The Offer

Four months to the day after writing to Relle, I was summoned to Maester Brac's quarters for dinner. We often ate together, but those meals were typically informal working affairs, and almost never in his private rooms. His invitation that night had an altogether different quality to it.

That afternoon, I cleaned my ceremonial dagger until it gleamed. I bathed, braided my hair rather than pulling it up, and changed into my best uniform, hanging the dagger at my belt. The last hour, I spent in meditation, mostly to calm my nerves. At the appointed time, I went to his door, took a deep breath, and knocked.

Much to my surprise, Lorayn answered. "Hello, Captain," she said in her breathy voice, which had a simpering tone that always set my teeth on edge. She had grown up a great deal since we had first met on the training ground, from a shy girl into a breathtakingly beautiful young woman of nearly twenty. But she still seemed rather immature, always blushing and tittering over nothing. The fact that she had an obvious crush on me didn't help matters.

"Milady," I said politely. "Is his grace here?"

She ducked her head slightly with a giggle. "Yes, he's expecting you. Come in."

I followed her into the Maester's sitting room, where he was waiting with two glasses of sake. "Auron!" he said, standing up, a smile on his face, as I made my bow to him. He was dressed in his best robes tonight, and his snow-white hair was down, hanging nearly to his waist. He handed me a glass, then lifted his own in a toast. "To the Order."

"And to Yevon whom we defend," I answered, as custom demanded, and we drank.

"Come," he said, laying an arm across my shoulder and steering me toward the dinner table. "We have much to discuss, but shall we start with the meal?"

It was a splendid dinner: perfectly grilled fish, a salad made with exotic greens from Macalania, a light and flaky fruit pastry, and an excellent vintage of sake to wash it all down. The Maester's chef was talented, and he had pulled out all the stops tonight. Conversation was light, for the most part. We filled each other in on local gossip, discussed the latest progress in finishing Sin -- a young summoner named Ginnem had received the aeon of Bevelle just a few days ago; despite concern that her only guardian was a black mage barely into her teens, the priests were hopeful, because such pairs had succeeded before and both women had talent -- and caught up on family doings. I had been Maester Brac's personal captain for just over a year now, and we had gotten to know each other well. I wouldn't quite call him a friend; the difference in rank was too pronounced for that. But I certainly thought of him fondly, and I was sure he felt the same way about me.

By the time we finished eating, I was on my third glass of sake and feeling rather relaxed. I had almost managed to forget why I thought I had been summoned, when he took one last bite of dessert and pushed aside his plate with a contented grunt. "So, Auron, you're probably wondering why I called you here tonight."

"I will always come at your request, your grace. There is no need for a reason."

He chuckled. "Nonetheless, tonight there is one." He rested his arms on the table. "I have an offer to make."

My heart immediately began to race. This was it! A command... and Relle... With all my inner strength, I hid my excitement and willed my heartbeat to slow, taking careful deep breaths. "Your grace?"

Maester Brac leaned forward in his chair. "You may be aware that High Commander Mazur is planning to retire within the next few years." I nodded; this was common knowledge and had been so for some time. "What is less well known is that Second Commander Scala is also on the verge of retirement. He took a serious wound the last time he saw battle, and he feels that he no longer has the strength to serve. Here is my proposal: I will promote you to commander, and you will take Scala's position, serving under Mazur for the next two years and learning from him -- consider it an apprenticeship. When he retires, you will take his place as High Commander of the Order."

I put down my glass and looked at him, stunned to the bone. It was a command offer all right, but at a level far, far greater than I had ever believed possible. I couldn't even move, much less respond.

"Take a moment, son, I know it must be a lot to digest," Maester Brac said with a smile.

His words broke my trance. I took a small sip of sake, fortifying myself enough to speak. "Your grace, I hardly know what to say. This honor -- that's not nearly a strong enough word -- I am humbled that you would make me such an offer. But are you certain? I've never held a command before; do you not feel that an experienced commander would be better in the role than a mere captain?"

The Maester shook his head. "You lead Gray Squadron, Auron; that makes you more than a 'mere captain'. I've been watching you for a long time. You are ready for this, and you are the best man for the job. There is no doubt in my mind. But before you accept, there is another matter I wish to discuss with you." He pushed his chair back from the table. "As I'm sure you realize, family alliances are very important to holding power here -- my son is high priest of St. Bevelle; Mazur is married to my niece; my late wife was the Grand Maester's cousin. Not only do I want you as my High Commander, I want you as part of my family. To that end, my son and I will offer his daughter's hand to you in marriage." He raised his arm in a beckoning gesture, and Lorayn appeared from the other room. She was not giggling now -- an uncharacteristically serious expression graced her face. Her eyes gleamed.

An icy hand reached into my chest and squeezed as my worst fear of the last six years was realized: love and duty coming into direct and irreconcilable conflict. I quickly lowered my gaze, hoping to hide my reaction. To give up this opportunity... but what other option did I have? I couldn't marry Lorayn. It was completely out of the question.

"You need not give me an answer tonight," the Maester said. I risked a glance at his face and saw that he had mistaken my dismay for deepening shock. "Take a day to think about it. Seek the counsel of Yevon before you decide."

It was the first time that he had ever misread me, and I took advantage of his error. "Thank you, your grace," I said, raising my eyes to his after taking a moment to compose my face. "I am glad that you understand just how momentous this decision is. I shall return with my response to you soon."

He excused me from his quarters. I took my leave, and started to walk down the corridor in a daze.

"Aur... I mean, Captain Auron?"

I turned to see Lorayn hurrying up behind me. "Yes, milady?"

She tilted her head down. "I know that you don't want to be married to me. But please don't let that stand in your way of taking this position. We can have a marriage in name only if you prefer. Just give me a child; I don't need anything more."

For just a moment, I realized I felt sorry for her -- she must have always known that she would have no choice in the man she married. I laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "No, Lorayn. That wouldn't be fair to you. If I were to marry you, I would be your husband in truth as well as name."

Her eyes lifted, meeting mine for just a second. And then, without warning, she pulled my head down and kissed me, her lips soft and warm. Starved of female companionship and suddenly finding itself with an attractive, willing woman in its arms, my treacherous body returned the kiss before I could stop it. Fortunately, I pulled away before things could go any further.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't," she said breathlessly. "It's only... I love you."

I looked down at her. I wanted to tell this girl that she couldn't possibly love me, that she didn't understand what love was, and that whatever she felt was likely a pale imitation at best. But that would be too cruel, and I didn't want to offend her. Rejecting this proposal was going to be a tricky thing; I couldn't afford a single misstep. "Good night, Lorayn," I said instead. And I walked away.

I would take my problems to Yevon soon, but first I needed some more terrestrial advice. Kinoc was in town, and I hurried to the Crusader lodge where he was staying.

He found me at the door. "Well, you're dressed up." Then he noticed my face. "What's wrong?"

I shut the door behind me as I entered the room, then gave him the details of my evening with the Maester. Kinoc crossed his arms as I finished. "Don't tell me you weren't expecting this," he said.

"Expecting it?" I said, incredulous.

"Of course!" he replied impatiently. "By Yevon, Auron, don't you see the obvious? Brac has been grooming you for this for six years! He's chosen you to be his successor."

I felt momentarily dizzy with the idea and made my way to a chair. "Are you sure?"

"Nearly positive," he assured me as he sat across from me on the bed. "I've been thinking about this for awhile, and it seems to me that he wasn't sure which of us he wanted at first. So he puts us both in Gray Squadron, gets to know us, then sends us on the fast track to Captain, in squads far from Bevelle and one another, to see how we handle things on our own. Surely it hasn't escaped you that we were on parallel career tracks for the first few years. But then he elevated you to lead Gray Squad and shuttled me off to the Crusaders, and I knew -- he'd made his decision." He glanced away for a second, and I thought I saw envy flash across his features. Then the moment passed, and he looked at me again. "I'm just surprised it didn't come sooner; Scala's been fading for months. Maybe Sin distracted him; maybe he wanted to give you more experience with Gray Squadron; perhaps he was hoping to have time to cycle you through a garrison command first. But I think he's been planning this for a long time."

"Why me though? I have no magic, I haven't your innate sense of tactics or ability to navigate politics. So I can fling a sword around; that doesn't make me a candidate for Maester!"

"Not that alone, no, although don't underestimate the power of respect for talent in battle." Kinoc tapped his knees thoughtfully. "But you have charisma, Auron. Men follow you. I saw that in you almost as soon as we met. That and your sense of loyalty. The Maester trusts you implicitly. I wonder if he would say that about anyone else."

I stared into space and thought about everything my friend had said. It all made sense when he laid it out that way, and I felt like an idiot for not seeing it on my own. But then Kinoc had always been the better strategist.

"You may be right," I said. "But that doesn't help answer my question. What should I do?"

"Do?" Kinoc raised his eyebrows. "Is there even a choice? Look, I know you love that girl, but this is the opportunity of a lifetime, of several lifetimes. You'd be a fool to turn it down."

I unhooked the dagger from my belt and toyed with it. "You don't think there's any way to take the position without accepting the marriage proposal?"

"Are you kidding?" He laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. "Refusing the daughter of a high priest, the granddaughter of a Maester? You'd be lucky to get out with your position intact, much less receive a promotion."

"I refuse to believe that," I said, standing. "The Maester is an honorable man; surely he will understand when I tell him that I have committed myself elsewhere."

"You've committed to nothing!"

"I don't see it that way," I responded quietly. "And neither will Relle."

"Maybe, but will the Maester?" Kinoc shook his head and sighed. "Fine, do as you will. It's your career to destroy. Just don't expect me to watch while you do it." He turned from me again, and I left, stinging from his dismissal.

I meditated for two hours before bed, but I still slept poorly. When I woke, my mind was no clearer than it had been the night before. The temple was quiet that morning, so I slipped out to go walking in the city. It was a bitterly cold winter's day, but I found the crisp air bracing. Before long, I found myself at Braska's door. I hadn't been coming here consciously, but I realized that he was the perfect person to see today.

I knocked, and the door opened on empty space. I was confused until I thought to look down. Little Yuna was standing there.

"Hi Uncle Auron!" she said happily. "How are you?"

I dropped to one knee, bringing myself closer to her height. "Just fine, Yuna. Is your father home?"

"Yes, come in." She led me inside, where Tessa was packing in the living room.

"Hey, long time no see!" Tess gave me a quick hug, which I returned.

I glanced over to her bags as I removed my coat. "Going somewhere?"

She smiled, and her whole face lit up. "I'm making my first visit to Home since I left with Braska. Cid and I have been back in contact, and he's invited me to come stay for a little while. I wish the circumstances were happier -- his wife died recently, leaving him with two young children, and he needs help taking care of them. But I'm really excited about going home and seeing my family again. My niece is two years younger than Yuna; I've never even met her. I'll be catching a boat this afternoon."

"Are Braska and Yuna going with you?"

"No, just me this trip. Hopefully they can come along next time." She snapped her bag shut. "Braska, you have a visitor!"

The priest emerged from the back and came to greet me. "Hello, Auron. This is an unexpected pleasure. What brings you here?"

"I need your advice," I said. "Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course. Is this a discussion best held over tea or sake?" he asked.

"Let's start with tea; it is before noon, after all. Then I'll tell you my story, and you can decide whether to break out the sake." He laughed, and we headed for the kitchen.

Braska looked at me soberly after I had finished my tale. I told him about everything -- the incident with Relle after the battle at Djose, the exchange of letters, dinner with the Maester and his offer, Kinoc's theories. "There are a few different issues here, I think," he said, setting his teacup on the table. "First and foremost, the marriage offer. Are you considering accepting it?"

"Of course not! The thought never even crossed my mind!"

"Truly?" Braska's eyes captured mine, and suddenly a series of images flashed before me -- a royal wedding, Lorayn dressed in a sparkling white gown, her violet eyes filled with tears of joy, myself wearing a commander's uniform and smiling down at her, the two of us in front of Maester Brac in all his glory, speaking our vows at the pinnacle of St. Bevelle, placing another kiss on that gentle mouth; then surveying rows of troops, hundreds of men, all under my command, Kal beside me as my second; presenting the Maester with a raven-haired great-grandson as my heart swelled with pride; an older version of myself in Maester's robes taking an oath before Mika...

I looked away. "There is a temptation, yes. But--"

The vision was replaced by a simpler scene that I had imagined often, one in which I stood before Braska in the Tzeki Village square, Relle smiling into my eyes as I held her hands and said the words I had thought a thousand times of saying to her. And I knew without a doubt which future I wanted.

"I can't marry anyone but Relle. No matter what the cost," I said, raising my face up again. "I've never been more certain of anything in my life."

Braska nodded. "That's one question answered, then. One other remains. What are you going to do about it?"

I rested my hands on the table, took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. I knew the answer, and I realized then that I always had. "The only thing I can do: tell the Maester the truth, that I am deeply honored by his offer, but that I have promised myself to another and cannot accept. Then he can do as he pleases. With luck, he will appreciate my honesty and find another, lesser, command for me, or at least let me carry on as a captain."

"And without luck?"

I shrugged. "Kinoc seems to think that a rejection puts my entire career in jeopardy. I can't believe that, though. I know the Maester better than he does, and I can't imagine that he would destroy me over something so petty." I took a sip of tea -- it had grown cold while I was talking, and I grimaced.

"Hmm." Braska poured himself more tea, then refreshed my cup as well. "I agree that Maester Brac does not seem to be a petty man. But might he react badly if he feels his plans are being thwarted?"

I considered this possibility. It was true that I had never really seen anyone seriously oppose the Maester before. "If I am honest? I don't know," I said. "Not for sure."

Braska reached across the table and covered my hand with his more delicate one. "For what it's worth, I think your plan is the right one. The only one, if you're sure that marrying Relle is what you really want. As long as you are aware that you are risking your career, no matter how small that risk may be, and that you are content to give it up for her if you must."

I laid my other palm over our joined hands -- I suspected that he was no longer talking about only me. "Are you content, my friend?" I asked softly.

He glanced at the living room, where his wife sat on the floor, playing with his daughter, and his mouth curved into a gentle smile. "Always." Then he looked back at me, his eyes serious again. "Good luck, then. My prayers are with you."

"Thank you. And thanks for listening."

"Any time."

I stood from the table, finished my tea in a single draught, and walked into the living room.

"Are you going?" Tess asked as she stood. I nodded. "Well, see you after my trip, then. I'll be back in a couple of months or so. "

"Safe journey," I said, "and Yev-- have a good time."

She punched me playfully on the arm. "You can say it, Auron. I don't mind a prayer on my behalf as long as you're not trying to convert me."

I laughed. Tess was always able to lift my spirits with her natural cheer; Braska, I thought, was a fortunate man. "Yevon be with you, then." After obeying a sudden impulse to bend down and kiss her on the cheek, I said one of the half-dozen Al Bhed words she had taught me. "Vynafamm."

"Hey, not bad," she said. "Your pronunciation was half-decent, even if the empahsis was all wrong. We'll make a native speaker of you yet." She returned the kiss, then winked. "Now shoo. I have to give my husband a proper goodbye."

I strode purposefully up the stairs to the entrance of St. Bevelle, hoping that the Maester would be free -- I wanted to get this unpleasantness over with. Maybe I could even write Relle tonight. But as I stepped onto the Highbridge, I was confronted by the last thing I expected to see: my squad, assembled and waiting for me. Kal ran over to me, exasperation plain in his furrowed brow. "Where in Spira have you been?" he asked. "I've been looking all over for you!"

"I was thinking on something and needed a walk, so I went into town," I said. "Why? What has happened?"

"Sinspawn outbreak in Macalania, a bad one. A runner came with the news about an hour ago. The commander is dead, and both squads have had to retreat; they're not sure how much longer they can hold the temple. Every squadron in Bevelle that can be spared is being sent, and the Maester wants you to run the operation. Second, Third, and Fifth have already left. We have to follow, now."

"Now?" I sighed and rubbed at my suddenly pounding temples -- I had largely recovered from the Djose misadventure, but the headaches still popped up at the most inconvenient moments. "I have an important issue to discuss with the Maester."

"He said you might bring that up. He said to tell you, and I quote, 'It can wait.'" Kal held out my bag, which he had already packed for me, and I took it. "This can't."

"All right. Lieutenant Bradyn?"

My new Lead Sword stepped forward. He'd only been with us for two months; he was capable, but I still missed Jass. "Sir. I have your sword and armor."

"Thank you." I took off my coat and pulled my plate on over my head, then started to buckle it in place. "Both of you, give me all the information you have. We move out as soon as I'm ready."