Summary: Lorelai gives Luke her diary. He has to understand who she is, and how she becomes. Maybe they will be able to make up. (They're not together; never been. Doesn't set in a particular season)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and you all know it, so I don't have to spill more words about this subject.

Author's Note: Chapter 2! The next chapter(s) are coming really fast.

Chapter 2

After that first page, I found myself leaf trough the diary to see how much she wrote in it. The first page was dated in 1983, the last just a week ago. After that last page is a envelope with a few pictures inside. One is unmistakably Lorelai with a beautiful smile and another is Lorelai with a funny face and a weird cap. 'Lorelai, 1983' is written on the back. There is a picture of Lorelai and (a younger, but still very Emily and Richard-like) her parents. The description is just '1978'. When I have a daughter like Lorelai, I would be proud at her. Give her Barbie dolls. I bet Richard didn't do that. They blow their relationship with Lorelai to hell. Of course, I know Lorelai wasn't such a angel like Rory is. Maybe I would prefer a daughter like Rory a little bit more than a uncontrolled one like Lorelai was. But I would love to have Lorelai too. Or better: a child with Lorelai. STOP! You do it again! I'm not a child-person. They have always jam-hands.

More pictures: one is of Lorelai and Rory (I figure the newborn baby is Rory, because Lorelai is wearing a nightgown and it looks like she's in a hospital bed). Then, and my heart skips just a little bit, one of Lorelai and Christopher, kissing, in what seems a photo-cabin. And one where they are both looking at the zoom and sticking out their tongues. And another where Lorelai is giving Christopher a kiss on his nose. On the back written in a heart is, "Chris and Lorelai '83". They look so happy, like they could handle the whole world. Well, looking at it make me sick, and there's a lot of reading to do. Page two it is.

July 13, 1983

I can never see him again. And with 'him' I mean Benny Coster. I can explain why, after I had write my diary story earlier I went back downstairs. Well, surprisingly there was a boy a couple years older than me, and he seemed so nice, so after a little talk (he was slightly drunk but I couldn't blame him for it, after all, it was the only way to survive this party) we went for a walk and ended up at the poolhouse. There he was very annoying and really scary. He kissed me and when I pushed him away he took my wrists and began to push me against the wall, I was scared to death of this guy. But when he was about to pull at the hem of my shirt there was my hero, Christopher. He will laugh his ass of if he knew that I called him that, but he is my hero. He screamed to Benny to that he must "fuck up" and bolt, or otherwise he'd wish he was dead. They say drunk people are cowards, and so was Benny. I started to cry and Chris comforted me. We're friends since, well, ever it seems, but I guess we were 10. He lives just one street behind us. It's very confusing though, I really like him. I know he will never do something against my wishes like Benny did. I'm really gonna stop saying that name by the way, cause every time I want to start cry and enough tears all spilled for him.

While I've written the piece behind this I've make a decision: I'm gonna kiss Chris. Maybe I'll ruin something that was good, but I can't live without trying I guess. I hope he'll like me just as much as I like him.

Weird by the way: my dreamboy is big, strong, tall and kind of closed and a mystery. Chris however is certainly not closed and a mystery, and not big and strong either. But still, he's cute. And tall. I'll just kiss Chris to see what is would be like. Maybe, tomorrow at school, I'll dare to do it. Maybe.

Wow, this is odd! I'm starting to like Christopher, just because he saved Lorelai. I would NEVER hurt Lorelai like that. That kissing-part however. Hold it! It's Lorelai remember? Beautiful Lorelai. Even at the age of fifteen she's beautiful, just like Rory is. And I don't have feelings for Rory, other than maybe a little bit father-like feelings, so I don't have feelings for Lorelai either.

July 18, 1983

I did it! It was after school in the parking lot of the AM/PM and I just walked right up and kissed him. And then I tell him: "I just wanna know what it would be like." And it was great! Not so that my foot pops but still, great. Chris was sooo shy, that was cute. He said he would come by in one hour, so that is about ten minutes. I'm a little nervous, so I think I'll just babble on, and then he wouldn't have to say anything. But now I'm gonna check how I look. I think I'll write something when he's gone!

July 18, 1983 (sequel)

Lorelai Hayden? Lorelai Gilmore-Hayden? Mrs. Christopher Hayden? Sounds wrong, but the thought is good. He's so adorable! He said that he had a crush on me for two years already or something! My only question then is, why did he make out with all those thousand girls earlier? Well, whatever, no big deal, 'cause I'm with him!

When Chris was here, we talked first - a little. About if we were a couple now ("Yes!") and how are we gonna act at school. ("Like a normal couple will do, duh!"). And then we kissed a little - or much - and it all feels great. Like shivers when tongues met, you know! He'll be here tomorrow evening, we're going to the coolest club (Velvet), so I hope they will let us in with our fake ID's. But its kind of late now, so I'm heading for bed, dreaming about Christopher.

Wow, she's madly in love. You know, screw it! Yes I admit it: I'm jealous at Christopher! Yes townspeople, I LIKE LORELAI! I just have to make sure the townspeople don't know that. You know: she's right. Confirm something - if its in a diary or just in your head - is a relief.