A/N I don't own these characters. I am just borrowing them. I have no desire to be sued so please don't sue me.
A Fresh Start to a New Year (NC-17)
Natalie sat in her bed room at the window. It was New Years Eve but she didn't feel like celebrating anything. She had talked to John at the station earlier and it had felt like old times. When she had touched his arm she had felt the familiar jolt of sensation. As much as she didn't want to still care about him, Natalie knew that she did.
Thinking about John brought thoughts of Cris to her mind. She was so confused as to how she should feel about him. She had grieved for him, twice, and had moved on. With John. Now that he was back he expected to just pick up where they left off and Natalie knew she couldn't do that. Not only was he a different person than he was then so was she. She had found love again and had started a new chapter in her life. There was one thing she did know without a shadow of a doubt and that was that she couldn't go back. She could only move forward. It was kind of ironic that she was thinking of moving on with her life and starting fresh now as the year would start fresh in a little while. It was somehow fitting to be having these thoughts now.
Looking down at her PJ's she smiled ruefully. This was not how she had planned to spend the holidays that's for sure. When she had told John that she had wanted to start over alone he hadn't even blinked an eye. That made her sad for some reason. She knew she needed to be alone for a while but her heart wanted him to at least try to convince her to take him back. Maybe John didn't care for her as much as she had thought.
When a tear dripped on her hand Natalie realized that she was crying. Sniffling and wiping her eyes she straightened her shoulders. Resolving that she wouldn't shed another tear for either of the men in her life Natalie got up from the window and went to her bed to read a book.
John sat on the hill where he had been on the stake-out not so long ago. He felt like a stalker but he knew he just couldn't ring in the new year with out Natalie. He had to see her, just look at her face. When she sat down in the window like that night he had called her from this very spot John smiled at the irony. He had felt stupid then too and they had been together then.
John glanced at his watch and saw that it was only a few minutes to midnight. He knew he promised to stay away and that Natalie had said she wanted to start the new year alone but he had to see her tonight. He wanted to be with her at the start of this new year even if was only to have her yell at him some more. He just didn't want to start the new year off without her.
Getting up and heading down the hill to Lanfair, John didn't stop to think. He knew that this was a bad idea and that he should stay away but he didn't care. All he knew right now was that Natalie needed him. And he needed her. As he made his way up the walk and to the kitchen door he still didn't give himself time to remember why he shouldn't be doing this.
Natalie was looking at her book not understanding a word of what she was reading. She was instead thinking of how John had looked at her today. He had looked at her as if she were his salvation. The crushed look on his face when she had told him she wanted to start over alone had just about broke her heart. But he hadn't protested. Hadn't even tried to get her to change her mind. What did that mean? she wondered to her self.
Smiling sadly to herself Natalie reflected that she didn't feel Cris's emotions like she felt John's. When John felt something she could feel it emanate from him but with Cris, even though he told her again and again that he loved her she just didn't feel it. John had never said the words but for some strange reason she could feel his love for her, she could see it in his eyes. But maybe she was wrong. If he loved her wouldn't he fight for her? Wouldn't he at least try to get her back? She put down her book confused at her thoughts. One part of her wanted them both to leave her alone but another part wanted them to prove to her that they cared and that it wasn't all just a sick joke.
Natalie was startled out of her self doubts by someone knocking on the door. Natalie got up and went to answer it. She knew that no one else was home. Wondering who it could possibly be Natalie pulled open the door. He mouth dropped open when she saw that it was John.
"John?" Natalie asked shocked.
John looked around uncomfortably and said, "Uh Hi." Not sure what to say next John fell silent.
"John, What are you doing here?" Natalie asked beginning to get a little angry. He had promised to give her space and then shows up on her doorstep?
"I uh, um I know you were probably feeling lonely and I wanted see it there was anything I could do to make you feel better." John said, a dark blush staining his cheeks.
Natalie's eyes went wide and she stepped back in surprise. John came in when Natalie stepped back, closing the door he looked down at his feet then back to her face trying to judge her reaction.
"How did you know I was even here?" Natalie asked puzzled.
John turned an even darker shade of red and stammered out, "Well I..I..umm...I.."
Natalie's eyes narrowed and she said a little annoyed, "spit it out McBain."
John was angry with himself. He was a grown man and he was acting like a teenager on his first date. Embarrassment be damned he thought, "Fine! I didn't want to ring in the new year without you so I was sitting on the hill looking at you through your window!"
Natalie's mouth dropped open in shock. He had been spying on her? This made her extremely angry. "You were spying on me through my window?" She asked angrily as the clock began to chime midnight.
John looked at her and threw caution to the wind, "Yes! I was looking at you through your window! I love you and I didn't want to start the new year with out at least seeing your face!" John's eyes widened stunned by what he had just revealed to her. He had not planed on saying that but it had just popped out. Thinking on it John realized that he didn't want to take it back and that shocked him even more then his initial outburst.
Natalie's mouth hung open and she looked at John in amazement. He had just declared his love for her! Oh god. Natalie thought, this was huge. What was she going to do about it. She knew what her heart wanted her to do, her heart was telling her to got to him, but he head was telling her to run and hide. " I..uh..John?" She stammered not sure what to say to him.
As the clock hit the sixth chime John grabbed Natalie up in his arms and planted a hungry kiss on her lips. He felt Natalie jerk in surprise but then she relaxed in his arms and kissed him back. John felt like he was in heaven. He had never thought that he would ever kiss her sweet lips again. He hadn't intended on kissing her but she had looked so beautiful standing there yelling at him. And then the clock chimed and he had thrown caution to the wind and simply done what he had been aching to do since the prison riot.
Natalie was startled when John kissed her but once his lips settled on hers she gave herself up to his kiss. As much as she wanted to deny it, she had wanted to spend the new year with him. She had wanted to kiss him as the clock struck midnight. Cris didn't matter, her anger didn't matter, her hurt didn't matter, the only thing that mattered right now at this moment was John. The feel of his lips on hers and his body pressed up against her was all that mattered in this instant.
They kissed hungrily for what seemed like hours to John but was probably only a minute or two and then he pulled back breathing raggedly. Looking at Natalie he took in her dazed look and her rapid breathing before saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."
Natalie looked at him stunned. Reaching for his head she drew his lips back to hers, "I love you too, John." she murmured into his mouth as she captured he lips in a gentle but still passionate kiss. Only thinking about John Natalie knew that she wanted him. she wanted to feel like she had before her world imploded and became one big mess.
Pressing Natalie up against the door John fell into her kiss with wild abandon. Kissing her with all the love in his heart he mouth gentled and softened. Moaning at the feel of her body pressing against him John lifted his head and looked at her through passion drugged eyes, "Natalie?" He questioned his breathing heavy.
Natalie looked up at him her eyes pleading with him not to stop. "I want you John," she moaned and pressed herself harder against him.
John didn't waste anytime picking her up and heading to her bedroom. He wanted this more then he had ever wanted anything in his life and if she wanted it too he wasn't going to stop. Kicking the door shut with his foot John set her on her feet next to the bed. Feeling like he was in a dream he watched as she looked up at him and began to remove her pajama top. After she removed her pajama top she reached for his shirt. When she stared to unbutton it slowly John growled impatiently, reaching for the front of his shirt he ripped it open, buttons scattering. He shrugged out of his shirt and reached for her.
Natalie went willingly into his arms. Her mind made up, John was who she wanted. Who she loved now. Cris was her past, John was her future. Having settled that in her mind Natalie was free to express her love for John. Pulling him closer yet she began to rain kisses on his neck and chest as he tangled his hands into her hair. Natalie smiled when she felt John shudder and tremble under her lips. Taking a step backwards she tumbled them both onto her bed. His weight landing on top of her with a thud. With a giggled "umf" Natalie continued to plant kisses on John's chest stopping to lick then suck his nipples, drawing a ragged moan from him.
John was beyond rational thought as he touched and kissed Natalie. Laying next to her on the bed he reached for her breasts, which were still encased in her tank top. Muttering an oath he reached for the bottom of her tank top and pulled it over her head, needing to touch bare flesh. With her shirt off John filled his palms with her luscious breasts. Moaning at the feel of the heavy globes in his hands John contracted his hands around them giving them a gentle squeeze. His cock throbbing in time with his heartbeat, he shuddered as he lowered his lips to her hard tight nipples.
Natalie moaned loudly at the feel of John's hands on her. Abandoning his chest Natalie threw her head back and gasped as his lips closed on her aching nipples. Sliding her hands around to his waist and then down to the bulge beneath his zipper, Natalie stroked him through his pants. Sliding her hand up and down on him as he pressed his hips into her hand. Smiling at the action, she slid her hand inside his pants, cupped him gently and began to stroke him again.
John moaned against her breast as she touched his aching cock. He reached for her pants and slid them off her. As he pushed them down her legs he followed with his mouth, licking and kissing until he reached the soft damp curls between her legs. When she kicked her pants off John took that opportunity to take hold of her legs and spread them wide. Sliding his hand up her inner thigh, stopping to play with her red curls between her legs for a minute drawing a ragged moan form her, John parted her with his fingers, then slid them inside her, teasing, stroking.
Natalie moaned and writhed under John's loving mouth and fingers. As he slid his fingers into her wet center she groaned in sweet agony. Bucking against his hand she moaned out, "John!" Feeling her muscles clench his fingers Natalie moaned again. As he moved his fingers in and out of her Natalie threw back her head and arched against him. "John, I'm gonna ..." she moaned as she came in a burst of light behind her tightly closed eyes.
John didn't think there was anything more beautiful then Natalie in the throes of passion. He dipped his head and drank in her milky essence as she climaxed above him. Licking and sucking at her like a man dying of thirst he quickly brought her to release a second time.
As Natalie came back down to earth she slid her hands into John's hair and brought his mouth to hers. As they kissed she could taste herself on his lips. Unbuttoning his pants and Natalie made quick work of them and soon they were on the floor in a heap next to hers. Sliding off his underwear as well she finally had him right where she wanted him. Pushing him onto his back she scattered kisses down his chest, stopping to suck on places that caught her fancy. As she reached his cock she smiled. Taking it into her hands it was hard and hot. Drawing her hand up and down on him she elicited a tortured moan from John.
John moaned as she stroked his throbbing cock to the point of combustion. "Natalie!" he groaned as she bent to take him into her hot mouth. "Oh god" he said as she closed her lips around him and sucked. He shuddered under her ministrations. He took her loving torture as long as he could then dragged her lips up to his. Flipping them over he positioned himself then pushed into her, burying himself to the hilt in one smooth thrust.
Natalie moaned and clamped her legs around his waist as John drove into her pulsing core again and again. Frantic with desire she leveraged her hips into him with wild movements. Feeling like she would burst from the emotions pounding through her Natalie held on to John for dear life. She could feel her climax building with every stroke of John into her.
John took her lips in a frantic kiss, a mating of their mouths. His tongue stroking her echoing the movements of their hips. Feverish heat consumed him as he felt his release near. Sensing that Natalie was also close he quickened his movements, grinding his hips into hers. One stroke then two. He felt Natalie let go, her body gripped and released him, milking him. He couldn't hold back any longer and he exploded in a blinding climax, his body shuddering violently above her. Groaning loudly as he emptied himself into her, he clutched her to him tightly never wanting to let go.
After a few minutes as their bodies calmed and their breathing slowed and returned to normal John rolled off her. Lying next to her for a few minutes in silence John finally looked at her. "I meant what I said Natalie. I do love you."
Natalie looked back at him, stared into his beautiful blue eyes. "I know. You wouldn't say it if you didn't mean it." She paused then said softly, "I meant what I said too. I love you John."
John looked at her cautiously, "What does this mean?"
"I guess it means that Cris was my past but you, John McBain, are my future." Natalie said softly. "I have already asked Cris for a divorce." She said with a little bit of a smile.
John smiled his first true smile since the prison riot that had all but ruined his life. Hauling her into his arms he hugged her tightly. "Thank you!" he whispered in her ear.
Natalie pulled back and looked him in the eye, "For what?" she asked.
John looked at her lovingly, placed a tender kiss on her mouth, then said, "For loving me, for forgiving me. I feel like I can do anything as long as I have you by my side." Then he brought her mouth to his kissing her passionately they rang in the new year together, as it was meant to be.
The End