AN: I apologise for the somewhat lack of updating that has happened with this, as of late, I have been really ill. Between hospital visits, family problems and college it hasn't left much time. I don't know how I managed to find time to write this but I hope it's ok, it isn't as good as I would have liked it to be but I hope it is at least readable. Thank you all for being patient with me and please review, it'll cheer me up n_n Oh, and the song in this chapter is by Jewel; it's one of my favourites at the minute. Well, enjoy!

Always, Jennifer xxx

Life's Kiss

By strawberry_miow

Chapter 15 - Standing Still…

Do you love me, like I love you

Or am I standing still

Beneath the darkened sky

Or am I standing still

With the scenery flying by

Or am I am standing still

Out of the corner of my eye

Was that you passing me by

Are you passing me by

The cool wind whipped against my face, cheeks tingeing red and lips parted slightly for harsh breathing. I pumped my legs as hard as I could, energy dampening with the realisation of what I was doing; hopes flickering them dying, igniting again only to be snuffed out by my own inhibitions. It was like I was standing on the cliff edge, sharp spikes of the ocean swirling below somewhere between a field of soft roses and a hollow of sharply poised blades.

And I jumped.

I took a running leap and found myself sailing through the air, like walking in a dream to some extent I suppose you could say not quite sure if I was actually living this all or not. Dazed, confused it all bubbled down to the same inevitable conclusion: I was going to go through with this.

The clouds overhead darkened as I sped up, pace thrumming through my body with lingering sensations of fear, excitement, upset, ecstasy. Hell, I don't even know what I was feeling! My stomach was overfilled with nervous butterflies and my heart was pounding so hard against my chest I thought it would leap out and start it's own race to the school. Yes, I was just a little delusional…I think it had to do with the lack of oxygen getting to my brain.

Moonlight filtered lightly over a rather burly, dusty looking building as I kept my eyes set straight ahead, the miles I had just exercised nowhere near a scratch in my mind - I could have just ran over ten continents to get here and I wouldn't have cared. Nothing mattered right then but one thing….

"Jesse!" I cried out as I set foot onto school grounds, "Jesse! Where are you?!"

A loud crackling erupted through my senses, a flash in the perpetually grey sky and my mind clicked into automatic; running around the place like I deemed say…a headless chicken would as I attempted to manoeuvre myself to the source. Cursing for the thousandth time for not having a flashlight, I paid a nice little visit to my old friend Mr.concrete, crashing headfirst into the wall.

Ok, ok it was stupid I admit and you'll be happy to know I have already crossed `secret Agent` off my career choices. Apparently I'm not stealthy enough…

It was all because I was worried!! I wasn't concentrating, just running blindly.

I don't advise it.

A soft beated chanting cut through my eardrums as I trampled through some bushes - god, how I hoped they weren't poison Ivy. At that point in time I was pretty ready to burn every last plant of that sort before joining a group against it's growth. Grumbling, I forced myself to perk up and listen to the words…

The silence of the night, contradicting with the somewhat eerie humming and the harsh pants of my breathing sent two words out into the impregnable ether, "They've started…"

I don't know what came over me at that point but I suddenly found myself running harder than I ever had in my life, if I`d been thinking about it at the time I probably would have had some weird preoccupation about joining the track team but my mind was kind of busy. The chanting grew louder as I approached, slowing to a hasty walk as I spotted the tell-tale stream of grey light emanating from the sky; Father Dom standing there observing and….Paul?!

I blinked.

Paul Slater was doing the exorcism.

I blinked again.

Paul Slater was doing the exorcism?!

My eyes narrowed as I carefully inched my way forward, eyes intent on the figure contained within the grey fog. I stood there, teary eyed as spirals of fog coiled their way around Jesse's arms and legs, fingering their way around his smooth stomach and wisping silently against his olive skin.

"He's really going through with it…" I whispered to myself, biting my lip to stop tears from falling, "He really wants to…"

I swallowed hard as sullen steam poured out around his ankles, lifting him about an inch at a time up into that infinite space that screamed unknown. I wanted to do something, anything to stop him from leaving…to stop him from leaving me. Father Dom`s words echoed round and round inside my head like an incisive pain…

If this is what he wants….

You know you have to let go….

I choked back a strangled sob threatening to burst free.

You know you have to let him do this…

"I know…" I whispered to myself, "It's just…hard to let go…"

I shoved my hands in my pockets, slightly surprised when my fingers brushed against a sheet of paper. Curious, I pulled it out. Jesse's letter… I fought to hold back my emotions as I skimmed over the text one last time, breath catching in my throat at one line:

I`ll miss you

I smiled despite myself; at least now I knew he at least liked me. Somehow that made it worse.

But some things were never meant to be…

I read that line again, and again.

I froze: was he saying what I thought he was saying or was it just me looking too deeply into it?

Why hadn't I noticed it before!!

Before I had chance to think it over, or even control myself to some extent, I had ran forward to stand just a little in front of Jesse, opened my mouth and said: "Please Jesse, Don't do this!!"

Paul glared and Father Dom sighed but they barely registered in my mind, my eyes were set on that pair of impregnable black staring out from within grey smoke.

"Please!!"

I don't know what I was expecting but what I got what not it.

Jesse regarded me coolly before whispering in a low voice; "Go home, Susannah"

It took me a good few minutes to realise what he had said, and another few to accept it. Tears brewed in my eyes and unconsciously rolled down my cheeks, I squared my jaw and set my gaze firmly, "No"

He sighed, "Susannah…"

"I'm not leaving Jesse" I informed him as I took a step towards him, "I'm not leaving unless you can look me in the eyes and tell me truthfully this is what you want" ok I`ll admit, I was terrified. I was so afraid he was going to turn around and say just that, say he didn't like me and he left that letter out of nothing more than common courtesy. My breathing was shallow and chest heaving with effort as I kept my eyes on his, not an easy task when you knew you could end up losing the only person you would ever love.

I inhaled sharply, as his eyes grew darker, meeting mine head on and his mouth opened to speak. I was sure I was going to lose him then, that he was going to voice my fears.

His mouth remained open for a moment before he tore his gaze away and sighed.

Another step closer, "Then why are you doing this?"

His voice came out as a bare-thread whisper, eyes sullen and whole face screaming resignation yet I didn't dare as to hope. He let out a long draw of breath before answering, "Because I have to"

"You don't have to do anything Jesse"

He shook his head, " I do. I do or…we both knew this would happen eventually"

The sound of my heart breaking shattered through the night air, I gulped and the next words came out before I could stop them, "But I love you!"

He blinked, mouth hanging open in shock as Paul growled low in his throat from a small distance away trying to speed up the exorcism by chanting faster.

Noticing this, I panicked. I just could not let Jesse go, I know if he wanted it and all but…

"If you're leaving then I'm coming with you"

Jesse's eyes snapped open wide at this point, "Susannah, you…you can't….I won't let you…"

I steeled my resolve as I stepped forward so I was all but one footfall away from the grey spiral of light, "You can't stop me Jesse, I'm not going to let you go" with tears falling down my cheeks I deftly stretched my arm out into the smoke and touched Jesse, rumbling came from above and the earth shook slightly beneath my feet then….the light beam vanished.

Just like that.

Now, I know I haven't exactly performed a lot of exorcisms or anything but from my knowledge they don't end with the ghost in question still standing there.

I was completely frozen in shock as everybody tried to figure out what had just happened, Father Dom furiously flipping through a punch of papers he had in his arms while Paul kept on chanting, louder and louder as his voice edged with frustration when nothing happened.

A startled cry cut through the confused silence and a loud thump snapped us all out of our musing, I turned my head to look at the spot Jesse had been standing in and my heart stopped cold in my chest.

I let my gaze follow the stream of the night downwards to cool concrete, as Jesse's body lay unconscious on the ground.

Oooooooh crap.

Do you need me, like I need you

And do you love me, like I love you

Or are you passing me by

Are you passing me by

Or am I standing still