Authors Note: Many thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. All reviews are appreciated so please continue to let me know your thoughts on each chapter.
Apologies for this chapter being so late in coming. I'm afraid, due to other commitments; this may well be the situation in the future. Chapters are pending, just not necessarily as swiftly.
Chapter Twelve – Reconciliation
Gordon pushed himself harder and harder. His concentration was so deep he wasn't entirely sure where the pair of legs that dangled in front of him now, had come from. He came to a stop, resting his arms on the side of the indoor pool and lifting up his goggles. His exertion left him panted for breath and he looked up, unsurprised to see John wiggling his toes in the glistening water.
"I thought Scott would have sent Virgil." Gordon commented as he vaulted from the pool. Slopping water over his brother, before sitting alongside him. Wiping the wet from his face, he allowed his legs to dangle alongside his brothers. "He usually picks the pieces up. Still a change is as good as a rest." Gordon sighed cynically as he continued.
"He didn't mean it." John said simply.
"You came down here to tell me that?" Gordon laughed. "Virgil usually starts off with something profound. You know deep and meaningful, 'You're brothers, no matter what happens you'll always love each other.' Yeah, try that." He nodded.
"Gordy, this isn't funny." John chided.
"I'm not joking." He said seriously. "You're wasting your time John. I'm angry with him and I intend to stay that way."
"Why?" The older brother asked. "Don't you think that's a little childish?"
"Why?" Gordon asked, scoffing incredulously. "Because he deserves it! Did he tell you what he said?" John nodded regretfully and his brother continued. "I've got every right to be angry." Gordon frowned. "Do you honestly think that knowing he didn't mean it makes it hurt any less?"
"No, of course not." John told him. "But it should make it easier to forgive him." He paused. "Words are the most powerful thing we have; they have the potential for anything. And once something's said it can't be taken back."
Gordon nodded, becoming cynical again. "That's sounds more like something Virgil would say. Go on."
"I'm being serious Gordon. Words have the potential to bring so much pleasure and beauty. Because they have the potential to do that, they have to have the potential to do the opposite; demolition and hurt." John sighed. "You can't sit there and tell me you've never said things you wished you hadn't. Gordy, staying angry with him isn't going to get you anywhere. Anger's just destructive."
Gordon raised his eyebrow, chewing on his bottom lip and nodding slightly as if mulling the idea over exaggeratedly. "Very deep and meaningful." He said, sarcastically nodding his approval. "Very Virgil." He grinned. "But he's told me all that …" He adopted a deeper voice in an impersonation of his older brother. "'Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side' stuff. Try something else." Gordon said lightly. He was a little too off hand for John's liking.
"Okay," John sighed, trying to contain his rising irritation. "How about this one; the capacity to forgive is rarely used because anger's the easier option. But it's the capacity to forgive that enables you to become a better person."
Gordon sighed, stroking at his chin pensively. "Yep, that's a new one." He paused. "I like it though!" He grinned.
"Can you just be serious for one minute? Please?" John muttered agitatedly. "I know your upset and I know Alan's not your favourite person right now. Gords, you can't stay angry with him forever. He's been through a lot just recently. And forgive me for pointing this out, but you were the one who ignored his attempts at an apology and stormed off this morning."
Gordon shrugged, water still dripping over his chest and down his back from his hair. "I know." He said unhappily. "And I know I was wrong to do that; I shouldn't have stormed off. I just feel so angry John." He balled his fists up, struggling for words to explain his anger and settling for the aggressive action. "He knew how worried I was about this command post." Gordon shook his head sadly. "I confided in him, and he just threw it back in my face."
John placed an arm around his shoulders at the desolate tone. He felt the water left on Gordon's skin beginning to sink into the material of his shirt making it clammy. He screwed his face up a little but decided it was more important that his younger brother felt comforted.
"I know this isn't any consolation right now but it's been a tough weekend. Not just Al and Virg, all of us. It's been hard, we've all been stressed out and emotions are running high." John paused. "No one really knows what's going on in Alan's head at the minute. He's not thinking straight and he needs a little guidance. You're the only one that's going to get close enough to give that guidance; he won't talk to Dad or Scott."
"You think I should talk to him." Gordon said lowly. It wasn't a question but a statement of John's opinion. He began shaking his head slowly. "I can't pretend that him saying one little word takes back everything he said, and that it's okay." He paused, sighing sadly. "I know he's had it tough and I appreciate that, but it's not okay."
John felt he should say something and vigorously thought for something else. Anything that would help to convince Gordon. Unfortunately, nothing sprung to mind and the silence was filled as Gordon leant forward. Hands on his knees, he let out an anguished sigh before running a hand over his wet hair and face.
"I just need to let off a bit of steam John; I'll talk to him later." It was unlike Gordon to seem so down, and John wasn't prepared to leave him to wallow in his misery. "I'll just do a few more lengths."
"How many have you done? You've been down here hours." John asked. Gordon found himself on the end of a concerned stare.
The redhead shrugged, his hair plastered to his head with the water. "Don't know. I lost count after about three hundred. I haven't really been concentrating. Mind's been somewhere else, y'know?" He said softly.
"Why don't you go and talk to him now?" John suggested. "Get it done and out the way. It'll clear the air, and you'll feel better too."
"Look John, you've done your bit. I'll talk to him, I promise you." Gordon said sincerely. He pushed himself back into the pool with a graceful plop, swiping a hand over the water that splashed him. "You're no Virgil, but you've succeeded. I'll just swim a few more lengths and then I'll go up and talk to him. I don't know what I'll say..." He mused. "But I will talk to him."
"Why not now?" John asked.
"Don't push it John." Gordon said edgily. He placed his goggles over his eyes adjusting them until they were comfortable.
"Okay." John sighed. "Okay, then I'll wait here until you've finished." He smiled at his younger brother who frowned up at him.
"You're going to sit there and watch me swim?" Gordon asked incredulously.
John continued to smile down at him, leaning back. "Yep." He nodded.
"Okay, okay!" Gordon vaulted back out of the pool. "Give me a few minutes to get a shower. I'll go now."
John smiled, gleefully with the achievement. "Good."
Gordon got to his feet; removing his goggles. He placed a hand on John's shoulder as he made his way to the showers. "Thanks." He said softly, smirking as his brother shrugged off the wet hand uncomfortably.
"Hey watch it!" John brushed the shoulder of his shirt. "You're wet." He glared, shaking his head at his brother, watching him as he retreated to the showers. He hoped Scott was having the same success.
XxxxX
Alan sighed as he kicked the door shut behind him. His eyes widened as he took in the rooms current occupant. "Scott!" He exclaimed, surprised to see his older brother sat on one of the beds. "What are you doing in here?"
Scott ignored the question. "Car loaded up?"
"Yeah." Alan nodded. "Took a while." He shook his head. "Sam says a lot of the damage is cosmetic but …" He wriggled, shivering. "To be honest, it gives me the creeps just seeing it." He paused, looking up at Scott. "He's just gone up to your room actually; he was looking for you."
"Well, I've been looking for you." Scott said slowly, gesturing for Alan to sit down alongside him.
"What? Is Virgil okay?" Alan asked worriedly. "Is it the interview?"
"Virgil's fine." Scott paused. Waiting until Alan looked directly up at him before continuing. "John told me."
"Gordon." Alan sighed, pausing for a while. He swallowed. "I can't believe I said it." He shook his head desolately. "Any of it, I didn't mean it Scott. I swear, it just came out."
"We all say things we don't mean sometimes Al." Scott sighed, watching his brother closely. "Gordy just needs some time to cool off, that's all."
"No." Alan shook his head. "I really hurt him this time Scott. Those things I said, they were unforgivable."
"You were upset, he'll understand that." Scott tried to comfort him, but Alan just shrugged him off.
"Like he understood this morning?" Alan screwed his face up, shaking his head. "He couldn't even look at me, he hates me and who can blame him. He confided in me, trusted me and look what I did!"
"He doesn't hate you Al. He's your brother and he loves you." Scott squeezed his uninjured shoulder lightly. "That's why he wants to help you. That's all Gordon was trying to do."
"I know that." Alan let out a deep breath. "I know what I did last night was immature and stupid and inexcusable. I just want the chance to make it right." Alan paused, watching Scott's reaction to his words. "He just made me feel so pressurised. As if I was trapped and I had to talk to him, when I didn't want to. I just wanted some time on my own. The interview was pretty tough; I think I just needed some time to process what had happened. I was so angry with myself, and with everyone else, I guess. I never meant to hurt him. But I can feel him watching me, worrying about me and I can't get away from it. Wherever I go, whatever I do he's there fussing over me and I can't cope with it." Alan paused again, taking a breath. "It's not just Gordon, it's everyone."
"I know." Scott sighed placed an arm round him. He suddenly wondered if that was how Virgil felt about him; if he felt trapped and pressurised. "I know." He repeated with a frown. "It's hard for us too; we don't mean to make you feel smothered. We're all worried about you Al, Gordon especially."
"I suppose me acting like I did last night, justifies all you guys treating me like a kid." Alan sighed mournfully. "I know I keep saying this, but I can't believe I was so stupid." He sighed again, letting his head drop to his hands. "I just wish he knew how sorry I was. That he'd listen to me." Alan bit the top of his lip and swallowed hard. "I wish I could have the chance to talk to him properly."
"Just shows you should be careful what you wish for then." Scott looked up to see Gordon and John stood in the doorway, the former taking a few steps into the room.
"Hi." Alan swallowed, smiling softly.
"Hey." Gordon replied. He seemed a little subdued as he made his way into the room.
"I've just seen Sam." John told Scott. "Virgil should be back soon, I was going to go down and meet him. Do you want to come?"
Scott nodded. "Sure." He glanced across to where Alan and Gordon stared at each other silently before getting to his feet. He followed John out of the room with a heavy sigh.
They sat in silence for a while; both nervous of the others reactions. Eventually Alan sighed and forced himself to his feet. Running a hand over his hair, he turned to face his brother swallowing nervously.
"Gordy …."
"Al…"
They both laughed uncomfortably as the words trailed off and silence descended again.
"Alan." Gordon tried again. "I'm sorry I stormed off this morning. I was angry but I shouldn't have done that. It was …. juvenile." He paused. "I'm sorry." He repeated.
"I deserved it." Alan told him sadly. "You've got nothing to be sorry for Gordon. It's all my fault, just like everything else." He shook his head, letting it drop repentantly as he leaned up against one of the cupboards. "I never meant to upset you." Alan carried on slowly and softly. "I was feeling low and I took it out on you. If there was anything I could do to take those words back, or convince you how sorry I am. I would do it in a heartbeat. Really I would, you just have to name it."
Gordon took in a deep breath; he had expected the remorse in Alan's tone. The devastation and desperation in his eyes was a little more surprising. "Did you mean it?" Gordon asked eventually, studying his brother. "Did you mean what you said?" He repeated softly. Unsure if he could accept the reply to that question.
"No!" Alan denied immediately and loudly. Looking up with wide, shocked eyes. "You … you don't think I did. Do you?" Gordon shrugged and within minutes Alan was sitting beside him, causing the bed to lurch with the sudden movement. "I didn't, I swear." His eyes dilated widely at the prospect that his brother thought otherwise. "Gordon, you have to believe me. You have to." His eyes begged his brother.
"I want to …" Gordon sighed. "Why say it, if you didn't really think it?"
"No, no." Alan shook his head. "That's the point! I wasn't thinking, I wasn't thinking at all." He swallowed back the desperation in his tone of voice. "Gordy, you've always been my best friend, for as long as I can remember. And you're the best, best friend I could ask for. I had no right to say what I did last night or to hurt you when you were only trying to help. I wish there was something else I could say, other than sorry. It's just not enough." He shrugged, shaking his head again miserably. "I've been such an idiot." He sighed, looking up at his brother. "I feel terrible Gordon, for saying those things and for hurting you like I did. For making you feel so…"
"Angry?" Gordon swallowed. "Stupid? Incompetent? Insufficient? …."
"No." Alan shook his head. "No, you're not any of those things."
Gordon shrugged, he blinked feeling his eyes starting to become hot and uncomfortable. "That's how I feel." He looked away. "Anyone else saying those things I'd have just ignored it, but you…"
"It's my fault; I made you feel like that and none of it's true." Alan sighed. "I felt so guilty; I didn't want to talk to anyone. All I wanted was to be on my own, but I had to sit there, whilst everyone stared at me as if I was some freak." He swallowed, a broken sigh blown through his trembling lips as he turned teary eyes to face his brother. "I know you were only trying to help me. I should have been grateful that you cared." His vision swam slightly as he blinked to clear his water logged eyes. "I just felt so claustrophobic. I tried so hard to deal with this but I just can't cope with it. I would never hurt you Gordon, I …" He paused awkwardly. His eyes burned as he ran a hand over his face. Breathing fast to keep his guilt at bay and desperately attempting to prevent his voice from breaking. "I'm so sorry." He breathed heavily. His face contorting, as he felt hot tears making an appearance on his cheeks. Grasping his hand over his mouth, he hurriedly got to his feet. "Sorry." He muttered as he pushed the glass doors to the balcony open in and hurried outside into the warm sun.
For a few seconds Gordon just sat and watched him go, staring after him. The glass doors swung on their hinges and the netted curtains billowed in the gentle breeze. Watching Alan's hasty exit he suddenly realised why he was so reluctant to talk to his brother. He knew that seeing his brother's remorse would soften his resolve and make him realise how much Alan needed his support now. Slowly he got to his feet and walked delicately out into the sunlight. Feeling the midday heat on his bare skin and the gentle breeze ruffle his thin shirt. He took his time, contemplating his words as he walked.
Alan stood against the wall, his elbows locked together and both hands gripped the brick firmly. Gordon didn't need to see his face to know that every muscle in his body was tensed up tighter than a spring, as he stood there. His shoulders moving rapidly in time with his speedy, deep breathing. At a loss for anything to say, Gordon just reached a hand out to his brother's shoulder and squeezed it firmly.
As a response, Alan turned to him.
"I know you're mad. You've every right to be and I don't expect you to forgive me but please Gordon. Tell me you know I didn't mean it." Alan paused. "You must know I didn't mean it." He shrugged, sniffing.
Gordon sighed, eventually nodding. "Yeah, of course I do." Alan's head snapped up, hopefully. "I trusted you with what I told you about the command. I did that because I needed your support, I needed someone to tell me that I could do it and I knew you would. You would support me and give me the confidence I needed." He paused to take in a breath and swallow.
"I know I've let you down Gordon. You don't have to tell me that." Alan looked to the floor sadly.
"Let me finish." Gordon shook his head irritably. "That's exactly what I was trying to do for you last night; support you. Do you think I didn't notice the way you hardly said a word all night? You didn't eat anything and you were in a world of your own most of the time. Those constant looks of concern, you weren't the only one to notice them. That's why I thought you might want someone to talk to, because that's the way it's always been. We've trusted each other, supported each other." Gordon paused to shake his head. "Even when we're thousands of miles, oceans even apart. You're still the first person I call when I need someone to listen to me, or I need advice." He sighed, waving his hands. "Last night, I was thinking about what you said about me being a 'fat lot of good'." He couldn't help but quote the words; they were ingrained into his memory now. "And I thought you were lashing out but then I realised. If there was a time that I hadn't been there when I should've been. I wouldn't know anyway, would I?" He grinned at his own logic before turning serious again. "Has there? Has there been a time when I've … when I've let you down?"
"No." Alan shook his head immediately. Sad that his outburst had initiated such thinking on his brother's part. "Never." Alan sighed. "Gordon, I don't know why I said what I did, but I can honestly say none of it is true."
Gordon nodded slowly, apparently satisfied with the answer. "So you just said it out of spite to hurt me?" He frowned.
"Yes!" Alan began then stopped. "No!" He sighed; Gordon's tone hadn't been angry but more inquisitive. "I don't know." He shrugged. "Maybe I wanted someone else to feel as bad as I did, I don't know."
"Well, you certainly succeeded." Gordon said softly.
"No." Alan disagreed. "All I succeeded in was making myself feel ten times worse. And driving away someone who's supported me my whole life."
Gordon shrugged, walking over to the wooden table and sitting down, stretching his legs out in front of him. He breathed in through his nose, puffing his chest out. "It's been tough hasn't it?"
Alan sat down alongside his brother with a heavy sigh and a solemn shake of the head. "That's no excuse, there is no excuse." He said desolately. "I can't believe I've been such an idiot." Alan sighed in disbelief.
"I'm still mad at you, don't get me wrong. And you've got a lot of making up to do. But you've been under a lot of stress just lately and I was wrong in walking off this morning. I should have let you talk, I just didn't trust myself." Gordon reached out a hand to his shoulder again. "Don't be too hard on yourself Al, we're both at fault here. I know it's not easy."
"I had no right to take it out on you though." Alan sighed. "Can we start again?" He asked quietly. "Pretend it never happened? I know that's a lot to ask and it's easy for me to say." Gordon watched him fiddle nervously as he carried on. "If I'd been you I would have lost it last night. I would have hit me." Alan looked up to his older brother cautiously, realising that that last sentence was a little confusing. When Gordon's response didn't come immediately, he became nervous of what was to come. The redhead let his hand drop from Alan's shoulder and sighed mournfully. "You came close didn't you?" Alan pushed on hesitantly as Gordon bowed his head regretfully.
"Like I said," Gordon studied the floor, ashamed of himself. "You're lucky you are who you are."
Alan took in a deep breath. "No one could have blamed you if you'd hit me. I mean, I deserved it after what I said, and I know you wanted to." He paused. "So why didn't you?"
Gordon shook his head but didn't raise it. "I couldn't hurt you."
"Like I did you, you mean?" Alan responded miserably.
"No, that's not what I meant at all." Gordon responded, finally looking up as a silence lingered between them. "We're not doing a very good job of pretending this didn't happen." He smiled, somewhat shakily.
"I wish you could know how sorry I was." Alan muttered quietly.
"I think I've got a good idea." Gordon sighed, he bit his lips together unsure how to go. Deciding that a change of subject was in order. He continued on a different track. "What happened yesterday?" He asked eventually, remembering John's words about guidance.
"What do you mean what happened yesterday?" Alan frowned. "I was being a jerk, just like every other day of my life." He muttered darkly.
"I meant the interview. What happened?" Gordon asked, ignoring the other comments.
"Gordy please." Alan shook his head. "I think that's caused enough damage already, I don't want to talk about it. Just leave it."
"You're right. It was you pushing me away that got us in this mess in the first place." Gordon pointed out. "Talk to me." He prompted.
"Gordon I just want to forget about it. Get the inquest out of the way and get back to Colorado." Alan sighed leaning back in his chair.
"What makes you so sure there'll be an inquest?" Gordon frowned. "The investigation might not recommend an inquest. If there's nothing suspicious and it was just an accident, which it was. Why the need for a formal inquest?"
"Gordon please…" Alan trailed off, looking up to his brother with moist eyes and a pleading expression. "I said leave it, I don't want to talk about it."
"I think I deserve to know what got you so wound up yesterday, that you felt the need to take it out on me. Don't you?" Gordon said softly, Alan just lowered his head in reply remaining mute. "Alan, I'm worried about you. I know you're not thinking straight at the minute…"
"You make it sound like I'm going out of my mind or something." Alan smirked.
"Well, what do you expect when you do stupid things like drink on top of painkillers?" Gordon responded seriously.
Alan bowed his head, sighing remorsefully. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I just forgot." He paused, realising how lame that sounded. "The bottle was just …there and I automatically…" He trailed off with a sigh. "I'm sorry, it was really stupid. I only had a couple of mouthfuls. I don't know what I was thinking."
"That's the point." Gordon replied sternly. "Neither do I. I don't know what's going through your head, so talk to me. Let me in Al, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."
Alan looked as though he was about to talk but changed his mind at the last minute. Screwing his face up, he sighed. "It doesn't matter, I've messed this up like I messed everything else up in my life."
Gordon frowned hard. He'd thought the reason for his brother's despair stemmed from their disagreement but now he saw it ran deeper than that. "That's not true. You haven't messed everything up and of course, it matters. Tell me what happened." Alan shook his head. "Al?" No answer came and he tried again. "Alan?"
Alan got to his feet, shrugging softly. "They think it's my fault."
"Did they say that?" Gordon frowned.
Alan shook his head. "They didn't have to." He began to pace the small balcony slowly. "I know that's what they thought. They're going to recommend an inquest, you wait, then they'll take my licence away and I'll be finished. Or what if they decide I was negligent?" Gordon watched him run with the ideas his overactive imagination was providing him. "I could be sued and they could bring criminal charges too, couldn't they?" He paused to shake his head; indicating his unawareness. "I think so, and then there's the guilt. I can't live with it. If they decided it was all my fault… It's bad enough that Virgil got hurt in my car, but I could never look at him again if… And what would everyone else think? Scott and Dad and …"
"Al, slow down. Did they say there was going to be an inquest?" Gordon frowned; the weight of Alan's worry was certainly a heavy burden for him to carry.
Alan shook his head, but waved his hand as if that was irrelevant. "No, but they think I'm guilty."
"Guilty of what?" Gordon raised his eyebrows, staring at his brother inquisitively.
"I don't know! Causing the accident." Alan sighed, reaching a hand up to rub his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Sit down." Gordon told him firmly. "Come on, sit." He said as Alan turned to him in surprise, slowly he did as he was told. "You've got to calm down Al." He murmured, leaning across the table between them. "You know this wasn't your fault, right?" He waited for a nod of agreement but Alan sighed, shrugging.
"What if it was? What if it was my fault? What if I did put it in the wrong gear? What if I killed him?" Alan sighed brokenly, eyes burning he dropped his head to his hands. Letting his elbows rest on the table and breathing deeply.
Gordon got up and walked around to him, placing a hand on his uninjured shoulder and bending down in front of him. "Sam told me about her, the woman investigator. You're letting her get to you aren't you? You're doubting yourself because of what she said." He squeezed Alan's shoulder, as the younger man still cradled his head. "We talked about this, have some faith. I have every faith in you."
"Well maybe your faith's misplaced." Alan mumbled.
"No." Gordon shook his head in denial. "It's not. I know it's not and on Wednesday, so will you."
"You'll be there, won't you?" Alan looked up. His eyes red, glistening with unshed tears. "On Wednesday?"
Gordon sighed. Alan looked so hopeful, and it almost broke his heart to tell him the truth. "I don't know Al." He said softly.
"What?" Alan's face fell.
"I'd only got three days leave, that mean's I have to be back on base tomorrow." He watched despair smear Alan's features. "I'm sorry."
"No." Alan shook his head, tears further building. "Please Gordy, if this is about last night …."
Gordon cut him off. "It's not. I called my Commanding Officer, I tried to get some more time but they need me back. I'm being shipped off to Russia Wednesday afternoon. They want me to take a team out to oversee the building of these new hydrofoils. If we get some, then I'll be commanding one of the test units. I'm sorry Al; I can't get out of it. You know how strict they are."
Alan nodded sadly. "I suppose Scott'll be going back soon too, and John."
Gordon nodded. "We were going to leave early tomorrow morning. I know Scott's dropping me of. Dad was going to take John but he'll be staying. I guess we'll be taking John too."
Alan nodded again. "Right." He said quietly.
"Listen, I'll switch my 'phone on whilst I'm on duty on Wednesday. You'll call me, right?" Gordon tried to sound light, and not let the guilt he felt surface. Alan's despondency was disturbing.
"Yeah sure." Alan nodded.
"I'm sorry Al. You know if I could be here I would." Gordon said gently.
"Yeah, yeah. I know." Alan's tone remained low though. "I'll still have Virgil and Sam. And Father'll be here, right?"
"Right." Gordon nodded overenthusiastically. "I wasn't going to tell you this. I wanted to surprise you, I'm going to be visiting some labs in Utah the weekend you're racing Belleview. So I can come and see you then." Gordon smiled, but it soon fell when he looked up to see Alan's sorrowful expression.
"I'm not racing Belleview." Alan said quietly.
"What? Why not? I'm sure once Sam sees the car he'll have it fixed in no time. You've got Kenny, and Virgil will help as soon as he's well enough." Gordon encouraged.
"We picked the car up this morning." Alan looked to the floor with a sigh. "Ferrari US are going to do all the work. I talked to Sam and Virgil, and I'm going to ask them to restore the car to road safety standards." Gordon frowned shaking his head and indicating his confusion. "Sam can take the roll cage out and the racing stripes off, himself. It'll probably need re-spraying but that won't cost much." Alan paused, summoning up the will to continue. "I'm going to sell it."
It took a few minutes for that to register. After shaking his head several times, Gordon finally spoke. "You can't, you've worked so hard on that car. Not just you but Sam and Virgil too and what about Kenny? Besides, what will you race?" Alan looked up awkwardly and Gordon shook his head. "Oh no. No." He paused. "No, Al. We talked about this, you are not about to give up racing."
"Gordon, please try and understand. If there's an inquest I won't have a choice, they'll take my licence." Alan pleaded.
"That's a pretty big 'if', if you ask me." Gordon sighed. "Al, you're good at this. How many trophy's and medal's have you got to prove it?" He waved a hand in exasperation. "You can't give up on your dreams because of this! You're just shaken up, you need to get back on the track and then you'll be fine. If you fall off a bike, you get straight back on. Right?"
"No!" Alan shook his head, frowning at his brother. "I haven't fallen off a bike Gordon. I killed a man, not to mention hurting Virgil and you. I don't think my dreams are really worth all that."
Gordon reached both his hands up to Alan's face. "Look at me, watch my lips." He ordered. "You didn't kill anyone and what happened to Virgil wasn't your fault. Al, you can't give up on this, you have the potential to go far. What did Virgil and Sam say?"
"That I should wait. That I should see how I feel later on. But I'm not going to change my mind about this Gordon." He said adamantly.
"Al, you've got more achievements on that track than … than…. than Scott's flown planes!" He said exasperatedly. "You can not give up because of this. It was an accident; I can't believe you're even seriously considering this!" He exclaimed. "Have you thought about what you'd do?"
"Work harder at college maybe?" Alan shrugged. "I guess if I wasn't cutting tutorials to go practicing then I could do okay. Maybe follow in John's footsteps, become an astronaut like Dad."
Gordon's eyebrows nearly hit his hairline as his eyes widened in surprise. "What? I can't believe we're having this conversation."
"You're not going to change my mind." Alan told him.
"I can see that, but maybe Wednesday will." Gordon said cryptically. "Promise me you won't rush into anything?"
"Gordon…" Alan shook his head, exasperated himself.
"Just promise you won't do anything until after you've spoken to me on Wednesday, okay?" Gordon found himself asking.
"Okay." Alan shrugged. "Whatever you think, but I'm not going to change my mind."
"Yeah." Gordon sighed, pausing. "And for the record, you haven't messed up. You've coped with this really well and I'm proud of you. The others are too but Al, never be ashamed to talk to anyone about how you're feeling, especially me."
Alan nodded slowly. "I'm so sorry."
Gordon nodded. "I know." He paused. "I know." He repeated sadly. "Come on. I wonder how Virgil got on." He pondered. "I'll bet Scott's doing the mother hen routine."
"I think you saved me from an impending pep talk, coming back when you did." Alan groaned. "I owe you one." He paused, uncertainly. "You didn't tell him or Dad about the drinking, did you?"
Gordon shook his head. "No. I think you'd have known by now if I had; they would have hit the roof." He paused. "I'm trusting you to realise that it was a stupid mistake. It's bad enough dicing with death on the track without doing stupid things like that."
Alan bowed his head. "I'm sorry Gordon. It won't happen again. I promise." He paused before looking up. "And thanks for not telling Scott or Dad. If they ever found out, my life wouldn't be worth living."
Gordon smirked. "Yeah, well just remember that next time."
"There won't be a next time." Alan promised.
"Good. If you want them to treat you like an adult, you have to act like an adult." He glanced across at his brother to make sure his words were sinking in. Content that Alan was taking on board what he said, he was prepared to move on. "At least you got out of your 'impending pep talk' with Scott. I ended up with John! I was quite impressed with his attempts though. He's not bad at all those Virgil-ism's." Alan frowned at the word. "Y'know all that insightful crap he comes out with." Alan still looked at him blankly but he ignored him. "Come on." He got to his feet. "I want to see how he got on."
"Gordy…" Alan stopped him as he reached out for his retreating arm, getting to his feet himself. "Thanks." He said sincerely, looking to the floor slightly feeling awkward.
Gordon nodded, also uncomfortable. "Al there's nothing to…"
"Yes there is." Alan disagreed quickly.
For a few seconds they looked closely at each other before either of them moved. "Come on." Gordon said eventually as he draped an easy arm around his brothers shoulders, carefully so as not to hurt him. "I'm starving."
"You're always starving!" Alan laughed as they made their way to the door.
"Don't forget I skipped breakfast." Gordon defended himself. "Besides swimming makes me hungry and Grandma says…"
"Grandma says!" Alan laughed. "Listen at you! You're such a woman!" He grinned shaking his head as he followed his brother.
"Excuse me?" Gordon chuckled as their conversation filtered out and they made their way down the corridor in search of their brothers. The atmosphere becoming much more relaxed and the tension completely relieved.
Gordon hoped that Wednesday's investigation findings would favour Alan. He had serious misgivings that if he they didn't, this would just be the beginning of Alan's problems. He vowed to talk to Virgil before he left. His older brother was much closer to Alan geographically and whilst a videophone was the next best thing, it wasn't quite being there in person.