Disclaimer: WTF do I keep typing a disclaimer? People already know I don't own Holes.

I'm back…I hope I still make sense…I really do…

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They had to dig holes, round holes, five feet deep and five feet wide. You had to dig holes with shovels everyday. Hence the name 'Holes' for the damn book you morons.

Mary had to dig a hole just like everyone else. Of course she did; she was just another prisoner in this big bad facility…

…

OMG MWAHAHAHA FRIKKIN HAHAHA HOW THE FUCK DID ANYONE BELIEVE THAT OM- HAHAHAHA YOU ARE SO STUPID HAHAHAHA OMG!

Anyway D-Tent were walking to where they were suppose to dig. Mary walked ahead of them all, her head held high, her hair glistening in the darkness; she walked with a bounce in every step. Happiness radiated of her. It was like the two suns were shining.

Behind her the boys followed watching her ass move left and right. X-Ray had stuck tissues up his nose, but they were now as red as blood because they were soaked with blood. Magnet was still in a daze, occasionally talking to rocks. Squid was under the watchful glare of Ziggy. Zero was walking in front of Armpit. The bigger boy was still crying… AND YES, Ladies and Gentlemen let us welcome back that loser from beyond the grave…CAVEMAN!

They were all watching her (except ZigZag, he was watching Squid watching her). So it was a horrible, horribly painful shock when she disappeared.

"Where'd she go?"

"Huh-"

"Wassup wid that yo'?"

Then there was a groan. Miss Sue fell into a hole! GASP, collective pant, no way. But, yes way. Mary was groaning at the bottom of a hole, which she had accidentally fallen into. That tiny five foot wide hole was impossible to see.

"Are you OK?" X-Ray yelled like the genius he is. Mary groaned again.

"Oh the poor girl," Caveman said sadly and tears began to form in the overly sensitive loser's eyes. Tumbleweed passed by.

"TUMBLEWEED!" Armpit yelled. He ran for the dried plant that rolled around in the wind. On his way to the tumbleweed, running like a fat rhino, he hit Caveman. Caveman died (wow he didn't last long in this chapter).

Insert collective 'woo' from the crowd. Then of course… "OH MY GOD YOU KILLED CAVEMAN!" Kyle popped up and laughed before disappearing into a ball of flame.

BRING ON THE SILENCE…until…dun dun dun

"She needs mouth-to-mouth!" Squid yelled heroically. Oh Squiddy you are so cool; you are so hot; you are so amazing…boohoo…slap me, I'm becoming a retard…BECOMING.

ZigZag stepped in angrily. "Yah and Magnet is giving it."

All jaws dropped. Defensively ZigZag screamed, "THE PENGUINS TOLD ME TO!" Well all was right with the world again; ZigZag was normal.

Magnet jumped into the hole and promptly landed on his head. His head DID land on Mary's stomach. She woke up, but the pressure on her stomach made her puke all over her savior.

"EEWWWW" That is just what Magnet said.

"Oh my goodness I'm so sorry," Mary wailed. She cried on the vomit-covered boy. He comforted her. They were all set to have crazy chicken sex. But someone said, "Get your hands of her!"

Magnet jumped up with Jedi-like power, to face his nemesis. Well duh it was Squid.

"What are yo saying man?" He asked in his cutesy accent.

"I'm saying-"

"Yo' chill," X-Ray said going in between the two fighting guys. "D-Tent sticks together a'ight? First we gonna all take showers, Pit especially after he's done wid his weed, then we all gonna go give girly a name, a'ight?"

"Ya ok man."

"Sure. Yo le odio asno estúpido. Vaya muerte."

/Now do you really think Magnet is wishing him good health and prosperousness? \

"Cool man, thas all I'm saying. Cool."

And with that, X-Ray fucked up the chapter.

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Mary 'finished' digging her hole, as in all the boys in D-Tent finished digging her hole, almost all the boys anyway. Armpit wouldn't fit in the hole with all the other guys. ZigZag said something about the penguins. X-Ray was being a complete arse about his slightly smaller shovel so do you think he even helped a little?

Well Mary was finished, but the boys wouldn't let her leave. She needed to stay to watch them bend over all hot and sweaty like. They were talking about everything and nothing all at once. The guys just wanted to look at her, and Mary just needed to talk a lot and show of her smart-assy-ness. Currently they were discussing the history of spoons.

"You don't say?" X-Ray said, genuinely truly painfully interested in who invented the spoon.

/He's so out of character but in Mary-Sue's almost everyone is out of character. \

"That's amazing, no really."

"Yaaa Angel," Armpit slurred. He wasn't sure why he said that, not paying attention. His mind was filled with strange thoughts of…twigs …and tumbleweed.

"Yo' why do you call her that?" Squid asked angrily.

"'Cuz that's her name man!"

"No, you retard o' sumthin is Goddess."

"Naw man, you a retard," Magnet yelled. Every time Squid said something they ended up fighting, even about the color of spinach. "Is Chika!"

"WTF? Chika is chicken!"

"No is not you stupido-"

"I like Sunrise," X-Ray interrupted. "Or WildCat."

"No man-" They were all arguing heatedly now, coming out of their holes and pushing each other around. Mary watched, tears forming in her eyes. She hated fights.

"SILENCE!" And silence fell. "This is MARY'S nickname, not some pansy girl scout bitch. Was sup wid y'all? You stupid. Mary is the coolest girl on the planet. She needs a hot name, something that will proclaim her toughness and coolness to the world!"

It was as if God had come down to speak to his unworthy servants. Zero stepped out of his finished hole. They all bowed and hailed the short Afro man. They were awed by the sagacity or the normally silent boy's words and his big hair, which just went BOOM!

"Like Muffin."

SO it was proclaimed on Tuesday, December 16, 2005 at 9:42 PM GMT that Mary Sue became Muffin of D-Tent. All hail Zero.

"Wow man, that was…deep."

Zero grunted, returning to his silence. Mary got up to him and sat at the edge of his hole. He was almost finished. "Zero, thanks I love the name Muffin," she said smiling sweetly.

Zero looked into her shining teeth and was blinded. The rules of Mary Sue prevented him from crying out and screaming in pain, so he did what the rules told him to do. All new kids get Zero to talk, just like Caveman did.

"If we dig to China where do the kids in China dig to? What was Captain Hook's name before he lost his hand? Triangles don't have five sides. Friend is a four-letter word. I like pie. Don't you like pie? Chickens don't eat pie because pie is cannibalistic. Worms are both boys and girls so do they have tiny d-"

"Zero you can talk! What else can you do man?" X-Ray yelled over Zero's silence.

"He must like fresh meat," Squid commented.

"Ever stop to think and forget to start again? If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown as well? People who can't be anything else become teachers. I want to-"

000ooo000ooo000

Entei Artist: I hope my story has not made u suicidal…choking to death...tsk tsk…gasp A HOMICIDAL STORY! no not a story about homicide but- oh forget it, merci beaucoup and screw thee.

XxMademoisellexX: What are you talking about? Here's a new chapter!

padfootsgirl356412: Well ok...thank you…I guess. I just wanted something like "you are not insane; you just think you are." BUT THANK YOU OH MARVELOUR REVIEWER. bow

GrAyInGScArS: How'd ja know? Life here's pretty fun, we got a pool table and get to finger paint too! And look at weird ink blobs…but they only have spoons here…