AN: Yes, I know it has been months and months since I last updated this but things have been happening that haven't really left me with the will to write if you know what I mean. For that, I apologise and would like to greatly thank all of you who have kept reading this and say sorry it's taken so long. I know it's short and probably very bad but it's better than nothing, right? So, enjoy! And please: REVIEW! Cheer me up, ne? Jennifer

DISCLAIMER: Oh, didn't you know? All of the characters from the book live under my bed. Apart from Paul who is tied up in my closet. No, I don't own it. Its my birthday in either days…wanna buy me it?

Life's Kiss
By strawberrymiow
Chapter 16 - Asphyxiated Loving

I wish you were here tonight with me
To see the Northern Lights
I wish you were here tonight with me
I wish I could have you by my side
Tonight when the sky is burning
I wish I could have you by my side….

I vaguely recall various feelings that erupted within me: anger, pain, hurt. I felt something akin to happiness, a tender affection that burned like hot white lightening deep inside my heart. I remember how my eyes spat hot tears, falling to the ground like a stream of blood as the flame of my existence was purged into inevitable darkness.

I remember too much.

The cool air whispered around me, raindrops falling in gentle symmetry from the obsidian silk above. I memorised how the droplets of liquid felt as they hit my skin, trickling down over my nose before integrating with my sadness and gushing to the ground as the soil turned dark.

It's true what they say, you know. In regards to all emotion we are only human: pain and hurt is often the loudest in retrospect whereas joy is often too quiet to be heard.

My mom used to tell me stories when I was a child, how in every feeling there are a thousand more. In hate there can be love, in pain there can be happiness. I winced, fighting back the tears, "In death there can be…life" sobs racked my small frame as I stared down feebly at the crumbled figure on the floor.

I didn't hear the footsteps beside me.

"Susannah?" Father Dom enquired, placing a gentle hand on my arm.

I jumped slightly, his presence jolting me out of my own thoughts as I steadied my gaze on the ground, "I'm….ok" I lied, "He's dead…he….he can't hurt anymore" silence greeted me in response and I raised my head to look him in the eyes, "….r…right?"

The old man let out a small sigh as his usually smiling baby blues twinkled with something akin to worry, an eerie uncomfortable silence dragged on as I felt myself swimming in the canals of denial and heartache.

He was gone.

Jesse was gone.

My one true love was gone.

And I couldn't accept it.

"It was for the best" I hear the priest's voice whisper silently among the contradicting thoughts that embodied my being. I can strangely note how the soil beneath our feet was growing weary with small dotted patterns of moisture, how the scent of saturated grass was sending tingles through my sensors reminding me of a different time, a different place.

I remember thinking how love never felt more complicated.

I inhaled sharply as I fought against the tears, biting down on my lip as I forced the words out; "I….know"

I received a brief pat on the arm and a timid whisper in my ear, "Ghosts and humans can't fall in love"

I think I cried more after hearing that affirmation than I ever did upon knowing Jesse didn't feel anything more for me than simple friendship.

I was acutely aware of skin brushing skin as a note was passed into my shaking hands, how a musky scent fading into the night deemed me abandoned. Alone.

Through the tears I tiredly grazed my eyes over the writing:

You are Susannah Simon.
You are a Mediator.

I knew what I had to do.


Burns like a thousand stars
Though you're light years away
Burns like a thousand stars or more
You're up there
You're always with me
Smiling down on me