Warning/Pairing: Language, snarky Duo, 1x2

December 20th

The Impossible Holiday

Heero doesn't celebrate Christmas. Thank God. It's nice to go somewhere where somebody isn't rolling their eyes or giving me strange looks because I don't know the difference between a pine tree and a fir tree or have my own special collection of breakable small objects to put on display until the tree finally dies.

And what the hell is that tablecloth looking thing on the floor? Oh, that would be a tree skirt. Who knew they got their own line of apparel this season? To the uninitiated Christmas is just fucking impossible. Tree skirts and Christmas crackers. Mistletoe and nutcrackers, which don't crack nuts by the way, I thought Hilde was going to eviscerate me when I asked. Poinsettias . . . I really don't get poinsettias. They're from Mexico, how the hell did they end up as a traditional winter Christmas plant? And if you don't know the words to at least fifteen different Christmas songs then you're screwed.

I'm not a total idiot. I do know about Christmas. About having a tree and giving presents and hanging stockings. I know about Santa Claus, a.k.a. St. Nick, and how he comes down the chimney. Classic case of B & E if you ask me, but nobody seems to notice that.

I didn't know he had nine reindeer specifically, and that they all have names. Names. Jesus Christ. I don't think you can get much more warped than that. These people do realize none of this is real, right? Am I the only one who wonders if the majority of the population has suddenly stopped taking their medication?

People go crazy during this time of year. Hilde has a flaming temper, but it gets especially bad in December. That's about the time I pack my bag and make a silent exit in the night. I just help out around the salvage yard from time to time anyway, don't look at me when you want someone to string lights and erect your eight-foot inflatable snowman in the yard.

Most of the time I'm hopping from colony to colony. Bouncing around Sweeper ships and spreading the Maxwell charm. I don't really like to be tied down in one place. I start to get an itch and feel the need to take off again.

Once in a while I'll get a rude vid call from Wufei. That usually means he has a problem and needs me to come assist. Those are always fun. I don't think I'd like to do it on a daily basis though. Wufei is way too uptight. I think it comes from buttoning his shirt collar all the way up. Though I must admit that the Preventer uniform does look good on him. He was made to be a policeman. He's got that honor thing going and dignity. Wufei oozes dignity.

If I were to say I had a home though, it would definitely be with Heero. Wufei's a nice guy, if a bit stiff, but Heero is . . . well he's the guy I never have to explain myself to.

Last year I didn't know anything was going down until Hilde showed up with boxes of decorations and a scary look in her eye. Then she jumped me, started taking measurements and muttering comments about Santa suits and asked if I could grow a beard. Grow a beard? When she whipped out the hot glue gun, I high tailed it out of there faster than you can say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Which is how I found myself standing on Heero's doorstep, traumatized and smelling funny. He'd taken a whiff and asked if I was hitting the floor cleaner. No, just Hilde and her pine scented candles. To get in the Christmas spirit she said.

Heero does the part-time Preventer thing as well. He doesn't like to do field work, afraid that someday he'll have to draw on someone and shoot, but he's happy to do security work for them when they need it. He's usually around when I show up and I've tagged along a couple times when he's gone off on a job.

Trowa says he doesn't understand why Heero puts up with me, but T-bone's an ass like that and Heero usually just looks at him blankly. Actually Heero gets along fine with Trowa. It's just me who has issues with the guy. I have no idea why, unless it's because he knows I shagged his boy once during the war. Very possessive, our Trowa.

Honestly, it was just a one time thing. Seeking comfort and a little release. He doesn't have to worry about me trying to jump Quatre's bones now. I dig monogamy. And Quatre's got Trowa wrapped all around his finger; I wouldn't go near that with a ten-foot pole and flack vest.

I like things just the way they are. And when the shit hits the fan, I know where I can go.

Some old lady in the grocery store today asked me if I was helping my mom make Christmas dinner. Then a minister on the street tried to recruit me to sing carols. I was informed that 'not knowing the words' was the most pathetic and uncharitable excuse I could make and if I didn't want to spread the Christmas joy then I should just turn down the offer and not lie. Damn near left me speechless. The icing on the cake though was the email from Hilde asking if I was coming over for the holidays.

Fucking hell.

Heero opened his door practically before I started banging on it. I must have looked pretty bad, eyes wild, hair half coming out of its braid, babbling about carols and turkey and beards.

He shut the door and I slid to the floor back braced against it with my head in my hands.

"I'm not broken." I felt the need to tell him for some reason.

He nodded and sat down next to me, as if he'd help hold the world at bay.

"It's not my fault I only know the dirty version of Jingle Bells." He nodded again and I relaxed, tipping my head to rest it on his shoulder.

"Do you know what an advent calender is?" His shoulder was hard so I flopped forward and rested my head in his lap looking up at him.

He pursed his lips in thought and then shook his head. "A special calender?"

I grimaced, "Well see I thought I got a handle on the whole twelve days of Christmas thing last year."

He dropped his hand to run it through my hair and I sighed, scooting closer. "Turns out that the twelve days aren't so important and they've got this calender to count off all twenty-five days before Christmas. They even put little chocolates inside. You get one for every day."

I thought about that for second and then scowled, "At least I think so. I found one in the store and it didn't have chocolate in it so I'm not sure that's a rule."

He smirked and tugged my ear gently. "You're just pissed because you can't keep up."

I tried to sit up but he was still holding on to me, a satisfied look on his face, so I settled for waving my hand in the air. "Who the hell can keep up when they keep changing their freaking mind! Twelve days, twenty-five days . . . chocolates, no chocolates . . . "

I stopped grumbling when he leaned forward and kissed me. It's hard to work up a good rant when you've got a hot tongue in your mouth and fingers inching down your waistband.

Who needs Christmas, anyway? Heero and I do just fine without it.