Chapter 4: A Solution

I am losing my mind, Erik thought, Magic Mirrors?

"You may find this suggestion abominable, Erik, but I cannot tell a lie and it is the only way to get rid of PhantomPhanGurl," said the Magic Mirror, "You must seek the aid of the Vicomte and Vicomtesse de Chagny, formerly known as Mademoiselle Christine Daae."

"What!" burst out Erik, thrusting his face right up to the Mirror, "I would rather be thrown into a bottomless pit of phangirls than to ask that sniveling boy for any help!"

"Yes, but once I tell you the part that Mlle Daae must play, you might reconsi-"

"Never! He can be the king of France for all I care, but I will not lose my dignity once more to that fop!"

Erik felt a slight tug, one on each ear, followed by an anxious whisper from one of the Shoulder Eriks, "Erik, she's waking up! And the ropes have turned to flower garlands!"

"Who would have thought that she actually possessed enough brainpower to think of that," muttered the other Shoulder Erik.

Erik looked frantically from one shoulder to another, then to his feet, cursing the fact that he was not standing on a trapdoor to open and to swallow him. Both the Shoulder Angel and Shoulder Demon gave him apologetic grins before disappearing in two puffs of smoke. He whipped his head around to gauge the distance between the girl and himself. All rational thought left him as he figured that perhaps if he punjabbed her quickly enough, she wouldn't have time to think...

Before he could react, PhantomPhanGurl threw her arms around him, cooing maniacally, "ohhhh screamz wildly gerry i cant believe im lik still here i thot it wuz all a dream or sumthin b4 i fell asleep, anywayz i hav lik all these songz in my head haha lol itz exactly lik that line 'in sleep he sang to me, in dreamz he came', only now itz TOTALLY lik i change the 'he' to 'u' cuz ur rite here beside me LOL 'to hold me and to hide me'"

"Mademoiselle, please! I can't-" Erik fell over with the phangirl on top of him, her arms tighter than an anaconda. He managed to free an arm and started to drag himself across the floor of the house toward a now-chocolate cabinet with PhantomPhanGurl in tow. He needed something to suppress the raving girl.

"omg gerry (btw i lik totally forgot ur real name, to me ur only the phantom but dats ok) do u wanna hear me sing im lik so much better than christine or emmy or even meg and ive been singin nuttin but phantom songz ever since i saw the movie..."

He was ten feet away from the cabinet. Five feet. Two feet.

"think of me, think of me fondly when weve said GOOOOOOODbyyyyyyyeeeee..."

Erik reached out his arm and slowly, painfully pulled out the bottom drawer. He had never heard such horrendous screaming in his life. La Carlotta suddenly sounded like a nightingale compared to her.

"aaaaaaangel of muuuuuuusic, guide and guardian, who is this grrrrrr8 tutor, oh wait i screwed up lemme try again..."

He groped around inside, knowing each bottle by touch. He found the one that he was looking for.

"aaaaaaangel my soul wuz weak, forgive meeeeeeeee..."

Holding his breath, Erik tore off the cork cap with his teeth, praying that the contents themselves have not been turned to strawberry syrup.

"eeeeennnnnter at last, maaaaaaaast –"

With a slight whiff, PhantomPhanGurl went limp as a result of the still-potent chloroform that Erik had waved under her nose. Erik carefully replaced the cork top and let out his breath. He stood up, leaving the phangirl in a heap at his feet. "That should keep you out for a few more hours," he muttered disdainfully. Then he felt like sobbing for what he was about to say.

"Magic Mirror," he forced out the words through gritted teeth, "Tell me what I must do. I cannot bear any more of this lunacy! What can-" he swallowed, "Le Vicomte and Christine do?"

"Before I tell you, if you would be so kind Monsieur, could you please clean that little spot on the corner for me? It has been bothering me for quite some time now."

Erik obliged while muttering something about the low cost of replacing smashed mirrors these days.

"Thank you. You see, Monsieur, the plan is relatively simple. Young girls at PhantomPhanGurl's age are easily ruled by their emotions, and tend to be extremely fickle when it comes to men. That is your hope. The plan will have two aspects. You must pretend to be courting Mlle Daae, so that you are unavailable to see any other women. On the other hand, le Vicomte de Chagny must somehow grasp her attention so that she eventually sees only him; in other words, he must become her new love interest. I'm sure that would not be too difficult with his looking like the way he does..."

"I do not need to be reminded of that boy's perfectly groomed eyebrows and trimmed nose hairs, thank you," snapped Erik.

"If you have trouble convincing the two about their usefulness in the plan, bring them to me," added the Mirror, "After all, who can doubt a Magic Mirror's word?"

"I should have no problem in convincing Christine," mused Erik, "As for the boy..."

His golden eyes glinted as he made sure his rope was secure under his cloak, "A few minutes hanging by his feet over the piranhas in my lake should be enough to convince him."