PhantomPhanGurl's Story
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at a story to poke fun of all phangurls of the world. I have no intention of targeting anyone in particular; this is simply a work of fiction. As always, I would greatly appreciate constructive criticism, so please review! Also, if anyone would be willing to beta future chapters and to give ideas, let me know! I will try to update in as short amounts of time as possible, but with college starting in a few days, I can only cross my fingers.
Of course, I don't own anything or anyone except for PhantomPhanGurl (unfortunately).
Chapter 1: An Intruder
Erik was busily penning down his latest melody for his latest work of music in his house on the lake when a figure appeared at the lakeshore. The figure, a young girl of fifteen, came so silently that she seemed to materialize out of thin air. In fact, she did, for her name was PhantomPhanGurl.
Erik hummed out a countermelody to the main theme when he suddenly stopped. The hairs on the back of his neck stood straight up. Somebody was here. Somebody had managed to find his way through the labyrinth of tunnels, escaped the hidden traps, and crossed the lake – without the boat. It could not have been Christine; she would never dare enter the mirror without his guidance.
Slipping a lasso under his cloak, Erik silently approached his front door and lake. The figure had its back to him, but Erik let out a low hiss of surprise. It was a girl! And a scantily dressed one, too, with bare legs and shoulders covered only by two thin straps. Where were her corset and dress?
At least he knew that he was in no immediate danger, so Erik replaced his rope and quickly spun her around and gripped her by her shirtfront.
"What are you doing here?" he barked.
PhantomPhanGurl yelped in surprise, then strangely enough, her expression turned to one of extreme ecstaticism and she let out a squeal.
"gerry!11 like omg its really u omg i cant believe im actually here it was really weird though like i was watching the movie and the next thing i new i was standing at this lake and i recognized the candles and everything but i couldnt remember seeing a house or anything but it looks really pretty and delicious and smells even better-"
Erik whipped his head around to stare dumbly at his house. Or what used to be his house. It was now a cottage made of gingerbread with windowpanes of pink icing and gumdrops.
"WHAT happened to my house!" he roared, throwing the babbling girl down.
"well i was just thinking of what a kewl place to have a gingerbread house lik in the fairytales and then it just appeared so i guess whatever i think of in my mind comes true omg that is so kewl-"
Erik was dumbfounded. The girl apparently had no fear for him, nor did she question his mask or his subterranean abode. She was obviously mad, for she kept sighing and calling him "Gerry." He began to back against the wall as she fawned over him, batting her gooey eyelashes and cooing.
"oh gerry u have no idea how ive alwayz dreamt of this moment ever since i saw u in the movie especially when u sang and ur such a great singer and u'll look even hotter than now with that shirt off..."
Erik suddenly felt a cool breeze. Looking down, he found that his clothing was lying in a heap next to his feet and that he was clad only in his underpants. He gave out an enraged yell.
"What did you do to my clothes!"
The crazed PhantomPhanGurl began to titter, then giggle, then howl with laughter.
"HAHAHAHAH omg that is like sooooo funny i just imagined u in ur underwear and then all ur clothes went away omg im gonna just DIE from lookin at that hot bod!"
Desperately attempting to shove his legs back into his pants, Erik managed to fit one leg in before tripping on the entangled material and falling flat on his face. He almost ripped his pants in frustration as he grunted, "Mademoiselle, I cannot possibly understand a word you're saying."
"what are u talkin about i always talk this way its the way all of us phangurls talk especially in online msgs and and stuf. newayz how totally hot is this i have to tell IHeartErik and GerryzLuver about this theyll be lik soooo jealous when i tell them what an incredible hottie you are in person even with the mask it just adds 2 ur mystery haha lol 'that man and mystery were both in youuuuuuu..."
Clapping both hands around his ears, Erik let out an anguished wail of exasperation as PhantomPhanGurl prattled on and on about the "hotness factors" of some men named Gerald Butler and Patrick Wilson. He considered throwing her into the lake to end his misery, but he decided that he needed to keep her long enough to get his old house back instead of that gingerbread hut.
"They never stop talking, don't they?" a chipmunk voice said near Erik's left ear.
Erik gave a violent jump. He tore a tormented gaze away from PhantomPhanGurl, who had now proceeded to skip over to his gingerbread house and to lick the windowpanes.
A tiny masked man dressed in a white suit and cloak was perched on his left shoulder. What was even stranger was the fact that the little man looked exactly like Erik.
"And just who are you?" Erik growled.
"I am your Shoulder Angel. I am the embodiment of everything that is good inside of you. Think of me as your personal Jiminy Cricket."
Erik threw up his hands in disgust.
"I don't give a cat's arse who you are. Where did this girl come from, and how do I get rid of her? And what will become of my house!"
The Shoulder Angel glanced over at PhantomPhanGurl, who had begun to chew holes through the front door. He gave a high-pitched chuckle.
"You don't have much time to get dispose of her before she eats through your house like a colony of termites. Girls her age can work through entire cities of cookies in less than a day. I suggest you tie her up before she discovers your chocolate organ."
Erik turned five shades paler before leaping towards the Jaws of Death, lasso in hand.