Summary: Lorelai gives Luke her diary. He has to understand who she is, and how she becomes. Maybe they will be able to make up. (They're not together; never been. Doesn't set in a particular season)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and you all know it, so I don't have to spill more words about this subject.

Author's Note: Chapter 3! I want to go to the more recent time, but at the same time I want to give a full time pad. I think that chapter 5 is when Rory's born. I have this plan that gets you trough the actually episodes in Gilmore Girls, but before that Rory have to be 16, so I'll just wait a few chapters.

Anyway, thanks everybody for reviewing and I hope you'll like this chapter!

Thanks to my Laura who corrected my story, so you can read it without to many stupid faults!

Chapter 3

January 26, 1983

It's been a while since I wrote here! That's just because things are good. School's fine, Chris is fine, Emily and Richard are, well, not fine but what's new? So I just don't have anything to say. Well, except that Emily and Richard found out about Chris and me, and there "thrilled" about my choice. Yuk, to bad that I've been falling for a guy that they like. Sweet Lorelai and good Christopher. Well as long as they don't know what happens behind closed doors it's fine by me. Actually, nothing big happens behind closed doors, we're just kissing a little bit. However, he's a little braver lately: his hands once were close to my breasts! Ough, that must sound bad when I will read this back after years. But I just like it when he's touching me, makes me feel lucky that I have somebody who wants to touch me. And not a creep like Benny or something.

Oh, I almost forgot about this: yesterday my parents had been called to the principal, who said that I was in the top 3 of the class. I personally think that's quite good (damn, I just said 'quite') when you're talking about 150 students, but all my dad said was, and I quote: "Well done". And all my mother said was: "Patricia Dine ended higher on the list". Can't they just be proud of me, just like other parents? I swear, if I didn't have Christopher I would be so out of here!

Speaking of Christopher, yesterday after school we made plans to go to Europe when we're done with High School. He's sleeping on a bench outside in Paris and I'm sleeping in a hotel. Good arrangement I think! And then we made out on the very expensive sofa in the living room, after celebrating no more mid-terms with dad's scotch, vodka and gin (with a cherry in it!).

Tonight my parents are hosting a party, again. I'm sure with very boring people, but the good thing is that Strobe and Francine are coming, so Chris will be here too!

Geez, who the hell reacts like Emily and Richard when your kid is in the top 3 of her class? And wow: Lorelai was good in school! And she was (and is) beautiful. She also had a popular boyfriend. She just had everything somebody could want, except for the parents. And the life-style. I'm so not worth her, I sucked at school, I haven't really dated since my high-school girlfriend and I will never be a supermodel or a actor. I'm just Luke. Man, this sucks!

January 27, 1983

Oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD. Okay, if I would tell my parents this the pissing off part would succeed! I slept with Christopher. I slept with Christopher on the balcony of my house! Thank god nobody catched us. It was good though. Not perfect, not mind-blowing, just good. I had the idea he'd enjoyed it more than I did, but I don't care. They say (I don't know who the 'they' are, but I heard it somewhere) that the second and third and every single time after your first time is better, less painful. We'll see. I'm still processing, it happened so quick. One minute we were kissing, and then everything got heated. (And yes, that happened before, but now we didn't stop. Must have been the alcohol or something.) Anyway, before I knew it (less then 10 minutes, that's for sure) I was refreshing my lipstick after I finished putting my clothes on.

I don't think anybody noticed that we were gone. Good! As much as I want to piss of my parents, this is something private, and it's none of their business.

Tomorrow I'll see Christopher again, I'm just afraid things have changed after yesterday night. That he has gotten enough of me. Cross my fingers and hope for not.

Damn, go away visual! Hmm, 10 minutes. I'm better in bed! Oh geez, come on, the boy was sixteen, you didn't do more than kissing then Danes! This is pathetic, I'm not going to compare myself with Christopher! Christopher's not here, but I am!

February 16, 1983

And here I am, again. I haven't written for a long time, because everything was normal. I read that I was worried that everything was gonna change after I slept with Chris. Thank god it didn't! We're going out a lot, or just hang (etcetera) in his or my room. Sex is better after the first time, however it's not like in movies. I don't think many people have the luck to have sex like in movies.

But like I said: things are normal. But I'm scared. Very scared. Chris is saying things like "your perfect", but I'm not. I'm so not-perfect as can be. And I'm afraid he doesn't see the real me. Behind all the funny and quick answers. He doesn't seem to see that it hurts like hell when my parents are saying something mean to me. I'm keeping strong, but he doesn't see the tears. And I'm not letting him see them, that is something I have to admit. And the last thing: I'm afraid that one night he will wake up and sees it: I'm not perfect, and then he'll go look for another girl. And I can't blame him for it.

Maybe it's just better to end things with him here, before we both get hurt. Maybe. I'll just think about it.

Wow, she's afraid to commit! Is this the same situation as it was with Max? If I remember correctly she broke up with him for the first time around January 2001. Maybe she has written about it?

January 14, 2001

"Why don't we invite Max to come along with us?" said Rory. Woooo wait how has this happened? Max is now Max, and no longer Mr. Medina. She's getting attached to him, but she can't! One day Max will see that I'm not worth his love, and then he's leaving me. Rory gets hurt, I get hurt, even he gets hurt, because his time is ruined by me. I can't do that. I have to break it off! I'll see him on parent's day at Chilton and there I'll give him his book back. I hope he'll get the hint.

Yeah, she's afraid to commit. Maybe, because I know her so well, it'll be different? "I know you're not perfect, but I still love you. And I'll love you no matter what!". Sound sappy. Too sappy? Well, I have time to think about it, I just want to keep reading. It's just eleven o'clock. I just have to do one thing. So I'll take the phone and I'll dial a familiar number.

"Ceasar? Luke here. Hey, can you open up tomorrow? I don't know how late I'll be there. Maybe I won't come the whole day, 'cause Lane's helping too. Yes? Okay, thank you! I'll pay you extra! Thanks again, bye!"