Summary: Lorelai gives Luke her diary. He has to understand who she is, and how she becomes. Maybe they will be able to make up. (They're not together; never been. Doesn't set in a particular season)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and you all know it, so I don't have to spill more words about this subject.

Author's Note: Chapter 6 is up, and man, I haven't updated in a long time. Thanks all who have reviewed, and enjoy reading this chapter. I really want to go to the time where Rory is 16 and follow the episodes a little bit. But on the other hand: I've got a few other story's in my head, and very little time to write. So I don't know when the next chapter would be up, somewhere between now and two weeks I guess.

Chapter 6

April 15, 1983

My mother called a fat-farm today. I didn't think Emily Gilmore would be so naïve. I'm really wondering if she haven't the slightest clue in the world what is going on with me? After all; she was pregnant before if you have to believe the pictures. And dad is always working and he's having the worst mood lately. You know, if you put mom and dad together and part them in two you'll have the perfect parents: Richard a little interference and Emily a little laxism. It's a nice dream.

I haven't spoken much to Christopher, he seems to be scared of me. At this point I don't even care anymore, and I must say: it feels good. I sleep normal, without medications, and since I don't have morning-sickness anymore I can eat breakfast normal. I'll figure my life out, and make sure my kid will have a different life than me. That's a noble idea isn't it?

Today I had a doctors appointment. I must say: every time I see my girl on the ultrasound I feel warm inside. I already love her, and the doctor said that he sees that different with pregnant girls of my age. See, even in this part I'm special! I'm gonna be Supermommy! Or Wondermommy, 'cause Wonderwoman is cool, but Superwoman don't exist. Superman does, but Superwoman don't. Must be a man who invented that.

Oh by the way, my parents are planning a trip again, for the summer, and I have to go with them… Life is hilarious! I'll let the dream live for a while, until I can't hide it anymore.

And hello Lorelai who I know. Strong, full of humour, independence. But, for gods sake, who's the real Lorelai? The girl, or woman, who hide herself under a bunch of humour, or the one who is the best of her class, kind of serious, but loveable. A sort Rory. Wow, maybe, if Rory wasn't educated with thousand warnings a day about pregnancies, she could've been Lorelai. Maybe. Hard to imagine, the only teenage mother I really know in her teenage years is Liz, and she was fucked up even before she was pregnant. Very different persons, and I love them for that.

May 2, 1983

"Mom, Dad, I'm pregnant." Simple sentence, but I just can't form the words in front of them. I just can see them react, and it's not gonna be "Jeez Lorelai, congratulations. I'm so happy I'm gonna be a grandparent." Who can blame them, I screw up big this time. Never thought I would be one of those girls without a future, family or friends. Its just so damn hard alone; no Chris – who was my friend even before this shit – no other 'friends', because they are so fucking stupid with all the fucking jokes and every day partying and I don't know… I just can't imagine that I used to be them, but now I don't go with the group, I'm out. So bye-bye Pam, Mitchell, Liza and all the freakin' people I spend for years most of my time with.

My days are filled with school, sleep and homework. I want to finish my year before I drop out, so I work hard and when 'it's out' I'm gonna ask for the tests to make them earlier. That way I have a basis, and maybe, just maybe, I can go somewhere else to school. In another town. Where nobody knows me or my history. Or where they respect my history. I've read an article once about small towns, and that they're all friendly. Like family. I want to live there, or in a big, big city. Because there's total privacy, and that's not bad either.

Time to think about some nice things: I've been thinking about names and this is my top five:

Emma – It's a simple, yet beautiful name. And I don't know anybody who's called that way.

Micha – I once, when I was about six I guess, read a book about Micha, who was sweet and kind and strong, and did whatever she wanted. I want my kid to be that way.

Nicky – It's a strong name, for a kid with abilities.

Natalie – Without the 'h' it's not so occurring, but it's still girly.

Kathy – Sweet, the name Kathy does me think of a beautiful baby-girl.

Claudia – Good name for a smart kid I guess. And I don't know any other names.

Pretty cool names, isn't it? Thought so. But I still have four months to decide. Jeez, four months. Seems like a eternity!

It seems the small town has won. Now she lives in Stars Hollow, where 9.973 people knows her history. But they all respect it. Well, except Mrs. Kim maybe, but even she thinks of Lorelai as a strong woman.

And man, imagine Rory as a Emma, or Micha, or all the other names. Glad she's a Lorelai Leigh, Emma Leigh Gilmore sounds like hell.

May 15, 1983

Dad was so proud when the headmaster called him to say that I'm so into school lately. It was the first time since, well, Mrs. Demaski said that I could skip a year of 1st grade cause I could already read, that he said he was proud at me. And now I feel like crap, because I have to disappoint him.

Mom is a weekend to the spa, so its very peaceful around home. And I have somebody to talk to, because if mom's here I can't talk to the maid. ("They don't want you to talk to them Lorelai, let them work!") Wrong Mother! They don't like it if you yell at them, talking is fine. Well, talking with Felicia anyway, I don't know about all the others. I even help her, 'cause when my child is born and we live at our own home I have to do it all myself, so I guess this is a good practise. I did have to promise not to tell my parents that I help 'the maid', cause they'll get a stroke. And then I have to give birth in prison, so you see the "don't tell them"-point. It will be a task on itself to tell them subtle that I'm pregnant.

Lorelai Gilmore cleaning. Weird picture. Sure, she was a maid in de Independence Inn, but I think she hasn't cleaned since that. Well, not so much anyway. I've found the crumbs under the closets when I fixed them.