Summary: Lorelai gives Luke her diary. He has to understand who she is, and how she becomes. Maybe they will be able to make up. (They're not together; never been. Doesn't set in a particular season)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and you all know it, so I don't have to spill more words about this subject.

Author's Note: Chapter 5! It's not so long, sorry for that. I wanted to update it today, so it didn't get to a beta, but I think you can understand it and that's the point. I'll replace the chapter when someone looked after the grammar.

Anyway, this chapter included the birthday of Lorelai. To me its kind of fun to write it today, because it's my 16th birthday to. I'm so jealous of the people in the US, they can drive! I've to wait two more years…

Well anyway: enjoy reading and go easy on me, 'cause I love reviews, but can't deal with only a "you suck"-comment and nothing more. If I suck, tell me why and give me advice to do better!

Chapter 5

May 5, 1983

It's been a while ago… Well, I'm back and I feel much better then a couple of weeks ago! I've found the perfect balance between school, morning sickness, sleeping pills and coffee to live a normal live again. The morning sickness was kind of a problem in the beginning: I wake up around 6 o'clock and puke until eleven. Before every class I go to the bathroom and do that finger-in-throat thing until I have to puke, and then I can live trough class. Well, most of the time anyway. And I don't take breakfast 'cause… duh. Anyway, I'll probably start to show within a month, so I wear sometimes large clothes and sometimes small ones, but I phase the small ones out slowly. That way nobody will notice a big clothing-change.

I know I have to talk to Chris about my baby, I want him to see his child grow up. I'm just waiting for a good moment. If there is something like that for this news… Right now I'm just huddled in the corner eating my hair and writing in my diary.

Finger-in-the-throat thing: Liz did that for awhile. But she did it to be thin, and for the attention she got. I can't imagine Lorelai would ever do something so desperate. Yes, I understand why but still… Well, the past is the past. She really thought about that clothing-thing. Liz didn't do that, and the change was very obvious. Well, how much I love Liz, I already knew Lorelai is smarter.

May 16, 1983

Boys can be so stupid! He just came to my house, and said he wanted me back, that he only kissed all those girls to make me so jealous that I would come back to him, and that he loved me. That that one girl was a mistake - he was drunk that night. Yeah, like that's a excuse. Of course I don't want him back, I can't be with someone who once cheated on me! If you love someone, you think of that person all the time, even drunk. I know I did. Well, I knew it was the opportunity to tell him about the baby, so I did. He didn't take it to well I guess, 'cause after a few "Oh my god!"s he bolted, looking like he just saw a ghost. I know that under normal conditions I would be upset (however, under normal conditions I wouldn't be in this situation) but I just saw Christopher, the pathetic 16-years old boy he was. I didn't expect something else.

She's emotionally exhausted, she just don't care about anything. This is a Lorelai I don't know: she just see everything with a humourless, sarcastic smile. She's so strong, so grown-up. The last thing to describe the Lorelai I know is 'grown-up'. But I have to say that Lorelai is enough grown-up to live and take care of Rory, how much I disapprove with her junk food love.

May 18, 1983

"I guess we should get married". I think that one is on my list of 'top 10 of most stupid sentences I've heard'. We've broken up, what meant that we aren't together anymore, and we should get married? Where's the dating part. Even the making-up sex? Like I would want that, I don't want to get married to a boy who broke my heart. So I've told him no, but I also told that I wanted him to have a role in the baby's life. She has to know her father. Oh by the way: the doctor told me I gonna have a baby-girl! So sweet! I have to start thinking about names!

But back to the subject: I've dismissed Christopher romantic proposal, who'd take place on the hallway in school, before biology. My heart melt.

Chris and I agreed that we'll wait before telling the parent: he take his parents, I take mine. Ever.

The nerve of some people is absolutely outstanding. She told something about not telling her parents that she was pregnant until her eight month, but I think she was exaggerating. I hope she was exaggerating.

May 30, 1983

It's my 16th birthday and I'm lying in my bed and write in my diary. What happened? Another fight with Emily and Richard of course. I can't help that the pate smelled like Clorox? But of course I was supposed to shut up, I didn't want to, mom yelled, I yelled, and now I'm here. Life is a vicious circle. Good thing that I'm not really alone right now, inside of me is a little human who can celebrate with me. (I know, not really, but what the hell I'm sad). I'm now four months pregnant and I can see the changes in my body. My breasts are fuller and more sensitive, and I think I can see a little bit belly. I think it's gonna be time to skip fully over to the large clothes. Well, happy birthday to me, no cute clothes anymore. Well, for at least five more months, and after that I must get my figure back…

That's right! Did Lorelai Gilmore sport to get her figure back? Cause right now she has a great figure - flat stomach, tiny waist. I can't imagine Lorelai sport, I can remember her play one 'sport': Yoga. Well the known as the failure where she broke her leg. I would love to take her out and play baseball, that would be a good laugh.