a/n: In response to some of my reviewers: sorry for the "cliffhanger" at the end of the last chapter–hopefully you'll get some resolution here. Thanks for reading, and giving feedback. It makes churning these parts out a lot easier knowing someone is at the other end looking at it Also, I'm very sorry about the extended writers block I haven't abandoned this, really.
A final note: for the sake of getting this out to those of you who have been asking me where it is, this part is a bit shorter than the previous ones, however, that just means that there will wing up being more parts
Chapter Six: Resignations
Shuichi stared at the closed door until tears blurred his vision, the sound of its slamming still ringing in his ears. After a few moments of his sobs penetrating the silence, he wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve and shakily got to his feet. Slowly, Shuichi started down the hall toward the bathroom, his arms wrapped around his thin body in an effort to stop shaking. The empty apartment which just moments before was going to be his new (albeit temporary) home now seeming foreign and imposing, and he felt small and insignificant in the face of the empty walls and hollow atmosphere. Not ready to leave for school and uncertain of what to do in light of the older man's pronouncement, he splashed some cold water on his face and attempted to get himself together.
He had never been more confused by anything than what had happened in the past few days. Eiri's behavior was almost near impossible to comprehend; at times it almost seemed as if he knew two different versions of the same man. Shuichi could see clearly the rigid armor he wore to keep people at arm's length, and he could understand the hesitation he might have at entering into a relationship with another man, and a student, no less. But what he couldn't figure was this continued denial of what was happening between them. It was so obvious, and so natural to Shuichi that they belonged together; why couldn't Eiri just stop fighting it?
Sighing to himself, he wandered over to the pile of clothes on the floor, and kneeled down to rummage through what he had grabbed from his closet at home. Suddenly, the school uniform didn't seem appropriate. No, not at all…if this was going to be one of the worst days in his young life, then at the very least, he could be comfortable.
With a determined smile on his face, Shuichi yanked out sweaters and skimpy shirts and amassed an outfit, slowly letting the memories from the night before creep into his mind, causing a blush to rise to his face. As he struggled to decide between purple and orange, he almost thought he could hear the voice of the older man as he asked,
"Are you coming?"
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"What?" Shuichi's eyes went wide, his mouth hanging open, his face instantly hot.
"It's a fairly straightforward question," replied Eiri, nonchalantly. "Are you coming to bed or not?" He stood at the end of the hall, his tall form framed in the light of the doorway to the bedroom, his blue shirt draped over one shoulder; hair tousled and feet bare.
Swallowing a lump in this throat, Shuichi meekly nodded and got up from the couch, his knees shaking slightly as he advanced on the older man. Eiri waited for him in the doorway, the barest hint of an amused smile gracing his expression. When Shuichi finally came up beside him, Eiri leaned down and gently kissed the top of his head, a reverse of their positions just moments before.
"Yuki, hmm?" Eiri murmured, his hand cupping the back of Shuichi's head. "I suppose…I suppose it's not the worse thing you've come up with."
Shuichi smiled brightly as butterflies swirled in his stomach. He knew, coming from the other man, that those words were high praise. He also knew, more than anything, that what was happening between the two of them was inevitable, was right. He instinctively leaned into Eiri's chest, pressing his face against the older man's skin and inhaled his scent.
"Ne, Yuki?" Shuichi asked, the words slightly muffled.
"What?"
"Maybe I could stay here for a few more days?" The words hung in the air for a moment as Shuichi held his breath, hoping he had not dared too much.
"We'll see." Eiri smiled and lifted his hand from Shuichi's head, softly pushing the boy away. He walked in to the bedroom and beckoned for the boy to follow him. Eiri padded across the smooth wooden floor, seemingly oblivious to the presence of the bear on his pillow. He went to the right-hand side of the bed and dimmed the lamp with one hand while undoing his pants with the other. With a casual sort of grace he slipped out of the pants revealing dark blue boxers. He then walked over to the small adjoining bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
Relieved to have a moment alone to get Oliver out of sight, Shuichi scampered to the other side of the bed and quickly grabbed the bear which still sat smiling upon Eiri's pillow, untouched since that morning. Shuichi placed him on the dresser, where he hopefully would be discovered at a more opportune moment.
Shuichi was just tucking the note under Oliver's arm when the sudden sound of the door opening behind him gave him a start, causing him to emit a loud yelp. He whirled around to see Eiri standing on his side of the bed, clad only in his boxers with the sexiest expression on his face Shuichi had ever seen.
"Jumpy, aren't we?" Eiri asked, his right eyebrow raised. Shuichi again felt his cheeks grow hot, and resisted the strong urge to stick his tongue out at the older man.
"Just a little, maybe" Shuichi smiled back, trying his best to act as if this whole situation were completely normal for him to be in. "Do you mind if I just sleep in my shorts, too? I don't have any pajamas with me" he asked, relieved that his voice remained steady.
Eiri pulled back the crisp duvet on the bed and eased himself in. "Sure, whatever's comfortable. And for the love of god, relax. It's not as if I'm going to ravish you or something." With a small laugh the blond leaned over and turned the lamp off, and settled back into the bed, lying on his side facing away from Shuichi.
Shuichi stood stock still for a full minute, wondering what was going on. He was so sure that Eiri's "invitation" had meant a bit more, and he had been nervously waiting whatever that might be, but this was…unexpected, to say the least. Had Eiri changed his mind? Or was he perhaps simply trying to set the younger boy at ease? Was it a simple act of trust that he allowed Shuichi to share his bed, and he had no other kinds of intentions toward him at all? Whatever the case, Shuichi started to feel stupid and self-conscious standing there with his mouth hanging open, so he slipped off his clothes and eased in next to Eiri, being careful to make sure that he did not touch the older man.
Shuichi curled up in what was almost a ball and tried to relax, taking deep silent breaths and hoping that sleep would come quickly. The unfamiliar surroundings and the gentle snores coming from beside him were conspiring against him, however, and his nerves remained on edge. Uncomfortable, he tested how much room he had and felt his insides jump as his leg grazed the other man's; and he quickly jerked his leg back so that it was firmly on his side of the bed. His heart pounding, Shuichi squeezed his eyes closed tight and tried to imagine himself somewhere, anywhere, else.
"Shuichi…" Eiri suddenly muttered, his back still turned to the boy, "Goodnight."
The nervousness quickly fading as a smile formed on his lips, he settled back into the pillows, closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. "Oyasumi, Yuki."
The boy fell asleep to the sound of Eiri's deep, steady breathing.
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Last night's intimacy and the morning's playfulness represented something very important to Shuichi, and he was sure that on some level, it did to Eiri, too. Eiri just had to stop over-analyzing things and come to grips with them, because it seemed him as if whenever they would actually make any progress, the older man would pull a complete reversal and become an utter jackass. That situation was, all round, completely unacceptable to Shuichi. He was experiencing a type of feeling that he had never really known was possible to have for another person, and there was no way in hell he was going to give it up without some kind of fight, no matter how stubborn or cruel Eiri became.
Shuchi laced up his orange sneakers and then grabbed his bag, his decision made. There was really only one thing left to do, after all.
Go after his inspiration.
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"Uesugi-san, thank-you for coming in on your lunch break." Tanaka-sensei greeted, in a sickingly warm voice. "Please, please, come in and have a seat," he said, gesturing to the empty chairs
"Thank-you." Eiri replied curtly, sliding into the uncomfortably all-too-familiar seat across from Tanaka's desk. "To what do I owe this 'invitation'? I'm assuming that you're not going to take me up on the offer I made yesterday?" he asked, snidely, knowing full well that he was tempting the older man's anger, and not caring.
Ignoring the remark, Tanaka eased himself into his own desk chair and looked coldly at the other man. "It appears you have made more than just one enemy at this school in your brief time with us, Uesugi-san," the assistant principal began, his words carefully paced and laced with venom. He slid an innocent-looking manila envelope across the desk, and continued with a triumphant tone in his voice. "These were handed into me this morning. As you can see, the photos make my assumptions from our last meeting pointedly clear."
Eiri narrowed his eyes and reached forward, yanking out the contents of the envelope, his heart almost stopping as he started down at the image of him and what was unmistakably Shindou Shuichi in the hallway of the school, presumably during their brief encounter yesterday afternoon. He was leant over the boy, his head bent down and obviously whispering in the student's ear; the next image then showed clearly Shuichi entering his building that night.
"I'm sure they do." Eiri grated out. "Just who the fuck did you put up to this, hmm?"
"I'm sure I don't understand what you're talking about," Tanaka replied calmly.
"And I'm sure you understand that spying on people is illegal, Tanaka-sensei. What I'm not sure is what you're trying to prove with these photos."
"Oh, come now, Uesugi-san. It's plain that you were planning a rendezvous with that boy at your apartment. I also spoke with several other students in your class today, and they confirm that you have had several similar meetings with Shindou-san on school grounds. Surely one student would not give you so much trouble during your brief time here? There must be some other reason that he is warranting so much attention." Tanaka paused for a moment, and, not waiting for a reply, continued: "Unnatural behavior of this sort, especially on the part of our teachers, is something we do not tolerate at this institution, Uesugi-san" the assistant principal continued, his voice layered with both bitterness and pleasure at the power he held over the situation.
"If you resign quietly, you can save yourself the scandal, Uesugi-san. Also, think of the boy…you wouldn't want to drag his name through the mud with yours, would you?"
Eiri's teeth ground together as his grip tightened on the photos in his hand. He knew that destroying them would do no good; surely there would be copies, and besides, he knew full well that if this kind of story got out any further there was no way he would be believed if he countered the allegations, which were mostly true, anyway. There would be a mess, and while he didn't really care what happened to him or his career, there was…
Shuichi.
Goddamn him!
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"Uesugi-sensei, is it true?" Yamashita Michiru asked, panting from having run half way across the school. "They said you quit; are you really leaving us?" She stood in front of the teacher, who stood, briefcase in hand, obviously heading for the exit.
"It's true, isn't it? Why are you going?" Ayaka butt in, both burning for the gossip and disappointed to be losing what was inarguably one of the hottest men she had ever seen.
Surprised, Eiri paused, not really sure of how to reply. After a moment, he settled on a safe answer. "Yes, I'm going. This wasn't really something I wanted to do, anyway, and I'm sure your replacement teacher will be more suited to doing what this school wants. Just try to give them a bit of a challenge, hmm?" Eiri gave them a half smile and continued down the hall, after having hastily gathered his things from the teacher's room. When he thought about it, it probably was for the best that he got out of doing something with his life that he was only doing because his father had forced him into it. It was funny, though; if he hadn't met Shuichi through teaching he couldn't really imagine himself arriving at that conclusion. So, in a weird way, he owed his father a favor.
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Shuichi prowled the crowded lunch-hour halls, certain that Eiri wasn't in the teacher's lunch room. As he rounded a corner and saw the dark blue suit jacket and blond hair heading down the hall toward the exit, he screwed up every ounce of courage within him and with the kind of exuberant confidence that makes people gasp, he stormed down the hall toward the blond.
"YUKI EIRI!" Shuichi shouted, not caring who heard, and not concerned with the consequences of what he was about to do. Running as fast as he could he planted himself in front of the older man, panting as he looked up into his eyes.
Surprised, Eiri looked down into Shuichi's face and saw a naked emotion there that he had never hoped to see; a kind of trust and anger mixed together to form a bond between them that Eiri would do anything in his power to sever. The few seconds they stared into each others eyes stretched out between them, and Eiri could almost hear the boy's stubborn voice in his head:
/"There's something about you. I want...I want to look at you, to talk to you, to know you...I want you to be my song."/
"Shindou, get out of my way." Eiri said coldly, resigned to not make a further scene and ruin Shuichi's singing career before it had a chance to start.
Just as stubborn, Shuichi held his position, determination marking his face. His voice was firm as he said the words that some part of him had known were true from the moment he first laid eyes on the older man. "You're never going to be rid of me, Yuki Eiri," taking a deep breath, he continued, "I love you."
Eiri's head felt like it was going to explode as anger gave way to confusion; the voices surging to the surface once again threatening to drag him under. /"Homosexual, Uesugi-san…attraction toward younger boys?"/
/"you and your classmate Diasuke…shameful…"/
/"unnatural behavior..."/
/"You're never going to be rid of me, Yuki Eiri./
"Did you hear me? I said I love you!" Shuichi said again, reaching out to shake Eiri's arms.
/"I love you."/
Eiri roughly pulled his arms from the boy's grasp, no longer caring who heard or saw what was going on, only acting on the instinct that told him that he had to get away, no matter what the cost.
"How many times will it take before it gets through the thick skull of yours?" he practically yelled, driven by fear and hurt, "You are an annoyance, nothing more. I only put up with your presence because I felt sorry for you and your disgusting crush. Now I all I feel is revulsion. You're pathetic. Leave."
"DISGUSTING?!" Shuichi shouted, anger coursing through his body. "You didn't think it was disgusting when you were kissing me or when you were sobbing into my chest!" Pausing only to catch his breath, he continued yelling, "What is wrong with you, anyway? Are you that damned afraid to have someone close to you that you need to destroy everything that might be good in your life?"
"You have no idea what you're talking about. You're just a dumb kid. Now, for the last time, get out of my way or I'll plow through you.
"So what, I'm some dumb kid but I'm good enough to invite into your bed?!" Shuichi shouted. He ignored the gasps which followed his outburst, and batted away Hiiro's arm which had come down firmly on his shoulder. True to his word, the blond narrowed his eyes and shoved his way past Shuichi, practically knocking the boy to the floor. As he tore down the hall toward the exit, Shuichi yelled at his back, "If you're going to end it like this, then YOU'RE the pathetic one, not me—at least I was willing to try!"
As the double doors closed behind the man a raw, angry cry let loose from deep within Shuichi, and he collapsed against Hiiro. He cried for several minutes, staining his friend's uniform and near-choking on his own sobs.
Composing himself, he stood up straight and picked up his backpack. He wiped his nose, and, with as much dignity as he could muster, walked down the hall past the stares, whispers, and catcalls. And as he left the building, entering the warm spring afternoon he said softly to himself, "That's twice you've made me cry in one day, damnit. Just you wait, Yuki Eiri. You'll regret throwing me aside like this."
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