Summary: A company who makes Mary Sues screws up on their latest Sue and creates a Tolkien nerd and a freak?! What kind of strange Sue is this?!? PG-13 for obvious reasons.
Disclaimer: If I owned Lord of the Rings, I wouldn't have to worry about putting up a disclaimer for it, ne? So, since you saw Disclaimer', that obviously means I don't own it, right? However, I do own the MSC and Lee. As much as I deny the former ^_^;; Heh
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Chapter 1
Welcome to MSC
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Amanda settled down on her couch with a bucket of popcorn and pressed "Play". Her favorite movie started: The Two Towers. She giggled. "More Aragorn, more Legolas, more Faramir what more can a girl ask for?" she said aloud to nobody in particular.
Her head started spinning. What if a girl like her fell into Middle-Earth and joined the Fellowship? She'd make Legolas' eyes pop out of his head, Aragorn forget Arwen, Boromir lust for her and she'd be a regular old girl from Earth. Of course, she'd know the story of Lord of the Rings.
As Amanda innocently plotted out her "story", a phone rang in a strange place
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"Hello, Mary Sue Creations, Lord of the Rings Department, can I help you?"
The receptionist's voice was cheery and beautiful, sounding like a bird's song at dawn (granted, not many birds are up at the crack of dawn, but still). She nodded her blonde head up and down as a voice on the other side prattled away. She whipped out her trusty pen and jotted some notes. "OK OK yeah, uh-huh mm-hmm got it!" She hung the phone up and, grabbing the paper, hurried down the hall.
A handsome man looked over at her as she stopped in his office. "Rakael, can I help you?" he inquired.
Rakael smiled brilliantly. "Sian, we have a new order," she trilled.
Sian immediately perked up. "Really? Well, off to the generator," he replied happily, crossing the room and knocking on the door next to his. He listened, then flung the door open. Two men and a young woman looked up, surprised. The men were as Sian was, wearing white lab coats. The girl was obviously an intern, from the way she beamed at Sian coquettishly.
"Yes, Sian?" the older of the men said, obviously impatient.
"Elohir, you have got to hear this!" Sian cried, striding over to him. Elohir blinked.
"What have we got?" he asked. The other, younger man and woman leaned over his shoulder. "A new Rings Sue!" Elohir shouted, causing the two people peeking over his shoulder to wince. He turned to the control panel. "Let's see entering in entrance scene and the new version 6.0 automatically adds the rest," he muttered, punching in a couple buttons.
The younger man and the intern looked at each other. "You suppose they're happy, Leo?" the girl asked.
Leo nodded. "Looks that way, Sharon." Sharon and Leo looked on as the capsule-type-thing next to them started blinking and emitting strange light. A red light flashed from the console. [ERROR: WARNING: DOES NOT COMPUTE] the screen read. Elohir blinked again and hit the console.
Immediately the lights stopped, the blinking ceased, and a dark figure was seen in the capsule. The five people smiled. "I can't wait to meet her," Rakael whispered.
Leo blinked. "Wait. That figure has no curves" he pointed out, trailing off silently.
A skinny girl with about as much curves as a pencil exited the capsule. She had dishwater-blonde hair that hung messily in uncombed waves and was way too short to look cute, let alone gorgeous. Her brown eyes squinted, then blinked. A hand with bitten-down and uneven nails went straight to her mouth as she chewed another nail.
"Dear sweet Goddess, what the fuck am I doing here?"
Elohir, Sian, Rakael, Sharon, and Leo gasped. "The Mary Sue generator's on the fritz" Sian muttered. Elohir's eyes were wide as he rushed forward with a forced smile.
"Hello," he greeted in an effort to be polite. "What's your name?"
The girl blinked again. "Lee." She immediately scowled. "Wait, that was stupid. Who the hell are you, anyway?" she asked in disbelief.
He ignored her. "Li," he murmured. "Well, if it's spelled L-I then it sounds foreign—"
"Iie. Lee. L-E-E," Lee spelled out, scowling again. "Plain old American. Do I look Chinese to you?"
He shot her a withering look. "No, you certainly don't," he muttered. "And what language was that ee-eh'?"
"Japanese," Lee retorted. "I happen to be a student. Though most of the words I know are curse words." She shrugged, a smirk taking place of the scowl. "Demo, who cares?"
"I do!" Rakael shrieked. "You're supposed to be a Mary Sue, for chrissake! You can't speak any other languages than English!"
"Why?" Lee asked bluntly.
A silence echoed through the room. "Yeah, thought so," Lee remarked, smirking again.
Leo stepped forward. "Here, we'll give her the Test," he said. The other four nodded. He turned to Lee. "What's your full name?" he asked sternly.
"What is the point of this?" she asked ironically.
He sighed. "Just answer the questions."
"Fine. Lee Mallory." She rolled her eyes.
"Who's your favorite singer?"
"Is it pertinent?"
"Answer the damn questions."
"Argh. If I must."
"You must."
"I was going to bloody answer it" Lee rolled her eyes again. "I don't really have one. I like a lot of singers."
"Favorite type of music?"
"Whatever I feel like when I wake up in the morning."
"Hair color, in your opinion?"
"Dishwater blonde."
"Eye color?"
"Brown."
"Style?
"Ano whatever I feel comfy in. Usually an old pair of jeans with frayed hems and a smart-ass T-shirt."
"Are Mary Sues supposed to be cocky?" Sharon whispered to Sian.
"No," he whispered back. Straightening up, he pointed to the console. "Well, since you're here, fix that," he announced.
Lee blinked. "Who, me?"
"Of course!" Sian replied, gritting his teeth.
"Sure, why not." She ambled over lazily to the computer. "Hmm" She pressed a button and it beeped loudly. "Maa, guess that one doesn't like me," she cracked. Silence met her sarcasm. "Oooookaaayyyy." Lee straightened. "I can't."
"Why not?!" Sian shouted. "You're a Mary Sue, damnit!"
"I suck with computers," Lee answered angrily. "Excuse me if I couldn't use my PC to do anything except do my homework."
Leo brightened. "Maybe she's a good student!" he remarked. "What's your favorite subject?"
"English," Lee replied automatically. "I like writing dark poems. Stuff about rejected women and blood."
Leo winced again. "Least favorite?" he asked weakly.
"That'd have to be Chemistry. I'm failing," she remarked airily.
Rakael's eyes bugged out. "Failing?!" she shrilled. "Mary Sues don't fail!"
"Yeah, well I do, missy," Lee shot at her. "I'm only human." At that, Rakael blinked and slumped to the ground, unconscious.
Elohir sighed. "Well, you can at least get me that pen," he said irritably, pointing to a desk covered in pens.
Lee squinted. "Which one?" she asked.
"That one!" He jabbed his finger at the pen in question.
"Which one, chikuso?! That desk is fucking covered with pens!" she yelled furiously.
"The one I'm pointing at!" he shouted back.
"Excuse me if I can't see it," Lee said acidly. "I don't have my fucking glasses with me."
Elohir nearly acted like the employees in one of the anime Departments by facevaulting, but checked himself. She had to be a Mary Sue. Even if she did have a bad attitude, no curves, bad hair, and glasses. She was created in the Generator, after all. And all Mary Sues were made in the Generators. No one who was made in the Generators wasn't a Mary Sue. It broke the natural laws of Mary-Sueism. So Elohir sighed and went to get the pen himself.
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"OK, now we're sending you to Middle-Earth."
"Nani?! But I don't know Sindarin, or Weston, or Rohirric, or any of the Middle-Earth languages!" Leo blinked.
"Please tell me you haven't read the books, and that you've just seen the movies," he muttered.
Lee held her head up proudly. "All three in the Trilogy, The Hobbit, The Silmarillion, and plenty more, bucko," she said, smirking. "I refuse to see the movies. They made a goddamn mockery of the books."
Leo sighed heavily. "Well, you're the only one we can send," he said sulkily. "So here's your built-in Middle-Earthian translator. Now you can understand them, happy?" Lee scowled at him. "Whatever," he retorted. "Do you have an heirloom item of jewelry? Something that I can work with?"
She held up her wrist. "A cheap bracelet my best friend bought me from Six Flags."
Leo swore under his breath. "Oh well. Just go," he said shortly, pushing her rudely through the portal.
"Bite me, kisama!" were her last words as she tripped through the space between the worlds. Leo swore again. "This is not going to please the Boss" he muttered.
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A:N: ^_^ This is going to be fun to write. I wanted a Mary Sue that wasn't a Mary Sue. Here she is! Our darling Lee! ^___^ Also, it's pretty funny how everyone reacted to her. Maa not much else to say. Review, tell me what you think please!
Sayonara,
Akai-Sakura