This chapter was hard to write. Sorry it sucks.
Chapter 4: The Missing Links
"Woah, sweet, dude... We actually managed to do team work!" Vio said as the 4 Links brought a canoe onto the shore.
"It's a cute little canoe!" gushed Red. Blue slapped him.
"Ow...why does everyone always do that?" Red whined.
"Because you're a fucking idiot," Green answered.
"Oh," Red said.
A little while later, the 4 Links were in the canoe, heading for Death Mountain, where they would find another maiden. Well...they THOUGHT they were going to Death Mountain...
"I think we're almost there!" Green said.
"Yeah, this isn't so bad..." Blue replied.
"Umm...guys?" Vio said.
"Yeah?" Red asked.
"Well, how can we be heading FOR Death Mountain if we're heading AWAY from it?"
Everyone was silent for a moment. Then Green and Blue started beating Red with their oars.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT RED!" Blue screamed.
"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DUMB?" Green added.
Red started crying.
"But I didn't--ow--do anything!" he wailed.
Suddenly, the river became rapid for some reason... Vio was the only one who seemed to notice.
"GUYS, START ROWING OR WE'RE GONNA FLIP OVER!" he screeched.
"WHY DOESEN'T RED ROW? IT'S ALL HIS FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Blue argued.
"But I didn't do any--OW!" Green hit Red with his oar before he could finish his sentence.
"GUYS!" Vio yelled, but too late. The canoe crashed into a tree that just so happened to be in the middle of the river.
Green awoke and felt around.
"Sand...?"
Opening his eyes, he saw he was laying in a desert.
"What the fuck?"
Standing up, Green started walking around, and found that he was actually in a village in the desert. The village of the Gerudo...
"Where are Red, Blue, and Vio?" he asked himself. There was a moment of silence on Green's part before he said, "Ah well, I don't particularly care."
"Greetings traveler. We offer free massage and...OTHER services, hehe... So, are you interested?" Green turned to face the Gerudo woman who had spoken to him.
"By 'other services', do you mean what I think you mean?" he asked.
The Gerudo woman smiled and nodded.
"Well, ok, let's do it. I can defeat Gufuu later," Green said, smirking.
And with that, Green and the Gerudo woman went into a tent...
Blue awoke to freezing cold, and found himself laying in the snow.
Sitting up, he said, "What the fuck? It's not supposed to be snowing at this time of year! Green, Red, Vio, what does -- Green, Red, Vio?" Looking around, Blue found them missing. He stood up and looked around.
"Woah...they're not here! Maybe because of that canoeing accident, I turned back into 1 Link!" he said excitedly.
"Help! Someone, please help!" a voice cried.
Searching around, Blue found that the voice's owner was an old man trapped in the snow. He dug him out.
"Oh, thank you, young hero! Young...HANDSOME...hero..." the old man said, licking his lips and checking Blue out.
"Don't mention it. Well, actually, you should be thanking me, seeing as how awesome I am," Blue replied arrogantly, failing to notice that the old man seemed to be having ideas of mollesting him.
"What is your name?" the old man asked.
"Well, I just so happen to be the hero Link!" Blue said.
"What's your number?"
"What?"
"Umm...nothing?"
"Right. Well, anyway, why is it snowing, old man? Have I missed Christmas?" Blue asked.
"Gufuu has been screwing up the weather. But I know where he is..." the old man said.
"Where is he?"
"I'll only tell you if you let me touch you here..." The old man pointed to his crotch. "And here..." He pointed to his ass.
"Well...ok," Blue said.
After the old man finished doing what he wanted to Blue, Blue asked, "Ok, now that that's done, where is Gufuu?"
The old man pointed to a nearby cave. Wind was blowing fiercely out of it.
"He's in that cave..."
"Thanks! Well, see ya," Blue said, heading into the cave.
"Come out, Gufuu!" he yelled defiantly once inside.
A mysterious voice said, "Aww, look, the little idiot's all alone... Are you scared? Are you...LONELY?"
"What the fuck? Who said that?" Blue asked.
"I did!"
Blue turned to see the old man, who had turned into a monster. The old man opened his mouth, and sent an icy blast at Blue, freezing the poor hero.
"Foolish yet very attractive hero...you must know that Gufuu is not your only enemy..."
Red awoke in a forest.
"Where am I? Green, Blue, Vio, where are w -- guys?"
Looking around, Red found he was alone. He stood up.
"Guys?"
Suddenly, a young boy ran up to Red and grabbed his tunic.
"Dude, help me!" the boy cried.
"What's wrong?" Red asked.
"The crazy townspeople are saying I commited arson!"
"Did you?"
"Ye -- umm...no."
A mob of townspeople approached the two children.
"Help me!" the young boy yelped, hiding behind Red.
"There you are! You set the town on fire!" the townspeople said, glaring at the boy.
"Um, but he said he didn't do anything!" Red defended.
"DUMBASS, HE SET THE FUCKING TOWN ON FIRE!" a guy shouted at Red.
"Have you heard of 'innocent until proven guilty'?" Red replied nervously.
"You were involved in this too, weren't you!" a woman snapped.
"What? No! I'm just a hero who wants to defeat Gufuu!"
"Then where's your sword and shield, 'Mr. Hero'?" a girl snorted, smirking.
Red felt for his Four Sword and shield, but found them missing. Also, the young boy was no longer behind him...
"What the? They've been stolen!" Red squeaked.
"LET'S KILL HIM!" the townspeople shouted, pulling out rifles and pointing them at Red.
Red screamed and started running away, the mob at his heels, shooting at him.
"Ok, this is not good...not good at all..." Red murmured, hiding behind a bush.
"Yeah, those townspeople are nutters!" a voice behind him said.
Turning around, Red saw it was the kid! Grabbing him by the shirt he said, "Gimme my stuff back!"
"I didn't steal it! You didn't have a sword or a shield!"
"Oh...I must have lost it in the rapid..."
"Yeah, probably. But hey...you can have this weapon I found!" said the kid, taking out a shiny red rod.
Red took it.
"Ooh! What does this do?"
Twisting the handle, Red unfortunately found that it set things on fire. Even worse, the townspeople saw.
"ARSON!" the kid cried, pointing at Red.
"Umm...this isn't what it looks like..." Red told the people.
Vio was fighting off monsters in a forest.
"Dammit, I'm stuck in here... And plus, there are monsters everywhere! This forest's, like...possessed..."
He started walking again in hopes of finding a way about, but tripped over something. Looking to see who it was, he found a couple of Deku Scrubs.
"Hey, watch it you stupid piece of shit!" the Scrub he had tripped over snapped.
"Yes, we must be respectful to the boss!" a second said.
"Do you mean Gufuu?" Vio asked.
"No!" a third barked, spitting in Vio's eye. "We mean the Great Ganondorf, you uncle fucker!"
"Ganondorf?"
But the Scrubs just started walking away, chanting, "Here we go Ganondorf, here we go! Woot, woot!"
Vio continued walking, thinking about what had just happened.
"Ganondorf... That's an ancient name from the Gerudo tribe, the name of an evil man... I have to find the others! I must tell them!" Vio started to run, but was stopped by a familiar yet drunkly slurred voice.
"Do they...really...hic...need to know?"
Looking up, Vio saw Shadow Link sitting on the branch of a tall tree. Surprisingly, he did not have a can of Lysol with him. Instead, he was loosely holding a nearly empty bottle of Vodka. Judging by the way he looked, sounded, and acted, Vio guessed that he had probably drunken the alchohol all by himself.
Shadow fell out of the tree and at Vio's feet. Vio just stared.
Shadow grabbed the bottom of Vio's tunic to pull himself up. When he was on his feet (But just barely, mind you), he draped his arms over Vio's shoulders for support. Vio was surprised that he was able to be not dead after drinking most of a large bottle of Vodka, let alone be able to stand up.
"Ok, this is really awkward. Now let go of me," Vio said.
"Hic...don't...hic...talk like that...b-babe..." Shadow sputtered.
"WHAT!"
"You can...hic...come to my place... You can...like...hic...join the dark side...hic... There's also lots of...other stuff w-we could do, like--"
"Please, don't even say it," Vio said, grimacing.
Shadow put a finger on Vio's lips to silence him.
"Don't...hic...talk...my love..."
Vio tried to get away, but found that a mysterious force had him stuck where he was...
Shadow moved his face closer to Vio's and said, "You...hic...look good tonight..."
Vio tried to say something in protest, but suddenly found that he was mysteriously kept silent. Not only that, but he also found himself losing control as Shadow used freaky hypnotic powers on him...
"Now...hic...come to the dark side, and come to me, baby..." Shadow said seductively, pulling Vio on top of him...
Green awoke among a pile of naked Gerudo chicks.
"Oh, shit, I gotta do my quest!" he gasped, freeing himself of the nude bodies. He ran out of the tent and started running to the desert (I don't know why he does this in the manga, this part was really dumb).
"Wait! It's dangerous out there! Do you even know where you're going!" a guard shouted.
"No, but I gotta find my clones!" Green declared, running away.
After a while, he reached a temple, and entered.
"Blue? Red? Vio?" he called.
Green gasped as he looked down. All around his feet were bones and skeletons and mummies... Unfortunately, they came back from the dead and started attacking him.
Green tried to fight them off, but found that his sword was no match for them. It was lacking force for some weird reason.
"Wha...what's wrong with my Four Sword!" Green stuttered.
Knowing he was unable to defeat the zombies, he had to run for it.
"Oh, man, what am I gonna do...I need the others..." he said when he was safely away from the monsters.
"Oh, and you just realized that?" a mysterious voice said.
Looking up, Green saw the voices owner -- a transparent armoured monster heading straight for him.