Authors Note: Perhaps I should have made this more obvious, but when I said TV verse, I meant the original TV series. Virgil is the second eldest. I believe it was Carlton, who now own the rights to Thunderbirds who switched the birth order. Hence, I have taken the birth order from John Marriott's 'Thunderbirds Are Go'. Just thought it best to make that clear.
Many thanks to everyone who's reviewed, it's always appreciated and please continue to do so. I like to know what the readers are thinking/feeling and value the time anyone take to leave a review.
Chapter Three – Sedation and Deflection
Scott headed back into the hospital in a much more sombre mood. By the time he'd reached Virgil, he'd had more than adequate time to consider the implications of what his father had told him. He swiftly concluded that they may be approaching the end of what had been a harrowing day, but the ordeal was only just beginning.
He approached Virgil, noticing his brother's eyes remained closed. He wondered if Virgil knew he was there and tried not to startle his brother as he rested a hand on his arm.
"Virgil? You alright?" Despite his effort, he couldn't hide the childish concern from his voice. He cursed his lack of control around this particular brother.
The younger man opened his eyes cautiously confirming the figure above him was Scott and allowed them to close again before commenting. "Yeah." He said finally, moistening his lips as he did. "How's Al?"
Scott sighed. "Doctor says it's just bruising, he's with Gordy and John back at the hotel. Dads making the arrangements for the car now. You didn't tell me you told him to jump."
Virgil grimaced at the words. "My harness was jammed; there was no point in both of us getting blown to bits."
Scott frowned, "Blown to bits?" He queried.
"The revs were sky high Scott, at one point I thought maybe the engine was going to blow." Virgil confided as Scott's eyes widened. "Don't do that." Virgil chided, eyes still closed.
"What?" Scott asked incredulously, Virgil's eyes remained closed.
"Give me that look. The 'Oh my god, it was that serious' look." He paused, not seeing the smirk develop on Scott's face. "I'm ok, Al's okay. We can deal with the rest."
"I hope so." The words left Scott's lips before he'd thought them through and afterwards he immediately regretted muttering them. Virgil didn't need the added stress of knowing about the investigation. Not yet, anyway.
"What does that mean?" Virgil asked, cracking one eye open to look up at his brother.
Scott kicked himself mentally. He loved Virgil to bits; he was his best friend as well as his brother. The one thing that frustrated him though, about this particular brother, was this ability he had to automatically make him drop his guard.
"Nothing." Scott tried to cover himself but he already knew it was too late. He could never hide anything from Virgil. Ever.
"Don't lie to me." There was an edge to Virgil's voice that Scott disliked. It wasn't something that he heard often but at the moment, it was telling him his brother was tired, hurt and frustrated. Not a mood to mess with. Scott knew there would be ructions if the truth didn't transpire soon.
Finally, he conceded. "It's …"
He paused as the doctor walked back in, clipboard in hand. Sighing gratefully, Scott smiled. The old man didn't have a clue what he'd just prevented but the relief on Scott's face was obvious. He glanced down at his brother long enough to notice that Virgil was staring up at him, just to let him know that the conversation wasn't over yet.
"Well, we should get the results of the scans in about half an hour. If they're clear, I'll get someone to remove these." He tapped on the plastic cervical collar that prevented Virgil from moving. Having learnt to pick up on the 'trivialities' from his training. Scott noted the fact that someone else would be doing the removing and not the doctor himself. Scott had noticed he was what their father termed a 'money man' as opposed to being hands-on.
"In the meantime we'll give you something for the pain." The doctor paused; Scott glanced down to his brother again. On seeing his eyes firmly closed he was about to ask about the dizziness when the question came from the doctor himself. Though his personality was certainly lacking in places, Scott couldn't fault his care.
"How's the dizziness? Still feeling nauseous?"
Virgil's reply came after a short pause. "Yep, both. In fact I think it's getting worse."
"Well, I can give you a mild sedative, that will clear your head but it'll also knock you out for a few hours. And you may feel the after effects tomorrow. Or you can ride it out, the decisions yours." Dr Williams looked down expectantly.
"Okay, do it." A small reply came from the bed.
Scott was so sure his brother would decline the offer of assistance in the form of a drug, that he'd already begun an attempt to change his mind verbally. He snapped his mouth shut and disguised the sound he'd already made with a short sharp cough.
Dr Williams returned a few minutes later, syringe in hand. He continued to take Virgil's arm and administer the medication, talking as he did. Scott found himself looking away subconsciously as a long needle was inserted into his brother's arm and the clear liquid deposited. "Don't try and stay awake, just let the drug take control."
He turned back to Scott, who'd found a chair. "I'll be back in a few minutes he should be asleep by then."
Scott nodded but turned his attention to his brother, still getting over the fact that Virgil had so easily accepted the sedative. It prayed on his mind.
"Is the dizziness really that bad?" He asked softly.
"Worse." Virgil slurred the sedative beginning to take control of his exhausted mind already. He opened his eyes briefly, "Wha' did you mea' …"
Scott frowned. "What did I mean?" He asked, watching as his brother's eyelashes fluttered before his eyelids sealed in sleep. Sighing Scott sat back in the chair, content to watch as his brother slept peacefully. Until his brain went back to considering the consequences that today could have on his family. He thought about calling John or Gordon, to see how Alan really was. Not doubting for a moment that his father's knowledge of the situation would have been tainted. However, he didn't want to leave Virgil or disturb him, and decided against it for the moment. Instead, he settled in for the wait, more than comfortable to remain guarding his brother's drug induced rest for now.
XxxxX
Leaning against the door of their shared hotel room, Gordon Tracy watched his younger brother's every move. The blonde figure, clad in jeans and a white shirt after shedding his racing suit was laid out on the bed. By all accounts, the youngest Tracy was asleep; however, the figure Gordon watched so intently was very much awake.
"Quit staring. I'm not going anywhere." Alan grumbled harshly. Gordon bit his lip; surprised that Alan had even noticed he was stood there. Sighing, he pushed himself away from the doorpost and walked over to his brother.
"I thought Dad told you to get some rest." He patted Alan's thigh twice in a gesture for his brother to move over and allow him to sit down; Alan obliged. "John said you were asleep."
"Yeah, well John thinks I am." Alan said sullenly.
"And you're not because …" Gordon raised his eyebrows, shaking his head and holding his hands out; expectant of an answer.
Alan shrugged, he tried not to show it but Gordon knew his shoulder was causing him a lot of pain. "I'm just not tired."
Gordon nodded, but remained a long way off actually accepting the answer. "It's been a hell of a day; I thought you'd be exhausted." He paused, watching Alan's reaction. "Is your shoulder hurting?"
Alan shrugged again, despite the fact that it'd caused him pain the last time. "Not really." He lied. There was a pause. Gordon purposely didn't speak, leaving Alan to fill the silences. "Have you heard anything from the hospital yet?"
Gordon sighed. "Yeah." He knew Alan was worried about Virgil, they all had been. "The doctor said it's just bruising, they'll let him go as soon as he wakes up."
Alan frowned. "Wakes up?"
Gordon sighed again; his brother wasn't going to like this. "They sedated him." He told the young blonde slowly.
"Sedated!" Alan exclaimed in alarm, sitting up. "Why? What's wrong with him?"
"Whoa! Clam down!" Gordon soothed. "Nothing's wrong with him. He felt really dizzy, they sedated him because it was the best thing to do to clear his head. He should be waking up any minute now and then Scott's going to bring him back here."
"How long before they need picking up?" Alan asked. Gordon watched him carefully. He was obviously forming some sort of plan but for the life of him, Gordon couldn't think what.
He shrugged in reply. "I don't know, a couple of hours. Sam's going to go pick them up. Why?"
"I'll go." Alan replied firmly. "I'll go and pick them up."
"Al, I don't think that's such a good idea." Gordon said cautiously.
"Why not?" Alan asked angrily, frowning and failing to see why Gordon was so reluctant.
"I just think Dad's right; you've had a bad day. Sam can pick them up and you should try and get some sleep." Gordon added gently. "I know you're shoulders painful."
"I told you before I can't sleep!" Alan snapped. "I'm not tired!"
"It's not just that Al." Gordon tried to ignore the snapped tone of voice. "How do you think Scott would react when they came out the hospital to see you sat behind the wheel?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Alan exploded furiously. For a few minutes, Gordon failed to see why the comment had caused such as angry response. Then suddenly, he realised the inadvertent insinuation he'd made.
"Al, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant …"
Alan cut him off. "I know what the hell you meant." He cursed loudly, pulling himself up until he was sat up straight on the bed. "You think it was my fault don't you? You think I caused the accident just like Dad."
"Dad?" Gordon frowned. "Dad doesn't think that."
"Yes he does. He doesn't say it but I know. I know from what he doesn't say that he thinks it's my fault." Gordon winced at his brother's words, their father often implied things in the way he failed to say the things you wanted to hear. "He doesn't say it's not my fault, he says it's an accident." Alan paused and Gordon realised that the reason that his brother couldn't sleep was because he was wound up tighter then a spring. "Well accidents happen for a reason, someone always causes them. Funny how it's always me, huh?"
"Al…" Gordon tried to stop him, noticing how loud his voice was getting. Gordon knew his brother better then most and was familiar with all the shouting, he tried to clam him down. "Alan, listen to me."
"It wasn't my fault. It wasn't." Alan repeated. "I'm not a bad driver; I'm more than capable of picking Scott and Virgil up. Damn it!" He cursed. "I'm a better driver then all of you put together!"
"Al, that's not what I meant. Nobody is saying you're a bad driver and nobody thinks that what happened out there today was your fault. Not me and certainly not Dad." Gordon hoped his brother believed him, they were the only words he could offer at the minute.
He continued on. "I didn't mean it like that; I was just saying that Scott is really worried about you. He's already called John six or seven times since they left for the hospital. God only knows how many times he's called Dad." Gordon paused. "Hell, that's probably why it's taking him so long to make the arrangements for the car; because Scott's calling him every five minutes." Gordon paused, waiting for a grin at the comment from his brother but none came. "John promised him we'd make sure you were okay."
"I'm fine!" Alan interrupted, his eyes wide. "I can still go and pick them up."
"And do you think Scott's going to be happy with us if we let you? Come on Al, he'd kick mine and John's butts into next century." Gordon softened his tone. "We're all worried about Virg, but he's fine. We're all worried about you too."
"Yeah well you shouldn't be." Alan pouted. "I told you, I'm fine." He looked away, avoiding making eye contact with Gordon.
"You're not fine; you're shoulders sore for a start. Al, you know if … …"
"I don't." Alan snapped.
"You don't even know what I was going to say." Gordon waited patiently for his brother to face him.
Alan didn't move. "You were going to say if I wanted to talk, I could talk to you. Well I don't. I don't want to talk okay?"
"Maybe that's why you can't sleep. Stop trying to keep it all inside and let it out. I know you're angry with yourself for being upset earlier. Scott understands, so do I; it was a horrible situation and you're reaction was completely natural." He paused giving Alan the chance to speak, but no reply came. "Talk to me." Gordon knew it was what he needed more than anything, but as usual, he was being too stubborn. Alan knew as well as Gordon did that when he did talk there was the potential for tears to come and Alan was too obstinate to let that happen. Gordon puzzled over why, they were close as brothers go and had both cried in each other's arms before now. A thought suddenly struck him.
"You don't have to prove anything to me Al. I know you're an adult, adults get upset too." Alan had spent his life trying to prove to his older brothers that he wasn't a baby and that there was no need to treat him like one. "It's only natural to feel guilty."
"A couple of years with the WASP's and you think you know it all." Alan snarled bitterly. "I must have missed the part were you got your psychology degree." He added sarcastically. "I'm going to call Dad, see when the cars going to be ready. I wanted to make Belleview in three weeks time." He scooted over to the edge of the bed, and stood up.
"Alan you can't pretend everything's okay. A man died today." Gordon tried to ignore the previous comment, but his fuse was beginning to run short with Alan's incredulous behaviour.
"Yeah well it was his own fault." Alan retorted.
"What?" Gordon swung around on him, facing his brother with intense amber eyes and a deep frown.
"He was too close to me. If he'd held back then he wouldn't have been hurt." Alan said heartlessly as he reached for the 'phone by the bed.
Gordon walked briskly round to the other side of the bed and stood in front of his younger brother. "You did exactly the same thing when you overtook him in the qualifier!"
"We all know the risks. He took a risk and it didn't work out; that's not my fault." Alan shrugged again as he began to dial a number. "I'm sorry he's dead but I'm not about to start beating myself up about something that I couldn't have controlled." He paused. "And I couldn't have controlled it." He tried to convince himself. "It wasn't my fault and I couldn't have stopped it. Nothing I could have done would have made a difference."
Gordon stood there for a few minutes unsure of what to do or say, his surprise at Alan's harsh comments rooting him to the spot. After a few minutes, he was spurred into action, snatching the microphone out of Alan's hand. He reached forward and turned the videophone off, ending the call.
"Hey!" Alan looked up at him. "What did you do that for!" Alan asked stunned by his brother's actions. "I want to know about the car! We've got to get it fixed by Belleview, which only gives us three weeks."
"The car?" Gordon asked dangerously, he took a step forward causing Alan to take an involuntary step back. "You're worried about your damned car?" His eyes virtually glowed with the anger that was contained there. "You are so damned selfish it's unbelievable. Sit down." He ordered.
Alan had noticed how since joining the WASP Gordon thought he could order people around; decidedly, he held his ground making no such movement. "Sit down!" Gordon shouted angrily in his face, roughly pushing a hand out that connected with his injured shoulder forcing him to sit down on the bed. Alan considered standing back up but decided against it, still grimacing at the pain. Gordon rarely got angry with him but when he did it wasn't the best idea to cause the situation to escalate.
Gordon's anger overrode any sympathy he felt towards his brother as the hand connected and Alan winced. Before he was sure his brother was going to stay in the seated position he began. "It may have escaped your notice but a man died today. Do you know what that means Alan? It means that a family are going to have to bury a son, a brother. They're never going to see him again, ever. And you're worried about your car? A couple of grand and it'll be fixed, hell, add another zero and it'll probably be fixed by the end of the week." For a moment Alan seemed pleased at the news before his original surprise at Gordon's outburst regained control of his features. Fears merging into surprise round the edges as he watched Gordon's irritation fester.
"No amount of money is ever going to bring him back." Gordon shook his head. "He's dead Al."
"You don't have to keep saying it. I know." Alan retorted angrily.
"No you don't! You can't! If you did, you wouldn't be acting like this, as if… as if it's inconsequential to you as long as you get your car fixed." Gordon frowned in disgust at his brother. "Have you thought about this? I mean properly thought about it. About what could have happened?"
Gordon could see his younger brother was beginning to get riled by his continuing lecture but had no intention of stopping. Alan needed to hear this.
"Of course I have." Alan told him snappily. "I've thought about nothing else. You've made your point now leave it." He glared up at his brother towering above him, conveying all of the fury he felt.
"No I won't leave it!" Gordon replied loudly. "You said yourself you all take risks out there. You were in exactly the same position he was in the qualifier, what if had happened then…"
"Shut up." Alan glared at his brother angrily, the fury in his eyes would normally have told Gordon to back off but not today.
"You could have been killed!" Gordon yelled in his brother's face.
"Do you think I don't know that?" Alan growled. "Stop it."
"Yes!" Gordon retorted. "I do think you don't know. I don't think you realise how lucky you were out there today! It could so easily have been you that was killed. Us going home with you in a body bag! Our family burying a son, a brother, have you even thought what that would do to us? How Dad would feel? How I would feel?"
"Shut up." Alan clenched his teeth together practically spitting the words out.
"How John, Scott and Virgil would feel?" Gordon wasn't even listening to his younger brother anymore; his tirade was so intense.
"Shut up." Alan said louder, struggling to keep his temper under control; he took laboured breaths trying to steady himself.
"Oh God Virgil! What if it'd been Virgil?" Gordon continued. "How would you feel then huh? Have you thought about that? How easily it could have been Virgil that had died today?"
"Shut up Gordon." Alan was saying again, the tone of his voice reminiscent of a warning.
"How easily it could have been one of you, if not both!" Gordon continued, ignoring Alan's growled orders to stop. "He could have died!" He exclaimed loudly. "You could have died!" Gordon waved his hands randomly in despair at his brother. "Can you imagine not seeing Virgil again? Ever. Huh, can you?"
Something inside Alan snapped and he launched himself to his feet, closing the short distance between them instantly. "I said SHUT UP!" He bellowed, yelling the words into Gordon's face, an inch from his own.
Gordon frowned, as he took in the anger in his brother's wide, unyielding eyes. Anger that was dissipating quickly into despair. "Of course I've thought about it." Alan spat, inching even closer to Gordon's face. "I've thought about nothing else!"
Gordon had wanted a reaction and now, as he watched Alan's eyes cloud with unshed tears he realised maybe he'd pushed too far. He took an involuntary step back as their positions were reversed and suddenly Alan advanced on him.
"Do you think I can think of anything else apart from what could have happened today? Don't you think that every possible eventuality hasn't already gone through my mind a thousand times over? What if I hadn't taken Virgil with me? What if it'd been me that was killed? What could I have done differently?" Alan paused, clamping his mouth shut and pulling his fists into a tight ball. For a second the emotion in his eyes became so intense Gordon couldn't help but automatically brace himself for a possible impact.
However, the moment lapsed and with every second that passed, Alan seemed to become less and less angry and more and more upset. "Why are you doing this!" He screamed into Gordon's face as he sniffed, desperate to fight back tears.
Gordon frowned sympathetically. "Doing what?"
"Making me feel like this!" Alan turned away, breathing raggedly as he sat back on the bed, his head in his hand. "It wasn't my fault." He desperately convinced himself. "It wasn't."
"I'm not making you feel anything Al. I'm just not letting you run away, or hide behind a false sense of not caring." He paused as he sat alongside his brother. "I know you care. I know you don't believe what you just said."
Alan let his head fall until his chin almost touched his chest where he was sitting forward on the bed. His forearms resting on his knees as he fiddled with his fingers. He shook his head very slightly muttering. "I don't."
"I know you're trying to convince yourself that this wasn't your fault and I know blaming Mark makes you feel less guilty. But you don't have to convince yourself or anyone else that this wasn't your fault." Alan smirked despite himself. He should have known better than to think Gordon wouldn't have realised the truth. "It wasn't. It was an accident, a tragic accident; it was not your fault." Gordon edged closer to the younger man, Alan didn't acknowledge the words sniffling instead. Gordon could see he was making a break through. "You might think that by not thinking about it it'll go away but it won't." Gordon paused for a breath.
"I want it to." Alan mumbled.
"I know you do." Gordon told him gently. "But you have to deal with this Al. Pretending that it was all Mark's fault and then running away; that's not dealing with it."
Alan stifled a sob, as he brought a hand up to run over his eyes.
"Hey." Gordon said softly as he reached up and placed his arm around his brother's shoulders. "Come here." He pulled the blonde man into his chest as Alan's shoulders dropped and he cried, gasping for breath as the sobs came more frequently and gained in intensity.
To begin with Alan just let his brother hold him. Then suddenly he clung to Gordon. Bringing his arms up to lock around his brother's neck as he buried his head into the redhead's chest and shook uncontrollably.
"Shh." Gordon comforted. "It's alright." He held him tighter, despite the fact that it was a rarity and that he hated to see any of his brother's upset, he was relieved that the tears had come now. And he rocked Alan slightly as the younger man mumbled.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you Gordy." He sniffled as he gasped for breath the sobbing took away.
"It's alright." Gordon smiled as Alan's blonde hair tickled his chin. "I yelled too. Let's just forget it."
"I'm sorry for the things I said too." He mumbled. "I didn't mean it. I swear I didn't."
"Shh." Gordon rubbed his back as his words disintegrated into sobs again, pulling him closer against his chest as he rocked him.
"I'm not bothered about the car Gordy." Alan pulled his head away from Gordon's shoulder to look up at his brother. "Really I'm not." Gordon nodded; frowning at the bright red, tear streaked face and the eyes that revealed everything to him. "I'm not racing again, I've decided."
Gordon sighed. "Al, just give it some time. You might feel differently later on."
"No." Alan shook his head as tears continued to fall down already red cheeks. "No, I won't. Never again."
Gordon pulled him back into an embrace, he could feel the wet tears seeping through his shirt but he didn't complain. "We'll see." He said softly as Alan's shoulders shook against his chest.
"Every time I …" Alan gasped, taking in a deep breath as he breathed in his brother's scent. "I close my eyes." He stopped, a strangled semi-sob escaping from the very back of his throat. "I'm spinning and all I can hear is Virgil yelling at me to get out."
He dissolved into sobs again and Gordon tightened his hold. "Shh, it's okay. You're okay, Virg is okay, and we'll get through this. It's alright." He rubbed his brother back. "You're safe now. You're safe."
From the doorway, John Tracy frowned. Catching Gordon's eye with a small, soft smile. He watched, as Alan remained oblivious to his presence and wept relentlessly into Gordon's chest. Gordon for his part hid his brother's face away, comforting him with a gentle tone and softly spoken words of reassurance. As Gordon cradled their youngest brother, rocking him slightly John pulled the door closed behind him. Making his way down to find their father and the latest development in this nightmare…