A/N: I was sad and lonely when I wrote some of this, and I wanted to impress the fact that…well, hopefully you'll see my ideas. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and who are supporting this.
Chapter 17: Would He Forgive Me?Remus and Sirius stepped off the plane into Albania's small, deserted airport, where the solitary figures were surly businessmen and annoyed teenagers loudly complaining and chewing their gum too loudly. The two friends scanned for suspicious activities. One of Voldemort's most blatant oversight in operating in the Muggle world was, because of his hatred for Muggles and Muggle-borns he was always more conspicuous when it came to disguise. Dumbledore, for all his scruples, knew how to keep himself hidden. Seeing no wizards whatsoever, they proceeded to the hotel that Ron had directed them to.
It was nicer than what both of them were used to. After the wasted splendour of the Black house, full of dank rooms absent of cheer or comfort, the wood paneled walls and dark blue carpet created a homely glow in their hearts. Lupin lit a fire which crackled happily as they talked of their plans for the coming days. First they would go to the address discovered in the mail records. Hopefully it would carry them further. Sirius had Albanian relatives, and spoke the language enough to get by. Most of their traveling would be done using brooms or in Muggle ways.
It was very doubtful they would find very much that was significant in this brief investigation, but the effort needed to be put forth.
Sirius stared gloomily at the fire, his eyes reflecting its golden flickers He was unusually still.
"What's going on, Sirius?" Remus asked him. It was a tired conversation. Lately, Sirius had been unpredictable and gloomy, at turns quiet and raging. But he had never explained before now.
"Did you ever think," he began cryptically, in a quietly intense voice, "when we were all together at Hogwarts, that in twenty five years one of us would be a traitor, serving Voldemort-" Remus closed his eyes and swallowed audibly, "-that one of us would be dead, leaving behind him a boy living under the weight of the world as we know it, that one of us would be a social recluse; penniless and ostracized, and that the last would be an innocent but convicted murderer on the run, with his friend's death hanging over him at every turn? Did you ever think we'd be so divided? We were it, Remus. We were the chosen few who were going to liberate the world from Voldemort. We were untouchable. Now look at us."
Remus winced when he heard that description of himself. "We have more than that, Sirius. We have Harry, the Order…"
"Why do you think we're all such broken men, Remus?" Sirius said sharply. "We've given all we have to the bloody Order. Our lives, our freedom, our future. James gave his son and his wife to the cause we're fighting for."
"We both loved James like a brother," Remus said. He spoke now more heavily; the burden on his heart became more evident to him the more he spoke.
Sirius shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder if it was all worth it," he whispered. Wordlessly, Remus gripped his shoulder. Looking back, the past was seen in such a bitter light. What more could they have done, to make their time last?
"Would he forgive me?"
They sat in silence long after the fire had died out.
Review! The next part of this chapter will be up on Monday. It's written, but I need to type and proof, and I have an essay, a film review, and a presentation to do all for tomorrow or Tuesday. Bear with me, it's ISU season.