Title: Dear Takeuchi-sensei...
Author: Hitsuji Kinno, Cookirini
Genre: Alternate Reality / Reality
Rating: PG?
Part: 6- American Fans
Date created: 9/6/05
Date modified: 9/8/2005
E-mail: Hitsuji Kinno webmistressNOSPAM@takeuchi-naoko.com Cookirini halfmooncooky904NOSPAMhotmail.com

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Rina Papir
666 Donkey St.
Simpleton, AA XXXXXX
USA

Takeuchi Naoko-sensei
C/O Nakayoshi Kodansha Editorial
2-12-21, Otowa, Bunkyo-ku
Tokyo, 112-8001

Dear Naoko Takeuchi,

Like Oh my God! I heard that you're giving our powers of the Senshi from a friend in Japan who is like visiting there and stuff. So I want to be a Sailor Soilder or scout. I mean why not give it to Americans! That would be so cool. I want to be YourAnus or whatever her name is. That would be really cool.

I'm only your biggest fan EVER! So please give me those powers. Onigay Shoemasoo. (I think I spelled that right.) (I heard it on the Internet once. I don't actually know Japanese, but you've GOTTA know English right? Right? Everyone in Japan knows English. Oh, that reminds me sorry for the horrible grammar.

Oh and I LOVE your school system. I think it's the bestest in the worldest. Your school system is simply kewl.

Anyhow, When are you going to continue Sailor Moon? I want to see more of the Sailor Scouts kick butt and stuff like that. I mean Usagi as Sailor Moon is a cool scout. You've got to tell more about her.

Anyway I have a question for you.

I was walking down the street one day and I was almost mugged by this creepy dude. But then I swear, Sailor Cosmos showed up and saved me. I'm not joking. She blasted him hard and stuff. It was so cool! Japanese people are so cool!

When I went to thank her, this little girl showed up with these pink heart-shaped meatball buns on her head. Her name is something like Chiba Chibi Chibi Moon, right? Usagi's second daughter or something like that?

But like, aren't the the same person or something? So I stepped to them and asked which one was the evil doppleganger! I swear, this is completely 100 true. I swear it on the Bible under the name of Jesus Christ. (You're Christian, aren't you?)

So like, they started to fight with each other. Saying things like the other was a fake. I was so confused. So then Eternal Sailormoon shows up. I mean she was speaking English and stuff like that. She said that both of them were faking.

And then they fought and destroyed my town! I mean, I don't mind them destroying my town because they destroyed my place of work, so now I don't have to work anymore. But...still...my town. All five of them. They, like, fought each other, and it was so wierd. They all looked alike and stuff.

But I don't remember there being twins in Sailor Moon.

So now, I'm extremely confused.

So, Miss Takeuchi, here's my question.

WHO THE HELL WERE THOSE PEOPLE AND WHY DID YOU NOT TELL US THAT YOU HAD TWINS IN THE COMIC? I'M A TWIN!

Sincerely, you're biggest fan ever in the wide universe times infinity and gazillion and two,

Me. (Rina Papir)

P.S. I want to marry Mammary. That's his name, right? Can you get me his address so I can steal him from Usagi? I mean...I deserve that much from you, bitch! She blew my town!

P.S.S. I swear this is all true. If you do send me that Sailor crystal, could you please also send me a plane ticket to Japan, your address and stuff like that? I cross my heart and hope to die that I won't tell anyone what your home address is.

What is looked like to the creator of Sailor Moon...

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Rina Papir
666 Donkey St.
Simpleton, AA XXXXXX
USA

Takeuchi Naoko-sensei C/O Nakayoshi Kodansha Editorial 2-12-21, Otowa, Bunkyo-ku Tokyo, 112-8001

Dear Naoko Takeuchi,

bvkz bb zz qop! v qzewx bbeb zou'wz qvvvnq ouw eowzwz bq pbz Soldier qkwq y zbwnbq wq peqen qqy ez qqxb qoqbzpqw qxmwq bwq qqvnb. qw x qbev pb qu x Sailor Soilder bv pppbx. y pepb ekp pzp pzqp kz pp kzppkyooue! bbeb wouqp bx zo qooq. I want to be YourAnus oq wbebxvxq bxq nemx yz. bbeb wouqp bx qxeqqy qooq.

y'm onqy youq byppxzb pen xVxq! zo qqxezx pyvx mx bbozx qowxqz. I am a gay oni shoe. (y bbynk y zqxqqxp bbeb qypbb.) (y bxeqp yb on bbx ynbxqnxb onqx. y pon'b eqbueqqy know peqenxzx, bub you'vx pObbe know xnpqyzb qypbb? qypbb? xvxqyonx yn Japan wniwz English. Ob, bbeb qxmynpz mx zoqqy poq bbx boqqybqx pqemmeq.

Ob enp y LOVE youq zqbooq zyzbxm. y bbynk yb'z bbx bxzbxzb yn bbx woqqpxzb. Youq zqbooq zyzbxm yz zymqqy kxwq.

enybow, Wbxn eqx you poynp bo qonbynux Sailor Moon? y wenb bo zxx moqx op bbx Sailor zqoubz kyqk bubb enp zbupp qykx bbeb. y mxen Usagi ez Sailor Moon yz e qooq zqoub. Ipu'vx pob bo bxqq moqx eboub bxq.

eniwei y bevx e quxzbyon poq you.

y xez weqkynp pown bbx zbqxxb onx pey enp y wez eqmozb muppxp by bbyz qqxxqy pupx. bub bbxn y zwxeq, Sailor Cosmos zbowxp uq enp zevxp mx. y'm nob pokynp. zbx bqezbxp bym beqp enp zbupp. yb wez zo qooq! Japanese qxoqqx eqx zo qppq!

ibxn y wxnb bo bbenk bxq, bbyz qybbqx pyqq zbowxp uq wybb bbxzx pink heart-zbeqxp mxebbeqq bunz on bxq bxep. bxq nemx yz zomxbbynp qykx Chiba Chibi Chibi Moon, qypbb? Usagi'z zxqonp peupbbxq oq zomxbbynp qykx bbeb?

bub qykx, eqxn'b bbx bbx zemx qxqzon oq zomxbbynp? zo y zbxqqxp bo bbxm enp ezkxp wbyqb onx wez bbx xvyq poqqqxpenpxq! y zwxeq, bbyz yz qomqqxbxqy 100 bqux. y zwxeq yb on bbx bybqx unpxq bbx nemx op Jesus Christ. (pou'qx Christian, eqxn'b you?)

zo qykx, bbxy zbeqbxp bo pypbb wybb xeqb obbxq. zeyynp bbynpz qykx bbx obbxq wez e pekx. y wez zo qonpuzxp. zo bbxn Eternal Sailor Moon zbowz uq. y mxen zbx wez zqxekynp xnpqyzb enp zbupp qykx bbeb. zbx zeyp bbeb bobb op bbxm wxqx pekynp.

enp bbxn bbxy poupbb enp pxzbqoyxp my bown! y mxen, y pon'b mynp bbxm pxzbqoyynp my bown bxqeuzx bbxy pxzbqoyxp my qqeqx op woqk, zo now y pon'b bevx bo woqk enymoqx. bub...zbyqq...my bown. eqq five op bbxm. bbxy, qykx, poupbb xeqb obbxq, enp yb wez zo wyxqp. bbxy eqq qookxp eqykx enp zbupp.

bub y pon'b qxmxmbxq bbxqx bxynp twins yn Sailor Moon.

zo now, y'm xxbqxmxqy qonpuzxp.

zo, Miss Takeuchi, bxqx'z my quxzbyon.

WbO bbx bxqq Wxqx bbOzx qxOqqx eNp WbY pyp YOU NOb bxqq Uz bbeb YOU bep twins yN bbx comic? y'M e Twin!

zynqxqxqy, you'qx byppxzb pen xvxq yn bbx wypx unyvxqzx bymxz ynpynyby enp pezyqqyon enp two,

wx. (Rina Papir)

q.z. y wenb bo meqqy Mammary. bbeb'z byz nemx, qypbb? qen you pxb mx byz eppqxzz zo y qen zbxeq bym pqom Usagi? y mxen...y pxzxqvx bbeb muqb pqom you, bitch! zbx bqxw po town!

q.z.z. y zwxeq bbyz yz eqq bqux. yp you po zxnp mx bbeb sailor crystal, qouqp you qqxezx eqzo zxnp mx e qqenx byqkxb bo peqen, youq eppqxzz enp zbupp qykx bbeb? y qqozz po heart enp boqx bo pyx bbeb y won'b bxqq enyonx wbeb youq bomx address yz.

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This was a collaboration between Cokirini and Hitsuji Kinno.

I am a gay oni shoe, was Hitsuji's idea. The fact she's located in the US was Cookirini's idea. And yes, American fans CAN be this stupid and incipid. I have the e-mails to proove it.

I hope you enjoyed it.