e p i l o g u e

"Did it work?" Phoebe asked with interest.

Kathryn smiled. "Yes. It was a complete success. Seven spent a week regenerating, and then was as good as new. Icheb took a little longer, but soon he too was back on his feet."

"That's good," her sister responded absently.

Kathryn shifted uncomfortably in her chair, and when she spoke, her voice was like a whisper of crushed velvet. "I can't emphasise how- shattering!- that was for me. Seven had to accept that she's no longer a Borg, that she's prone to human fallibilities- and therefore, by Borg standards, 'imperfect.' That was very hard for her."

Kathryn dropped her eyes and studied her coffee cup intently. "It wasn't until that confrontation in the sickbay that I realised I'd been judging myself by very similar standards." She tried to smile. "Maybe not a Borg yardstick, but- close."

"Perhaps you were more affected by your own assimilation than you realised?" Phoebe suggested.

Chakotay grinned, wryly. "Possibly- but I doubt it. She was that way from- oh, I think it was from our time in the Void. She'd always been anxious to be seen as an exemplary Captain, but from then on, that need became-" he paused and met Kathryn's eyes with his own, almost apologetically- "an obsession."

Phoebe looked at him with curiously. "Couldn't you do anything?"

"I wouldn't let him," Kathryn admitted softly. "He tried, but- I kept pushing him away. I was like Seven, refusing to depend on anyone, refusing to accept help- but quite happy to risk myself for the crew."

"There were times when we thought she had a suicide wish," Chakotay added, his face dark with remembered anxiety.

"It was getting too much. The Void- that utter blackness, with nothing to do but think. And then that year it was one crisis after another, frequently involving other members of the senior staff." Kathryn swallowed.

"We nearly lost Seven to the Borg. B'Elanna nearly died- would, almost, have preferred to die than be saved by Cardassian doctor, albeit a holographic one. Tom went off on a crusade, and I nearly had to order the destruction of the shuttle, and him. Harry fell hopelessly in love with an alien woman, and disobeyed orders. The Doctor's program nearly self-destructed- and then, on top of that, there was the Equinox crisis! That was the final straw," she finished in a near-whisper.

Chakotay reached for her hand again. "It was very bad. We'd argued before, Kathryn and I, but never so- catastrophically. That incident could quite easily have spelled the end of our friendship. Luckily, Kathryn's no Ransom. She realised, pretty quickly, what she'd done, and she admitted she was wrong." He squeezed Kathryn's hand. "Almost unprecedented for a captain!" he teased gently.

"I crossed the line. He didn't, and he did his best to hold me back." Kathryn shuddered at the memories. "The guilt nearly overwhelmed me- but this time, I managed to keep my struggles from the crew." She grimaced. "I saw how my emotional state affected their morale during our soujourn in the Void, and I wasn't prepared to put them through that again. I kept it hidden, but Chakotay knew."

Chakotay grinned at her. "I managed to infiltrate her defences." He waggled his eyebrows at both sisters, making them laugh and relaxing the tension that had accumulated over the course of the story-telling.

"How?"

"It was rather strange," Chakotay mused. "It was after B'Elanna's experience on the Barge of the Dead- we told you about that. Afterwards, from what I've heard, B'Elanna virtually flung herself at Kathryn, and then held on. As soon as Kathryn left sickbay, Tom commed me and told me what happened. I- had an intuition and left the bridge to Tuvok."

"I was in my quarters having a bit of a meltdown," Kathryn admitted. Chakotay nodded approvingly; a year before, and Kathryn would not have confessed this weakness.

"It sounds so odd, but- I think it was the simple sensation of being touched, and hugged. I hadn't realised how much I was starved for human warmth. Oh, I know I was always touching other people- but I was the Captain. No-one voluntarily touched me, until that day."

"I rang her chime. She didn't answer and I got worried. Don't ask me why. I used the override, and she was standing by the window, with her arms wrapped around her so tightly that I'm sure her shoulders ached. I simply replaced her arms with mine- and we went from there."

"Aww," Phoebe sighed sentimentally, her eyes damp. Her sister grinned reluctantly. Phoebe was many things, but she was not usually inclined towards tears- of sentiment or grief.

"Here," Kathryn said, handing the younger woman a handkerchief.

"I don't need it!" Phoebe sniffed, ignoring the proffered Starfleet-embroidered fabric square. "Was it easier for you after that, Kath?"

Kathryn twisted the fabric in her hands. "Yes and no. Personally, it was-nice- to have someone who cared, someone to come back to at night. Professionally, it took us a while to find a balance, I think. I was so worried about a relationship- any relationship, let alone one with my first officer- interfering with the chain of command and the welfare of the crew-"

"Kathryn, I don't think you ever did," Chakotay put in gravely. "Sometimes, you talked about the start of our personal relationship as you 'giving in' to me- as if it was a weakness. Even- especially- after we got home. It's as if you think you should have finished the journey alone."

"I felt guilty for being happy when there were people like Sam Wildman and Joe Carey who were missing their own personal lives," Kathryn admitted. "Strangely enough, I was able to control it when it looked like we were going to be in the Delta Quadrant indefinitely, but when it became clear we were going to get home significantly sooner- it was hard not to feel that I- that we- should have waited a little longer."

"Talk about locking the stable door after the horse had bolted!" Phoebe commented.

Chakotay gave her a deeply dimpled smile that made his eyes sparkle. "My thoughts exactly, Phoebe!"

Phoebe's eyes widened. "Kathryn, if you don't want him, can I have him?"

"No! He's mine. You've got your own!"

Phoebe smiled as she thought of her own husband and family. "True." She sighed dramatically. "Doesn't hurt to try, though."

Chakotay gave her another of those dimpled grins. "I'm flattered, Phoebe, really, but as the lady says, I'm taken." He glanced at Kathryn. "Apart from that, though, the last year of our trip was easier for you, I think. You were less obsessive about things, and more willing to relax."

"Yes, that was partly due to you. You're such a nag, Chakotay! But it was also because of the thing with Seven's cortical node. Seven's comments about expectations- mine, and her own Borg-inspired standards- and then what Icheb had to say about depending on people and letting them help. It all made me stop and think, and really look at myself and the way I interact with others, both personally and professionally.

"I was also helping Seven with her feelings of guilt and repentance for the deeds she had to perform as a Borg- and it's very hard to preach self-forgiveness to others when you know it applies equally to you. If I wasn't to be a hypocrite, I had to learn to forgive myself for so many things, regardless of how seriously other people took those 'errors.' I had to accept that, in the words of the Borg, I'm 'damaged', 'imperfect'- but most importantly, I had to learn that that's OK."

Kathryn stopped to take a breath, and then looked from Chakotay, to her sister, and back to Chakotay again. Her blue eyes were clear. "It's all part of being human, isn't it?"

Chakotay drew her close for a kiss. "To the people who love you, you're perfect- warts and all!"

"Perfectly imperfect!" Phoebe agreed with a smirk.

Kathryn smiled.

"Perfectly imperfect," she repeated softly.

-fin.

This is the last part, obviously. I'd like to know what people think: I'm not certain I've achieved the emotional resonance OR the sense of closure I was aiming for. How well does the story hang together, especially given the contrasting narrative styles? Do I write better in conventional third person-past tense or first person-present tense? Are the touches of humour/ sentimentality appropriate? I have a horror of writing 'sap' although I have no qualms with reading it. What about the title? Does it work with the themes of the story?

Many thanks for reading this story and I appreciate the reviews that people have taken the time to submit.