Give her hell from us, Peeves!
Chapter 2: Filius Flitwick
He's still in his classroom, his last class for the day finished at four o'clock but he's working up some finger exercises for his seventh years - their wand work is not as precise as he would like it to be, and it will certainly have to be better by the time that they take their NEWTs, and the best thing to do is to take them right back to the basics. He flicks open a spell book, closes it, and opens another, the charm that he's looking for is the simplest little thing but there are some excellent detailed diagrams of the wand movements that he wants to put up on the blackboard, and for the life of him he can't remember which book it's in. Then he finds what he's been hunting for – a neat little Severing Charm, it's only a household spell but it's just the trick to smarten up his final year students' wand work, you can peel a grape with this charm if your finger movements are sufficiently delicate and controlled – and with a wave of his wand and a couple of muttered words he copies the diagrams from the book to the blackboard. He thinks, I'll ask the house elves to put an apple on everyone's desk tomorrow morning – we'll start with peeling apples, the students always enjoy that – peeling the apple in a long spiral to see who can get the longest strip of peel, that's always fun, and when they've mastered that we can move on to something more challenging. They may have passed their OWLs but Griselda Marchbanks marks NEWTs to a much higher standard, after all, they're seventeen when they sit their NEWTs, they're adults and they have to be ready for the real world.
But when he thinks about the kind of world that his NEWT students are going to graduate into he sinks his head into his hands in despair, and he thinks - Firenze says that the war will start soon but you don't need to be a centaur to read the signs! Thank Merlin Luna's father was courageous enough to publish the truth about Cedric's death – Luna has been punished for it since, that horrible toad of a woman has used every excuse to dock points from Ravenclaw – and it was harrowing reading. Horrible, horrible, Pomona and I were in tears over it. Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, that is Dark magic, the Darkest kind of magic, Harry was very lucky to escape from that monster, and very brave to bring back Cedric's body.
And now Voldemort's most vicious supporters have rejoined him, they just walked out of Azkaban, and Fudge is being wilfully, criminally blind to the truth. The Ministry hasn't behaved so stupidly since they ignored the rise of Grindelwald - he whipped the Muggles up to fight amongst themselves so ferociously that they tore Europe apart, but our Ministry of Magic didn't do anything because the Muggles weren't fighting in Britain ... it was Albus who finally stepped in and dealt with Grindelwald! The European Ministries haven't forgotten that, they haven't forgiven us for not helping them in their time of desperate need. They didn't help us in the last war against Voldemort and they won't help us in the next war. Perhaps a few foreign wizards will join Albus' Order of the Phoenix, but there will be no official help in the coming war.
And Fudge has done nothing to prepare for war! He actually wound back the Auror training program, just to save a few Galleons – it's unbelievable, but that there have been no new recruits into the Auror Corps in the past three years – and now he's foisted Umbridge on us. Fudge didn't send Umbridge here to teach, she's actively preventing the students from practicing their defensive spells! How are they to learn to defend themselves, when they are not being taught? No, Fudge didn't send Umbridge here to teach, he sent her here to keep an eye on Albus and to discredit Sybill Trelawney, and it is wicked what she's done to Sybill. There have been rumours for years about a prophecy made to Albus concerning Harry and Voldemort, but a prophecy made by an alcoholic fraud isn't going to be taken seriously, is it? And Umbridge's persecution of Hagrid is cruel, I don't know where he would go if he was driven out of Hogwarts, and he has the gentlest, kindest nature.
He thinks, I really don't like Dolores Umbridge, she's so vindictive and unpleasant, and cunning, too – getting the Slytherins to do her dirty work and Merlin knows the rest of the school doesn't need any more reasons to dislike them, particularly after Harry named the fathers of four of them as Death Eaters ... Severus is furious about the Inquisitorial Squad, but he daren't say anything, with his record he can't afford to show anything less than enthusiasm for Ministry policy, not without Albus here to protect him. And Umbridge is definitely looking for something to use against him, she looked like she'd swallowed a particularly juicy Dungfly when I told her about the vampire rumour, I've warned Severus to be careful around her ... we all have to be careful around her, oh why did Minerva have to fight with her this morning, half the school heard the shouting. Umbridge won't rest now until she's got rid of Minerva, and she'll find a way, she may not be much of a witch but you don't rise to the position of Senior Undersecretary unless you know how to get things done.
Oh yes, Umbridge is a sly one, she's a disgrace to Hufflepuff, and poor Pomona is so embarrassed by Umbridge's behaviour that she's hardly left her greenhouses since the inspections started. Well, there are bad apples in all of the Houses, and Umbridge is an example of Hufflepuff loyalty given to an unworthy object and taken to a ridiculous extreme - I shudder to think of the crimes that woman could justify in the name of "Ministry security". Not that there aren't quite a few Ravenclaws that I'm ashamed of, Fudge is one of us – and it was a very unpleasant shock to see Augustus Rookwood's face on the front page of the Daily Prophet. He was an Unspeakable, he worked in the Department of Mysteries, studying the nature of magic, why Squibs don't have it, and Muggle-borns do ... and I can guess at what Voldemort promised him - plenty of test subjects and no limits on what he could do to them, no limits to his vile experiments. But Rookwood wasn't alone, there were plenty of people who thought that Voldemort had the right idea about the Muggles and the Muggle-borns before they realised the lengths that he was prepared to go to in order to become Minister for Magic.
And there are still people in the Ministry who don't approve of giving Muggle-born children a magical education, and that makes me so angry. Merlin's beard, my wife was Muggle-born, and she was brilliant ... and some of the cleverest, most talented students in my House are Muggle-born. They're sheltered from pureblood prejudice here at Hogwarts, I know the word "Mudblood" is thrown at them from time to time, and not always by the Slytherins, but never in the hearing of a staff member, and it breaks my heart to see how they're treated sometimes after they leave school. Look at Penelope Clearwater, an astonishing performance to take ten OWLs after being Petrified for a month, a galaxy of NEWTs, she was Head Girl, and now she's an under-assistant to Mafalda Hopkirk in the Improper Use of Magic Office. What could I say to Penelope? Your family were all educated at Oxford and Cambridge, exceptionally intelligent people, but they are Muggles, and there are still witches and wizards who regard a Muggle as a kind of talking animal – and who haven't got the slightest idea of what a university is.
And I know that Dolores Umbridge had a hand in the end of Penelope's relationship with Percy Weasley, I can just hear that ... that evil toad ... telling him that a Muggle-born girlfriend won't help his career, he should find a nice pureblood girl ... or perhaps a half-blood, because a half-blood is a step up from a Muggle-born, at least a half-blood has one magical parent! Umbridge is dreadful, truly dreadful ... and it's absolutely awful what she's done to Hogwarts, the staff room is deserted, meal times are an agony – she listens to everything we say, and we've been reduced to whispering together in corners ...
He thinks, Albus, why didn't you appoint Severus to the Defence position, and spare us from Umbridge? She only got her foot in the door because you wouldn't appoint Severus! You tell us that you trust Severus but you won't appoint him to the Defence position - and do you know how much that hurts him? Severus will never believe that you've really forgiven him, that you really trust him, until you let him teach Defence. You won't appoint him, but you appointed a werewolf. And while Remus Lupin is a pleasant sort of fellow and his Lycanthropy was manageable when he was a student and under constant supervision, I would have been very anxious about having Lupin at Hogwarts if I hadn't known that Severus would be brewing his Wolfsbane Potion and watching him like a hawk. And Severus is more than competent, we all know that, of course I asked him for a second opinion about the Hurling Hex on Harry's Firebolt, I would never have let Harry have that broomstick back if Severus hadn't been sure that it wasn't jinxed.
And then he sighs and thinks, Harry and Severus, what a difficult situation! And broomsticks and Quidditch have a lot to do with Severus' hostility towards Harry. Quidditch! That wretched game stirs up House rivalry like nothing else at this school and even in my House – the House of intellectuals – the Quidditch team are treated like gods, look at Cho Chang, she's a heroine because she can catch the Snitch, while Luna, who is so gifted that it's almost frightening, is "Loony" Lovegood. And Severus has been convinced that Albus favours Harry ever since Albus let Harry play Quidditch in first year, and he's jealous. Albus is always saying that Voldemort's weakness is that he doesn't understand love – but Albus' weakness is that he doesn't understand hate, he doesn't understand hatred and envy and jealousy, and he doesn't understand the misery it springs from. Albus treated Severus as his favourite for years – and then Harry arrives! Of course Severus behaved like a toddler when you bring the new baby home from St Mungo's, of course he sulked and raged when he thought that Harry was getting special treatment ... Albus doesn't mean to hurt him, but he does, and sometimes Minerva has all the sensitivity of a blunt axe. Couldn't she see how she was upsetting Severus, that day when she was enthusing in the staff room about Harry, he's so much like his father, he looks just like James – with Lily's eyes – his first time on a broomstick and he caught Longbottom's Remembrall after a fifty foot dive! James would have been so proud of him ... If Albus will bend the first year rule so that Harry can play Seeker, Gryffindor will have a really competitive team this year. Not that there was any point in spoiling Harry's pleasure in his new broom, what good would that have done - so I made a bit of a fuss about it when I saw Harry with it in the Entrance Hall.
But how could Minerva have forgotten how much James and Severus hated each other, how could she have forgotten how much the Gryffindor Quidditch champion and the little Slytherin oddball with the interest in the Dark Arts hated each other? I can still remember the warning that she gave me in my first staff meeting – it was the year that my wife died, Albus needed someone at short notice and I taught Defence for six months because I needed something to keep me busy – Minerva warned me that my OWL class of Gryffindors and Slytherins would be a handful, she warned me that Severus had a dreadful temper and that he'd feuded relentlessly with the Marauders since their very first week at Hogwarts. I expected an arrogant Slytherin prince and I was really surprised when I walked into the classroom for the first time and took the register - so this is the notorious Severus Snape, this shabby, scrawny boy hunched defensively over a desk at the back of the room, scowling through his greasy hair ... I thought I'd never seen such an unappealing youth, so unlovely and so unloved.
Oh dear, Severus wasn't easy to like then and he isn't always easy to like now - and he did have a dreadful temper, but he also had a hunger for a word of encouragement, a word of praise, that he was far too proud to show. He's as proud as a Hippogriff, that's always been one of his problems, he'd rather be hated than pitied. And he certainly got what he wanted because James Potter and Sirius Black loathed him – and he couldn't win against the pair of them, they were inseparable, at least until James started going out with Lily. What did Rosmerta say? Ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter! But Rosmerta only saw them in her pub, joking with their friends, she didn't see them tormenting Severus.
And the worst of it was that James honestly thought that he was doing the right thing, teaching the nasty little Dark wizard a lesson ... what did my dear wife say, what did that Muggle philosopher she admired say? Virtue is more to be feared than vice, because its excesses are not subject to the regulation of conscience. Gryffindor virtue – when it isn't tempered by common sense and kindness – can do so much harm, and James told Severus so many times that it wasn't what he did, it was what he was, that was objectionable, that was evil, told him so many times that he was a filthy worthless Slytherin - was it surprising that he came to believe it? What did James say to Lily - that ugly incident after the OWL examination, and in front of all those girls, could anything be more humiliating for a teenage boy - when she asked him what Severus had done to him? It's more the fact that he exists. And Severus was always a good student, he learned his lesson well, and he grew up to be a very bad Dark wizard indeed.
And Sirius couldn't forget that he was a Black, that he was wizarding royalty, even though he was Sorted into Gryffindor, even though he was at loggerheads with his family - and one reason why he hated Severus was that he was outraged that a scruffy little nobody by the name of Snape knew more about Dark magic than the son of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, toujours pur. Sirius was brave, talented, handsome, amusing, charming ... but he was also cruel. Those cruel nick-names, Snivelly, Snivellus, mocking Severus for his hair and his nose, petty insults, but they hurt, I know, I was – I still am – very short in stature, and I had a taste of it when I was at school.
And no one did anything to rein them in, I didn't do anything in the six months that I taught Defence because I was only temporary staff, and the next year I was appointed Charms Professor and Head of Ravenclaw and I had a Houseful of my own students to worry about ... Minerva couldn't see what was happening, James was her star Quidditch player, and Sirius was her star Transfiguration student, they were clever, lively boys whose pranks sometimes got a bit out of hand ... and Horace had a weakness for the popular, beautiful people, both boys and girls, though he preferred boys - and Severus was such an unprepossessing, unattractive youth until he turned seventeen and came of age. The ugly duckling turned into a black swan in his last year at Hogwarts and discovered yet another way to disgrace himself, yet another way to live up to his reputation as the Slytherin bad boy – if Bertha Jorkin's story about what he was doing with that nice little Hufflepuff girl behind the greenhouses is true.
Oh yes, by the time that Severus came back to Hogwarts for his final year he was really bitter, he was prickly enough in sixth year but then something happened - something serious, something secret, something that wasn't gossiped about amongst the portraits and the ghosts, as most Hogwarts secrets are - that convinced him that the whole world hated him, and Severus was determined to hate the whole world back, with a vengeance. Albus realised then what a dangerous young man he had on his hands, but it was too late, and I think Albus feels terribly guilty, he blames himself for Severus becoming a Death Eater almost as soon as he left school, and he knows what he's done, he's seen Severus' Ministry file. And he feels guilty about using Severus as his spy in the last war, he feels guilty about making him do a dirty job that I suspect he'd never ask a Gryffindor to do. It's been Albus' penance to keep Severus here, where he's constantly reminded of what an awful mess Severus has made of his life – and Severus has stayed here, with Albus, at this school that he loves and hates, because he has nowhere else to go, and no one else who cares about him, and no one else who he cares about ... and the poor boy has never really grown up, in many ways he's still the same angry, wounded teenager he was when he left Hogwarts.
But then he remembers that Severus has been giving Harry extra tuition in Potions and he cheers up immediately. This is such a promising sign, Severus must be as determined as Minerva that Harry will qualify for Auror training, even if it's only to please Albus, and he'd rather coach Harry up to achieve an Outstanding in his OWL than drop his standards for his NEWT class ... and if Severus and Harry spend a little time alone together away from the pressures of the classroom, Severus might realise that Harry isn't James, might realise that Harry is actually rather a nice boy – he'd be really shocked and upset if he knew how his father and the other Marauders had treated Severus. And Severus should be able to get Harry through his OWL easily enough, he's a very capable teacher and Harry is quite a bright student when he tries - that was a perfect Summoning Charm that Harry used in the first task of the Triwizard Tournament. Of course, his mother was outstanding in Charms, she had a lovely wand for charms work, but perhaps it's a good thing that Harry hasn't inherited Lily's ability in Potions, it would only infuriate Severus if James Potter's son had anything like his own extraordinary gift. Lily and Severus ... they were Horace's most brilliant NEWT students but Severus never resented her talent, he actually seemed to like her ...
And then his musings are interrupted by the bells ringing for the end of classes for the day, and then screams and yells reverberating from somewhere above him, so he scampers up to Gregory the Smarmy's corridor on the fifth floor, where the commotion is the loudest, to find out what's going on. The corridor has been turned into a quagmire, students are trapped in their classrooms and Filch is having hysterics, screaming, how do you expect me to clean this up with a mop? Sweet Merlin, someone has done a good job on this, and he suspects the Weasley twins, it's got their signature written all over it. He starts bustling about, being helpful, levitating students across the bog, thinking, I could clear this swamp away with a wave of my wand but I won't, it's the Headmistress' responsibility, she wanted the job and now she's got it. And this is really impressive magic for a couple of teenagers ... Ravenclaw doesn't have a monopoly on intelligence, any more than Gryffindor has a monopoly on courage, though it would be nice if Minerva would appreciate that and give a little more credit to the other Houses.
Severus appears from the direction of the staff room, looks around at the mess, smirks, and catches his eye, and he knows that Severus knows what he's thinking - brilliant work, I'd be proud to have these lads in Ravenclaw. And then Severus leans down and whispers into his ear, "Ten points to Gryffindor", and he thinks, magic of this standard is worth more than ten points but normally Severus would rather be fried in Lobalung lard than give points to Gryffindor ...
Then he sees Umbridge at the other end of the corridor, glaring at them, and he remembers Marietta Edgecombe's spots, and of course he could remove that charm, but Marietta has an important lesson to learn, and having to wear a balaclava until the end of term will teach it to her. But Umbridge had choked with rage when he told her that he couldn't lift that charm, that he couldn't live a student's charm, because that clever little enchantment will be Hermione Granger's work. And then he thinks, do your worst, Dolores Umbridge, you'll be gone soon enough - as soon as Voldemort moves openly against the Ministry, they'll be begging Albus to come back to Hogwarts and your precious Cornelius Fudge will be out of office before you can say Wingardium Leviosa.
Now Pansy Parkinson is tugging on Umbridge's sleeve and saying something to her ... and one of his Ravenclaws is excitedly telling him that Fred and George Weasley were seen, they were caught redhanded, and now they've been cornered by the Inquisitorial Squad in the Entrance Hall, Umbridge is on her way down to deal with them ... so he exchanges a significant look with Severus and they head down together, he's thinking, she can expel them for this, and Molly Weasley will have kittens if they're expelled. But by the time they get down to the Entrance Hall, it's nearly over - the Weasley boys are raising their wands and shouting "Accio brooms!", their broomsticks come hurtling into the Entrance Hall and stop sharply in front of their owners, one of them still dangling the chain that pegged it to the wall of Umbridge's office, and he's delighted by the strength of their Summoning Charms.
"We won't be seeing you," says Fred, swinging his leg over his broomstick.
"Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch," says George, mounting his own.
Fred looks around at the assembled students, at the silent, watchful crowd. "If anyone fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three, Diagon Alley – Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes," he says in a loud voice. "Our new premises!"
"Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," adds George, pointing at Umbridge.
Umbridge shrieks, "STOP THEM", but the Inquisitorial Squad are too slow and the Weasleys kick off from the ground fifteen feet into the air, shout, "Give her hell from us, Peeves!", wheel around and speed out of the open front doors of the Entrance Hall. Peeves sweeps his hat off and salutes - he's never seen the poltergeist treat a student with anything but contempt before - Umbridge is looking like she'll burst with rage, and there is a tremendous roar of applause.
He glances at Severus, even he looks as if he's struggling not to smile, and he thinks, this is superb, those boys have tremendous nerve – and I'd wager a stack of Galleons that the whole school will go wild after this, and Peeves will be completely out of control. There's going to be mayhem now!
He looks back towards the doors of the Entrance Hall, the Inquisitorial Squad are milling around, looking really discomforted, while the spectators hoot and jeer ... but now Severus is looking furious, and he thinks, oh no, here we go again, that's the same look he had on his face when Gryffindor won the last Quidditch final against Slytherin, the year before last, when Slytherin played the dirtiest game of Quidditch I've ever seen played at Hogwarts but still couldn't score - it was eighty to twenty in Gryffindor's favour when Harry caught the Snitch. It wasn't Gryffindor winning that upset Severus so much - it was the fact that the whole school supported Gryffindor, but feeling was running very strong against Slytherin that year, after Draco Malfoy's appalling behaviour, when he and his little gang tried to sabotage the Gryffindor–Ravenclaw match by impersonating Dementors.
The look on Severus' face is frightening, there's murder in those black eyes, and he can feel a frisson of uncontrolled magic ... and then he has a horrible vision of black eyes glittering malevolently through a Death Eater's mask and he thinks, no, Albus wouldn't send him back to Voldemort, he wouldn't make Severus spy for him again, he wouldn't do that, surely Albus wouldn't do that to Severus.