Disclaimer: See chapter one.
Dedication: See chapter one.
Notes: A HUGE thanks go out to everyone who waited so patiently for this! And a matching thanks to those who prodded at me about it and reminded me that I should be working on it. You have no idea how much I needed and appreciated both.
Borrowed and Blue: Kaho
She hadn't thought much of being unable to find Eriol the night before. It had been inconvenient, but not worrisome.
She hadn't thought much of it until she had arrived late at Sakura-chan's party and heard Daidouji-san mention dropping Eriol off at Li-kun's that morning. Hearing that Eriol had not gone where he was supposed to and done what was expected wasn't what gave her pause.
Kaho had known for years that Eriol liked Tomoyo in a somewhat more than friendly manner. He'd confessed to it not long after they'd moved back to England because she'd been teasing him about how happy he was every time they got a letter from Daidouji-san. She hadn't been surprised by it, and it hadn't really worried her. In fact, she'd been amused when they returned to Tomoeda and he'd nearly stuttered just saying hello to Tomoyo. It was a harmless thing.
His continuing crush had stopped being so entertaining when Daidouji-san admitted that Eriol had spent the night at her apartment. It wasn't that he'd gone to her, or stayed with her, or even that he'd slept in her bed, that made Kaho suddenly uneasy. It was the way Tomoyo talked about it.
Or maybe just that she talked about it.
Daidouji-san probably wasn't aware of it, but she had turned the conversation back to Eriol several times. She had brought his name up frequently. She'd smiled every time she found a way to include him in the topic at hand.
She'd acted like a thousand other girls who had a new crush.
She was a beautiful girl, and kind with it. She was clever and careful and had a sense of humor to match Eriol's. She had made Kaho nervous while Eriol was in Japan helping Sakura-chan to grow strong enough to split his magic because she'd strongly suspected that Tomoyo was the sort of girl Eriol could fall for. She could remember wishing once or twice that she could get an accurate reading off of herself to see if she had good chances with Eriol or if Daidouji's would be better.
But that had been solved when Eriol had called her by name in front of the others. He'd never done it before, and he knew what it would mean to her.
She thought it'd been solved, anyway, until last night. Until this morning, when once again she'd been unable to reach Eriol by phone, nobody seemed to know for certain where he was, and she couldn't sense his magic. It meant he'd masked his power signature so he couldn't be located. There weren't many reasons he'd want his whereabouts hidden from his girlfriend.
And Tomoyo had not stayed in her childhood home with the rest of them last night.
So Kaho was waiting for her. She knew Daidouji-san would have to come sooner or later, and not just because she'd need to dress and do her make-up for the wedding. They had a connection, one they hadn't had before, and it gave Kaho a little insight into what would come to be between them.
She didn't think anything had happened between Daidouji-san and Eriol, nothing sexual, anyway. But that might have been even worse. A physical relationship would have been hurtful, but ultimately less of a threat. That sort of thing could be left behind. A romance, something based on affection, would be harder for her to overcome.
But, she reminded herself, she didn't know anything yet. She wouldn't know anything until she spoke with Tomoyo. It would be best to go in openly, without any expectations about what she'd learn.
Hearing footsteps, she quickly ran through a few simple meditation steps to banish the butterflies in her stomach. From the way the girl shut the door and leaned back against it, she needn't have; she looked like she'd just been run through the gauntlet. "Daidouji-san?" She asked softly. Tomoyo jumped like a rabbit when she opened her eyes, but recovered her poise quickly.
"Mizuki-sensei. Have you been waiting long for me?" She asked, going to the vanity.
"Not long, no." She paused, making sure that she really did want to hear the answer to the question she was about to ask. "Eriol was with you last night?"
"Yes. Last night and the night before that."
Kaho was saved from having to find something to say to that as Daidouji-san rushed nervously, though few would have seen it that way, into an explanation as to why she, Kaho, had nothing to worry about. She tried to interrupt a few times but the girl just kept going until she ran out of things to say.
It would take her a while to sort through her feelings, but she knew one for certain. "I'm sorry that you're hurting, Daidouji-san," she told her. And she was; she'd have the look hidden soon enough, but at the moment Kaho could see a lonely kind of pain in her eyes.
"I'll be fine," she answered, beginning to put on her eyeliner.
Because she could feel that Tomoyo would be okay, she nodded as she stood to leave. "You will be," she agreed. "I'll let you have some time to yourself, since I'm sure it's the last quiet moment you'll have today."
"Thank you, Mizuki-sensei," she said softly.
She still had time to kill before the wedding party was going to be ready to leave, and they had to be at the temple before anyone else did. Dressed and made-up, she decided to take a walk rather than rejoin the girls right away. While it'd had a good outcome, her talk with Daidouji-san had still been upsetting.
Knowing that her boyfriend had spent two nights, however platonically, with a girl he had a crush on was bad enough; knowing that the girl was beginning to return those feelings was twice as wrenching.
She was relieved to know that Tomoyo was not going to reveal that to him, but it wasn't a particularly good feeling. She couldn't take pleasure in someone else's pain, and Tomoyo was hurting no matter what she said. Kaho knew just how painful it was to keep feelings like that inside.
And knowing that, she admitted to herself as she stepped onto one of the stone paths lacing the rear gardens, was a part of what soured her relief. Another was a sticky sense of guilt. With any other girl she'd have counseled telling the boy how she felt, just to help them get over it. Even, she winced, if that boy was Eriol she would have suggested it. Eriol loved her, and she knew that was true, so his hearing yet another confession wasn't a threat.
But not a confession from Tomoyo, and certainly not now. He'd been so fascinated with her since they'd come back two weeks ago. Not just her pretty face and figure, but with the person she had become since they'd been gone, and with the person she was still becoming. A confession from Tomoyo was a threat, one she didn't want to face.
Daidouji-san had been right that Eriol would not do anything to make her unhappy because he loved her, so it shouldn't have mattered to her whether or not he ever learned of Tomoyo's feelings for him. But it scared her, she realized as she wandered absently, that he would be unhappy if he found out. He'd think of all the things that might have been, and he might come to resent that he had never had the chance to find out. He wouldn't resent her, but that he'd had to make a choice between his curiosity and his sense of right and wrong.
If he never knew of her feelings, he wouldn't feel that way. Daidouji had already said she had no intention of telling him. She shouldn't feel as guilty as she did, should have been happy that there would be no trouble between herself and Eriol. But she didn't; that tiny fear refused to be banished.
It shouldn't have surprised her to see Daidouji's mother when she rounded the next bend – it was her home after all – but she jumped all the same.
The other woman glanced over with a wry, quirky smile. "I always seem to surprise people most when I'm quiet."
Kaho recognized it as a joke meant to put her at ease, and smiled gently as she answered, "You've been so busy lately that it is a little startling to find you standing still." She moved to stand next to her in front of a truly huge snowball bush. "I think that finding you napping would have been nothing short of shocking."
Sonomi smiled brightly at that. "I've been to enough meetings that I can do that with my eyes wide open."
She smiled back as she leaned forward to sniff at one of the flowers. She stopped and cocked her head as something caught her eye. "Is that a tunnel?"
"Hmm?" She looked over then laughed softly, a note of wistfulness in it. "Yes, actually; several of the biggest bushes have them. Tomoyo used to hide here when she was little. The gardener finally staked the most used paths open to keep her from breaking the stems." She reached out and stroked one closed bud. "I could always tell when she'd been in her 'Snow Castle' because she'd be covered in ants when she came out. Her games were always so elaborate."
For a moment Kaho simply studied the woman quietly from the corner of her eye. Everyone in Tomoeda knew of the trouble between Tomoyo and her mother, troubles that were only growing worse and worse. Indeed, during the time she'd been here she had seen how the air between them whenever they'd been in the same room was thick with tension. Even tipsy at the party last night, Tomoyo had not relaxed after her mother had shown up, and Sonomi had all but ignored her daughter. The affection she was hearing now was not the sort of thing she'd come to expect. In fact, Sonomi's voice was usually hard and flinty when she spoke of Tomoyo.
Sonomi was perceptive; without even a glance away from the flowers, she laughed another of those strange laughs. "I'm sorry to confuse you. Today has been bringing me all sorts of memories."
"I'm sure," she said carefully, "that there must be at least one good one."
"Many," she answered. She finally looked over, expression serious. "Tomoyo is my daughter; if she told me she wanted the world on a string, I'd start looking for a ribbon long enough for it. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone else. No matter how bad things might get, that won't change."
"I don't mean to tell you your business, but I think if you told her that…" she trailed off as Sonomi started shaking her head. "Tomoyo-san knows you love her, Daidouji-san, but hearing it might help ease the tension between you."
"I don't want it eased." She sighed and walked a few paces to a stone bench, motioning for Kaho to follow her as she sat. "I want what's best for Tomoyo, and this is the only way I can help her to be happy. I know," she said when Kaho started to interrupt. "I know she's miserable, and it's killing me to do this. But this is a choice between her happiness and my own, and she's always going to win out."
"I don't think I understand," Kaho said slowly. "If her happiness is what you want most, how is this a way of achieving it? You're both unhappy."
"Because I can't tell her I'm doing it for her own good. She dreams of being a fashion designer, not a businesswoman. And she's already got the skill to do that, so there's no reason for her to delay that dream by going to university. My parents and grandfather don't really see that, they see her as breaking with family tradition. Tomoyo tries so hard to make the people around her happy that she'd give up anything to do it. I want her to do what makes her happy, and the only way I can give her that freedom is to make her leave. Otherwise our family will push and push and push and pressure her into doing what they want, not what she wants. If I disown her, it'll put me between her and them. I know that I won't bend to them, because I'm selfish like that."
"If you explained that to her…."
"If I did, she'd feel terrible for what I'll have to go through on her behalf and want to spare me the pain and trouble. Plus, my family would still have open access to her. If she doesn't know, she'll do what I'm pushing her to do. If it's her choice to go, it'll be her choice when she comes back, and that'll be after she has what she wants."
"So all this," Kaho gestured vaguely, "is for her good?"
"It's killing me," she repeated softly, "but I love Tomoyo enough that I'd rather have her hate me than give up what she wants most. If I have to hurt to make sure she'll be happy, then I'm more than willing to hurt. Loving her is more about her than it is about me. So even though I'm sad, I've got the comfort of knowing that Tomoyo will be happy in the end. If she chooses to come back to me, wonderful. If she's too angry with me, so be it. I had her love for eighteen years and that's more than most anyone else will ever have."
"Cruel to be kind," she said after a moment of thought. "I don't think I've ever seen that saying in action before, though."
"Well, I've never been one to follow the crowd." She sighed deeply after a moment. "I assume you'll keep this to yourself?" She nodded along with Kaho. "Thank you. For the silence and the listening."
"You're more than welcome, Daidouji-san. It must have been hard to keep all that to yourself."
"I guess it was. Oh, but what am I doing? I'm supposed to be thinking of more pleasant things. Or at least practicing telling the story of Nadeshiko's wedding without screaming. It was actually pretty funny, if I can ignore the fact that she married that gu…Kinomoto-sensei." She rolled her eyes and stood up. "I'll get through it without calling him 'that guy' some day."
"Old habits die hard," Kaho said. She stood up, too; after such a serious conversation, after two serious conversations, she was ready to join the girls.
They were nearly ready when she got back to them. There was the usual last-minute flurry of activity and nervous giggling that came with any important even, and it was somehow soothing to see it. Their excited chatter was a welcome distraction from her own worries. She slipped into a conversation with Chiharu-san and Sakura-chan, glad to see that Sakura's anxiety was fading now that she was more prepared for her wedding.
She glanced over at Tomoyo once as she crossed the room to speak with Rika-san. Hovering over Sakura again, she seemed fine. Even knowing what to look for, Kaho had trouble seeing the tiny cracks in her demeanor. Her eyes glowed brightly as she fussed with the dress, and her voice didn't have even a hint of sadness to it.
Maybe she had been wrong to worry. Perhaps it was only a school-girl crush Daidouji harbored. The first flush of having someone special could be very intense, but it did wear off quickly. It might even have been, as Tomoyo had suggested, nothing but wedding blues and nobody to take it out on. If so, she would be fine within a few days.
She felt a little lighter as she crowded into the limo along with everyone else.
She was waiting outside in the bright sun when Eriol arrived with the other men some fifteen minutes later.
"Kaho," he exclaimed, smiling. "How was your party last night? You seem to be in better shape than any of us were after ours."
"It was interesting. Lots of secrets spilled out with the wine."
"Oh, did they?" He looked, Kaho thought, like he very much wanted to ask just what she'd heard, and at the same time like he wished he hadn't asked about the party at all.
"Yes, but they wouldn't be secrets if I repeated them, so don't even ask what they might have been."
"I'd tell you what I heard, if I could remember any of it," he told her as he led the way inside.
She laughed softly. "You used to be better at keeping secrets."
"Yes, but those were my secrets. I don't have to be so careful with Li-kun's. The bride's side, if you please," he told Terada-sensei, who came to great them and usher them to their seats.
Kaho could see his eyes dart over to the groom's side as they were led to a seat near the front. He was trying to be unobtrusive about staring, but she could tell that he was surprised by whatever it was he was seeing.
"Eriol?"
"Good lord," he murmured as they sat down. "That's got to be at least 90 of the clan over there. They must've stripped the offices bare and left just the most distant relatives behind."
"Well, it is Li-kun's wedding. And he is marrying someone very, very special. I suppose they all wanted to get a look at her."
"Actually, it's probably so they-"
He was cut off by the music starting. Li-kun appeared up front, but nearly everyone had turned around to watch the procession.
The flower girl and ring bearer, both children from a far branch of the Li family, were dressed almost exactly like the bride and groom. Faces solemn, they started to march down the center of the aisle. Unlike most children of that age, their pace never wavered, never slowed as they passed their parents, never sped up to get it over with.
"Aren't they sweet looking?" Kaho whispered.
"Scared," he responded before he shifted his focus back to the main entry.
Naoko and Yukito appeared in the door and began their stately walk up the main aisle. Yukito was smiling, Naoko blushing in a way that complemented the pale, pale pink of the bridesmaid dresses. Neither of them seemed nervous; just highly aware that they were being stared at.
As they reached the halfway mark, Touya and Chiharu made their entrance, walking at the same slow, steady pace. Unlike the first couple, there were no smiles and blushes. Touya had an expression that re-defined the word 'neutral' firmly in place. To Kaho, who knew him well, he was obviously torn between rage, fear, sadness, and scratching at that itch between his shoulders that seemed to come with every suit ever made. Chiharu wouldn't look away from their destination, but one could see the tears shining in her eyes.
As they reached the front and turned to take their places at the sides, Naoko and Yukito smiled reassuringly at the couple behind them, as well as the couple just appearing. The third couple didn't need the encouragement, though.
Li Meiling and Li Po-Sin both radiated confidence. They were used to having all eyes on them, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Kaho was pleased to see it; she had wondered if there was any boy other than Li-kun who could match Meiling's forceful personality. Together, the two marched down the aisle as though they owned it.
Beside her, she could hear Eriol make a soft sound of amusement. "You can tell who they're related to," he murmured. "Kind of shy, though."
She turned to look at him, startled. He beamed at her, eyes laughing. She was forced to roll her eyes, which only made his smile wider. Kaho was so busy staring at his smile that she nearly missed seeing Yamazaki and Tomoyo make their entrance. She might have missed it entirely if it hadn't been for the way Eriol's eyes widened and his breathing stopped for a moment. He released his breath in a shaky, nearly inaudible, sigh as she turned back to the door.
Yamazaki looked like he was enjoying himself already, his smile bright and cheery. On his arm, Daidouji was calm and serene, smiling warmly at everyone. They smiled to each other before they stepped out.
She could feel him shifting slightly, slightly, keeping Tomoyo firmly in sight. He was barely breathing, as though all he was seeing would be blown away by anything more than a sigh. He might as well have put his heart on his sleeve.
The pair of them didn't seem to look at anyone in particular, smiling at everyone all at once as they moved gracefully down the aisle. Yamazaki smiled once at Chiharu, who had reached her place up front next to Naoko, before turning his attention back to the assembly. Tomoyo's attention didn't flicker once.
Until she reached the halfway mark. Then, as Sakura-chan stepped out on her father's arm, her eyes darted over to Eriol and Kaho. Just for an instant, then her eyes were back on the group up front, her smile amused as she caught sight of Li-kun, but Kaho had seen it. Worse, she knew that Eriol had seen it. He hadn't turned with everyone else at the first glimpse of his heir. A moment only, just a heartbeat behind everyone else, but it was enough to crack Kaho's heart.
"Oh, dear," he said softly as she felt him focus on Sakura-chan. "I think I might cry."
She was forced to agree, and fumbled in her purse for a package of tissues. Sakura-chan was even more radiant now than she had been at the Daidouji mansion, and her expression as she caught sight of Syaoran, so in love, was enough to make anyone teary. Kinomoto-sensei had to nudge her forward a step, she was so caught up in staring. The blush that came over her cheeks pushed Eriol into stealing the tissue out of her hand.
"She's lovely," was all Kaho could manage.
The music stopped as they reached the front. She could see Touya close his eyes as their father took her hand from his arm and placed it in Syaoran's. Yukito leaned slightly, just enough to brush his shoulder against Touya's, in response. To the second sight, Touya was a mix of joy and sorrow, just as she'd always suspected he would be. All the girls got teary for a moment, but nobody broke down, which they'd all worried about endlessly in the car on the drive in.
The ceremony started.
Eriol's concentration wandered, she noticed. During "unimportant" parts of the ceremony his focus would slowly shift from the bride and groom to the maid of honor. He'd stare for a while, then jerk his eyes back to the wedding itself. A split second later he'd slant a quick glance in her direction, and then back to the front. After a few minutes, the cycle would repeat itself.
His face was expressive, if you knew what to look for. Right now, as he watched the girl he'd had a crush on for years, his expression was nothing short of enthralled. He didn't even try to hide it, she thought sadly. His heart was in his eyes, his soul shining out. Most people might have thought the joy was for Sakura and Syaoran, without looking any deeper, or following his gaze. If they had, what would they think? That he was a young man in love.
But Kaho knew things that others didn't. If it looked like he was in love, it was with someone who wasn't his girlfriend.
Daidouji, too, was aware of the scrutiny. Though she remained focused on Sakura and Li-kun, her always perfect posture was tense. Most people would have blamed her nervousness on her role in the wedding, but, again, most people didn't know what Kaho did.
Kaho knew that Daidouji-san was aware not only of Eriol staring at her, but that Kaho knew that Eriol was staring. So instead of being nervous because the boy she liked was watching her, she was tense because the girlfriend of the boy she liked was right there watching both of them.
It was, Kaho thought bleakly, almost exactly like what she'd seen in dozens of classrooms. The uneasy dance of attraction, the courtship of fear by desire, only this case involved the stumbling block of another woman.
It was a no-win situation for Tomoyo, really. But it wasn't a winning situation for her, either. Even if Tomoyo couldn't see the look on Eriol's face, Kaho could. It hurt, badly, that he could look at someone other than her with an expression like that.
He spent nearly the entire ceremony watching Daidouji's every move. Even when she and the other bride's maids sat down, he let his eyes follow her, instead of watching the couple whose wedding it was. Kaho spent almost as much time watching him watch her, thinking hard about love, happiness, and choices.
She loved him and he loved her. That was established fact. But it was also established fact that he was attracted to Daidouji on several levels and had been for years. Since before Sakura-chan split his powers, which was also before he'd said a word to Kaho about his feelings for her, he'd had an eye on Tomoyo. He had made his choice once he was free from his power and knew he'd have a normal life.
Or was it that he'd had the choice made for him?
Kaho knew Tomoyo well enough to know that her feelings for Eriol were new. Before this wedding, before Sakura's happiness was absolutely assured, she had regarded him as nothing but a friend. During the capturing of the Clow cards and the changing of the cards to the Sakura cards, her heart and her will had not strayed for even a moment from Sakura.
It had been obvious that there was no chance for anyone else back then. It would have been stupid of Eriol to reject one love when there was no hope of the other.
He did love her. He could act beautifully, but nobody could act well enough to fool the second sight. But love didn't mean that he couldn't wonder. It didn't mean that he wouldn't always wonder.
Eriol would wonder, but he'd stay. He would stay because it was the right thing to do, especially if he'd decided on her just because he couldn't have the other. If he left her the moment Tomoyo offered him a chance, it would make their years together meaningless. Worse, it would turn those years from loving her to using her. Never in any lifetime would he do that to a person.
Did she really want that? She wanted him, but his affection, not his duty.
If he didn't know, if he only guessed but didn't know, it would be affection. How much of a difference would it make that she knew that he might have had a chance? If she knew and he didn't and their love wasn't tested and compared and honest, would it be any different than it had been in the past five years?
Daidouji had been working her way toward this all that time. Not consciously, but doing it all the same. If she didn't tell Eriol that she liked him, she'd work her way past it, perhaps.
How much, Kaho wondered as she watched the bride and groom seal their vows and their lives with a kiss, did it take to make a relationship real?
She forced her mind away from the matter during the reception dinner. Their table faced the main table at the head of the room, and Eriol had chosen a seat that gave him a clear view of it. His eyes still darted to Tomoyo as often as they did to Sakura and Kaho herself, but his attention was at his own table.
She had to consider it a blessing in disguise, though. She hadn't been sure if she would have been able to stop him from standing up during the speeches and making his own. A quelling look, a quelling Look, from Daidouji had kept him seated and silent, if pouty. Since she knew the things he'd been likely to say, she was glad that Tomoyo had been able to catch his eye before he could open his mouth.
Glad, Kaho reminded herself as people began to ready the dance floor. "So," she said, sipping her champagne, "what was it you were saying about most of the Li family being at the wedding?"
He blinked, confused for a second as he tried to figure out what she'd been referring to, then grinned. "They weren't all there just because he was marrying The Card Captor," he spoke the words in a verbal capitalization, "but to make sure he married her. They had enough combined fire power to deal with just about anything that could have tried to stop the wedding. You didn't notice?"
"I don't usually try thinking of things in terms of possible military engagement. I don't think they would, either."
"Are you kidding," he asked, putting down his fork. "They're the ones who provided the flower girl and ring bearer. That's an old custom based on the theory that evil spirits try to steal the souls of the bride and groom, so the people would dress up children to try to trick the spirits. Then, once the kids had been possessed, and the wedding was over, they'd kill the kids."
"I'm sure they didn't-"
"Oh, yes, they would. That's exactly what they were doing. The kids are right over there," he pointed, "and I'm sure the Clan didn't really expect to put the kids to death after the wedding, but they're also aware that there are reasons for superstition. Did you see the expressions on their faces? Those were not two kids happy and honored to be in Cousin Xiao-Lang's wedding, Kaho. I bet they're from the weakest, farthest branch of the family."
"Oh, really, Eriol," she sighed. "You're so cheerful."
"I'm honest." His glance flicked toward the head table, a hardly noticeable thing. "But I suppose that honesty and happiness don't necessarily go hand in hand."
"Liars aren't always happy, either," she pointed out softly. He was happy, she thought, but not as happy as he could be. Not as happy as he would be without the cloud of 'maybe' hanging over him. Whether or not he knew it didn't matter.
"Which is also true," he said, nodding and taking up his fork again.
She watched him move on to the cake, the way his eyes closed and he looked like he had gone to heaven as he took the first bite. It wasn't going to matter if he ever wondered about how things might have been if he'd had a real chance with Tomoyo, because Kaho was going to wonder. Wonder how much he loved her, how much of his presence in her life was love and how much was obligation. She needed him to know for certain what it was he wanted.
"Oh dear god, I have got to find out who did the catering. I need to find the person who made this cake and throw myself at his or her feet in gratitude. Taste this."
She looked at the fork he held out to her for a moment before she gently pushed his hand back down to his plate. "I think it's over, Eriol."
He looked over his shoulder at the dance floor. "I know they're almost ready to announce the first dance but…that's not what you're talking about." He turned back slowly. "Why? Kaho, why?" Eriol followed her gaze to Tomoyo, standing with the rest of the wedding party at the edge of the floor, waiting to dance with Yamazaki as soon as the bride and groom had begun their first dance as husband and wife. "Daiouji-san? That's nothing, Kaho, it's absolutely nothing. I love you."
"I know that, Eriol," she told him. "But your feelings for Daidouji-san-"
"Are nothing," he interrupted. "Nothing happened between us. Nothing is going to happen. She and I are only good friends. I'm with you."
"That's no reason to stay with me."
"And an old crush isn't a reason to leave, either. I still love you, Kaho. I'm sure that I've worried you the past couple of days, but I love you. And you must know that she doesn't have any new feeling for me, really, that it's just Sakura-chan's wedding. She-"
"She's not just a little lonely, Eriol, not just a little blue," she cut in. She closed her eyes as she told him the next part. "She's where you wish she'd been when you first met her. Sakura-chan will be happy, for certain, now. She doesn't have to worry about securing that anymore so she's got her eyes open, ready to take a chance on her own happiness by giving one." She opened her eyes and looked directly into his as she spoke. "We both know who she'd like to give that chance to. We both know that you were hoping for that even as Sakura-chan split your powers."
"No. No, that was a crush, Kaho. Nothing but a schoolboy crush."
"And now it isn't."
"It's not love, either," he told her furiously, leaning across the table. "Whatever her feelings are, whatever mine are, they aren't love and they aren't any reason for leaving you."
"You're right," she said. She could hear the dancers as they moved across the floor just above the pounding of her heart. Part of her told her to stop right there. Stop, she didn't have to do this. She didn't have to lose him. He knew Tomoyo's feelings now and he was still telling Kaho that he loved her, that he wasn't going to leave her and he was meaning every word of it.
The part of her that wasn't scared, though, pushed her on. She and Eriol had built a solid emotional base over the years. Once Tomoyo was out of his system, once and for all, then he'd be free to come back to her. She'd be sure in his love for her, no linger doubts, no niggling fear and worry. He'd know what he was coming back to, coming back for. They just had to get through this first.
"You're right, Eriol, it isn't a reason to leave. But a chance for love is. I love you, Eriol. I love you but I won't stay with you just because we're already together. I want you to take this chance."
"I don't want to take it." He sat back defiantly.
"You're an abysmal liar," she told him. "Don't be stubborn along with it. I'm leaving. I'd like to leave knowing that you'll at least try to be happy, instead of knowing that you're only trying to prove a point that you don't even have to make. You love me, I love you, but it's over now. See where your heart leads you next."
He'd closed his eyes during her speech, and he kept them closed as he asked, "Where are you going to go?"
"Back to England, for a little while, anyway. Then probably back here after I get that doctorate. Or maybe I'll stay there; it's a beautiful place. I haven't made any plans yet." She touched his hand to get him to look at her again. "We'll both be fine, Eriol. There was a life before we were together and there'll be life after. No matter what comes, we had that time together, we love each other. The future doesn't change the past."
"Kaho, you don't have to do this."
"I don't," she agreed. "I can't say I particularly want to, either. But it's what's best and it's what I'm going to do."
"I-"
"You should finish that slice of cake that captured your heart because you know how you get when you start dancing; can't leave the floor until the band's packed up and half way to the next town. I'm going to go talk with Terada-sensei before I see what kind of fit Daidouji-san has when I ask her ex-husband to dance. I don't know who they think they're fooling with that divorce; you can tell that they're going to end up married again once they stop working so hard."
"Maybe they're just waiting for a better time," he told her. He was poking at his cake, looking slightly ill.
"Maybe." She grabbed his fork, took the bite he'd offered her earlier, and sighed. "That is incredible. I hope I remember to ask Daidouji-san who did the catering before I ask her husband out onto the floor. I don't think she'd give it to me after."
"I told you it was good," he smiled weakly at her as she stole a second piece. "You'll let me know who it was, right?"
"You can count on it. I'm leaving this relationship, Eriol, not you. We'll still be friends, I can tell."
"So can I," he replied. His smile was stronger now.
Heart breaking, she handed his fork back to him and turned away. As she wound her way over to her fellow teacher she could see Eriol push his plate away and stand up. He'd be crossing the room to ask for a dance in another moment.
But they'd be okay.