Part Three: It's Not Over 'Til...

Simon Banks was not a religious man. Oh, he believed in God--he'd been raised Baptist, after all--but he didn't go to church every Sunday, and didn't have the strong conviction of faith he saw in some of his men. However, he found himself praying every night as of late, hoping that Jim Ellison and Blair Sandburg would talk through their differences and get back to normal.

Everyone had thought that the healing had begun when Blair had returned to Cascade, but they had been wrong. If anything, the relationship between the two former friends simply got worse every day. It was all very subtle, but anyone who knew the two men well could see it clearly. It was mostly in the way they spoke to one another, in the sharp tones of Blair's voice and the subdued tones of Jim's. It was in the way they never touched one another anymore the way they used to, and in the way Blair would flinch away if Jim tried. It was in Jim's dull eyes and pale skin, and in the continuing absence of his Sentinel senses.

But apparently, Jim and Blair were the only ones who couldn't see the relationship deteriorating, and so it just got worse and worse until Blair was snapping every time he spoke to Jim, and Jim wasn't looking his Guide in the eyes, and Blair could tell Jim to do whatever he wanted and Jim would do it, no questions asked.

And Blair was starting to get very annoyed.

Finally, after a particularly nasty flare-up one Tuesday afternoon, Simon decided he'd had enough.

Blair had come in the station at 12:30, bearing lunch. "I got you lunch, Jim," he said, plopping a paper bag down on Jim's desk. "It's a pita sandwich: wheat bread, hummus, sprouts, red peppers, fresh mozzarella, basil and tomato. One of their best vegetarian sandwiches. I got two."

"Okay," Jim agreed, reaching into the bag for the sandwich, but Blair scowled at him and pulled it away.

"'Okay?' That's it, you just say 'okay' and I'm supposed to accept that?"

"What?"

"You hate vegetarian sandwiches, Jim. Weren't you even going to say anything?"

Ellison's confusion showed plainly on his face. "You bought me lunch, Sandburg, I'm not going to complain--"

"Why not?" Blair's voice was getting louder now, but not so loud that anyone who hadn't already seen this coming would turn and look. "If I brought you a dog shit sandwich, would you eat that, too?"

Jim tried, and failed, to smile. "Oh, come on, Chief, the sprouts aren't that bad!"

Blair just let out a strangled exhalation and threw his hands in the air in frustration before stalking out of the room.

Simon felt his heart break at the lost and defeated expression on Jim Ellison's face, and knew it was time to step in. He stood and started toward the detective, smiling slightly as he saw Joel Taggart leave his desk and set out determinedly after Blair. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who had decided to intercede.

"Jim," he called, keeping his voice soft and non-threatening. "My office, please."

Every eye in Major Crimes followed Jim as he stood and trudged into Simon's office, looking much older than his 37 years.

Simon closed the door behind them as they stepped inside, and closed the blinds as Jim collapsed into the chair in front of the desk, burying his head in his hands. Simon then took his own seat and decided to wait until Jim had pulled himself together before he said his piece. He had just opened his mouth to speak when Jim let out a ragged sigh.

"I'm so tired, Simon."

Banks closed his mouth, unsure of what to say in response. He waited for Jim to continue, but the man just stared down at the floor, his hands clasped in his lap. "Jim," he said gently, "what's going on? I thought you and the kid were working things out?"

"We were, Simon," Jim breathed wearily, lifting his head and regarding his captain with red-rimmed eyes. "He said he forgave me, but...I really don't think he has."

"You think that's the problem?" Banks pitched his voice neutrally, hoping to let Jim work through the thought on his own.

"What else could it be? We had a long talk the night he came back... He listed all of my faults, everything I ever did wrong." He laughed bitterly. "It wasn't a short list, Simon." He paused, and when he spoke again his voice was quiet, lost. "He said he forgave me."

Simon leaned forward, letting his eyes drill into Jim's. "He didn't lie to you. I know Sandburg, and if he said he forgave you, he meant it. But remember, Jim... It takes a lot of conviction and strength of character for forgive, but it isn't nearly as easy to forget."

Jim had nothing to say to that.

Joel Taggart had been praying for Jim Ellison and Blair Sandburg ever since the shocking revelation that Blair wasn't Blair. Something had told him upon the real Blair's return that as much as he wanted things to go back to normal, the real problems were only beginning. It seemed strange that the easy part had been getting Blair back, but that was the reality of it. Now that he was here, back in his own life, in his own home and his own job, Blair Sandburg was even more lost than before.

Joel had gotten to know the young grad student when he had first joined Major Crimes as an observer, and now that he had been working with Jim for over three years, his moods were as evident to Joel as the clouds in the sky. And right now, though for the most part he was subtle and quiet, his anger was a roiling black cloud over the young man's head.

Joel was not normally the kind of man to pray to God for answers to his problems, as he preferred to use the emotional support and security he got from his Creator to give him the strength to figure out the answers to his own problems. But last night, he had asked a specific question. "Should I get involved?" The Lord's answer had been clear: YES.

So when Joel watched Blair storm out of the bullpen, leaving a hurt and lost Jim Ellison behind, he stood and hurried after the grad student, steeling himself for what could easily be a very emotional confrontation.

Blair was younger than he, and more fit, so it took Joel a while to catch up with him, but when Blair noticed that he was being followed, he made a concerted effort to slow down. When Joel reached his side, both were breathing hard in exertion, though Blair's difficulty was more emotional than physical in nature.

"I'm sorry," Blair told him, somewhat tersely, after a short silence. "I didn't know you were back there or I would have waited for you."

Joel shrugged, trying to seem unconcerned. "No problem," he assured. "Can we talk?"

"I guess." Blair glanced about him, then turned a sheepish half-smile on Joel. "I wasn't really looking where I was going... Just trying to cool off, you know?" Joel smiled back and was not surprised at the relief that flickered in Blair's eyes. "We're near the park, you want to go sit?"

"Sure. You left your lunch in the bullpen, so we can pick up a couple of sandwiches on the way."

They walked the rest of the way to the park in silence, stopping at a small deli nearby for their lunch. The park was crowded, but not overwhelmingly so, and they found a relatively isolated bench fairly quickly. They sat and ate, still not speaking, and Joel used the silence to gather his thoughts. He didn't want to lecture Blair; chances were that the young man truly didn't understand what was going on. Maybe a long talk with a friend would help the young man sort things out in his own mind.

"So, you here to read me the riot act?" Blair's resigned voice broke into his thoughts, and Joel placed a reassuring hand on the tensed shoulder closest to him.

"No, Blair. I just thought you might want to talk about things."

"I was pretty unfair to him just now, I know." Blair kept his gaze focussed far out across the grass. "I didn't think I'd planned that, but I must have, if I bought the sandwiches..." He trailed off, then seemed to shake himself, turning to face Joel. "You heard, right?"

Joel smiled ruefully. "I think everybody heard, Blair."

Blair cringed. "Yeah. Man, they must think I'm such a jerk."

"I doubt that." Joel sat back, wrapping the rest of his sandwich and placing it on the ground at their feet. "You've gone through a tough time, everybody understands that."

"Jim doesn't. God, did you see his face? It was like...part of me sees him and wonders what the hell I'm doing, but there's this other part of me that...that almost wants him to feel bad. It just doesn't make sense... I thought I was over all this, I forgave him..."

"What was going on today, with the sandwich?"

Blair sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I got tired of him doing everything I said. It's stupid, I know, but...lately, he's not himself anymore, it's like he's got no backbone. I figured he'd get over it, you know, and get back to his usual cranky, demanding self, but he hasn't. I think he'd kiss my feet if I told him to."

"So you got angry with him for not standing up for himself?"

"Yeah...kind of. That was... That doesn't seem like all of it, though, but I don't know..."

"Do you think..." Joel waited until the idea jelled in his head before continuing. "Do you think maybe you're subconsciously punishing him? For hurting you?"

Blair started to deny that, but cut himself off in mid-word, his confusion evident on his face. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Think about it, Blair. What might you be punishing him for?"

The young man closed his eyes, obviously thinking carefully about Joel's question. When he spoke, his voice was low, the words halting. "Maybe I'm still angry with him for throwing me out. It really hurt me when he did that... We didn't talk things through, he didn't give me a chance to explain, he just... It was his space, you know, and he just decided I didn't belong in it. I thought I had a home there..." Blair's voice began to rise steadily. "I never really had a home, growing up, and I got used to it...to having that sanctuary...and he pulled that out from under me, just because he felt like it, and it hurt!" His voice cracked on the last word, and tears began to spill down his cheeks.

Joel put both arms around the shaking shoulders and pulled the grad student close, unsurprised when Blair's arms encircled his waist and the wet face was buried in his chest. "It's all right," he crooned, barely resisting the urge to stroke those long curls. "Just let it out, I'm here."

It only took a few moments to run out of steam, and then a very embarrassed Blair pulled away, wiping at his reddened eyes. "Sorry," he sniffled, reaching down and picking up one of the napkins from their lunch, which he used to blow his nose. "I didn't mean to do that... I got you all wet."

"It'll clean," Joel smiled, pulling Blair back into a one-armed hug when he was done. "I think you just needed to get that out. You want to hear my opinion, Blair?"

Blair nodded as he subconsciously snuggled closer to Joel's side.

"I think you were so bound and determined to end this thing that you held back what you were really feeling. You said you thought you'd forgiven Jim... Did you tell him he was forgiven?"

"Yeah. The first night I got back."

"So you were probably working to prove that. You didn't let yourself really react. Does that sound about right?"

"Maybe." Blair thought about that for a few short moments. "I didn't really have any emotions when I was...well, dead. And then when I came back, there they all were again. Maybe it just...built up."

"Makes sense. I think you ought to have another talk with Jim."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Blair pulled away again, just enough to look Joel in the eyes. "Thanks, Joel."

Joel smiled, sending a silent prayer of thanks to God. "You're welcome."

Epilogue

It had been four weeks--just under one month--since Jim Ellison and Blair Sandburg had left on the vacation they hoped would heal the rift that had opened between them after Blair's death. It was with an air of anticipation and worry that the members of Major Crimes waited for their friends' return. They didn't know if things had worked out, since they hadn't been in touch all of that time. Not even Simon knew where the two had gone, as Blair had insisted that for the healing to begin, they had to be alone with their demons. Blair had actually used that phrasing when he requested the time off, and Simon had been forced to choke back an extremely inappropriate laugh at the irony. Blair hadn't noticed, but Jim had, and he'd shared a secret, if weary, smile with his captain before following Blair out of the office and out of Cascade.

Now, the morning of The Return, it seemed that everyone in Major Crimes had arrived early (despite the fact that it was a cold and rainy Monday), wanting to be there to welcome the two men. At 8:58 a.m. the doors opened and Blair Sandburg, grinning and tanned, bounced through the doors. "Hi, honey, I'm home!"

Jim Ellison, also tanned to the color of roasted walnuts, came in right after him, rolling his eyes. "Always gotta make an entrance, huh, Chief?" He smiled at the assembled detectives, flinging an arm around Blair's shoulders. "So, I guess the place didn't blow up without us?"

"Oh, come on, Ellison," Henri Brown teased, slapping the two on their backs as they made their way to their desks. "We all know that if anybody's gonna blow the place up, it's you two!"

"No way, H," Blair disagreed, speaking over Joel Taggart's shoulder as the man indulged himself with a bear hug. "Jim only blows up trucks, and that warehouse was so not my fault, man!"

"I don't blow up trucks, Sandburg," Jim growled good-naturedly.

"Maybe not yet, but I wouldn't put it past you," came the smug retort. "Don't make me bring up your sordid past."

Simon Banks felt a smile lighting up his face. This was the old Jim and Blair, thank God. The teasing, the juvenile jokes, the pranks, the easy camaraderie... "It looks as though a month away has done you good, gentlemen," he congratulated. "I assume we can all expect things to get back to normal around here?"

"Sure, Simon," Blair chirped, grinning as Simon growled at him. "I mean, Captain Banks."

"Where did you fellas go, anyway?" asked Megan Connor, eyeing them appreciatively. "You've obviously spent a lot of time in the sun."

"Well, actually, I was just about to make an announcement about that..." Blair held up his hands for quiet and waited until everyone had settled down before speaking. "Jim and I have spent the past month in Hawaii, where..." He gave a dramatic pause. "We got married!"

A startled hush blanketed the room. "What?" Megan squeaked, when she finally got her voice working again.

"Wanna see our matching tattoos?" Blair continued, as Jim barely held back a laugh.

"Sandburg..." Simon stopped when he realized he had no idea what to say. He turned to Jim. "Jim, tell me he's kidding."

Jim shook his head slowly, a grin ruining his attempt at trying to look serious. "Nope." Simon's mouth fell open. "I'll let him tell you."

"Just kidding!" Blair lunged away, his peals of laughter echoing behind him as Rafe, Brown, Connor and, surprisingly enough, Joel Taggart, chased him out of the doors and down the hallway.

Captain Banks shook his head in exasperation and retreated to his office, closing the door behind him. Things were most definitely back to normal.

End