Disclaimer: "Were they sent to hell?" "Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history."

(An: Since I'm going to have nothing better to do for the rest of Christmas hols... DAILY UPDATES! Aren't you proud? From no alerts to swamping your inbox with the laziest fic I write. And if you're wondering about the switch from bold to italics on emphasis... the Skysong has a lot to convert to HTML coding now that EE is working again, and is lazy like that.)

Jean Paul is looking at his watch. "Ok, it's been a while... where the hell is the Cajun guy?"

"Getting tired of your absolute power already?" Bobby asks, looking hopeful.

JP just stares at him a moment, then slowly replies, "No. Did I say that slow enough? I just don't want to have to stick around for the song."

"There's a song?" everyone asks in unison, shuddering slightly.

"The last one sung by our RSD, no less," JP adds.

"So... after this is done... I can leave?" Piotr asks, clearly barely daring to hope.

"Yep."

"YES!"

"We have to find Remy first, though," JP replies. "I'm not suffering through this."

"Damn," Rogue mutters.

"I second that," Piotr mutters.

Where exactly is Remy, you ask?

Well...

SOMEWHERE ON THE OTHER END OF BAYVILLE...

"I coulda been a contendah!" Remy says, in a horrible Jersey accent.

"This is making my brain hurt," Jamie one says to Jamie two.

"Mine too," Jamie two agrees. "Let's kill him."

"Yeah, but we need him for the director," Jamie one replies.

"True..."

The two Jamies exchange looks and then close in on Remy.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME SOBER!"

BACK AT WHEREVER THE HELL THIS IS SHOT...

Two Jamies burst in the door, dragging Remy between them.

"We are never doing the author any favors," they mutter. "Ever again."

"Oh, good, I can leave!" JP cries, RLF away.

"Thank God for that," Bobby mutters, spitting out some cotton balls... yeah.

"Ok, now it's time to make Remy sober!" Ororo cries, a la that guy from Wheel of Fortune.

"Oh, God," Remy mumbles, as Hank comes toward him holding a squirrel, a toy bus, and a beaver. (1)

Nobody pays any attention to the tortured screaming coming from the broom closet. But that's to be expected.

TEN MINUTES LATER...

So, anyway, Remy comes out, looking extremely hassled but sober.

"Where's Hank?" Logan asks.

Remy just grins in a very nasty way, sitting down in his chair.

"Forget I asked," Logan mutters.

"Oh! Dat reminds me," Remy says. "You need to be turned into a cat!"

"Oh, God," Logan says, subtly trying to sneak away.

"Oh, no ya don't," says Forge, holding up something that looks like a purple watergun. "I call this little beauty the Cattinator."

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

Logan is now a cat. With an eyepatch and a pegleg no less. He switches the eyepatch to his other eye, saying, "What, am I channeling Patch now?" (2)

"Maybe..." says Remy. "You never know wit' dese movies."

"I think I liked him better drunk," Rogue mutters.

"Who asked y'!"

"Can I sing now, please?" Piotr asks.

Rogue and Remy pause in death-glaring at each other. "Ok," says Remy.

Rogue mutters something that doesn't sound very nice and starts playing her guitar.

By now, we can just imagine that when I am not actively describing what's going on, it's being described in the song lyrics, right?

"In the sea
The fish have learned to fly
On a moonlit night
On wings of silver
As the enchanted stars"

We switch from a shot of Forge staring at Ororo staring out a window to Kitty cleaning some cracked plates.

"Sail serenely by
Do they know"

We see Logan asleep on the floor.

"He's almost kind of cute like that," Ororo says.

"When this is all over, can I keep him?" Jamie asks, with that little-kid-seeing-pet look.

Author: ...maybe...

"Where do unicorns go?
Where winged horses fly"

We see a shadow of what looks like a unicorn running along a path by the sea... then we actually see the horse, and it's just Forge, riding a horse (actually, more like clinging for dear life) with his lance-

"Where!" Kurt demands.

John looks at Wanda, who sighs exasperatedly. "Fine."

John grins and does a rimshot. "I do so love Cheap Shot Rimshots."

"Narwhales lost at sea
And never seen again"

We see Kitty scrubbing at some clothes now in a turret, where Mystique the Random Raven is at her random squawking again. Even though the bird described in the song is a magpie.

"Go
Go and ask the magpie

See?

"Where do unicorns go?"

We see Prince Forge riding on his majestic horsey again with shield and lance and stuff.

"In the trees
The birds have learned to speak"

A random dragon comes out of the shadows. It's an Eastern, snakey-type dragon that spits fire and stuff.

"Every color
They keep their secret
In a parade of clouds"

Switch from Forge fighting for his life to King Mags ignoring Forge and Ororo. Ororo is once again staring out at the sea.

"Playing hide and seek"

Forge, who apparently thinks this makes a good present, offers her the limp head of the dragon. Yeah. That makes a great stocking stuffer.

"Do they know"

"Ugh, this is starting to look like a songfic," Kitty mutters in the background.

"Where do unicorns go?"

Ororo seems to agree with me, because she just stares at him. Yep. That's all she does is stare. I told you to get used to it.

Forge looks all disappointed and stuff, and we switch to a picture, engraved on the castle roof, of a unicorn rearing in a wave.

Author: -coughcoughplotpointcoughcough-

"Where winged horses fly
Narwhals lost at sea"

We move down, to see Kurt performing for Mags. He flashes a deck of cards through the air and they disappear in a puff of smoke.

Apparently, this bores Maggie, because he turns away just as Kurt starts dancing with his coat.

"My name," Magneto growls, "is MAGNETO, dammit!"

"Don't care," everyone else says.

Author: What they said.

"Does myth
And mystery lie"

In a flash reminiscent of the bit with the oranges a few chapters back, he takes two balls from his pocket and they multiply and begin revolving around him. Then he does a midair somersault and disappears.

"Where the unicorns go"

Of course, Logan sees this. "Shiny... balls..." he says, the one eye we can see glazing over. He bats at them, making a funny "Nyao" sound and knocking one of the balls out of its orbit.

In the background, Kurt peers out, looking dismayed.

"Shiiiny..." Logan mumbles, following the ball down some steps.

Thankfully, this is where the song winds down.

"YES!" Rogue yells.

Piotr makes a "thank you" gesture at the sky.

And they of course both RLF into the sunset.

"RLF had better be all they do," Remy mutters, sinking down into his seat.

"What does that stand for!" Jamie asks. (3)

So, we switch to Kitty and Forge in the kitchen. Kitty is feeding the fire and Forge is peeling potatoes. He nicks himself. Stupidhead. "I am not a stupidhead!"

"Yes he is," Ororo whispers offscreen.

"I feel so unloved," Forge says, looking down at the potatoes.

"You are unloved," Kitty replies.

"You're supposed to be sympathising with me in this scene!"

"I don't really care."

"Feh," Forge mutters. "And then she looked at me. And I was sorry I had killed the thing. Sorry for killing a dragon. Imagine!"

"AHEM," Kurt says loudly.

Forge just kind of stares at him.

"That would have more weight behind it, but Hank is still missing... what did you do to him, Remy?"

"De Gambit's not tellin'," Remy replies, crossing his arms. "'S no less unspeakable den de bit with de beaver."

"Ok, I don't wanna know," Kurt agrees.

"Cut away from yourself, not toward," Kitty replies as Forge nicks himself again, putting another log on the fire.

"It's... so... beautiful..." Pyro mumbles, staring at the fire.

Wanda kicks him.

"You know, your highness, I really think you should try something else."

"But what's left on earth that I haven't tried?"

Kitty attempts to cuddle Logan, but, with a cry of "I DRAW THE LINE AT THAT!" he runs away, yowling.

"Giants, ogres- sorry, Sam- terrible tasks, fatal riddles... Kitty, for her sake, I've become a hero, but my great deeds mean nothing to her."

"Perhaps, if you tried bathing yourself once in a while..." Kitty suggests. She picks up a potato and starts to peel it herself.

"I'll have you know I showered last week!"

Kitty pauses, and then throws the potato at him.

"Ow!"

"It was a potato," Kitty replies. "Stop being such a baby."

Forge pulls a face at her.

Kitty ignores this, peeling another potato. "Then perhaps the Lady Ororo is not to be won by great deeds."

"Who is she, Kitty? Where does she come from?"

"From a country made up by Marvel?" Kitty suggests.

"CAIRO!" Ororo shrieks. "FREAKING CAIRO!"

Everyone stares at Ororo.

"I give no explanations for my actions," Ororo replies, tossing her head.

"Okiedokie then," Remy says. "Moving on..."

"I don't know any more about her than I did the first day she came here," Forge mutters.

"Your highness- damn, it's weird to say that," Kitty starts, but Forge cuts her off.

"Except that I wish to serve her, as you do, to help her find whatever it is she has come here to find. I wish to be whatever she has most need of."

"I like it when he's kinky," Ororo sighs.

Everyone in the cast (except Forge) pauses to look vaguely squicked.

"Will you tell her that?" Forge goes on.

"I think, if you told her yourself-" Kitty starts.

"But she never speaks to me, Kitty," Forge cries. "Not a word, not a word in all this time!"

"Nobody talks to you, Forge," Kitty replies. "You're a crazy recluse inventor!"

"Ok, that's as far as we have to go," Remy says.

"Why?" everyone else asks, and then wonders why they asked... why... too many whys... er... anyway...

"Because the author doesn't believe in putting her fans through more than one song at a time- mind you, she uses the word 'fans' loosely," Remy says.

(Actually, there's going to be two songs in the next chapter, just to get them over with.)

(1) Invader Zim reference.

(2) I have no idea who Patch is, really. He's one of Logan's disguise people, I guess. I've just seen pictures, ok?

(3) If you don't know by now, I'm not telling you. So there. Wow. Only three footnotes. I must be losing my touch.