Disclaimer: "Oh, yeah, that was smooth." "Better than getting squeegeed off the dome outside!"

(An: And so we begin another parody. Yahoo. The nice thing about this one is that I've watched this movie so many times that I can pretty much quote it all by heart, heheh.)

Amalthea (the unicorn): Ororo

Prince Lier: Forge

Shmendrick: Kurt

Molly: Kitty

King Haggard: Magneto

Butterfly: Hank

Captain Cully: Lance

Mommy Fortuna: Dani

Rukh: Jason

Celaeno (the harpy): Mystique

Director: Remy

Random Singer Dude: Piotr

ALL THAT BUSY STUFF THAT GOES ON BEFORE THE PARODY...

Remy is doing an I've-got-absolute-power dance.

"Why is he the director, anyway?" Rogue demands.

Author: Because all the people I normally use for director have parts.

Rogue crosses her arms and glares.

"What're you, like, complaining about? You don't even have a part in this!" Kitty says.

"Good point," Rogue says, and disappears.

"Where's Forge?" Remy asks, flipping through his Omnipresent Clipboard.

"Ah... good question," Kurt agrees, looking around. "Where is Forge?"

"Look in the supply closet," Logan suggests, looking squicked.

"Y' do it," Remy says, smacking Kurt.

"Why me? You're the director!"

"I call absolute power."

"Dammit!"

Kurt gives Remy the evil eye before tentatively opening the supply closet door.

In a tumble of mops, cleaning fluid, and explosives, out come Ororo and Forge, attached at the mouth.

Remy and Kurt both look REALLY squicked.

"Dude, that's just sick," Kurt mutters, and Remy nods.

"Tres, tres disturbing... and y' spelled that wrong... again."

Author: -eye twitches- I do not possess those amazing slashy e's! So sue me!

Remy kicks Forge, choosing to ignore this. "We need to start the whole transformation bit."

"Again?" everyone else demands.

Remy deadpans.

"Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on," Forge mutters. He pulls out the octagonal purple thing. "Ok, ok, line up."

TEN MINUTES LATER...

"Is that everyone?" Forge asks.

"WHEE!" Hank cries, flapping around and stuff.

"I think you must've shrunk his brain," Remy comments to Forge.

Forge shakes the purple thing. "Damn thing must be on the fritz again."

"Definitely," Kitty says. "Look at Storm!"

She's a unicorn, yep... a coffee-colored one.

"I work with what I have," Forge says, sounding peeved.

"Who ever heard of a black unicorn?" Kitty demands.

"You have now," Ororo replies. She looks distinctly P.O.'ed. She tosses her head.

"I just have one question," Piotr pipes up. "What exactly does a 'Random Singer Dude' do?"

"You sing all de songs dat none of de characters do," Remy explains.

"...Why me?"

Everyone else shrugs.

"Don't ask questions," Remy advises. "Y' never want t' know, trust me."

"Have we got everyone, then?" Wanda asks.

"No, we're missin' someone," Remy mutters.

Forge looks at the clipboard, eeps, and runs away. Or tries to, anyway. Ororo steps on his foot. "Stay," she commands.

"...the pain..." Forge squeaks.

"What was THAT about?" Kitty demands.

"De person we're missin's your friend Dani," Remy explains.

"Oh! Yay!" Kitty does a little happy dance. "...wait, why does that bother Forge?"

"We know each other," Forge says darkly. "Sadly."

A door slams and Dani appears. "Sorry I'm late," she explains. "Naze took a wrong turn at Albequerque." (1)

"Hello, you evil person you," Forge (attempting to hide behind Ororo) mutters.

"It's nice to see you too, Maker," Dani replies. She doesn't look amused.

Forge shakes his fist and mutters something that's probably not very polite in Cheyenne.

"Oh, that's real nice," Dani mutters.

"Why don't we just get started," Remy suggested, wearing an oh-shit face and wishing to avoid a fight.

"Good idea," Kurt agrees.

We start off with a tracking shot through some woods, along with random animal noises and stuff. Very tranquil and crap.

We see a waterfall, a pool, and a lilac bush. Somehow, during this transition, it becomes daytime. The wonder of special effects, I s'pose.

Rahne comes running down a path, barking for Alex and Warren (on horses) to follow.

"This is demeaning," she mutters. "I'm a wolf!"

"And I'm a multimillionaire playboy, but we can't all have what we want, now can we," Warren replies.

They ride through the pool and into a meadow, and we see Ororo's shadow. Just her shadow, that's it.

"I mislike the feel of these woods," Warren announces. "Wait, 'mislike'?"

Author: Anybody who would actually say "mislike" already has a part.

Warren rolls his eyes and goes on. "Creatures that live in a unicorn's forest learn a little magic of their own in time, mainly concerned with disappearing."

Author: When we see the dude Warren plays, you can TELL this was done by the same people who did the animated versions of The Hobbit and The Return of the King.

Alex gives him a "riiight" look. "Unicorns? I thought they only existed in fairy tales. This is a forest, like any other." Then, because Warren is the Senior Hunter and thus faaar more experienced (I see your Robin Hood-esque cap and raise you a beard), he adds, "Isn't it?"

"Then why do the leaves never fall here? Or the snow?"

"Because I run the show here, and I hate cold weather!" Ororo yells.

Remy gives her a death glare.

"Why is it always spring here?"

"I just answered that," Storm replies. "You must be kind of slow on the uptake."

"Well, DUH," Forge says.

"What makes you say that?" Warren demands, eyes slitted.

Forge coughs into his hand. It sounds suspiciously like "Cookie!" (2)

Warren shoots Forge a death glare. "I tell you, there is one unicorn left in the world, and as long as it lives in this forest, we'll find no game to hunt here. What kind of games? Like Sorry or Never Have I Ever?"

John (with his drumset) boredly does a rimshot. (3)

Remy facepalms. "Please, Warren, for all our sakes, don't make any more jokes, ok?"

Warren mutters something like "Nobody appreciates talent" but shuts up.

Alex appears to have been swayed by Warren's convincing arguments (or maybe the bad puns). "Let's turn around, hunt somewhere else."

"All right," Warren agrees, looking semi-smug.

They turn their horsies and Rahne runs off in the other direction. Warren pauses, though, to make a Random Speech. He's pretty good at those. "Stay where you are, poor beast. This is no world for you. Stay in your forest and keep your trees green and your friends protected, and good luck to you, for you are the last."

They ride off, and we see Ororo step out of the forest. I am the only unicorn there is? The last? Like in all scenes with her as a horse, she does a lot of random head movements.

She tilts back her head as Mystique!eagle caws and flaps overhead.

Rogue strikes up a tune on her guitar and Piotr starts singing (from his magic voiceover booth). (4)

"When the last eagle flies"

Mystique lands on a tree, and for no apparent reason, she goes tapestry-style.

Go down a little, and we see some lions (who, incidentally, look more like monkeys) sitting by a fountain.

"Over the last crumbling mountain
And the last lion roars
At the last dusty fountain"

Jason the lion!monkey roars. "NOT A MONKEY!" Jason screams.

The Acolytes glance up from their usual in-parody poker game. "Yes, you are."

Jason mutters about union rights.

"In the shadow of the forest
Though she may be old and worn
They will stare unbelieving
At the last unicorn"

Again, we see just Ororo's shadow, among some trees.

Then we see a stag and some bunnies, staring at Ororo staring at her reflection in the pool by the fountain.

A title pops up: Mideaval Mutants.

"When the first breath of winter
Through the flowers is icing"

We switch to some windblown flowers. Then we see a castle, and a moonrise.

"And you look to the north
And a pale moon is rising"

A leaf falls by a squirrel.

"And it seems like all is dying
And would leave the world to mourn
In the distance hear the laughter
Of the last unicorn"

A tear drops down the squirrel's face as he freezes in tapestry position.

"Poor sad squirrel," John whimpers. "Can I have him?"

"NO!" all the other Acolytes shout, terrified.

John sulks. "Never let me have any fun..."

"If by fun, you mean attempts at destroying the world, then no, we don't like you doing that," Remy agrees, and Piotr nods fervently.

Ororo runs through those trees I mentioned earlier and then stops, rearing.

"I'm alive
I'm alive"

"Well, thank God for that, Piotr," Rogue says, pausing in her guitar playing.

"Don't talk t' him!" Remy begs. "You'll be corrupted!" (5)

Rogue gives him the WTF eyebrow for a moment, then goes back to playing.

"When the last moon is cast
Over the last star of morning"

We see a star, and then we see the moon. Real original, this.

A bunch of clouds move in.

"And the future has passed
Without even a last desperate warning"

Then, like earlier, we get some random daylight.

A path appears in the clouds and we see a cloud!Ororo rear.

"Nice touch, 'Ro," Remy comments.

Ororo just shrugs.

"Then look into the sky where through
The clouds a path is torn"

We switch back to the fountain, where Ororo is STILL admiring her blackness.

"Look and see her, how she sparkles
It's the last unicorn"

Since this seems to be a requirement of all the Ororos in this tapestry, Ororo admires herself for a moment more, then rears, and the whole thing goes tapestry style.

"I'm alive
I'm alive"

We see the whole tapestry. Weird. Half is night, half is day... that would explain the random daylight, then.

So then we switch away from the tapestry, to the forest at night. We see a bunch of sleeping animals... and some random bunnies.

Mystique (an owl now) flaps her wings and hoots. "Am I just every random bird?"

Author: ...Yeah, pretty much.

Then, after that, we switch to Ororo, looking at herself in the pool. Unicorns are very vain. Or maybe that's just her.

"CHEAP SHOT!" Kurt yells, delighted.

Ororo is Not Amused.

That cannot be, she thinks, as a lilac petal falls down into the water. Why would I be the last? What do men know? Because they have seen no unicorns for a while does not mean we have all... vanished! We do not vanish! There has never been a time without unicorns. We live forever! We are as old as the sky, old as the moon! We can be hunted, trapped, we can even be killed if we leave our forests, but we do not vanish!

It randomly switches to day again, and we see Ororo cresting a hill, still lost in her own thoughts. Am I truly the last?

"That'll do, folks," Remy calls.

"Whoa, short chapter," Ororo comments.

Author: It's late and I want to go to bed. Any questions?

"Right, right."

(And that IS that. Please review. My ego needs stroking, and I have the nagging feeling that this chapter was craptacular. Hahah! I got this up on time! ...pretty much... it's not midnight yet, so I did!)

(1) As IF you don't know what this is referencing... please tell me you do. That would just be sad.

(2) Cookie is Warren's pet alligator.This is a two-fer ref, originally from Toddfan's "Teacher Training" and now from my X-band series... as Playdoh, heheh.

(3) According to me, John can and will play the drums.

(4) The magic voiceover booth is from "The Cajun and the Artist"... it's a shameless plug, yeah, because I don't think anybody's read it.

(5) Rogue and Piotr have a 'ship in the Sidney Chronicles continuity; I'm also considering Riotr for a fic I want to do... don't lynch me, there's a very good reason!