Chapter 2: Hyrule Castle Sucks
A big ass army of evil flying monsters descended upon Hyrule. Upon the back of one of them stood none other than freaky-black-Lysol-clone, AKA Shadow Link. In his hand he held (What a surprise) a bottle of Lysol spray. Huffing it, he said to the beasts, "Get moving! We must destroy Hyrule Castle! I WILL RULE OVER ALL, MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Link's father fought his way to the castle.
"Damn these monsters! I must see to Princess Zelda' whereabouts, for Gufuu's seal's been broken!"
At last, he was able to enter. Rushing to Zelda's throne room, he was surprised to see not Princess Zelda, but his son, Link!
It appeared Link was severely injured. He was sitting slumped against a wall, bleeding from a wound on his chest. Link's father gasped and dropped his sword.
"Link!"
Running to his child, he picked him up and started shaking him.
"Link! Are you alive?"
Link said nothing.
"Say something if you're not!"
"Jeez...I'm dizzy enough, and you really aren't helping!" Link finally said.
Looking down his father saw with shock that it wasn't his son he was holding... It was some other boy with red eyes and black hair. Shadow Link...
"What the...who the hell are YOU?"
But suddenly, Shadow Link sat up and dug his nails into Link's father. A bright light surrounded them as the man screamed! And then he just disappeared... Nothing of him remained except a smoking pile of armor and clothing.
Shadow Link cackled evilly, huffed some of his Lysol, and then went into a coughing fit. He passed out on the floor.
The four Links dashed for Hyrule Castle Town.
"SLOW DOWN, DAMMIT, I CAN'T KEEP UP!" Blue Link shouted.
"We can't! We have to find the nearest TV because Will and Grace is coming on in 10 minutes!" Green Link replied.
"Wait...shouldn't you say that you need to tell our dad about Gufuu and Zelda?" Purple Link asked.
"Um, NO, because Will and Grace is more important!"
Purple Link rolled his eyes.
"Guys! You know, we should pick out different names so we're not all called 'Link'!" Red Link said.
"That's stupid," Blue Link replied.
"Ok, since I'm wearing red, I'll be 'Red'. Blue, you can be 'Blue'; purple, we can't call you 'Violet' 'cause that's a girl name and that would shame you even more seeing as you wear purple, so we'll shorten 'Violet' to 'Vio'. And green can be Green! Aren't I a genius?"
Green slapped Red.
Blue kicked him in the nuts and said, "YOU FUCKING IDIOT! I SHOULD BE CALLED 'LINK' BECAUSE I'M THE LEADER!"
Green punched Blue in the face.
"I'M THE ONE WEARING GREEN SO I SHOULD BE LINK!"
"Ok, we'll battle! Let's kick eachother in the nuts 'till one of us falls! Whoever falls first loses!" Blue exclaimed.
"FINE!" Green agreed, and the nut-kicking began! Red and Vio watched, amused.
Suddenly, a fat woman and a young girl began to run by.
"Hey! That's the castle cook, Mrs. Marshy!" Vio said, pointing.
Green and Blue stopped kicking eachother in the nuts and turned to look. Red did, too.
"Mrs. Marshy, is my TV still intact? I must watch Will and Grace!" Green cried, running to her (With his legs far apart, of course. His nuts hurt pretty bad).
Mrs. Marshy pulled out a gun and pointed it at Green. The girl (Probably Marshy's daughter) whipped out a pistol and pointed it at him, too.
"Stay back, fiend! We saw the damage you did to the castle! You seemed like a fairly decent kid, but to do such evil things, you're an asshole!"
Red started crying.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN?" he sobbed.
"But we didn't do anything, you crazy bitch!" Blue insisted.
"Wait, guys...she could be talking about freaky-black-Lysol-clone..." Vio said.
"Oh, goddesses... FREAKY-BLACK-LYSOL-CLONE COULD HAVE GOTTEN TO THE TELEVISION! FOR THE SAKE OF Will and Grace, WE MUST FIND HIM!" Green declared. He grabbed Mrs. Marshy and started shaking her. "DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO MY TV?"
The four heroes arrived at Hyrule Castle.
"So much destruction...so little time..." Red said tearfully, shaking his head.
"Will and Grace! NOOOOOO!" Blue cried, pounding his fists against the wall.
"Shut up! Mrs. Marshy said there were monsters everywhere!" Vio warned.
Suddenly, foot steps were heard...
"Someone's coming..." Red noted.
"GAWD, VIO, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO LOUD?" Green screamed, kicking Vio in the nuts. Vio yelped and clutched his crotch.
The other three drew their swords, and after his recovery, Vio did too. Then the four waited. Finally, out walked what appeared to be one of Hyrule's knights in full armor!
"HEY, YOU! KNIGHT PERSON!" Green called.
But to the four Links' surprise, the knight drew his sword and started to attack! Out came more evil knight people. They surrounded the heroes, and a fight began!
After a long time of battling, Green, Blue, Red, and Vio were growing weary.
"WE'RE DOOMED! DOOMED, I TELL YOU! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL US 'TILL WE DIE! THEY'RE GOING TO--" Red screamed, but was cut off when Vio slapped him.
"He's right! We can't keep this up!" Green said, blocking an attack from a knight.
Then, all of a sudden, the armor clattered to the ground... They were not knights at all -- just posessed armor... But who had stopped them? It was none other than Shadow Link, who stepped out of the darkness towards the heroes, sword in hand.
"Yeesh...you guys are idiots," he said, huffing some Lysol.
Blue looked at the bottle of Lysol spray.
"YOU'RE the idiot... Don't you know that Lysol can kill you if you huff it?"
Shadow Link cast an energy ball from his sword at Blue. It hit him, sending him flying and screaming.
"DUMBASS! HOW DARE YOU INSULT LYSOL! WHY, LYSOL MADE THE SKY PURPLE!" Shadow Link snapped.
"But the sky's blue..." Red said.
"SHUT UP! IT'S PURPLE!" Shadow Link chucked a rock at Red, knocking him unconcious.
Vio and Green decided not to say anything more on the subject of what color the sky was.
"What did you do to my television set!" Green demanded.
Vio rolled his eyes and said, "What he means is, 'What have you done with Princess Zelda'..."
"Princess Zelda? Well, that's none of your business, but here," Shadow Link replied, tossing a pendant that Zelda had worn on the ground at Green and Vio's feet. "I'm afraid I had to rough her up a bit, she kept bitching. And your TV? Hehe...I set it on fire..."
Green gasped.
"NO...YOU...YOU DIDN'T! YOU COULDN'T HAVE!"
Shadow Link smirked and huffed some of the Lysol.
"Ah, but I did..."
"DIRTY BASTARD!" Green screamed, lunging at Shadow Link.
Shadow Link became transparent and flew up into the air.
"Don't even try it, you fool! You can't beat me, I'm better than you!" he scoffed, huffing the Lysol once more. After a moment he returned to the ground.
Blue slowly sat up.
"YOU AREN'T BETTER THAN US! YOU ONLY THINK YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A LYSOL-FILLED HAZE! LYSOL SUCKS! IT DOESEN'T EVEN SMELL GOOD!" he shouted.
Shadow Link clenched his fists.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, PUNK?"
Blue glared and said, "LYSOL SUCKS AND IT SMELLS BAD!"
"FOOL! LYSOL IS A BEAUTIFUL THING! YOU WILL DIE FOR SAYING THAT! ALL OF YOU! DIE! NOW!" Shadow Link screamed as dark energy surrounded him; he casted it at the four. They screamed and were knocked back.
Green remained standing. Wincing he said, "I'm gonna kill you with the Four Sword, you bastard!"
Shadow Link smirked and approached him slowly.
"Listen, you idiot...that sword is powerless. It's ability has been sealed using the magic of the great Gufuu. It won't even scratch me!"
"What...? Who are you to say that? And seriously, who ARE you?"
"I am Shadow Link...you from the Shadow World. So you see, your time is up. I am now going to kill you."
Green shut his eyes and waited for the deadly blow, but it never came. Opening his eyes, he saw Shadow Link go into a coughing fit and pass out. Green blinked and slowly stood up to go check on the others.
Once they were all on their feet (But just barely), Red asked, "He's passed out. Shouldn't we just kill him?"
They all looked at eachother.
"Nah..." the heroes said in unison.
Suddenly, they were transported to the castle's basement! There, hovering in the middle of the room, imprisoned in a crystal thing, was the Blue Maiden!
"Are you guys ok?" she asked.
"Not really," Vio said.
"Here. I was supposed to give you this earlier, but Shadow Link passed out anyway, and I kind of forgot." A ball of light formed in the Blue Maiden's hands, and it turned into a fairy. She sent it out to them, and the four were healed!
"Listen, heroes... Hyrule is sinking into darkness just like the legend... You must save it, but be wary of that Shadow Link. He was born from the darkness of a hero and created using a sorcerer's magic. You may have been lucky this time, but next time, his powers will be stronger. You have to kill him."
"But we couldn't even hurt him!" Red whined.
"We gotta get you out of here..." Blue said, striking at the maiden's prison with his sword. "What the! It doesen't work?"
"You don't have enough force to break this seal..." the woman said.
"Force?" Green questioned.
"Yes, force."
"Blue Maiden, where is Princess Zelda?" Vio asked.
"I don't know. I can only sense that she is still alive..." the Blue Maiden replied.
"Well, we better go. We have to kill Shadow Link, he broke my TV!" Green said as he began to leave.
"Wait! Green, you don't even know where we're supposed to be going!" Vio told him.
Green stopped.
"Go to the east," the Blue Maiden said, "I can sense the Red Maiden there..."
A little while later, the four were heading east.
Green sighed sadly... He missed Will and Grace, and it seemed all hope was lost...
"Damn you, Shadow Link... That was the only TV for miles around! AND YOU WENT AND FUCKED IT UP! YOU FUCK WITH Will and Grace, YOU GET FUCKED WITH, DAMMIT!"
"You, uh, DO realize that you're talking out loud, don't you?" Vio questioned.
"Oh. I am?"
"Yes," said Red.
"I feel for ya, man. Well, I AM you, so that's probably why," Blue said.
"If Shadow Link hadn't passed out, he would've killed us! Killed us DEAD! I think we're no match for him..." sighed Green.
"He may increase his power, but so can we," Vio said.
"Ah, well, that's good enough for me. Thanks, Vio. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go to the east, find that maiden, and KICK SOME FUCKING ASS, YO!" Green shouted.