Sorry this chapter is short, but hey -- the manga chapter was short. I hope you like it, though. :)

Thanks again, Mariam!

REVIEW, PEEPS!

Chapter 10 -- The Not-So-Fun Helmet

Green drew his sword.

"Dad! Why the hell are you trying to kill me! I'm like...your son!" Green cried as the general attacked.

"OH MY GOSH! GREEN! DON'T DIIIIIIIEEEE!" wailed Red.

"Shut up, bitch..." Vio grumbled from the ground. He lay on his back, staring up at the clouds, yet another can of beer and another tub of ice cream in hand. He took a sip of the beer.

"People...hic...they just grow up and then...hic...POOF! They die. Green's gonna die. You're gonna die. Blue's gonna die. I'm gonna die. We're all gonna DIE. Dad's gonna die. Zelda's gonna die --"

As if on cue, the Links heard a familiar voice.

"Ooooohhh! Link, Link, Link, and Link! He is not your real father!" cried not-Gufuu-in-disguise-Princess-Zelda-seriously-not-Gufuu-I'm-not-lying-really-it's-Zelda Zelda, rushing in dramatically and falling to her knees weakly.

"Princess Zelda!" exclaimed Blue, rushing over to her. Green gave her a glance of surprise, but was forced to turn his attention back to his possessed father, whom he continued to try to battle off.

Even more dramatically, Zelda grabbed Blue by the collar and pulled him forward.

"THAT IS NOT YOUR FATHER, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU MUST KILL THE FAKE! KILL IT! KILL IT!" screeched Zelda.

"Ok, ok, fine! We'll kill it!" said Blue. "Wait a minute...you aren't Gufuu in disguise, are you?"

"Zelda" froze.

"Ummmm...no...w-why would you, uh...say something like that?"

Blue laughed.

"I was just joking." Then he went to go kill his father.

Green, Blue, and Red continued to fight their father.

"And the sky's only blue 'cause we think it is...it's only our imagination... The sky should be GRAY. I feel GRAY. Blue is a stupid color. It's..hic...happy. And it reminds me of Blue...hic. And he's a mother fucker. And then the sun's always yellow...yellow is so fucking ugly...hic. It clashes with lots of things. It's too bright. Hic." Vio sighed, and finished, "The sun should be black..."

"VIO, SHUT UP AND HELP US! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL WENT ON WITH YOU AND SHADOW, BUT YOU NEED TO GET OVER HIS DEATH!" Green screamed.

"I...HIC...CAN'T!" Vio wailed, eating more ice cream.

"Yes you can, Vio!" Red called.

Then the fairy appeared out of nowhere.

"Yo, motha-fuckazzzz..." she said, smoking pot. Then she pulled out some pain killers.

"Yo, you shits, who wantsa pain killer? It's Oxycontin..."

"Oxycontin!" said "Zelda", perking up.

"Yep. It is, babe, it is."

"GIVE ME THAT..." Vio snapped, snatching the box and eating the tablets.

"Vio, those are drugs," Blue said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Yeah, and they ain't great. Pot's the way to be, motha-fuckaz," said the fairy, giving Vio a stick of marijuana.

"Get him high and you can get him to do whatever you want," she said to the others as Vio dealt with the pot.

Red dodged a blow from the general.

"Couldn't that kill him?" he asked.

"Possibly."

Finally, Vio was done, his eyes completely and utterly blooshot.

"Where are we...?"

"Vio, help us fight!" Green commanded.

"Huh?" Vio uttered stupidly.

"FIGHT, YOU BASTARD!" Blue snapped.

Vio obeyed.

"Wow, thanks fairy," Blue said, raising a brow.

"Don't mention it. I'm just gonna go over here or somethin'..." the fairy answered airily, flying awkwardly away while bumping into walls.

The four Links fought pretty well (despite the fact that Vio kept laughing at something on a nearby wall), but the general was good too. They could not seem to defeat what they thought was their fake father.

"KILL HIM! USE YOUR FOUR-SWORDSY POWERS OR WHATEVER!" Zelda snapped.

"Oh, right," said Green. "Ok, guys, uh...let's just do what we did with Shadow Link..."

And that they did. The boys combined their Four-Swordsy powers and sent bullets of light shooting out of their swords like guns.

The general got hit with the blasts, and did not explode -- but fell to the ground, laying their motionless.

"OH...CRAP..." gasped Green.

"T-that wasn't...r-really a monster, was it?" squeaked Red.

Blue, Red, and Green ran over to their fallen father, while Vio stumbled over to the wall he had taken a liking to.

"ZELDA! YOU LIAR!" cried Blue, seeing that it really was their father.

But suddenly, the general sat up, and drew his dagger. The three Links feared that he might stab them, but instead, he turned around, and threw the dagger into Zelda's forhead. Red, Blue, and Green gasped. Vio laughed and pissed on the wall.

"Zelda's" eyes turned red. She glared.

"Well, shit... I didn't expect that." Then, all of a sudden, she split in half, and out popped Gufuu!

"It WAS Gufuu in disguise!" Red exclaimed.

"YOU BITCHES! YOU MAY HAVE OVERCOME THAT TRIAL, BUT WHEN YOU'RE READY FOR THE REAL GOOD SHIT, MEET ME IN THE TOWER!" and with those words, Gufuu disappeared.

"Dad! Are you ok?" Green asked. The "fun helmet" then snapped in half and fell from his father's head.

"Link? Is that you?" the general asked, gaping at his one-but-four child(ren).

"Yeah, daddy!" cried Red.

"Did you pull the Four Sword?" the general demanded.

"Yeah," said Blue.

"You're grounded," snorted their father.

"Forget that now! We have to get into the tower, but we only have one Jewel Key!" whined Green. This problem was solved when he felt a pinch on his ass. Turning around, Green saw, with great horror, Valenzuela standing there.

"You've always been such a handsome boy..." cooed Valenzuela.

"Daaaaad! He's doing it again!" whimpered Green.

"STOP MOLLESTING MY SON, DAMMIT!" snapped the general.

The other three Hyrule knights, holders of the other three Jewel Keys, followed Valenzuela, and handed the three keys to Green, Blue, and Red. Vio continued to piss on the wall.

"Wow, this works out," commented Blue.

"We'll back you up -- it's time for you to kick Gufuu's ass and save Zelda!" said the general.

So the Links (they had to pull Vio along) headed back for the main door. It was time to end this mission once and for all!