4) I dare to dream that she might even care for me

Christine froze. She had heard his words, but they didn´t make sense. Marry him? Why did he ask such a question? He had to know how she´d respond. Slowly she turned around to face him. She saw that he indeed seemed to anticipate the answer she was about to give him. His beautiful eyes were wide, which made his face even more boyish than usual. In his arms he held the pillow her head had rested on minutes before, and he pressed it against his chest, as if to shield himself from the cruelties life had in store for him.

Little she knew that the pillow still contained small fractions of her warmth. Raoul wanted to absorb them. Of course he would have preferred cradling the real Christine, but this was the last thing she´d let him do now. He needed comfort for he had the impression that everything was going terribly wrong. This should have been a happy moment. He should have held Christine in his arms instead of her pillow. She should have beamed at him instead of looking at him as if she had seen a ghost.

As much as the girl felt like running out of the room, slamming the door shut and locking it, just to get away from his questioning glance, she found herself unable to do it. Raoul was not only her lover, but also her best friend, the only person who knew about her feelings for Erik. She couldn´t afford to lose her confidant, and she didn´t want to either. So she didn´t leave, but walked back to the bed and sat down next to him.

"You can be certain that I´m very flattered, Raoul, but… what made you think I could really accept your proposal?", she asked calmly. "I never tried to lead you to believe that our relationship could become more than… well, than this." She gestured at the bed. "That´s true.", he said, seizing her hand, suddenly shy, despite all that had happened between them. She didn´t pull it away. Nobody knew better than her that physical contact was simply needed at times.

"But there are several facts that could help to persuade you.", he went on eagerly. "You´ve been seen enter and leave my house many times. There are already rumours about you and me, and Philippe said I should either make our relationship legal or make it stop." He would never tell her the exact words his brother had used. They had burned themselves into his memory. Having a mistress is not reprehensible, and I can understand you´re attracted to the loose morals of the people at the opera. They´re quite useful for… certain things, if you know what I mean. But make sure your plaything comes through the servants´ entrance. That´s the way it should be. Raoul had felt like hitting him and shouting at him how he dared offend the only woman his younger brother had ever loved. Yet he had just scowled at him, and his hands had clenched into fists in his pockets.There could be no bigger coward than him.

Though Philippe´s remarks had been the most horrible, Raoul had had to endure lots of them for the last weeks. This was another reason for his wish to marry her. He wanted to step out into the world and tell everyone: ´This is Christine, Vicomtess de Chagny. I love her, and she has every right to be at my side.´. There were so many things he could give her, if only she allowed him to.

Make it stop? The girl´s mind was racing. She needed the hours with Raoul. They were her compensation for the time she spent with Meg. Christine was aware that she´d need them even more in the future. Tomorrow evening she´d have a singing lesson with Erik. It would be the first one since the time he had told her about Meg and him. Unable to watch yet another happy face she had excused herself, saying that she had overexerted her voice and needed a break. But the new opera would start in just a few weeks, and Christine had been given the female leading role. So she had to take lessons, and Erik doubtlessly was the best teacher.

Sensing that something was worrying his beloved Raoul squeezed her hand softly. She looked up at him and gave him a grateful smile. One thing was certain: Without Raoul her life would be very empty. But marrying him? "Can I have a little time to consider your question?", she wanted to know in a small voice. He nodded hastily. She hadn´t rejected him… yet.

"I´ll have my first singing lesson tomorrow at 9 p.m..", she informed him, gently pulling her hand out of his and standing up. "Then I guess you´ll be here at eleven.", he stated quietly. After being with her teacher for more than an hour she´d need comfort more than ever. "I don´t know for sure if I´ll come to you.", she muttered. Raoul smiled at her, a sad and bitter smile that made her heart heavy with guilt. "Of course you will." Both of them knew it was true.