Title: Half-Dollar Baby
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Summary: Freaky situations are easier to cope with the second time around.
Rating: PG
Notes: MUST FINISH UNHOLY TRIO. MUST FINISH. Again, not entirely my fault- er, idea. Jun is the co-creator of the children.
Warnings that didn't fit in the summary:
(big inside joke) (supposed mpreg) (setomalik setootogi noncon!pegasusseto) (scary offspring).
Oh dear.

Malik was fully prepared to rip the phone into little shreds. How dare some pathetic telemarketer interrupt his own personal marathon of unintentionally hilarious movies!

"I know people in high places and my husband will have your head on a platter-" Malik began to snarl.

"This is your husband."

"Oh. Hello. What do you want?" Malik tugged on the phone cord and started to twirl it around his fingertips.

"Well, it seems there is a bit of a problem." For a moment, Malik wished Seto would let an emotion other then anger and disappointment into his voice. it would make guessing about Seto's problems much easier.

"What kind of problem?"

"A Casey-Ra kind of problem."

Malik glanced over at his son, who was sleeping the sleep of vaguely innocent future dictators on the other arm of the couch. "In what way?"

"I'm here in a hospital with Otogi, and there is a baby here that was born with teeth. The only explanation there can be is that we've magically had a baby."

"Hmm."

It took a moment for Malik to react. His powers of denial were getting better.

"Otogi? Otogi Ryuuji? Are you having an affair?"

"Yes, I am, Malik."

"Well, you could have told me before you two magically had a baby. Now Casey-Ra has a minion- I mean, brother. Tell Otogi thank you." Malik concluded his statement in the haughtiest manner possible, a manner that would put the most stuck-up princess to shame.

"Malik says thank you for appearing to have my child." Seto told Otogi.

Otogi nodded and turned his attention back to the terror in the bassinet. The baby was gnawing on the blanket. He'd been born with teeth. This was weird, but no weirder then two men supposedly having a baby. Seto had told him about the circumstances Casey-Ra was born in.

Seto finished the call with Malik and sat down next to Otogi to gawk at the little baby. "So? Is he angry?" Otogi asked.

"Only angry that you might steal his money away. But I told him since you run your own business he shouldn't worry."

"Steal your money... but you two aren't married, right?"

"You'd be surprised what you can do with a boy in drag." Seto leaned over and wiggled his fingers at the baby. The baby snapped at him in an endearing way.

"We have to name him."

"You name him."

Otogi glanced at Seto, but agreed. The baby gurgled and set to gnawing the blanket again.

They sat in silence, making Seto progressively uncomfortable. "I'm going to get something to eat."

"Mmm. I'm feeling woozy- get me something with alcohol in it." Otogi leaned back against the seat when Seto vacated the bench.

Seto went off and alas, did not find anything that Otogi would drink. The vending machines were woefully unsuited to the appetite of game designers. Seto ended up bringing back a packet of what once were brightly colored of nachos, smashed to bits, and two bottles of water.

Otogi was distracting the baby with his necklace.

"Did you name him?"

"Hal..."

"That's nice."

"...f-dollar please don't kill me."

Seto blinked. "You named him after currency, Otogi?"

"Yes. I took out a half-dollar and he ate the damn thing." Otogi couldn't bring himself to glare at Hal, who was now staring at the necklace like Yami no Yuugi stared down people who he was about to either a.) maim, b.) make go insane, or c.) kill.

"Do we need to get his stomach pumped or something?"

"No. He chewed through the thing. He's got amazing baby teeth. Imagine what it'll be like once his real teeth grow in."

Seto sat down, and found that finding out your son would most likely be a freak of nature a second time wasn't as bad as the first.

A FEW MONTHS LATER
Seto drummed his fingers against the arm of the couch. The moment Otogi had walked through the doors of the Kaiba Mansion, he and Malik had begun a staring contest.

Two hours later, they were still at it. Their eyes were watering, and Seto was tempted to remind them their careful make-up would be ruined and make them blink, but it would be more amusing not to say anything.

Hal was content in his baby carrier, gnawing on a poor, defenseless stuffed Dark Magician. Seto would've bought him a Blue Eyes White Dragon plushie, but Casey-Ra had one and watching Yuugi's favorite monster getting destroyed by a baby was fun to watch.

Speaking of Casey-Ra...

The toddler slipped into the room, immediately going for Seto. "Dada!"

"Hi, Casey-Ra."

Seto reached over to ruffle Casey-Ra's hair and Casey-Ra leaned up into it like a cat. One of the various things wrong with Casey-Ra, besides his parentage, was the fact that he seemed always frustrated by the fact he couldn't talk very well. Oh, he understood everything, Seto knew that. In fact, he often took sides in arguments.

Casey-Ra smiled at Seto, and looked at the other occupants of the room.

"Ha! You have weak eyes!" Otogi crowed in triumph as Malik's eyelids rebelled against his brain and closed.

"No fair! I didn't see the sun until I was ten!" Malik rubbed at his eyes. His make-up was only vaguely ruined.

"Dada?" Casey-Ra tugged on Malik's shirt.

"Hey, Casey-Ra. This is Otogi. He's the baby's other daddy." Malik bristled, giving Otogi another haughty glare. Otogi just smirked.

Casey-Ra made his way to the baby carrier, and looked at the remains of the Dark Magician plushie, strewn all over the baby carrier and the baby inside. Hal looked up at him.

"Yes, Casey-Ra, this baby is your minion to do with how you please." Malik cooed.

"That's really unfair. Hal has the better parentage." Otogi said.

"Oh, really? How?"

"Well, two absolutely brilliant game designers against one brilliant game designer and one mildly brilliant Egyptian with a whack-job father."

"Well your father wasn't on the sane side himself!"

While Malik and Otogi continued to bicker about the mental states of their fathers, Casey-Ra and Hal were staring at each other.

This went on for a good thirty minutes, when suddenly, Casey-Ra spoke.

"Mine!"

Malik and Otogi stopped bickering, and Seto slumped back on the couch.

"See? Casey-Ra is brilliant. He now has his own minion, and you can't do anything about it, dice boy!"

Seto resigned himself to the fact that he would probably always live in a crazy house. Again, it was easier the second time.