm sorry.I didn't mean to.it just.well.happened.I." I couldn't tell him the truth, I don't know what came over me but I just couldn't seem to get those words out.
His eyes seemed to flicker in the dark, shimmering with the moonlight like light to dark, "If you love him you should be with him Susannah." he sighed resigned, I tried to interrupt, "But I don't."
Love him, I was gonna say but Jesse stopped me, "He was right what he said you know.you are better off with him, he can give you all the things you want, you can grow old together, get married, have a family." he seemed kind of saddened by those words, that's when I realised he couldn't have those things, never got those things..he would only have been twenty at most when he died, or should I say was murdered, I understood that par of what he was saying, the part I didn't quite get though was what he meant `he can give you all the things you want.` as in opposition to what? He couldn't? Yeah, I wished.
"Jesse." I pleaded, begging him to turn and look at me, "I don't want any of those things.I don't want any of it and I certainly don't want Paul." my voice was on the verge of breaking, "Please Jesse.just listen to me!"
He turned to face me, his eyes looking into mine, "Please Jesse.I don't love Paul, I don't even like him." I gulped, "I only.I only did what I did to make sure I.I knew what he was planning" Damn it, I just couldn't say it. "Even so." I heard Jesse whisper, "It has made a lot of things clear, thank you Susannah." a slight smile flickered across his lips but it was hung over with sadness and resignation, he stretched out a hand and brushed my cheek, leaning closer he touched my lips with his own and electricity fizzled right through me.
As soon as I felt his strong hands slide around my waist I then knew that this kiss was not going to be like all of the others, where they had been soft and gentle, almost reassuring this one was quite the opposite. It was laced with fire and ice as his lips touched mine, molten passion trickling between us and when his tongue probed against my lips I thought I was going to faint.luckily he kept me from doing such by pulling me closer, I willingly granted him entry to my mouth and as his tongue searched the confines of my mouth I did the same to his, it was like a dream.heaven almost, the feeling of being so close and connected to him.
It died soon though as he pulled back, sadness etched in his eyes as he smiled gently, hugging me tightly before he dematerialised with a sigh.
When he was gone I looked down at his gravestone, tracing the words with my fingers. Was it possible for one person to feel deliriously happy and heart- wrenchingly sad at the same time?
You see, when he had thanked me then, I thought it was just for helping him realise a few things from the moment.
I hadn't realised the full extent of the words.
"Thank you Susannah.for everything"
It was as if he knew what was going to happen to him, at the time, I had no idea how much..
~*~
~*Don`t say a last prayer
Because you could never find
What's this life for.*~