THIS IS NOT THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE STORY, THERE ARE A FEW MORE TO GO!
Chapter 8: A Boozefest with a Side of DEATH
"Ok, peeps, I would like to hold a toast to the death of Green! Now, as this is hard-core liquor, drink responsibly to avoid car accidents, so in other words, DRINK ALL THE FUCK YOU WANT, MAN!" toasted Shadow, clinking glasses with Vio.
All of the Cyclops attending the death party cheered, applauded, and started boozing heavily.
"That's where Vio and Shadow are..." said Green, climbing over some rocks, and pointing out a large, stone tower. Red, Blue, and the fairy (who was smoking pot) followed.
Turning to the fairy, Green said, "Fairy bitch, spy on them and report back to us. We need to know if anything suspicious is going on! Oh yeah, and if they have any pills up there, bring those back with you, we could really use a fix right about now..."
"Whateva..." snorted the fairly, flying drunkly to the tower.
Some time later, everyone at Shadow's party was completely and utterly wasted. After finishing dancing on the table together, Vio and Shadow stumbled out onto the balcony of the tower.
"Hic...ok, ok, so this is like our country, right...hic?" Vio slurred, gesturing wildly at the land below the balcony and waving his class of liquor around.
Shadow nearly lost his balance, but steadied himself. Some of his alcohol sloshed out of its glass.
"Yup, it hic...sure is purdy, ain't it?" he said.
"Our land is...hic...soooo sexy!" declared Vio.
"Sooo sexy in--hic--deed! And we shall...hic...rule it together!"
"Does tha' mean you're gonna, like...hic...betray Gufuu?"
"Yeah, sexy thang! Hic...I'm da one who unsealed 'im, I could jus' seal 'im up again, righ'?" Shadow said drunkly.
"Is there, um...hic...like...um...hic...a higher person in power than...Gufuu?" Vio asked with some difficulty, struggling to think.
"Oh, ya, there's...hic...Lord Ganon... 'Ee's the one who lemme come through to this world...hic...usin' tha' Dark Mirror..."
"Wha's a 'Dark Mirror'...?"
"I'll show ya!"
And with that, Vio and Shadow journeyed down the tower to see the Dark Mirror, stumbling, leaning heavily on eachother, and drinking the entire time.
A group of Cyclops were standing in front of the mirror, staring at their naked selves. Shadow gasped.
"GET AWAY FROM THE GOD DAMN MIRROR...! HIC..." he bellowed, grabbing a bottle of vodka off the nearest table, and breaking the bottom to make a weapon. He ran at the Cyclops, who stumbled away. Vio observed and laughed hysterically.
Once the Cyclops were gone, Shadow looked at Vio and leaned heavily against the mirror for support.
"This is da Dark Mirror...hic..." he declared. "Without it, me an m'...hic...homies'd die... It is the source o' life for me an'...hic...m' kind..."
"You mean...hic..." Vio giggled, and continued, "Like God?"
"Ya, like that guy!" Vio and Shadow both started laughing hysterically.
"Ya know, Vio...I...I think I'm in love with you...hic..." said Shadow.
"Like, woah...really...?" Vio asked, slurring more than ever. He belched.
"Ya, totally, hic...dude..."
"Aw, cool, I love ya too, man..."
"Hey...Vio...?"
"Ya...?"
"...I've always wanted ta be a woman..." Shadow said.
"That is cool...hic..." replied Vio.
"Well, wanna go, like...hic...ride in my porche and set some stuff on fire...?"
"That sounds cool..."
Vio and Shadow ripped through a forest in Shadow's red porche, with Shadow driving and Vio lighting matches and throwing them out the window, setting the merry little forest on fire.
"WHOOOOO!" Shadow cheered, popping open a bottle of beer and dumping it out the window as he sped along at about 200 MPH.
Suddenly, police sirens were heard.
"AW, FUCK, THE COPS ARE AFTER US...HIC... WHY'D YA HAVE TA GO AN' BREAK DA LAW, SHADOW?" Vio snickered, throwing more matches.
A police car zoomed right for the front of the porche, and Shadow stepped down on the break.
"Oh, we're in for it now, man! Hic!" Shadow said loudly. He and Vio laughed stupidly.
A cop got out of the car and approached them.
"How old are you?" he demanded.
"As old as the skies...!" Shadow exclaimed.
"No! The moon!" said Vio.
"You are obviously under 18, and it is obvious you have been drinking, which is illegal, for you don't even look 14. Another thing is, you're setting the forest on fire! Haven't you ever heard of Smokey the Bear!"
"I fucked him, once..." Shadow said, holding back laughter. Vio chuckled, took another swig of beer, and burped again.
"Stop drinking NOW! Don't you know how bad that is for a growing mind and body?" snapped the policeman, snatching Shadow's bottle of alcohol and pointing at it sharply.
"Nope!" said Vio, leaning over Shadow, striking a match, and setting the police officer on fire. The officer screamed, and started running through the forest. Then he fell, and stopped moving. He didn't start moving again.
"Woah, you killed tha' cop...!" exclaimed Shadow.
"Ya...hic...I did..." replied Vio dully.
Vio and Shadow started fucking eachother.
The fairy flew awkwardly back to Green, Blue, and Red.
"What did you find out?" Green asked.
"Shadow wants to be a woman," said the fairy.
There was a moment of awkward silence.
"...So do I," Red said finally.
Blue rolled his eyes.
"You're such a fucking queer, Red..."
Green secretly gave Red a small smile before turning back to the fairy.
"Um...'kay, that's nice and all, but did you find out anything useful?"
"Something about a Dark Mirror."
"Well, I have no fucking clue what that means, so on to the important: did you smuggle any drugs?" Blue asked.
"No, sadly," replied the fairy.
"Dammit!" cursed Green.
"Well...let's just spend the night here..." said Red. "Miss Fairy, keep watch over Vio and Shadow tonight."
Into the wee hours of the morning, at about 3 A.M., Vio pulled himself out of bed. Having sobered up a bit, he remembered that he was secretly still with the good side, and miraculously, he had not forgotten the information Shadow had given him about the Dark Mirror. Trying desperately to ignore the painful throbbing in his head and his severe dehydration (though without much luck), Vio shuffled down to where the mirror was to break it, and finish his damn quest so he could avoid evil parties with licquor from then on. His hangover sucked ass.
At last, he reached the mirror, a hammer in hand, and stared into it. Something was holding him back, nagging in the back of his mind...
He had told Shadow that he loved him, and if he broke the mirror, he would kill him... Vio was beginning to think he really did love Shadow!
Vio sighed.
"I should just get this over with, and wait to be ridded of my hangover in peace while stuffing myself with burritos and cola. It's time to get it on, then, I guess..."
"HEY, MR. HERO!" cried a voice, and Vio felt someone slap his butt.
"AAH! WHAT THE?" Turning around, Vio saw that the culprit of the attack was a midgit in a green body suit.
"Dude, don't yell so loud, my head is aching..." grumbled Vio.
"Has Mr. Hero been drinking? Tingle thinks he has. Tingle can smell it. Mr. Hero is making Tingle gag with his intoxicated scent," said the midgit.
Vio rolled his eyes, and turned back to the mirror.
"Look, I don't know who the hell you are, but just leave me the fuck alone!"
"You don't remember me? We were supposed to make sweet love!"
"...What?"
"Back when you were in the green clothes, you saved me, and I offered to make sweet love to you, but you said no! Are you ready now?"
Vio figured that it was Green to whom he was referring.
"Well, you're wasting your time, I'm not going to make sweet love to you. Even if I was, my head hurts too much...and...urp...I think I'm gonna puke..." Dropping the hammer, Vio clutched his stomach and puked all over Tingle.
"Mr. Hero, you have puked all over Tingle!" exclaimed Tingle, sounded very offended.
"Oops," snorted Vio sarcastically, and, picking up the hammer, he hit Tingle with it, sending him bouncing off a passed out Cyclops and flying out through the window.
"Gggrrr..." the Cyclops rumbled, waking up, rubbing its head, and glaring at Vio.
"Umm..." Vio uttered, but before he could get anything else out, the Cyclops lunged to attack!
Drawing his Four Sword, Vio stabbed it, and the great creature fell to the floor, which shook dangerously.
"Goddesses, if I love Shadow or not, I'll be doing myself a favor by breaking that fucking mirror..." he grumbled, rubbing his head, which was pounding more than ever, and gazing blearily at the mirror.
Vio heard shuffling and movement coming closer, and hastily picked up the dropped hammer and tossed it out the window.
A moment later, Shadow stumbled in, followed by the other Cyclops. All were visibly (Except for Shadow, he was a little worse than the rest) as hungover as Vio. Actually, Shadow was still drinking.
Looking in the direction of the dead Cyclops, he slurred, "Did why kill you him?"
It took Vio about 5 minutes given his current alcohol impaired mind capacity to decipher this before he replied slowly so that Shadow could understand, "He attacked me..."
Another Cylops lumbered inside, holding the hammer and rubbing a large bump on his head. It had dropped on top of him during its trip out the window. The creature handed it to Shadow, who, after a couple tries, finally managed to grasp it in his hand.
"Tried mirror break someone to the..."
"...Huh? Oh, yeah...I mean, uh...i-it was probably Blue or Red, they must've snuck in, and -- well, whatever, who cares, right?" Vio bustled over to Shadow, put one arm around his waist and used the other to grasp his hand, and attempted to guide him back to bed.
"Listen, Shadow, you shouldn't be up, you had better go sleep this off..."
"NONSENSE!" Shadow bellowed, wrenching away from Vio. He took another swig of beer, and stumbled to the mirror.
"Dark the Mirror tell shall happened what us today..."
Vio gulped. Shadow ran a hand delicately down the mirror, and images began to appear... It revealed Red, Green, and Blue sleeping near the rocks on the outskirts of the tower they were currently in.
"Killed Green you! Is still why alive he?"
"Well, I, uh...thought I did..."
Then, Vio watched in horror as an image of himself appeared, wielding the hammer. Before his eyes, the scene in which he prepared to smash the mirror was replayed.
Turning abrubtly, fire in his bloodshot eyes, Shadow yelled, "TRAITOR THIS EXECUTION I SENTENCE TO!"
Vio was quickly seized by the Cyclops and carried away...
The fairy once again returned to the three other heroes some time later.
"WAKE UP!" she screeched.
"AAAH!" Blue, Green, and Red screamed. They jumped to their feet.
"Dammit, woman, what is it?" Blue snapped.
"Vio's getting executed!"
"WHAT? LIKE, OOOOOOHHHHH...MY...GOSH! WE, LIKE...GOTTA TOTALLY SAVE HIM!" squealed Red. Blue slapped him.
"Blue, why'd you slap me?" Red whimpered.
"'CAUSE YOU'RE ACTIN' LIKE A GOD DAMN QUEER AGAIN, YA GOD DAMN QUEER! NOW, LET'S KICK EACHOTHER IN THE NUTS 'TILL ONE OF US FALLS!"
"OOOWWW!" Red screamed as a painful blow was dealt to his nuts.
"Guys, stop it! We gotta go save Vio!" Green said.
"Why?" Blue and Red asked in unison.
"Well, this story would basically end without Vio..."
"No, it wouldn't, it would be better! I mean, we could do soooo many things that we can't do with Vio! Like play Harry Potter!" Blue said.
"But it's not cool..." Green replied quietly.
"Vio alienated you to make you think it was uncool!" declared Blue.
"...He's got a point, Green..." stated Red with a nod.
"Look, you assholes, let's just save Vio so we can get on to the next part of the story, and then the sequel!" Green snapped.
"Dude, we're doing a sequel for this?" the fairy asked.
"Yep," answered Green.
"Aw, fuck..." Blue mumbled.
"Come on, Blue...Red...Fairy...let's just go save Vio... Fairy, lead the way!"
Vio was tied to a large wooden pole that was attached to a boulder before a river of lava; his and Red's Four Swords were crossed above his head.
Shadow stood on the back of a dragon, swaying dangerously.
"Sooo, Shadow Link...you were watching us with that mirror of your's, were you?" Vio asked in a dramatic, business-like tone.
"Yeah, unfortunately and I stuff some saw I didn't want really see to. On shame Vio, you! Sooooo are evil you, than me even worse! Kill to am going have to you I."
Turning to a Cyclops standing beside the boulder and pole, Shadow Link barked, "IT NOW DO!" The Cyclops began to push the boulder into the river of lava.
Suddenly, Blue, Red, Green, and Fairy bounded out from nowhere and leapt onto the boulder to which Vio's pole was attached.
"We have come to rescue Vio!" declared Green.
"BITCH SON OF A!" cried Shadow.
"DUMBASSES, WE'RE ABOUT TO FALL INTO A RIVER OF LAVA!" Vio screamed. This was all too true, the others realized, for in a moment's time, they found temselves plummetting. Then Red whipped out his Fire Rod, and it turned the lava to ice for...some reason (don't ask me, it's in the manga...)...
Red and Green leapt off the boulder and onto the ice, and Blue cut the ropes binding Vio. The four heroes retreated to land, and all the Cyclops started, like...attacking them and stuff. Seeing that the river was not frozen all the way, Blue used is hammer and broke the ice, causing all the Cyclops to fall into the lava.
"NOOOOOO!" Shadow screamed.
In mere seconds, the only people alive were Shadow, Green, Blue, Red, and Vio...
"Hurt bad me you, Vio... HURT BAD ME..." Shadow growled, twitching angrily.
"You're a cheap bastard! Because of you and your stupid parties, I got a fucking hangover!" Vio said.
"BETRAYED YOU ME!" Shadow screamed.
"YEAH, WELL...YOU WANNA BE A WOMAN!" Vio cried.
Blue, Green, Red, and Fairy gasped. Shadow's eyes welled up with tears.
"MEANIE..." he whimpered. His expression turning dark, he said shrilly and loudly, "SHALL KILL I ALL YOU!" Shadow Link began to attack the four-who-were-one, but they pointed their Four Swords at him.
"FOUR SWORD, GIVE US LIIIIIIIIGHT!" Green exclaimed, and the Four Swords began to shoot bullets of light out of them like guns, causing Shadow to explode. The fairy then teleported them away from the scene of such death and destruction...
"Woah, dude...we killed Shadow! Does that mean we win?" Blue asked.
"No, we have to destroy the Dark Mirror... Our quest isn't over yet," said Vio.
"What's a 'Dark Mirror'?" Red questioned.
"It's this evil mirror that gives the bad people their power or something."
"Well, since we have Vio back, let's break out the booze and have a kick ass party! I mean, we gotta have some fun before continuing our journey!" cheered Green.
"Yeah!" Blue, Red, and Fairy shouted.
Vio, however, was not so cheerful...
Shadow... he thought, I...I miss you... I love you...