Sorry if this chapter sucks somethin' awful, but it was the hardest one to write so far. This chapter in the manga confused me the first time I read it, so that proves to you that this was not an easy job. So ha.
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Chapter 3: Elne's a Lesbian
Vio sat beneath a tree, browsing through porn. Glancing up, he caught a glimpse of his 3 companions collecting "force" through sword battling...or something.
"BRING IT ON, BITCH!" Blue shouted, lunging at Green.
Green yelped and jumped back.
"BLUE, YOU DUMBFUCK, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO HERE?"
"Well, I know I was about to kill you. I don't know what YOU were doing," Blue replied.
Green kicked Blue in the nuts.
"You're a fucking asshole. We were collecting FORCE! We get FORCE every time we hit stuff with our swords, got it?"
Blue kicked Green in the nuts.
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK FORCE IS!" He turned to look at Vio. "HEY, STUDY BOY, WHAT'S FORCE?"
Vio didn't move his eyes from the porn as he said, "I have no idea."
"But you said you were studying, Vio, you should know. Wait...you ARE studying, right?" Red asked.
Vio tried to hide the porn.
"Uuummm...yyyyeah... Yeah, I'm studying...or something..."
Blue walked over to Vio and ripped the porn from his hands.
"PIECE OF SHIT! YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING AT PORN THE WHOLE TIME!" Blue looked at Green and Red. "HEY, GUYS, VIO'S BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US! HE TOOK THE PORN, DAMMIT!"
Green and Red gasped dramatically.
"Big fucking deal!" Vio said.
Blue yanked Vio to his feet.
"OK, VIO, THAT WAS THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK! NOW WE ARE GOING TO KICK EACHOTHER IN THE NUTS UNTIL ONE OF US FALLS!"
"What? Blue, that's stupid, I'm not going to--OW, SHIT!" Blue kicked Vio in the crotch.
Vio kicked Blue in the crotch.
"Um, guys! Guys! Stop! The food's ready!" Red said quickly.
Blue dropped the porn on the ground and ran to go eat. When he was gone, Vio looked around quickly to make sure no one was watching, and stuffed the porn into his tunic before following the others...
The 4 Links sat down at their campsite and started eating.
"Is there a faster way to collect force?" Green asked.
"I don't know," Vio said.
"Well, maybe you WOULD know, had you not been looking at PORN instead of STUDYING!" Blue snapped.
Vio gave no reply to Blue. Instead, he said, "We just have to be careful of Shadow Link. I mean, he could be spying on us right now."
Blue, Red, and Green started laughing.
"Spying? Ha, don't kid, Vio!" Green chuckled.
Vio rolled his eyes.
"Speaking of Shadow Link," said Red, "Have you guys ever noticed how he's all, like...wispy looking?"
"'Wispy looking'?" Green repeated.
"Yeah. Kind of like air or wind or something."
There was a moment of thoughtful silence.
"Maybe he's a type of gas," Green suggested.
"You mean like a gas called Shadow Link?" said Blue.
"Yeah, I mean, he can become transparent and stuff, so he's probably a type of gas," said Green.
And thus, the long convesation on Shadow Link lasted until the meal's end. The only one not participating in it was Vio, because he did not want to degrade himself.
After they finished eating, the Links set out their campfire and continued east to the town where the Red Maiden was being held.
When the 4 heroes were a good distance away, a thing that had appeared to be a normal rock opened its one eye. Yes, my friends, it was a spy creature that could easily disguise itself as a rock by simply shutting its eye.
The creature rolled across the ground until it came to a crack in the earth, which it fell down in order to return to its master. It dropped lightly onto the shoulder of its owner: Shadow Link.
After his pet had given him all the information it had just discovered, Shadow Link said, "Hmm. I see. So they are slowly collecting force to return power to the Four Sword..." He huffed his Lysol for a moment before continuing, "And they seem to think I am a type of gas. The fools... I am NOT a gas, I am a SHADOW! FUCKIN' DUH! I'll whoop their asses before they can ruin the plans. AH HA HA HA HA HA HA...HA...oh, crap..." Shadow Link went into another coughing fit.
"Go...rock-eye spy thing..." Shadow Link coughed and continued, "Spy...on them...(cough) some more..."
The little creature flew into the air and left to go find the 4 heroes.
Shadow Link continued coughing. "Gah...need...(cough) oxygen..." Then he passed out.
A young girl sat in her house near a window. In her hands she held a doll, and she sat gazing at it sadly.
"Oh, Rosy..." the girl told the doll, "Today I have to give you away to some other kid... I'll miss you..."
The girl looked around to make sure no one else was in the room. When she saw that she was alone, she began playing with the doll's breasts.
Shouting coming from outside ceased her lustful focus, and looking out the window, she saw a bunch of townsfolk arguing and beating the shit out of eachother.
"Oh no! The townspeople are at it again," she said, setting the doll down to go outside.
"Elne!" the girl's mother warned, "Be careful! 18 children have gone missing in this town, ya know."
The girl, Elne, ignored her parent's warning.
"Don't worry, mom! I'll be fine." And with that, Elne set off.
Her mother slammed the door behind her.
"Fine, ya little brat! Get kidnapped and raped! See if I care!"
Green, Blue, Red, and Vio entered the town of their destination.
"Where do we find the Red Maiden?" Red asked.
Green slapped Red.
"I dunno," said Vio.
Blue kicked Vio in the nuts.
"Yeah, well, maybe you WOULD know if you had spent your time studying instead of getting a boner!"
"Don't make me hurt you, you fuck..." Vio snarled.
Green slapped Red again.
"Ow! Why are you doing that?" Red whined.
The 4 heard shouting, and they looked to see a long line of angry people, and a girl about their age running to them.
"STOP! Please, don't fight!" the girl cried.
A man shoved the girl down.
"STAY OUTTA THIS, YA LITTLE BITCH!" he snapped.
The girl got up again.
"Don't be that way, I beg of you! Fighting will only make things worse!" she begged.
Several townsfolk prepared to attack the girl. She screamed, shut her eyes, cowered, and waited to be hit, but something held the people back. Opening her eyes, the girl saw 4 boys (The heroes) with shields standing before her, holding off her attackers.
Once the people had given up and backed off a bit, the boys turned to look at the girl.
"You ok?" Green asked.
The girl blinked, startled to see that they all looked almost exactly alike, except for their clothes.
"Yes, I'm fine. My name is Elne, and thanks for saving me. Who are you guys? Are you quadruplets?"
The 4 started laughing.
"Quadruplets? Ha, that's dumb! We are the hero Link!" they said in unison. Elne gave them a funny look.
Turning back to the long line of people, Blue said, "You guys are fucking stupid. You don't go beating up children like that. Do you beat your own children?"
A woman sobbed, "Our children are gone, you asshole! They've been kidnapped! We can't beat them now that they're gone!"
The 4 were confused.
A little while later, Elne explained what had happened.
"A tornado swept through here 10 days ago, and after that, 18 children went missing. Those people in line were trying to get into the mayor's office to demand that their children be found, but... Well, anyway, everyone's been saying that God took the children away, but I know that's not true, because I saw something. I saw a sad looking shadow that looked just like my best friend."
"Woah, that's really weird!" exclaimed Red.
Elne nodded sadly, but then perked up a little and said, "So your names are Link? That sounds really familiar... Wait a second, you're that hero from Hyrule! I didn't know that Link was a quadruplet."
The 4 laughed again.
"Well, anyway, please save the missing children...please? For me?" Elne said, making a puppy face.
"Woah, she's pretty, come to think of it..." muttered Blue.
"Yeah..." Green agreed quietly.
"Huh?" said Elne. "Did you say something?"
"Um...bicycle?" said Green.
"Well, ok. So will you help?"
"Of course we will," Vio said.
"Great! You guys can rest at my house tonight. I'm sure your tired," Elne offered.
"Elne's really pretty..." Red said dreamily, holding onto his pillow as he sat on his cot.
"Shut up," said Blue, slapping Red.
"Ow! You like her too, ya know!" Red whined.
"I wonder if Gufuu kidnapped those kids..." Vio said thoughtfully from his cot, looking at a book (But it was probably porn).
"Gufuu only kidnaps chicks; you know, like Playboy Bunnies and stuff," Blue said.
"But Gufuu kidnapped Zelda and she's not a Playboy Bunny!" Red told him.
Blue slapped Red again.
"Stupid! SHADOW LINK kidnapped Zelda, not Gufuu!"
"But Gufuu was probably behind it!" Red said defensively.
"You're both stupid, Gufuu doesen't kidnap Playboy Bunnies..." Vio muttered.
"But he does!" said Red.
"Doesen't," Vio replied.
"Does!" Red retorted.
"DOESEN'T..."
Suddenly, Red and Vio were silenced as Blue spun around and pointed his sword.
"Um, Blue, w...what are you doing?" Red asked timidly. Vio blinked.
"I felt a tingling on the back of my neck...like someone was watching me..." Blue said steadily.
"Whoever it was was probably staring at your fat ass," Vio snorted.
"Shut up, Vio, I'm warning you... I'll kick your ass so hard that you'll...hey, what's this rock doing here?" Blue said, moving a pillow on his cot slightly to reveal a rock. Little did the heroes know that this was Shadow Link's rock-spy-thing...
Vio looked back at his book (Or porn, who knows) and said, "Just chuck the damn thing out the window..."
Blue obeyed and asked, "Hey, where's Green?"
Red said, "Green told me that he was going to get some fresh air."
Green walked around the outside of the house, and suddenly spotted Elne sitting on the porch, poking at the breasts of a doll. He walked up to her.
Upon seeing him, Elne quickly stopped, and said, "Oh, uh...hi...eh heh..."
Green frowned. "Elne, it's dangerous for you to be out here alone," he said, sitting down next to her.
Elne suddenly looked sad as she gazed down at the doll in her hands. With a sigh, she replied, "I know...I was just saying good-bye to Rosy." She nodded to the doll. "I'll be giving her away to a needy child. I'll really miss her...I had fun with her, but I'm too old for dolls..."
"If you really want to keep her, then you shouldn't give her away..." Green said seductively, putting his hand on Elne's.
Elne looked a little surprised.
"Um, please, don't--"
But suddenly, Green was yanked away by his ear by none other than Blue.
"Tryin' to have sex with her before me, huh, punk?" Blue growled.
"Ow, I wasn't! Let go of my ear!" Green snapped.
After Blue dragged Green away, Elne looked back down at Rosy and just as she was about to play with the toy's breasts again, she was shocked to hear it speak.
"Let's play some more, Elne..." it said with a giggle. Elne gasped and dropped Rosy.
The doll cackled and latched itself onto Elne's boobs.
Rosy said, "Let's go to a place where we can make love all day long..."
And then the girl disappeared.
A second or so later, Green managed to escape from Blue. He returned to Elne's spot in hopes of seducing her, but was shocked to see her gone. All that remained of her was Rosy laying on the ground.
"She disappeared!" Green gasped, running off to find her.
Dashing down the path near the house, Green quickly stopped when he saw what looked like Elne's shadow.
"Elne?" he uttered. "Wait a minute...this...this is just a shadow!"
Green heard laughter behind him, and turned around to find to his surprise, a rock with an eye...
"How funny..." said the rock.
Green yelped out of shock and started to run away, but was stopped when he nearly stepped on another rock with an eye. He attempted to run once more, but found himself surrounded by rocks.
"I saw it..." they said, "I saw it! The part when the hero gets frightened... I SAW IT! MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
And suddenly, Green went unconcious...
Green's eyes opened slowly, and found Red, Blue, and Vio staring down at him.
"Green! You're here too, huh?" said Vio.
Green stood up.
"I saw a weird rock, then these eyes surrounded me...and I woke up here... What is this place?" asked Green, gaping at his surroundings.
It appeared they were in the town, only it was all topsy-turvy and dream-like.
"Everything's all wobbly..." said Red, peering around.
Vio said, "This is an imitation of the real world. It's like the original world, but something's completely different...sort of like how we are."
"Look at that!" Blue said, pointing to what appeared to be children running around. "Maybe they're the missing kids!"
The 4 approached the group.
"Hey, you kids--" Green started, but was cut off when the "children" turned around...
They were only sex toys and condoms...life size sex toys and condoms...
"This is the Lover's World," said a pink dildo.
"We get to have sex whenever we want, it's fun," added a sex doll.
"We fucked so much we turned into sex items," said a condom.
The Links gasped, but then they spotted what looked like Elne with her back turned...
"E-Elne?" Red stammered.
Elne turned around, but it was seen that she had turned into a sex doll! Blue let out a cat call, and Vio kicked him.
Red gasped. "Elne!"
Green looked towards the sky.
"Come out, Shadow Link! We know you're behind this!" he snarled. "Turn these kids back to normal!"
But there was no sign of Shadow Link. Instead, a giant rock formed in front of them... And it spoke.
"Welcome to the Lover's World, heh heh..." And then it opened its one large eye... Hordes of smaller rocks with eyes appeared and flew right at the Links, who raised their shields to defend themselves.
"We have to destroy the main rock!" said Vio.
Glancing behind him, Green saw a box full of weapons.
"Guys! These can help us! Defeat the little rock things!" he said, pulling a boomerang out of the box.
Vio grabbed a bow and some arrows, Red picked out a slingshot, and Blue took a hammer.
"Wait..." the main rock said, "We're gonna battle? I thought I was just gonna kill you... Well, if we're going to fight, then we need battle music."
Suddenly, Britney Spears' and Madonna's 'Me Against the Music' started playing out of nowhere.
"Um, was that really nessecary?" Vio asked.
"Yes, Britney Spears is wicked cool," replied the rock. "Ok, now let's fight."
Green threw his boomerang and took out a couple of the rocks. Once they were dead, small triangles appeared! They were force! Green collected them and said, "Red, Blue, Vio! When you kill the mini rocks, you get force!"
The 4 rapidly killed the mini rocks. The main rock attempted to crush Red, but Vio leapt in front of him and fired several arrows into its eye.
"GAAH, I CAN'T SEE!" the rock screamed. While it was still trying to recover, Blue ran up and smacked it with his hammer. The main rock broke in half and like...died. Force started showering everywhere, and the 4 started gathering it.
"Well, that was way easier than expected..." commented Blue.
All of a sudden, a shrine appeared before them. The 4 Links entered it cautiously, and found the Red Maiden imprisoned in a crystal!
"You have defeated the stone monster Arrghus and collected force. Please...break my seal," she said.
Green destroyed the seal, and the Red Maiden was free.
"Although you have restored much power to the Four Sword, you will still need more in order to defeat Shadow Link. But here..." The maiden handed them a small pearl. "This is the Moon Pearl. When it is shone upon the moon, the portal to the Dark World opens. It will come in handy when you kick Shadow Link's ass."
A little while later, the 4 Links and all the missing children were back at the town.
"Thank you for saving us..." said Elne.
Green leaned close to Elne and whispered, "So, Elne...will you...have sex with me?"
Elne blinked. "Um, I'm sorry...I'm already in a relationship."
"WHAT?" Green shrieked. "WITH WHO?"
Elne blushed and stuttered, "Well, uh, it's kind of unique, you see--"
One of the missing children, a girl with long, curled blonde hair wearing a red dress pushed through the group of children and made her way to Elne.
"Elne!" she cried, running up to the girl.
"Bambi!" Elne exclaimed, and the 2 girls started kissing.
The 4 heroes gasped.
"Elne, you're a...you're a...a lesbian?" Red said.
Elne and Bambi broke off.
Elne nodded and said, "Yes, I'm a lesbian..."
Vio looked at Bambi.
"Hey, what are you doing here? This isn't your story... You should be in The Legend of Zelda: Hidden Fire! And I didn't know you were a lesbian."
Bambi looked at him funny.
"What? I'm not a lesbian, silly! I'm bisexual!"
Elne and Bambi held hands.
"Thanks again, and we hope to see you soon! You've done so much for us!" Elne gushed. "Oh...and I'm sorry there was no hope for a relationship between us..."
"Don't...say...a word..." Green grumbled, walking away. The other 3 followed, and off they went to continue their quest...